Featured Stupid things the cops have said to you?

[drunken marauder]

So I got pants'd the other day after being drug acrost the st. In OB the police dont particularly care for me.. Well after they stripped my clothes off in the middle of the main street they informed me I was being detained no ticket for wait heres the hellafied crime..... You got it what that dirty word yup... Panhandling some pc kids called me in cause I was making money and there dumb.. Mad cause I can make enough to shoot dope buy my girl food and get shit housed whose dumb kids or the cops????? The faggots didnt even get run off "then"" God I cant wait to leave Ca.. Venice beach for memorial day anyone???? Oh and why do I have to eat out of dumpsterssss I like the dankness while its still hot...... Street kids will make me want to quit doin this shit before the yuppies ever will...........

 

[christianarchy]

We got caught checking out this abando a couple months ago.
Me: "Dude, we were just exploring around. Didn't you explore as a kid?
Cop (1 of 3). "So you like to explore huh? I know somehwere you can explore. It's got grey concrete...it's about 7 x 7...it's called jail!

We seriously had to try to keep from bursting out in laughter.

 

[MrD]

While in the backseat of the cruiser, the cop asked me where i went to law school,

I told him "The Santa Barbra Infoshop"

He just ignored it and told me he had never heard of that school

 

[pigeon]

i was at a party at my friends house and they had this really shitty room mate that was getting kicked out of the house at the end of the week. shit talking started between that room mate and a couple drunk kids at the party, she wouldn't back down and let drunk kids be drunk so she just kept yelling at them to leave. eventually she decided to walk to the store to get some beer because no one would share with her haha. so once she's down the street three of the kids at the party run around the house and hop into her room through her bedroom window. one by one they jump out laughing and gagging. the last kid jumps out the window and says "i peed on it" so wanting to maintain my innocent bystander status i walk away and pretend not to hear any of it.

the girl gets back and goes in her room for a bit then storms out and says she's calling the cops... nobody takes her serious and the party continues. eventually we here "cops" from the front yard and so some people decide to hop walls and take off. i hang around because i didn't do anything and as soon as the cop gets in the backyard he shines his flashlight on me and says "alright guys, which one of you shit on crystal's bed?"

hahahahaha it's not really stupid i guess but that was the best way to hear what had happened when those kids went in her room. i guess they pooped into napkins and shoved their shit in between her bed and the box spring and then the last kid pissed on the top of her bed. so she didn't notice the shit until she laid on the wet spot and decided to flip the mattress and then boom, there's the poop. hahaha ah, it gets me every time.

after the cop left, the other girl that lived at the house beat the hell out of the "shitty" room mate for calling the cops on her birthday party haha.

 

[5ealchris]

About a year ago, I went with my aunt to go pick up some beer, and we get pulled over

So after the normal mumbujumbo this happens

Officer:"Ma'am, is there any weapons, drugs, or paraphernalia in your vehicle"
Aunt:"No"
Officer:"Then whats that pipe doing right" *Points at tire gauge"
Aunt:"That's my tire gauge!!!"
Officer:"Oh..."

After the cop left me and my aunt just couldn't stop laughing,

 

[Doobie_D]

It was late one night in my home town. A couple of us were walking down this deserted ass street smoking a blunt. Cop pulls up. "now i know ya'll dont belive in the government. But you just cant be walkin down the middle of the road like this" Then he kinda casually asks "whos got that weed" We just busted out laughing and his face got red and he drove away. Im from a small town

 

[BrittanyTheBananarchist]

okay so when i got my possession charge for pot a few years back before the lady goes to search the other cop asks me this before i tell you what he said let me first describe to you what i was wearing. so i was wearing super skinny jeans converese and a misfits shirt tht i had tailored to fit my body. so this is what they ask:
" ma'am do you have "any needles" no, "sharps pokes knifes?" "No" "Any......Machetes on you?" (in a very serious tone.)
i thought that was the most ridiculous qeustion i had ever heard when looking at my outfit. i also did not have any backpack or purse. so i started laughing really hard after they asked me tht and they go "this is not something tht should be funny to you when u are in this kind of situation miss!"( obviously angered by my laughter) and i replied back well yes officer i do, right in my skinny leans down my leg, when i walk every time my leg bends it stabs my foot. and i had a huge smile on my face. they were not so enthused about that.

 

[finn]

I had a cop ask me what my cpr faceshield was after he pulled it out of my pack. I looked at him kind of shocked (I don't know why) and told him that I thought all cops were supposed to know basic cpr, and then proceeded to explain to him exactly what it was and how to use it, but he walked away before I was done. I guess he was embarassed.

 

[Beegod Santana]

I can't believe I haven't responded to this one yet.

