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Stupid things the cops have said to you?

ok so I work at a gas station and a few weeks ago when it was getting really hot out this cop came in to buy soem coffee and whiel i'm ringing him up he looks out the window and sees a person topping off their coolant or wiper fluid or whatever.. he gets this really concerned look on his face and says "I keep seeing a lot of people working on their cars in the WaWa parking lots lately. I find that a bit strange." (this is all said in a very serious tone like people are out there doing something very sketchy in our parking lot)

um... it's a gas station. we sell oil, coolant, tranmision fluid, ect. all this stuff is on the shelf right next to him... and he thinks its odd people are working on their cars in our parking lot??


________________________

to this day I still get a giggle out of this one...

Im in Humbolt in that lil central park in the middle of town. hanging out with some people. we're chilling on a bench at the edge of the park and my 7 month old puppy is asleep under my feet. a cop comes up to me and says "You can't have your dog stagnent in the downtown area!" I look at him and say "stagnent??! he's a napping puppy not a rancid puddle. what kinda rule is that?" and then we're told to leave.
 

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oh I almost forgot...

a few months ago at the amtrak station where I would catch the bus to work someone was beat to death. so for a few days after they had cops crawling the place 24-7. well, I was riding up on th eback of my scooter cuz my boyfriend was dropping me off and the bus stop and we rode past this cop car parked in the parking lot close to the building and I glanced over... gotta keep and eye on those fuckers, ya know?.. and to my surprise the stupid bitch was playing solitare on her computer. gotta love how they protect and serve.
 
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soymilkshakes

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Oh, oh, I have an Humboldt cop one too! They are none to happy about traveler dogs, eh? I was with a few people sitting in some random grassy spot in Arcata, behind a store or something, and a cop rolls up and after asking us all our names, hometowns and "And what are you doin' in my town?" starts pegging one gal about the 2 or 3 dogs she had with her (I think her friends had left for a minute and left her with all the dogs). Whenever he asked a question she would answer it with a question i.e. Q: "Whose dogs are these?" A: "Whose dogs are these..?" After a couple rounds of that the cop gets all pompous-like and says "LET ME TELL YOU a little somethin' I learned in the Police Academy. If someone answers a question with a question like you did just there, that means they're buying time because they're going to lie." Then he looks around the group of us with this look like we're supposed be impressed with his super skills.


I once had an encounter with a cop whose name was, I kid you not, Officer Lawless. He didn't say anything memorably stupid but I have to mention it when talking about cops, it was hilaaaaarious.
 

Play.It.Fast

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I was in Portland with my boy, (in my hometown) Sleeping in the bushes, totally out of site. I wake up to two cops kicking me in the head at 5 AM yelling:
"Time to get up!", "Time to get up."
Then they run our names, the usual...
So I wake up, I ask them if I can put my glasses on, because I'm legally blind.
"Hell, no"
they both replied.
"So what are you kids doing here?"
Sleeping, I say.
"Well we've been getting complaints about you two"
Yet sleeping in a total rural area, nothing in site, not even cars. Then he starts to yell:
"Got anything sharp in your back packs?"
I said 'yes' because I had some pliers making jewelery in the side pocket.
"What? Let me guess RIGS, OR KNIFES?"
No, I just said pliers. They proceed to search us. Cop 2 says:
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU KIDS, SLEEPING... IN YOUR... SLEEPING BAGS!!"
"YOU KNOW WHAT I DID WHEN I GOT OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL? I WENT TO LAW SCHOOL AND SLEPT IN A DORM!"

I'm thinking to myself... and yah, then became a cop that likes to fuck with you hard.
Cop 2 says:
"DO YOU LIKE DOING THIS!? HUH? HUH? DO YOU LIKE THE WAY MINNESOTA SMELLS!?"
My boyfriend being from MN, has a Minnesota ID. We smell similar, both dirty.
My boy friend replies:
"Were not criminals just because were sleeping outside..."
Cop 2 beat red in the face:
"JUST SHUT UP!"
"ARE YOU IN HANDCUFFS RIGHT NOW!?"
No.
" DO YOU WANT TO BE!?"
No.
"THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Finally they got done running our names, and sent us on our way after and hour or so...

Then we ran into this 40 year old yuppies male, riding a fixie. Who apparently treid to jack there squad car, while the cops were fucking with us, and then the guy took us out to eat. So it turned out decent.

That's the worst, being woken up by the pigs, especially more than once in a night.
 
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I've got a shit ton of cop stories, but maybe this one tops it...

