So does anyone have any jokes??

[Casper]

What's the best party of marrying a panda ?

People can't notice the black eyes !

 

[Kphoenix]

what did hellen keller say about the cheese grater she got for xmas?
it was the most violent novel shes ever read!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
depends on how hard you throw them!

what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
nothin you aint told her twice already!

 

[Everymanalion]

What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnheart have in common......? Their last big hit was the wall.

 

[Joe Btfsplk]

If the eagle is a symbol of the United States and the dove is a symbol for peace, which bird is a symbol for true love?

The swallow.

 

[Kim Chee]

Fine. It isn't mine but I did find it:

A hobo traveling thru the countryside stops at a widow's house and does some chores in exchange for food. She invites him to spend the night as she would have more work for him to do next day. As they were preparing to get into the only bed, she places a pillow in middle to keep the sides of bed separated. The next day they were both working in the yard when a gust of wind blows her bonnet off and over a fence. The hobo says, "I'll get it for you ma'am." She says, "never mind, I will get it myself, if you can't climb over a pillow, there is no way you can climb over that fence."

 

[bwad99]

on one side of the world there is a person walking a tight rope over a very deep canyon.
on the opposite side of the world there is a young man getting head from a 65 year old woman.
this is happening at the same time when they both have the exact same thought go through their minds.
"don't look down"

how does eric clapton come up with a new hit?
he kills another kid.

person 1: did you hear ellen degeneres died?
person 2: no! oh my god really? how?
person 1: yeah, she drowned in ricki lake.

last one works well with people who watch alot of t.v. and are usually female, ive been punched so many times for that one.
i love bad jokes.

 

[AnthraxMatt]

have i got some horrible jokes for you guys, good for that party under a bridge somewhere.


person 1: did you hear about the new holocaust? it has 1 million jews and a clown
person 2: what the fuck, a clown?
person 1: see nobody cares about the jews

a man is eating a hot dog on the street corner and starts choking on it, a woman walking by stops, grabs his nuts and squeezes. the lodged chunk flies out, "thank you ma'am are you a doctor?" he says, "no" she replies, "im a lawyer"

what happened to helen keller when she fell down a well?
she screamed her hands off

whats the similarity between spinach and anal sex?
if you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult

two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. the first hobo says "today i found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. it was my luckiest day ever!". to which the second hobo replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! i was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day"
"did you get a blow job?"
"naw, i couldnt find her head"

how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS

whats white on top and black on bottom? society
whats black on top and white on bottom? rape

how come only 8k mexicans showed up at the Alamo?
they only had 2 trucks

 

[chilidog]

one vampire walks into a bar and orders a vodka cranberry and leaves
a second vampire walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke and leaves
the next vampire walks in and ask for just a cup of hot water
the bartender looks at him with a questioning face
the vampire pulls out a bloody tampon and says, "just making some tea"

 

[dharma bum]

if you have a donkey, and i have a rooster, and your donkey bites my rooster's feet off... what do you have?

2 feet of my cock in your ass.

 

[sons of vipers]

who is Kony's favorite rapper?
soulja boy

 

[divtech]

two whales are sitting at a bar, one looks to the the other and says:
eeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyooooowwwwwwwwhhhhhhoooooo
the other one says: "Shut up Steve, you're drunk."

 

[machzorton]

what's brown and rhymes with snoop dog? dr dre

 

[dolly]

What do Hitler and Dale Earnheart have in common?
Neither one of them could finish a race.

What does a stripper do with her asshole before she goes to work?
She gives him twenty bucks and drops him off at band practice.

What's the shiniest part of a piece of shit?
His badge.

 

[daveycrockett]

that jew joke is fucked up fuck you

 

[daveycrockett]

yeah im jewish asshole

 

[kurbster]

So my dog sat down and was licking his ballsac, and this dude says "hey, I wish I could do that"
and I said "dude, my dog would bite you"

 

[kurbster]

Heard about the gay midget? He came out of the cabinet.

 

[Drizzle]

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

I can't jelly my dick into your ass.

 

[chilidog]

what did the mexican say when the two houses fell on him?

Hey! Get off me homes!

 

[soapybum]

How many squatters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -You're squat has electricity!?!?

What do you call a crusty chick with tattoos of maps all over her? - A navajo