Featured Stupid things the cops have said to you?

[FawnDroke]

YES! I love when cops make dicks out of themselves. haha

Something like that happened to me on Venice Beach, Cali when my guy got a ticket for smoking 10 feet from the designated smoking area (which may possibly be a warrant now haha)
The cop asked us if we had any weapons and for some reason I felt the need to pull out my boot knife, my Kershaw switch blade, my Swedish army knife, my mace I keep attached to my hip, and the big ass gutting knife I keep in my pack. He took my gutting knife and he said "Oh boy, this has to be illegal." and it turned out it wasn't.
That pig tried so hard to take me in. He tried to get me for my weapons, tried to get me for being a run-away since I'm 17, and tried to get me for smoking on the beach (he lied to the other cop and said he saw me smoking, even though I hadn't, just so he could keep me there and question me) and he couldn't do anything. When they left he said "You're lucky girl. You guys pack your stuff and head East. Don't let me catch you again or you'll be in trouble.."
And the funny part of this is that we were both high off our ass and my guy was hiding the joint under his leg. When they took him to the car to search him, his wallet fell right on the joint so they didn't see it.
Fuuck Venice Beach cops man. I'm never going back to South Cali, it sucks. Everyone should die there.

 

[cheeses]

ive had cops threaten to beat my ass for asking for one..

getting pulled off in manatoba a cop started sarching me and found some maxie pads i tought where bandages when i took them from the last drop in center i was in, after a bit of finding a lot of garabge in my bag and random stuff he asked me what the hell the maxie pads where for and with a straght face i told them i needed them incase i started bleeding again, because i had just fucked up my ankle a week befor, non the less he stoped searching me and told his partner to just let me be, it was pritty funy when i figured out that they wherent bandages but pads made more sence to me why i was getting look at like somekinda diddler

 

[Justin]

When i was 17 i was riding in a car back from a friends folk's cabin a couple hours away from where i live and we got pulled over for speeding. I didn't think anything of it until the officer came up to the driver side window, leaned in and said, "I smell marijuana, and i smell alcohol," While looking me dead in the eyes the whole time and tells us all to get out of the car. This is a small redneck community in idaho called Horseshoe Bend. So this asshole immediately singles me out and accuses me of being drunk because i guess i smell like booze. I told him i drank the night before and not that day but he refused to believe me. He called in another officer to help him tear apart the car in a search for weed that nobody had. All this took about two hours. I was in handcuffs sitting on the side of the highway isolated away from my friends who weren't handcuffed or even harassed about anything involving weed or booze. So eventually the conversation ends up going like this:

Cop: You're totally plastered, buddy, just admit it.
Me: I promise i'm not. I dont know what else to say.
Cop: First, you reek of alcohol, you are obviously drunk. Second, i can tell when somebody is lying to me and i know for a fact you are lying. You gave yourself away at the get go...(etc etc) ...we're gonna take you to the station to take a breathalizer test, then we'll find out whose the chump here.

So i comply and he shoves me into the back seat and we drive literally like three seconds across the street to a little trailer that said Courthouse on it. He took me inside, sat me down on a chair and told me that the guy that does the breathalizer test has the day off so i would have to sign a paper saying that i lied to the cops and that i was intoxicated. So its been way too long in handcuffs trying to prove something to a brick wall of an asshole cop so i cave in and sign his paper. I go to court later and the judge wanted me to do like forty hours of community service, pay a fine, and write a 500 word essay on what i thought about the whole experience. I refused to do any of it and when it came time for my second court date my mom drove me to court and bribed me with ten dollars to write "..something, anything, so maybe they won't be so hard on you when they sentence you," So i wrote like two paragraphs on how the whole situation was bullshit and how i was singled out by a predudiced power hungry cop and the judge looked at my paper and dismissed my case.

 

[DoctorApocalypse]

I was road tripping from chicago to seattle and in south dakota on the 90 about 10 miles from the wyoming border in buddy's truck passing a convoy of semi trucks while going 65 (speed limit was 75) in the left lane. We spot a cop in the median a ways ahead, still going under the speed limit, pass it and look in the rear view mirror and the cop whips out onto the freeway. We finish passing the trucks and get into the right lane, the cop gets up just until he can see into the cab of our truck, then whips behind us and lights us up. We pull over, cop comes up, asks where we're coming from/going, asks my buddy to come back with him to the car which he does, and after a while the cop comes and asks me where I'm from, where I worked, where I was going, who I stayed with, etc... He then brings his dog out and proceeds to circle the truck twice letting his dog jump all over the truck and scratch the shit outta it which pissed my buddy off (justifyably so).

