Featured Stupid things the cops have said to you?

[boucaneer]

my friend was hanging out at stonehenge stone circle in the early eighties with a few pals. there was an exclusion zone around it but him and his pals just wanted to visit it and touch the stones.

soon a torch searchlight was on then and cop cars came screaming up.

his friends ran but the van nearer my pal had a dog handler with a alsatien in it.

" stop or i will release the dog. " he was threatend with. so he did'nt try to get away.

"whats up? we only wanted to touch the stones. it's all right for you masons to though, innit. bloody hell! " my mate complained.

so another copper comes over to make the arrest and handcuff him. handcuffed from behind the copper is helping him get into the police car. as he was doing so my friend asked him. " whats that your wearing? "

the copper says smugly and full of ego pride "that's my bullet proof vest, so i dont get shot. "

my mate replied " silly sod! everyone know you shoot pigs in the face! "

it was at that point my friends head "acidentaly!" collided with the top of the car door roof. even the coppers fellow colleges were laughing at the cop!

 

[Billy Blankets]

I was riding a bucket out of Miami and our train sided in Sebring Florida. We were all sitting with our backs to the ladder looking at our map to see how close Sebring was to Orlando, our destination. All the sudden a shadow comes over our map and we hear someone say "first person who dosen't put their hands up gets tazed" we all looked over our shoulders and standing on top of the ladder is sterotypical-new-to-the-force-tough-guy cop. He leaps off of the ladder over our heads and onto a pile of gravel. he turns to face us, his face is beet red and the tazer is fucking shaking in his hand, then i swear to god he says "YOUR DAY JUST GOT A WHOLE LOT WORSE"

It was too much we lost our shit laughing. which only made matters worse. It was just way to epic.

 

[bfalk420]

Ok this one should go under stupid thins I have said to cops but here we go. Ok the morning starts out drinking whiskey on my friends school bus in San Fran. with a couple people I invited back there for the night so needless to say we're gettin' fucked up so after a while we leave the bus to head down to Haight St. to make some money and on the way one of the kids we're with go's and steals two half gallons of whiskey from the safeway so now we're gettin' really fucked up............so we hit Haight and I'm so fucked I keep tryin' to sleep on the sidewalk like straight up layin' down and goin' to sleep so the cops keep comin' up to me and sayin' you can't sleep on the the street and of course i say ok and try and be straight for a minute until they move on so like the third or fourth time they see us and stop and see me tryin' to pass out again say "you can't sleep on the st." and as fucked up as I am I look up and say "is that a gratful dead song" refering to the "you can't sleep on the st." and the cops busted out laughing......it was pretty funny at the time.so anyway my boys walked me to the park and put me to bed for the day and then they ended up smokin' meth and gettin' dosed so i missed out on that but fuck it anyway cause meth and L are a bad combo cause I had to take care of the fucks later that night and that really sucked with a terrible hangover.

 

[bfalk420]

 

[carlylanea]

I've had a cop tell me that I didn't stop long enough at a stop sign, and then proceeded to ask me where I got my pot because it looked pretty potent.

I've also watched a cop kick someones feet out from under them because they refused to stop leaning against the wall.

 

[JahDucky]

Well this is going to warp a few peoples view on me but oh wellsy well.

(this may not seem strange to anyone else but me)

So I was just coming back from Frisco to Davis to the house of this couple I met in Sac and they were letting me stay at their house overnight. We ended up going to crack alley in Frisco and got some herroine. then to a convenient store and got some foil and soda pop(i was thirsty). Were driving on the way back to davis and the cops stop us and im freaking the fudge out. They know THEY HAVE TO KNOW! We reak of H and are high as fudge! The driver is acting a fool and me and his lady friend are just sitting quietly in our seats. The cops start asking us questions and we tell them most of the truth about our night and how we were just coming back from frisco(we were dressed like we were out to party that night) and that we were just going back to davis. The cops start striking up casual conversation with me and Im still freaking the fudge out. I tell them about how i got my ged while squatting portland and how i was hitch hiking and then they asked for my Id....."they know oh my dear lord they know" im thinking with a pleasent smile on my face. hand the officer my id and the male officer reads it over her shoulder and they look at me strange. after a second they say "wow, i didnt think you were as young as 19. You conduct yourself very maturely. Make sure you and your friends get home safely"


They didnt know after all....and apparently i was only freaking out on the inside....and im not even driving so ive been appointed to be the official backseat drivers by the cops...(ive only once had a bad run in with the cops. they kinda dig me. so no strange "they hate me" stories here.)