So I was in hitching with this guy Steve I met in Ukiah (hah, this makes three posts that relate with something in Nor-Cal) down through Santa Rosa. No real bad cop experiences there and ate at a badass Mexican restaurant. I was trying to get over to Sacto to ride north from Roseville but I reasoned that it was just a little bit impossible so we tried to see what buses we could catch south down to Frisco from where I would go over to Emeryville and just hop north. We figured out a loose plan and ended up catching a bus into Sonoma (heart of the wine county, I guess...) too late to catch the bus into Petaluma. We got some beer, drank it at the bus stop and then decided to go get some food and crash somewhere. Some asshole told us there was a store down the main drag out of town, but we couldn't find it and we just crashed in this farmer's field.
Hour later a farmer wakes us up and asks us if the two pitbulls running loose belonged to us, I said no, we ain't got any dogs, he asked if we were "just camping out", seemed to care less and drove back into the field, turned around, and kept his lights on us. I was beat, I realized that he was probably calling the cops, but didn't fucking care. Sure enough, a couple minutes later we're awoken by like 7 cops, some county, some city. They were fixin' for a beating.
Of course they went through the whole name running, asking us the normal stupid questions. I normally try to keep it cool around cops, but Steve wasn't having it. At this point several of them have out their billy clubs and are just dying to have an excuse to play whack-a-bum. Steve says "I'm not afraid of you" and one cop stands back, pulls out his club and goes "Oh yeah! You're not fuckin afraid of me!!! Alright then motherfucker let's do this!" Steve just flicked the dust off his sleeping bag at them as we were packing up. Cop goes "that's what I thought, you're afraid of me..."

I guess that was a somewhat lengthy tidbit about shit they said to my friend, and it wasn't really stupid so much as menacing.
 
OP
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Mouse

I deleted myself
I once had an encounter with a cop whose name was, I kid you not, Officer Lawless. He didn't say anything memorably stupid but I have to mention it when talking about cops, it was hilaaaaarious.

the last time I got arrested the cops nam was Officer Copp
 

wartomods

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I was riding my bmx, a cop came and said "Hey son your bicycle is to small for you, are you sure you didnt stole it "
One other time i was riding my bmx too "I will have to give you a ticket cause you are riding a brakeless bike" yeah my bmx has no brakes but it old him it had coaster brake so he went away.
 

veggieguy12

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Great thread idea!!!

Walking on road overpassing tracks, Nov. '08 in Portola, CA... police SUV passes by me, turns right, U-turns, sits waiting for me... cops get out when I reach them, ask for ID, and I'm resisting...

COP 1: See, last night a bunch of windows got broken here, and we had a report that a lanky guy with a hood was seen leaving the area...
ME: Oh sure, well, that could only be me- c'mon.
COP 1: Well we're not arresting you, we just want to check your ID.
ME: Well my ID isn't gonna tell you that I did or didn't break the windows, is it?
COP 2: C'mon, man, we're not giving you a hard time- we know you just got off that train a minute ago. We don't care. We just wanna check your ID and you can be on your way.
ME: Well if you "know" I was on the train, then you know I wasn't here breaking windows last night. Right? Those two things don't fit together, do they?
COP 1: Well not necessarily.

...and blah blah blah, I end up giving them my ID a minute later with a blab about how the claims of a "free country" are hard to see when a guy can't simply walk down the street without cops coming "just to check his ID".
 

rellydelly890

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the cop: it's two in the morning. you boys need to be making your way home.

me: we live on the other side of the city. can't we just sleep here?

the cop: you lay down right here and I'll bust your shit up. get going.

me: well we're waiting for a ride

the cop: how old are you guys???

me: 17

the cop: *sigh of disappointment or anger or something and gives us the dirtiest look ever. then walks away.
 

Calea Spots

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May 22, 2009
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Savannah
hitching with a friend (white) out of indio/coachella. a cop pulls over, asks for ids blah blah blah. first he says "you know hitchhiking is illegal in california." not true, plus we're on the sidewalk. he kinda glares at us and then proceeds to say the dumbest thing anyone's said to me on the road, cop or otherwise: "you and your boy need to split up. the mexicans will kill a brotha and a white boy if they see you two together. stick to your race around here." we got a ride a few hours later. from a mexican.
 

ianfernite

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the cop: it's two in the morning. you boys need to be making your way home.

me: we live on the other side of the city. can't we just sleep here?

the cop: you lay down right here and I'll bust your shit up. get going.

me: well we're waiting for a ride

the cop: how old are you guys???

me: 17

the cop: *sigh of disappointment or anger or something and gives us the dirtiest look ever. then walks away.
Lucky that there's no curfew.

