Featured Stupid things the cops have said to you?

[Nyte]

When I was in Tucson, AZ years ago, there was a cop there named Officer Acock, and he did about all he could to live up to that name. Lived to give everyone a hard time, but was dumb as a rock. Walkin back to my friend's house from the store, there were a bunch of cops checking out something at an apt. complex, and he stops us to ask if we saw anything. We told him no, we were at the circle K, and he responds with, "Do you know what this uniform means, son?"

 

[Mouse]

I just thought of another gem that happened recently... I was in a rush to get my ass to Richmond and stupidly left my cell on the hood of my car as I pulled out of my driveway... so, of course, I pull the car over as soon as I can and start looking up and down the side of the road in hopes of finding it (never did)

as I'm doing this a cop pulls up behind my car and gets out and starts towards me. I wave and tell him I pulled over to look for my cell, I live like 10 feet away and just pulled out and it fell off the roof of my car.. and the dipshit asks me "where you on it when you lost it?"

seriously? how would I have LOST it if I was talking on it at the time? yeah Officer, I picked it up to illegally answer a text while driving and decided to just toss it out the window. You got me!

 

[DisgustinDustin]

hitching with a friend (white) out of indio/coachella. a cop pulls over, asks for ids blah blah blah. first he says "you know hitchhiking is illegal in california." not true, plus we're on the sidewalk. he kinda glares at us and then proceeds to say the dumbest thing anyone's said to me on the road, cop or otherwise: "you and your boy need to split up. the mexicans will kill a brotha and a white boy if they see you two together. stick to your race around here." we got a ride a few hours later. from a mexican.

Nice

 

[plagueship]

sadly i can think of a lot more stupid things that i and my friends have said to cops
as easy as it is to get pissed, unfortunately it's usually worth it to swallow your pride and hold your tongue for a minute.

the solitaire story reminded me of something though; i was hitchhiking after dark somewhere off the interstate in south dakota with a friend many years ago, we were both underage. we almost shit ourselves when a cop pulls up to us, but he seems more than anything surprised and amused to see us in his little town. "where are ya goin???"
"seattle"
"say!! that's a long way aint it!!"
:look at each other and shrug:
"say, you all arent runaways are you?"
"no"
"....well. seattle! i'll be. have a safe trip now"
i'm sure i'm forgetting a few things since this was 10 years ago but that was pretty much it. it was just like a 30-60 second conversation, he probably asked us one or two other things but he never even asked our names or for our IDs. gotta love those lazy/friendly/clueless/apathetic cops.

 

[pepopple]

I was 19 and driving around with a couple friends (18 and 17) with 48 beers in the backseat calling our names. Two things you need to know about my car. My tail light was out and I had proabably 75 or a hundred pounds of trash in the back floor board.

So a cop pulls us over and asks if he can search my car. I eagerly respond that it won't be a problem if I could please stand behind him with a trash bag. He shines his light in the back seat, walks back to his cruiser, and drives away.

 

[bryanpaul]

^ well played, sir

 

[iamwhatiam]

haha that happened to us once. cop saw a bong in the van and wanted to search it. the whole van was full of clothes thrown everywhere, junk, trash, old pb&j sandwiches. it really was a mess. he gave up searching the van after like 30 seceonds and just said fuck this lol

 

[Sprouticus]

Somewhere in Upstate Ny i believe, was hitching to Boston with a friend. Cop pulls up behind us and gets out. Real young guy on the force.

Cop: "Whatcha doin here"?
Us: "Leaving"
Cop: "You got pounds of weed on ya?"
at this point we couldn't help but chuckle.
Us: "No just a little"
Cop: "You have a pipe"?
Us: "Just this can"
Cop "Let me see it"
so we showed him the can we were smoking out of and he just looked at it and laughed.
Cop "Whatever, get in the car i'll give you a ride to the next town"
turned out to be this really cool guy and engaged in some pretty interesting talks about traveling. dropped us of at the next town and wished us well. pretty cool.

 

[Kim Chee]

I can't ever remember anything intelligent escaping the lips of law enforcement.

ok, here's an example: "What's going on?"
when they can see exactly what's going on.
I don't want to ask them about, "is that how you were trained?"

 

[SickOfDodge]

so fuckinnnn wierd the other day cop told my homeboy he had nice junk and commenced to search em and awwwwww it was horrible and wierd with the hitting on and the eye gazing and the molestaion of the butt cheex awwwwww fuck cant get it out of my head

 

[John Irraka]

Back in July I got mistaken for a guy who fled the scene over a minor offense. The K9 officer was brutal on me. Soon as the bicycle pig came up the K9i officer pointed to me and said to her "Is that the guy?"

