Stupid things the cops have said to you? (1 Viewer) Featured 


Feb 29, 2012
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Houston, United States
give me more please, i know ALOT of stupid shit ive said to cops or at least they told me what i was saying in the morning. to a guy my sons mother went to school with "how long are you gonna be a cop cuz you fuckin suck,WHAT!" among many others, jeez maybe i do have a problem remember when fourloko and joose had the caffiene in it, trouble trouble trouble. MOore please shit is so funny.sorry but nothing a cop ever said to me was funny ever except what i did the night before and cant remember we would all have a big laugh on the way to the county.
We sell all kinds of other stuff in our Etsy store!


Chasing the Darkness
Jan 4, 2009
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Montreal, Canada
Last spring three of us got pulled of a DPU by 5 cops. As were coming out the front of the unit I look up and there is this fat cop up on the roof. He looks down at us walking away and says "oh on the train" to himself. I guess someone called the cops and said someone was on the unit, this guy took it literally and climbed on the roof.


Feb 1, 2012
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Athens, GA
"you know, we here in Roseville are very proactive, very proactive"....The cop who tried to sneak up behind us after all the beer was gone, he had his gun drawn and the most frightened look Ive ever seen on a rookie cop....I think he thought he was doing some real crime fighting.


Apr 25, 2010
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I was pissing on a wall, cop catches me and yells "Want me to beat that thing off of ya?". I just stared at him while laughing inside and politely said "no". lol My friend and I stagger on, end of story. =)
May 11, 2010
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iowa and illinois (quad cities)
ive taken a cop to court for a DUI, long story, but basically the reason he insisted i was drunk (at 9 oclock in the morning) was because he lived across the street from my friends house, and "knew me from partying over there, you must still be drunk from last niight huh", anyways, i refused the breath test out of spite, which you are allowed to do so, but if you do happen to do that you lose your license for a year and get arrested.. i end up hiring a fancy laywer, take it to court and win, get everything dropped, but the part thats hilarious is he LIED UNDER OATH! not very law-abiding, huh? my lawyer asked him when he was on the stand "did you tell my client that you recognized him from partying at the house across the street from you", he nervously gulps and looks around.... "Uh, No.".


Oct 16, 2011
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Long story short, a cop told me they send canine units when someone is on top of roofs cuz the only people who go up on roofs are air conditioner thieves and they might be armed or crazy, so they send the dogs after them... Either they have really smart dogs that can climb ladders or scale walls or they think no one would notice a lift bringing up the dogs...


Apr 13, 2012
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The cops in Georgia have the goofiest looking hats, I asked one one time when they were running our names if I could have the tassle off of his and he said yes (he was obviously really new) then looks at the other cop and got embarassed and told me never mind. lol wtf I wanted that tassle!


Jan 16, 2012
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San Clemente, CA
Oh and (This wasnt a cop it was a worker but) one time me, my ex, my buddy, and his dog were all hiding in the bathroom of a dpu with all our gear. After about 45 minutes of dying from heat the worker kicks the bathroom door open and we all pile out. he jumped back and lets us stay ( after giving us the "dont touch anything" speach ).
i asked how the hell he heard us (because we were being totally sillent)
he said " i didnt hear you... i smelt you"


I closed my account
I was hitching and got stuck in Red Bluff,CA for the night. woke up to sprinklers and packed up and left before I got wet. While searching for a new sleeping spot a cop drove past me and another was way down the street, so when I thought the first cop couldn't see me anymore and the second cop didn't see me yet (I thought), I ran into the bushes to go back to sleep and had 4 cruisers run up on me because they thought I was running from the cops, after having the drug dog check out the bushes they let me go. As soon as the sun came up I hit the ramp and another cop stopped and started fucking with me and when he did I heard over the radio "JUST LET HIM LEAVE" and the cops just told me to go further down the ramp and left.


Mar 20, 2012
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I got stopped the other day by spanish cops. I played the fool and acted as if I didn't speak the language .. anyway .. after getting slammed up against the car (for no reason) and having my details run through (false of course) the cop turned around and said - "fuck you" haha - fucking hilarious! It wasn't in a threatening manner, just he obviously didn't understand a word I said and he didn't like it - well and I tend to swear quite a bit when I talk.


Jul 31, 2012
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Several years back when I was younger and dumber, I met this upper class[didn't know at the time she was upper class] girl downtown near the house I was staying at. We hung out routinely and before long she moved into the house and had wanted to travel with me. [Later found out she just liked to slum it to piss off her parents. No she wasn't a minor and was actually a few years older than I was.]

She lived in the house for awhile and her parents found out where she was staying [because she told them despite supposedly being abused by them and trying to get away from them] and began phoning threats routinely to the house phone. We had both ignored their calls and I thought that was that and she'd just leave them behind. Winter's end was nearing and it was getting to be time to travel again.

I was upstairs watching TV and just relaxing in one of the bedrooms and it was something like 9 or 10 PM. She complained she didn't like the show I was watching and was going to go watch TV in then den and I was like whatever I'll be down after this show is over.

So I go down and she's not in the den. Hmm. So I call out for her and nothing. Purse was still on the table with her cell. So I call out again, no answer. Check the house, nothing. Glance outside and see footprints in the fresh snow so I figured she walked down to the gas stations to buy cigs or mountain dew as she often did. Two hours pass. WTF it's only two blocks, I wonder where she went. At this point I feel guilty because I felt responsible for her naive ass and it was a rough neighborhood and she was of course quite naive considering her upbringing.

Another hour passes, now its well after midnight and two cops roll up out front of the house, I hear car doors, glance out and see the two cop cars. I didn't pay much attention seeing as it's a common sight there to see cops around multiple times a day in the area... until I see them walking up the sidewalk, so I walk out to the porch.