 

[tallhorseman]

I was walking down the street in Fayetteville, AR, looking for a strip-bar that was supposed to be in the area. I saw a pig sitting in his patrol car sort of out of the way. I walked up to the passenger side and tapped on the window...and caught this asshole in mid toke!!!

He coughed, threw the car into gear, and burned rubber out of their.Stingy bastard could have shared.

What an ass!!!

a cop was arresting me for stealing and he asked me if i was a girl, and told the people i stole from that they should just throw all the merchandise away because i smell so bad that they couldnt resell it. hahahahahahaa

That's just mean,,,

 

[anarchyjordan]

so these cops were watching us smoke weed on this hillside and we finished it all before they showed up. so they show up and go 'ok where's the weed' and the one cop immediately cuffs me and puts me on my knees; the other cop starts going through my friend's bag looking for dope and i'm all, 'hey listen cop i'm just a totally harmless college student or some shit, so why don't you just lay off and let us go, huh' and the pig goes 'yeah well i was a college student once too' and i go 'oh yeah what'd you study' and he goes 'I studied drinking, not marijuana!' hahahahaha

 

[Gudj]

"He already admitted to it and told us everything"

 

[ashley]

A cop told me and the kids i was traveling that we should watch out because satan worshipers have been killing kids around chicago. he said that he saw a murder scene were they skinned the kids and nailed them to the trees. WTF hahaa. he was completely serious.

 

[xbocax]

Got pulled over by the cops and one cop is telling me how he used to be industrial and have nipple piercings and talking to me about skinny puppy wtf right? haha and the other cop was searching for every little thing trying to search my car suddenly i looked drunk even though i dont nor have ever drank and i eneded up showing him my drug free tattoo then my yoohoo bottles in the back were beer bottles in his mind its sucked and i got in trouble for front tinted windows. To make matters worse me and my friends stopped at an in n out in our gang infested homeland and these guys were just looking at us trying to start a fight (I was the only one who noticed and the only i really thought could defend myself) so i ened up arming everyone with hot coffee cups not telling them why until we left hahaha
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Metro cop asks to look through my backpack(he caught me earlier in the month with vandalism tools) I say go ahead cuz i just got some bondage porn from the thrift store and he remarks oh nice not my type though haha

 

[xbocax]

Got pulled over by the cops and one cop is telling me how he used to be industrial and have nipple piercings and talking to me about skinny puppy wtf right? haha and the other cop was searching for every little thing trying to search my car suddenly i looked drunk even though i dont nor have ever drank and i eneded up showing him my drug free tattoo then my yoohoo bottles in the back were beer bottles in his mind its sucked and i got in trouble for front tinted windows. To make matters worse me and my friends stopped at an in n out in our gang infested homeland and these guys were just looking at us trying to start a fight (I was the only one who noticed and the only i really thought could defend myself) so i ened up arming everyone with hot coffee cups not telling them why until we left hahaha
=====================================
Metro cop asks to look through my backpack(he caught me earlier in the month with vandalism tools) I say go ahead cuz i just got some bondage porn from the thrift store and he remarks oh nice not my type though haha

 

[wokofshame]

"the highway is my office and i don't appreciate you peeing all over it" a CT state trooper to me right before giving me a 75$ ticket for "misuse of the hwy shoulder"

 

[Tare]

Somewhere in bumfuck georgia, right on the florida state line, me and a couple friends FINALLY hitch a ride. As soon as we get in the truck, the same cops that had been watching us allday try to get the fuck out, pull over the gentleman who picked us up. So were feeling kinda shitty we got this guy some unwanted attention, anyway the Sherrif runs our names, and two of the girls im with are from Hawaii, this motherfucker had the nerve to get mad at us for giving a "Are you fucking serious?" look when he askes, " Is hawaii a state?", um, yeah. So after an awkward silence, we're like "Yeah....", at this point the cop gets defensive, and shouts all redfaced," Just checking!"