This was in Granby MA, after being arrested for cultivation.

Old cop: Are you coopperating? Are you showing signs of being suicidal? Are you following instructions?
Me: Um, yes, no, and yes.
Younger cop comes in and looks at old cops computer screen...
young cop: No, no, thats supposed to be your observation of him!

This was in a hotey in upperstate ny.

cop: ya'll must've smoked a shit ton because it reeks out there.
me: It was only a half joint, maybe ya'll just don't have good weed around here.
cop: OH! We've got good pot out here, my frie....(almost said "friend"), ah I mean "they" grow it on the mountain tops in these parts.
me: ya, my friends in cali grow on the mountain tops too.
Then he blushed and changed the subject.

and finally this one I watched happen to my friend in pdx after he got stopped for drunkenly stumbling all over divison.

Cop: What's your name kid?
Friend: John Smith (or some other obviously fake name)
Cop: No, give me your real name, don't fuck with me.
my friend gives his real name.
Cop: Why'd you give me a fake name? You hate the government or something?
Friend: Ya I do, fuck the government!
Cop: Cool!
and then he drove off.

 

[Dannywaste]

Upon noticing my shaved head, tattoos, and plugs I was once asked by a cop if I was a nazi.

 

[EphemeralStick]

I had cop ask me for my license after pulling me over obviously. after he went back to his car to run my info i lit a cigerette out of frustration. upon returning to my car he asks me if i was even old enough to be smoking. he was still holding my license. i was 19.

 

[anyways]

Awesome thread idea. Okay I'm going to actually tell a story that was told to me by my homeboy that I thought was hilarious.
So he was being put in jail and the cop was bagging up and writing down all of his belongings and he was like "33 cents... in change"

Okay so that was a lot funnier when I was drunk, but it still testifies to the stupidity of the law enforcement.

I'll try to remember a better one

 

[Brand0nRagged]

in a park two different times between 11Am and 2pm, sittng up on our packs, not drinking or doing anything illegal....

"this isn't a house, you need to leave"

i need to think more to remember some less recent ones....

 

[bcob]

I've only dealt with really gullible cops, the kind that ask you right off the bat if you're on probation or parole and go away when you say no. Example:

Walking late at night, cop stops on the other side of the street (in the middle of traffic) and yells out his window "What's your name?" I tell him my first name. He drives away. Few minutes later he pulls up to my side of the street and says "We're looking for someone, but he has a different name." Chances are he found the guy he was looking for at some point but he used his genius-level intelligence to give a fake name.

 

[Filth]

"atleast your not black"
seattle cops over sit/lie because our saw player was the only one sitting down.

 

[BUMJUG]

"atleast your not black"
seattle cops over sit/lie because our saw player was the only one sitting down.

eeeeeeekkkkk......i never had trouble with em seattle popo's

 

[MrD]

This one was a security guard in a grey hound station one time.

"Excuse me; Is that a "Hand Knife" on your belt?"

I just looked at him, and the look on his face after realising what he had said was PRICELESS!

kinda a "AAH, SHIT!" look.

 

[Diagaro]

Theres this cop i keep running into in stroudsburg that keeps like picking my brain about how/whywhere I'm traveling.
When i first met him i was dumpstering at midnight lookin for dinner and he told me it was time i left his town - i said no.
the second time i saw him i told him why - waiting on my hammock - he said oh and that he thought i was an honest guy, then said that i should wait and he would be back, i for some reason thought he was gonna put me up in a motel for a night or three (HaHaHa) he came back with a doubleqouterpounder with cheese, a medium coke and a med fry and said in return he wanted me to email his boss {gave me his card} and tell him all about how i was treated by him . . .
im still confused . . .
wondering if maybe hes about to get fired for abusing his power or something . . . idk cops are strange

 

[JoshyWashy]

i was all effed up on benzos one night and me and my friends decided to go get into unlocked cars to look for money. we were dumb and got caught and the cops started searching my car. i had just recently moved home and had a shoe box full of stuff that i didnt want my mom finding. i had a ton of shit in my car besides that too, but on the ticket or whatever they had to list what they found in my car but they only listed the stolen items and what they found in my shoe box.... pornos, lube, and a fake dick. the officers were busting up laughing when they opened the box. hahaha

 

[Scuz]

I got arrested walking to my parents place for the night, which is has the address of my i.d. Cop says I was falling over drunk and unable to stand while stumbling, And then charged my for my pocket knife that I bought in the same state. I ask him as nice as I can to please drive me home cut me a brake while he checked my i.d. and while holding it says something like "How do I know you actually live there?" Oh and when he breathalized me the next morning he said my level was .6 or something like that which would make me dead