Me: Uh...Can I help you?
Cop A: We're here about Nikki.
Me: Has something happened to her?
Cop A and B say nothing.
Cop A: Let's step inside a moment.
Me: Um...okay.... Has something happened? [Feeling guilty that she got stabbed or shot at this point]
Neither cop says a word until we all step inside.
Cop A and B take turns asking me various questions while telling me nothing.
Did you two have a fight?
Me: No, I was watching TV and she left.
You two didn't have a fight?
Me: No I just answered your question.
Both eye me suspiciously and ask question in varying but similar formats.

Cop A: We're going to need to see an ID.
Me: I don't have one on me. It's late and I don't carry my wallet in my pocket unless I need to.
Cop B: We need to see an ID now.
Me: I could go and grab it out of my pack, If you want.
Cop B: [places hand on his gun] NO! STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM [I never took them out of sight.]
Me: I offered to get it, you can escort me to my bag if you feel the need to.
Me: But you just told me....
Me: Uh...OOOOKKK... [puzzled]
Cop A: Your ex says you held her here against her will and never let her leave.
Me: [laughing] Thats hilarious. Thats the most ridiculous accusation I;ve ever heard. She was free to come and go whenever and anyone here can testify to that and you can ask the gas station attendants who have seen her and I daily that she walked there routinely to buy cigs and sodas pretty much daily by herself. You want me to get some of them in here to tell you the truth?
Cop A: NO. It doesn't matter.
Me: Uh ok. So what can I do for you then?
Cop A: She wants all her stuff and it had better all be there.
Me: [laughing] Oh yeah. I'm so gonna steal her pack. [eye roll] It's over there in the other room. [pointing]
Cop A: We can't take her stuff. We're gonna have to call her or her family to come get it.
Me: Well if she wasn't being a stupid bitch...she could've taken her pack her purse and her cell with her when she left. I didn't even know she wanted to leave and I have no reason to prevent her.
Cop B: She walked down to the station to complain that you wouldn't let her leave. [This to me was golden.]
Me: Uh officer, if she walked to the PD to complain, that means she was able to leave right?
Cop B: [gives me a dirty look]

I end up waiting another 30 minutes and two regular cars roll up and seven of her relatives pile out. This was unreal to me. It takes seven people to collect one bag?

Me: Uh you do realize that I don't need seven people to collect one bag right?
Cop A: They have the right to.
Me: The right to what? Trespass on private property?

So all seven try to just barge into the house.

Me: They're not allowed in here and actually have had a do not contact notice due to threats on me and my uh I guess ex now since she obviously is leaving.[My ex was the one who filed the DNC]

Cop A: There's no law against them standing on the porch.

Me: They just tried to pry open a closed door and that would be illegal entry since they have no permission to come inside and since they have a DNC they're stalking. Not to mention this is PRIVATE property and they're trespassing I want them removed not to mention they're threatening bodily harm now as we're talking since I wouldn't allow them in. I was willing to have you hand them the stuff and they could just go. They didnt need 7 people to collect one bag.

Theyre all mouthing off in the background.

Cop A and B inform me that they cannot physically handle the bag. So I ask if I can go collect the bag to give it back to them so they leave. One cop informs me he will have to follow me despite it being 12 feet or so away in another room in plain sight so he literally follows me 12 feet with hand on gun the whole time looking edgy as hell.

Me: Can you hand it to them?
Cop B: No. No I can't.
Me: Ok. Whatever. I toss the bag on the porch along with the purse after placing the cell inside it.
Both cops now become irate.
Me: Uh yes. Yes it is. It is when you refuse to make things easy and refuse to enforce the laws. I'm not about to go out there and have to defend myself because the second I lay a hand on anyone even in defense you'd arrest me.
Cop A: Damn right I would!

They go confer with the family a moment then begin to list a demand of items they claim aren't there I told them to look harder cuz no one has touched her shit. They look and claim to find one item but not another and this goes on for quite awhile. Finally the fucking idiots managed to find everything in the pack.

Me: Could I get my money back from her now that she has her precious stuff?
Cop A: What money? Was it illegally obtained? They say you're dangerous.
Me: No. I earned it. As to what money, my money she was holding for me and dangerous in what way?
Cop B: That's a matter you'd have to take up in civil court.
Me: You're fucking kidding me. You can make sure she has her camera, her toothbrush and undergarments but you can't even ask her if she's holding money for me and give it back to me when she hands it to you?
Cop A: We can't handle other people's money or items. You'd have to take it up in civil court. There's nothing we can do about it.
Me: Uh yeah, you could go ask her about it and return it to me when she hands it to you.
Cop A: I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about it. I think we're done here.

They both leave and don't even make sure the family left first so they were still sitting out there when the cops were gone. I locked the door and grabbed my revolver. They never came up but I wasn't chancing it.

I don't know who the fuck was stupider, both cops... or the family for thinking I had any need to steal my ex's toothbrush or underwear I mean seriously wtf reason would I have? Or even my ex for being a stupid bitch instead of just grabbing her shit and leaving or telling me anything for that matter.

I later found out the parents offered her 2 grand to come home but that she had to file a complaint with the PD or she got nothing.

It was fucked up. The cops never charged me with anything because there was nothing they could charge me on as nothing happened but I found it hilarious to be demanded to produce ID then being prevented from doing so.

Lessons learned:

Never let others hold your cash.
Never trust people no matter how long you know them without knowing where they came from.
Never bring people into the lifestyle.

I ended up being out 200 some odd dollars [all my cash at the time], dealing with a lot of unnecessary bullshit before and during the police encounter and lost an ex and future travel partner all in the same night.

Im still leery of women as a result. It takes me a lot longer to trust them and I never give them more of my cash then they need at that very moment. You never know when one will get stupid and flake out.

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