Stupid things the cops have said to you? (1 Viewer) Featured 

We sell all kinds of other stuff in our Etsy store!


Mar 26, 2019
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Gainesville FL
With 40 years of 'research' these have remained my favorites. Note* asterisk denotes fbi agents:

This is for your safety
While handcuffed at gun point for feeding the homeless.

I Wil blow your fucking head off if you move your hands again!
While an officer had a knee in my back, another with its foot on my left hand, and another with their foot on my right wrist. I rolled my fingers on my right hand from pinky to pointer like one does on a table as I was growing impatient as this was about 10 minutes in that position. The let me go with a warning for 'speeding' on my bike.

Where are you coming from.
Why am I being stopped
I will ask the questions. Where are you headed?
I qoute the FL state statute verbatim regarding Stop and Frisk.
Please step over here sir.
I reqoute the part of the statute pertaining to relocation and tell him he can try to take me to court to change that, otherwise I will be on my way.
What are you a law student?
Just a class conscience citizen that wants to strip you of all of your immunity.
I got on my bike and rode away. Thankfully I'm a middle aged white male or this wouldve have went entirely differently.

Do you know anyone currently in Northern Syria?

Have you had any correspondence with anyone in Northern Syria?

Do you normally take cream and/or sugar with your iced coffee?
As one of them gets out of the car to go into the place I stop every day for coffee on my way to work.
Jun 5, 2019
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Redding, California

Meet Officer Jason Tacbas of the United States Forestry Law Enforcement. Us locals refer to them as TREE COPS

During my employment with Antlers Shell station in Lakehead California, he came in one day and bought a Snickers bar and a Blue Poweraide. The next day I was at the lake with my two sons enjoying a nice refreshing swim on a 105 degree day. Out of nowhere he rolled up. Demanding I tell him what kind of drugs I have. Told me he wondered why I had a tool box in the back of my truck. Then told me he ran my name and I was named as a suspect in all the break in's around town and that the tool box confirmed his suspicions. Also since I was in a national forest he needed no warrant or probable cause to search. Now I'm not going to lie. I had 2 grams of Train Wreck. I told him that he didn't need to be so rude and such an asshole.

Me: I wasn't rude to you yesterday when you came in to my store.
Tree Cop: I never been in your store.

Come to find out that same day he had stopped 5 other Shell employees. Two weeks later I was at work when he pulled up to a gas pump. Ran his card and filled his tank. WAIT. WHAT? NO RECEIPT PAPER? Now he wants something from me.

Tree Cop: Just this Snickers and the receipt for number five.
Me: (Just stood there grinning)
Tree Cop: Are you going to help me?
Me: Is that a question?
Tree Cop: Yes. Are you going to help me?
Me: I don't answer questions for law enforcement.
Tree Cop: Really? You really going to do this?
Me: I don't answer questions for law enforcement.
Tree Cop: Can I talk to your manager?
Me: You mean the lady you harassed and treated like a criminal on the same day you did the exact same to me?
Tree Cop: I'm going to tell you right now that what you are doing is a felony. You can not harass me for a ticket I gave you.
Me: I'm not harassing you. I'm being an asshole. Sucks huh?
Tree Cop: I'm going to go call a deputy sheriff out here. He is going to handcuff you and You will be arrested.
Me: *Leaning over the counter looking at his gun belt* Are your handcuffs broken? If I am committing a felony, isn't it your obligation to arrest me?
Tree Cop: I'll be back with a deputy.
Me: I'm off at three.

Never came back. His supervisor called the next day and we faxed him the receipt and told him to keep his nazi's out of our store.


Aug 12, 2019
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Not exactly sure
This cop is searching my for some non reason I can't even remember. He pulls condoms out of my pack and, glaring, says with a totally straight face , "Getting lucky?"

Edit: When I start laughing he asks, "You think this is funny?"


I'm a d-bag and got banned.
Jun 3, 2019
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"We are the biggest gang in the city and all our members carry a firearm, so don't fuck with us" before spraying my friend in the face with mace. Not really a stupid thing to say but kinda true.. they are just foot soldiers tho that carry out the will of the state, thats there.. job.