The stupidest thing a cop has said to me was asking me to pick up my cigarette but after I dropped it in the parking lot across the street from my school. I just dropped it again as soon he turned away.

It's funny; a while later (after I stopped wearing my PUNX clothes), same cop comes up to me while I'm smoking in the same place and politely tells me that I can't smoke there.
 

RebeccaSoup

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hitching with a friend (white) out of indio/coachella. a cop pulls over, asks for ids blah blah blah. first he says "you know hitchhiking is illegal in california." not true, plus we're on the sidewalk. he kinda glares at us and then proceeds to say the dumbest thing anyone's said to me on the road, cop or otherwise: "you and your boy need to split up. the mexicans will kill a brotha and a white boy if they see you two together. stick to your race around here." we got a ride a few hours later. from a mexican.
fucking crucial. yuck.


We were about to head out of town this winter and went dt in our city to busk and try to make some money for train food. We were sitting for all of five minutes before two bike cops were on us. we're both pretty clean aside from clothes and tattoos. (Ihave fuck work tattooed to my knuckles, he has I heart botany) We had just been staying with friends for a month. Showered and everything. The male cop hassled us for ID and the female cop told me to stand up and move my gear out of the sidewalk. When I stood up she saw that I have a knife in a sheath on my belt, she said, "WHOA, a weapon." I told her I would take it off and reached back and she pulled her fucking gun on me.

After the other cop took the knife off me and I sat back down on the curb, he saw just my right hand/knuckles and said... "Oh nice tattoos, I bet the other hand says YOU, right?!"

I looked up at him and said, "nah, dude. It says cops."

We gave fake names because none of us "had ID". I have no idea how I made it out of that comment, though. Havent been back to that shithole in forever.
 
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Waycross, GA: Cop asked where I'd come from and I told him the trains. He said, "Train? We don't have an Amtrack here!"
 

Birdy

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A year or so ago I was with a group of kids and we were walking to 7-11 right down the road at like 2 in the morning and I saw this guy walking his dog and I was like 'Fuck that's totally a cop' but noooo don't listen to me I'm just paranoid. It was a cop. He stopped us. We were all in Pajamas and the only dude that was with us had on booty shorts with his nuts hangin out. The cop shines his light on us and stops us and it goes a little like this,
Cop: What are you guys doing? Are you aware a car was just broken into and the kids are still out there?
We just stare at him like what the fuck how would we know that....
Cop: And now you guys are interupting my investigation by crossing the scent path.
At this point I'm thinking to myself, what the fuckkk I'm dead and he was WAY THE FUCK OVER THERE. And aren't police dogs supposed to be able to tell certain smells apart?
Cop: -starts calling for back up-
A squad car pulls up as well as a cop SUV.
My friend: Uh, my house is seriously just around the corner can't we just walk home?
Cop: I don't know if you're lying to me or not.
Her house was seriously, not even 100 feet away.

I was the only one to get a curfew warning. I had a sgt. He called my dad. I was the only one who's parents they called and I had to sit in the cold with this Pig waiting for my dad who was LIVID when he got me.


Another time me and my friend were drinking with a few kids and we were just casually walking down the road at midnight swigin' Captain Morgan (courtesy of them) and there are a lot of under cover cops trollin around but there's no curfew on the beach, but I'm a noid so I took a few generous gulps of rum and walked a little bit ahead of everyone and sure enough I turn around and an undercover cop comes around the corner and stopped all of them (luckily they tossed the bottle) and then stopped me and my friend since we were a little ahead and asked us, "You are aware of the big group of guys following you, right?"
 

CrustLife_guard

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Joined
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4
Location
Portland OR
At a march over the winter two cops came up to us (there were only about 50 of us... all blocked up and carrying a black flag) and said "Who is your leader".
Don't ask me why they thought 50 anarchists had a leader.
 
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crust - that's pretty fucking funny.


birdy... can you tell me what you understood this post to be about?
 

Ubi

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May 15, 2009
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Location
California
I was in a van with four or five guys, me being female, and we got pulled over because we were fucking around and running outside the car and what not. so the cop asks us all for our ID's and then goes on this tirade about how this is a dangerous town, and there are gangs, and they don't even print the terrible things that happen in the newspaper, and we shouldn't be out late at night, then he points at me and says "especially you."
 

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