Next thing I know my buddy walks passed the truck to a freeway sign about 100 feet away and the cop tells me to go stand by my buddy while he searches the truck. Douchebag cop proceeds to take everything outta the truck, searching all our bags, and tossing em into the weeds along the shoulder, takes the airbag covers off, the door seals, etc... His backup arrives and assists in the search but I can see backup cop being like "wtf dude? there's nothing here, give it up."

Finally after a good 45 minutes of searching the truck the cop calls us back to the truck looks at me and says "my dog smelled marijuana, I know there's marjiuana here, just tell me where it is and we'll go easy on you" I'm beyond pissed at this point but managed to respectufully reply "I have no illegal substances on me officer" to which he responds "if I were to take you down to the station and give you a drug test would you pass?" I just glared at him and said "I don't do that shit, of course I'd pass"

After all that hassle cop givs my buddy a warning for improperly signaling while changing lanes (cop said the truck tire hit the line before the turn signal went on which was bullshit but whatever), and on the warning was cop's badge number and other info. My buddy has an uncle that's some high ranking officer in the illinois state patrol who he called asking what he could/should do about what happened, his uncle asked if he got the cop's badge number which he did, and a couple weeks later that cop magically didn't work for the south dakota state patrol anymore.

 

[Medusa]

I was in some bumfuck place in NorCal with these other kids. I think it was Cloverdale or some place like that. We were taking buses as far as we could go. We were sitting at a bus stop and these two cops come out of nowhere.

Cops: We just want to get to know you guys. Do you have any warrants or are you on probation or parole?

We deny having any of these things.

Cops: We'd like to see your IDs

One of us actually hands their ID to them.

Me: Why? We didn't do anything illegal. We're waiting for the bus.

Cops: We don't see people of your stature around here.

Me: You just admitted to profiling us in so many words. I refuse to consent to anything.

I don't really remember exactly what they said after that.

Me: I'm fighting for my rights.

Black woman cop: I don't want to hear that!


The irony was beautiful. I was going to say something about that, but decided not to. Then the cops left because they knew they couldn't justify what they were trying to do.

 

[Medusa]

Oh yeah, and this wasn't something cops said but what they did. My friends and I got arrested in Boise for tripping alarms in this old Macy's. My friend had stolen this big keyring with a bunch of keys on it from the building. And when we got out of jail and got our property back, my friend pulled them out of his property bag. It was pretty hilarious. They had no idea he had taken them from the building.

 

[newlypoor]

i used to volunteer with a bunch of environmentalists, and we were having a part one night. the cops show up cause of the noise or whatever, and they somehow find out that we're volunteers. this was around the time of the bp oil spill, and the cop asks my friend "so, tell me. what's the difference between oil spilling in the ocean and you spilling noise into these people's homes when they're trying to sleep?"

seriously?

 

[allday]

got shook down in okc. all pissed off cuz there werent any drugs the pig looks at my sewing kit and says "so what the fuck, are you a traveling tailor? you just need to get out of oklahoma"

 

[Cardboard]

I was arrested in Reykjavik for assaulting a police officer. Included in my charges was article 0 (which doesnt exist), with a question mark in the middle of the sentence. they told me this was the worst part, I could spend 4 years in prison for it, but if I paid 20k kroner (I think it was about 170 US$) they would let me out right then.
NO COMMENT.

 

[Chel]

"The next time I see you doing nothing, I'm taking you to jail." - Baltimore P.D.

 

[Cobo]

This is the best thread ever, I've been cracking up all night.

I got caught sexing up this girl i had just met earlier that night in my car in an empty parking lot in this tiny town in mass. Cops show up and turns out he knows the girl and lets her go home to her kid. He's cool and about to let me go when his partner shows up and they start grilling me about how I know her and try to get me to admit to paying her for sex, asking me for all the details, its obvious these guys are bored as fuck and trying to scare me, they know shes not a hooker.

Anyways the next day i get a call from a "detective" looking into our case,

cop: blahblah i need you to go over the details about last night
me: blahblahblah we had sex in the car
cop: You need to be more specific, what was she wearing, what did you do
me: (detailed description)
cop: look, i need you to coorperate with me and tell me exactly what you were doing in the car
me: what more do you want to know?
cop: what position did you do?

 

[Deleted member 2626]

Did you intend to use the gun? When I got caught with a 12 in my truck at school, I left it in there after huntin the night before

 

[CardBoardBox]

Yelling "fucking pigs" after the cop car that had just driven off after giving my buddy a ticket for leaving his beer cans in a planter for hobos to pick up. Assholes, when they get us to dump out our beer they tell us to leave the empties. Why is it different that time?
I failed to realize it was summer and their windows were down. Regardless to say the consequences were another ticket and a lot more swearing but at a much quieter tone.