I have recently been pulled over by a police officer, he took my license for 6 months, as a rubber tramper that kinda sucks because I use my car to sleep in an cruise around.. anyway I ask him can you let me off, I use this car and its kinda important to get to work ect.. he could see the platform Iv made to sleep on in the car. He just scoffed and said "every one blames the police, do you think im a buffoon mate?" his comment was kinda random and slightly funny..

So now iv lost my job an my nomadic home for 6 months, gonna bike it an camp out places, just godda adapt an be versatile, and if anyones like just still drive man who cares, bro.. I didn't think Id lose my license for 6 months, I was on a 12 months good driving ticket thing and messed it up, if I continue to drive an get caught it'll just snowball, thats how it goes and before you know it, you could possibly be more fucked with it plus they got those cameras now that flag cars as they drive past n stuff.. so ill just wait this one out cause I'd like to use my car.. in six months instead of I dunno two years or something..


May 30, 2020
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New Jersey
This one isn't too stupid, but I thought the word choice was kind of funny.

When I was 19/20 and living with my parents, I used to go for these long walks in the evenings. Mind you, they didn't like me leaving the house late and definitely didn't like the idea of cops coming to the house if they hadn't called 'em.

Anyway, I was dealing with some pretty bad insomnia and a long depressive episode, so one morning around 2AM I sneak out as quietly as I can, somehow manage not to wake up my dad who's sleeping on the couch. The area is mostly farm land, so I'm walking along these back roads and generally freaking myself out because sometimes coyotes wandered a bit too far from the Pines (or so I was told, anyway). Decide it would be a good idea to walk back along the highway because there are at least a couple of lights.

Well, it's dark as shit, the roads are empty and I haven't seen anyone in at least 20 minutes because it's sometime after 4AM. Then I see the really bright lights from the other side of the road, and I just know it's a cop. Sure enough, they pull over, shine the flood light directly into my eyes and pull a slow U.

NJ had just passed the New smoking law to bring the age to 20 (I went to Philly for crap until I aged out because they stayed 19 for awhile), figured while it's legal for me to have tobacco products, might still have some trouble. Tell him I'm fine with a pat down, let him know I have a vape in my pocket and that I'm trans and so my chest would "feel weird because I bind," etc.

Eventually, they tell me I'm not in trouble and they're just concerned.

"It's dangerous out here, someone comes along, you know... We don't want you to be a pancake."

He said it so seriously too, if I hadn't been having such a shitty morning before that I might've laughed.

In any case, they want to bring me back home because I" can't just keep on the side of the highway," and I worry they're about to bring me home where my dad will definitely wake up from the lights. Thankfully, they drop me at the corner and let me walk the back road. Don't even empty my pockets or check my bag, just hold it up front until I get home. A couple minutes later, I see those same bright lights back up from around, and once they're close enough to clearly see my reflectors just leave down a side road.

Anyway, I think about "pancake" every so often. As if that would've been a problem when I'm walking far in on the grass at 4AM with nobody else on the road. 😂


Jun 20, 2019
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China / Canada
Back in high school, my friends and I were walking along a suburban pathway that paralleled the road, one night. We noticed a cop driving along the road. So I'm like, "guys, let's just start running, and see what happens". We do, and we hear the cop car's engine start revving up, and he races up the street and cuts off the pathway ahead. We arrive at his car, and he yells at us,


"Why? Have we done something wrong?" "Yeah, what's wrong?"

"Why are you running?"

"Is it illegal to run, now, officer?" "We're a late night jogging group" my friend quips-in.

"You looked very suspicious.... maybe like some hooligans"

"Suspicious?" "Hooligans?" (We all start getting indignant) "Are you harassing us?!"

Realizing that we had owned his ass: "All right. Stay out of trouble."


May 27, 2020
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Bellevue, WA
So I'm in Mojave, CA and I asked the people at the one gas station if it was okay if I hitchhiked there. They pull out their shotgun and threaten me off their property.
A little while later the one sheriff shows up, even though I'm no longer on the property. I tell her what happened, and she kind of looks off into the sunrise and says, "the wind in Mojave never stops blowing."
Then she drives away, no help at all.

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