Bicycle Bacon replies: "I dunno!"

I was let go. But, K9 officer slows down everytime she drives by me profiling my ass. Funny!

 

[1544c]

"It's tax paying americans that make this country a beautiful place" - Dunsmir CA Police
i guess it has nothing to do with the natural geography...

 

[ftcollinsanarcho]

when i was arrested at one of the occupies i asked one of the cops if he even agreed with this and he said no and i asked why he was even doing it then and he said that it was the LAW and then i asked him well, if you dont agree with this law then why do it (again, the same question) and he said it was his job and then i asked who he worked for and he said new orleans police department.

i dont know about anyone else here but normally if i dont like doing something or i dont like what im surrounded around ill leave the thing or not do the thing. moral autonomy anyone?!

 

[Blackout Beetle]

"Does your ID have a birth date on it?"
"So which one of you guys like to smoke the marijuana?"
"Anarchy? That means she hates animals!"

 

[vodka4581]

ok these cats didnt really say anything that stupid, but these bike cops in short shorts that had gaffled us up proceded to dance around with a big ass rain stick some 7ft gay/tranny whatever dude had tried to bludgeoned my ex with, talking about partying later and shit. they also confiscated our pumpkin as a weapon. hollywood is fuckin wierd. and uh one time the homie and i may or may not have witnessed an armed robbery and may or may not have told some cop (with a pretty awesome lisp) that was questioning us that the perp was somewhere in between black and white, in between short and tall, and not quite thick but not quite skinny. he listened very enthusiastically while we were sitting there pretty hammered drinking jack daniels out of cups in front of him, so yeah he was pretty fuckin dumb. gotta love 'em

 

[NM Black Cross Medic]

First day of (un)occupy ABQ, we're getting set up to stay the night, two cops on bikes walk up and explain what went down on their end.

Cops: "We had crowd control standing by, but we decided not to use it (too many witnesses)"
My friend (trying to stay on good terms): "Okay, cool. Keep us up to date. Want a brownie? (passes a tray of brownies to cops)"
Cop: "I'm not going to take a brownie from a protester."

We laughed our asses off.

 

[NM Black Cross Medic]

when i was arrested at one of the occupies i asked one of the cops if he even agreed with this and he said no and i asked why he was even doing it then and he said that it was the LAW and then i asked him well, if you dont agree with this law then why do it (again, the same question) and he said it was his job and then i asked who he worked for and he said new orleans police department.

i dont know about anyone else here but normally if i dont like doing something or i dont like what im surrounded around ill leave the thing or not do the thing. moral autonomy anyone?!

Cops tend to drop about 30 IQ points when arresting activists. One of them said to me "first amendment, that's freedom of lawful assembly, right?" while I was in zipcuffs.

 

[JoelRailDude]

Whil the first arrest day at Occupy Orlando, I was moving my friend's scooter away from the police area ( he had been arrested) So the cop says to me
Cop-" Hey man, I get what you guys are saying, about corporate greed, and you're wearing this Dolce Gabana jacket" as he laughed.
Me- So you know what we talking about?
cop-yeah...
me- Well, this a DC jacket, a skating shoe company, and unlike a Dolce Gabana jacket in the hundreds of dollars, this one retails for60$ because its last years, and I got it at Ross for 15$. So I dont understand what YOU are talking about
Cop- Get out of here!
me- You sure? i was gona offer help in getting that foot out of your mouth, but maybe you're used to that....

And so, that cop ALWAYS passed by during his shift, looking for me....

 

[Johnny Lightspeed]

Hitching somewhere by Big Sur headed to Oakland with a sign that said "Tokyo" as a joke ya know. Cop pulls over and says "Tokyo, huh? You know you need to catch a plane to get to Tokyo?". Holding back my laughter I said Wow really? Where's the nearest airport?" Cop says "Looks like San Francisco is yer best bet."

 

[Desperado Deluxe]

Iveo had my ass beat by the cops several times and got a few scars too. but the lamest shit ever is when i got a ticket for smoking a cigarette in san luis obispo. the fucken asshole made us j walk to his car pretty much breaking the law to the same severity as i did. i got his supervisor involved and made him look like an ass. he was lieing out his ass about the j walking to me and he said he discriminated against me cuz "I stood out" thats y i got his supervisor involved but it still dont matter. the best u can do is use peaceful words sumtimes to make them look foolish.