 

[axolotl]

cop - "where are you from?"
me - "why do you need to know?"
cop - "i´m axin´cuz i the po-lice!"

cop - "what are you doing away from home?"
me - "why do you ask?"
cop - "i´m nosy, that´s why i became a cop"

cop after eviction:
"what are you all doing outside this house? it looks like a suspicious gathering"
friend: "we´re mourning our home"
me: "what are you doing here?"
cop: "i´m doing my job"
me: "and your job is to kick other people out of their houses? that´s a great job."
cop: "yes. i go where my bosses tell me to go"

i should have said, "that´s what goebbels said" (just following orders) - this was in germany after all

 

[coolguyeagle76']

i once was asking a buddy of mine for a smoke on the streets of nola and i have my pack out and he doesnt. i was looking a bit scraggly cause a just got into town, but my friend had been established a couple weeks and was lookin sharp. a cop walks up and says "you know i could arrest you for molestation". after that i tried to explain that the guy i asked of was an acquaintance, the cop just starts screaming about jails and me getting raped for giving him lip. fuck nola cops........

 

[lobotomy3yes]

Me and my friends used to climb buildings every night. We usually climbed schools. Once we were frying and talking on this on school we went to often. Out of nowhere a shit ton of cops surround the place guns drawn. Cop shines his light on us. I'm wearing a t shirt, shorts, and flip flops, dangling my legs off the roof smoking a cig. The cop, "Do you have any bombs? We might have to shoot you. I mean, we don't know if you got bombs or anything." wtflol

Fat fuckers couldn't get on the roof and had to follow us around the building on foot, pointing guns at us, to where we could get down. I swear they can never climb. I've been caught doing that shit a few times, and every time the cops can't climb to the roof.

 

[Alaska]

Cop: This is VANDALISM!
Us: It's chalk... it washes off.
Cop: OH YAAAH? How would you like it if I came to your house and wrote chalk ALL over your sidewalk.
Us:...We'd be cool with that. You are welcome to draw on our block anytime.
Cop: Well..... that's not the point!!

Cop in the background reading our "graffiti" over the radio:
Ya, it looks like it says... 'ROBO0111000101010010TZ, MUH THA FUH KAZ'

Bahahaha, that's fucking amazing.

"Cop: What's wrong with your hair? You got mange or sumthin?
Me: sure
Cop: You gotta tell me the truth, boy. We could have a county wide outbreak, if you don't watch your next words."

I had a long mohawk. He couldn't tell it was long, AND a mohawk, I guess. Symptoms of mange, don'tcha know. :sos:

 

[Mongo]

Back in October I was in San Francisco at Ocean Beach with some of my friends and we had been drinking all day. at about 10 p.m. a cop is doing his rounds of the beach and come up to our group and asks if we have any drugs guns or booze like were gonna answer yes to any of those questions with a yes. Anyways he leaves and we were going to go and get more beer at the safeway about a block away and I see him checking out my car and I think to myself "damn it confrontation time." so I go up and tell ask him if there are any problems with my car " He says yeah it's tags are expired and it's not supposed to be parked here. Get the Fuck out of here." Piss drunk this cop has me drive my car off but I just drove down to the safeway and got more beer.

 

[BUMJUG]

haha hitchin in lafayette LA this year .....3 popos roll up and run at us fro thier cars batons raised and said "ok boys lets show em how we do things round here!!"......didnt hit us or nothin...just ran our names.....then well doin the routine thing where they feel yer buttcheeks up they asked if i had any weapons....i lifted my hand and said i had a "tool" yes knifes are tools not weapons...and found a gun to my head..."you tryina stabb me??" haha what the fuck......thye told us to walk 6 miles no stoppin to the next parish along the freeway no hitchin fer rides.....so we walked 1 mile straight to the train yard and got out to texas by the next train out.....


and recently had a popo follow me from an FNB feeding and arrest all us fools..."whats up with your anarchist cult gatherings??""
next cop comes in....."are you a vegan??i am a vegan..lets talk about veganism together ok??"

haha dumbshitzz...