 

[Nelco]

Back in 2002 I had a cop following me around in North Chatt, Chattanooga TN.
I was all good with tags, liscnse and insurance, so I started going around the block to see if he'd follow.
One of my friends started trippin and we start arguing..I get pissed and jump out the car screaming at the cop, what the fucks your problem..
..he gets out and starts apologizing and lets me know he's a rookie and he was bored.

 

[joshbryan]

A few years ago a few friends and I were hanging out In northern california when we heard four shots. They sounded really close, so we ran across the street. Dozens of people where scattering from a central point where we saw a bloody man fall to the ground as a white suv hurried away from him and around the corner. WE CALLED THE COPS (which doesn't happen very often) and proceeded to try and help the man. He had been shot four times from about twenty feet with a shotgun. He was a mess. He died in our arms before the cop woman arrived.

A rather large crowd had gathered by this time, many of them weeping. The officer jumped out of the car and screamed, "Everybody go home!". This was rather affective on almost every one. Those left unaffected where a bunch of people crying to hard to hear or care and us, to covered in the dead man's blood to care.

She hurried over to me and said, "get the fuck out of hear!"

Me "we called you and are the only people still here that saw the getaway car. I don't think we should leave."

her "Do you want to go to jail?"

me "no"

her "then get the fuck out of here, NOW"

me "You're not making any sense"

Her response to this was to push me with both hands. She hit me hard enough to almost knock me down.

me "you're nuts. We'll wait over there until other cops get here. We're you're only witnesses and we're not going home."

her response to this was to pull out her ridiculously huge flashlight and swing it at me like a billy club, hitting me in the throat. It sucked. My friends and I tucked our tails and crawled into a dark corner like the weak little bitches society had made us.

I had dozens of witnesses. one of which called the cops to report her abuse. A "detective" was sent to interview me. All I tried to do was get her fired. It didn't work.

 

[Dirty Rig]

pig: "What you got in that big old bag there?"
me: "A bunch of smelly socks."
pig: "Move along."

 

[Apples]

At the end of december we took my friend to a strip club for his 21st birthday. After along night I figure I was sober enough to drive home. I got pulled over.

"Sir, have you been drinking tonight"
"No officer, I just need to get home and wash the smell of stripper off me before my girlfriend wakes up"
"Oh. I see. Well if you can pass a sobriety test I'll let you on your way."

The look on his face was priceless. Luckily I passed my sobriety test. Not sure how, but I did.

 

[Dirty Rig]

after i was convicted for my dui (level 5 - simple fine, probation), i couldnt pay the cash up front so i had to sit in the tank and wait for someone to come and bring money. naturally, we live in a world of cell-phones so no one could fucking get my calls from jail. after a good 11 hours in the tank with the homebums and tweakers, i was told someone posted bail. so im getting printed and photographed and they're taking pictures of my tattoos (why do all this when im getting released? do this shit when i first arrive) which is a good hour-long process. they sling me my bag of shit (wallet, cigarettes, shoe laces) and "Wait, don't go anywhere just yet! You've got a warrant!" they said i had a warrant for a 'trespassing on RxR property' ticket i bailed on in raleigh (which is true) but i had literally been to court and dismissed 3 days before today. three more hours of these cops back and forth on the phone with raleigh "no, we took care of it. his case was dismissed", "well we're going to keep him until we're sure." "we are sure. we're the city of raleigh. let the poor kid go!" they finally came to the conclusion that yeah, i HAD been to court three days before and dismissed! just like everyone was saying all along!

get shot, pig

 

[3t87]

had a cop come up to me and a friend while we were sitting on a porch drinking a 1/2gallon of whiskey and he ran our shit and with the whiskey sitting right there on the step in plain sight the dumbshit said ''you guy's been drinking today'' and i just pointed at the whiskey 3/4 gone and he said ''dump it out, and get on you way'' fucking idiot, as if he thought we would say no or something...c'mon man>>

 

[ericafuckyea]

so i was getting pulled off this train in Maine (reeeally close to the NH border) This motorcycle cop walks up and is telling me to get off the grainer I was riding, I go towards the ladder to climb down and he's all "WOAH! Don't touch that! You'll get electrocuted!" and asks me to jump down. He's standing all far away from the train like it's gonna bite him, I bunny hop down and listen to his lecture about how dangerous it is to mess with trains etc. etc. and then he says "I bet you didn't expect this thing to start moving when you climbed on it, did you?"
eh....
anyhoo, i got arrested, the cops threw out my narcan and my perscription thingie from the dropout at the station, went to jail for two weeks, got banned from guilford, and had my non-existent drivers license suspended. the charge was written down as 'EVASION OF FARE: riding freight train'
hillarity.