So does anyone have any jokes?? (1 Viewer)

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DIAMONDRAILS

Newbie
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
47
Age
38
Location
Panhandling in TN
Website
www.myspace.com
What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken



Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.



How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
 

DIAMONDRAILS

Newbie
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
47
Age
38
Location
Panhandling in TN
Website
www.myspace.com
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry

What is the difference between a sin and shame?
It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.

Q. Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A. Because their plugged into a genius!

I could keep going..But that's enough for now.
 
A

Arapala

I deleted myself
Q: How do you get a one armed punk out of a tree?

A: Throw him a beer!
 

ianfernite

Pilgrim
Joined
Apr 21, 2009
Messages
204
Website
www.facebook.com
A friend of mine was complaining because she couldn't get any "action" from her anarchist boyfriend. All he would do is sit on the side of the bed and tell her how powerful it would be when they came together.
 
Joined
Jan 27, 2009
Messages
576
A friend of mine was complaining because she couldn't get any "action" from her anarchist boyfriend. All he would do is sit on the side of the bed and tell her how powerful it would be when they came together.
Fucking hilarious haha.

one night a husband starts rubbing on his wife. The wife says “I’m sorry, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, being rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over says, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”
 
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
819
Location
The woods
What's sex with hippies like?
Fucking intents.

How many activists does it take to change a light bulb?
Activists don't change anything.

How many tour kids does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 300,000 to follow the new one till it burns out.

and finally an offensive one....

How do you get a crusty girl pregnant?
Cum on her ankles and let the flies do the rest.
 

veggieguy12

The Captain
Joined
Nov 2, 2007
Messages
729
Location
around the USA
Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year-olds?
A: There's 20 of 'em! (uh, 8-year olds, right?, you got that?)

Seriously, though, I heard that 50% of Japanese have cataracts.
But the other 50% have Rincons and Chevrorets. (it's all in how you say it.)
 

Uncle Stinky

Old Dog--Can't See, Can't Hear, And Right In The D
StP Supporter
Joined
Dec 29, 2008
Messages
49
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway stark naked.
Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would
fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says:

'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says:

'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the
eyes and says;

'Go home, Grandpa, you're drunk!
 

xmaggotx

Newbie
Joined
Nov 23, 2009
Messages
71
im late... but...

how many boneheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ... 10, 1 to screw it in 9 to watch his back

how many crusties?... crusties dont screw in lightbulbs they screw in dumpsters.

whats the difference between a baby and an apple? ... i don;t usually cum in my apples before i eat em.

how many babies does it take to paint a barn?... depends how hard you throw em

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a porsche?... i dont have a porsche in MY garage

whats worse than 10 dead babies stapled to a tree?...one dead baby stapled to ten trees.

2 punks and a bonehead are in a car. whos driving? ... the police

how did helen kellers parents punish her?... rearrange the furniture

why did helen keller's dog commit suicied?... id kill myself too if my name was "uuuuungggggghhhhhhhhhhh!" (gotta say it real good)

THE FOLLOWING JOKES ARE NOT OKAY BY ANY MEANS, BUT I'M SAYING EM. ... dont read if your easily offended.

why cant helen keller drive?.... because she's a woman

this next one's real bad

what do you call the useless skin on the outside of a vagina?..... the woman
 

Gypsybones

Vagabond
Joined
Jan 19, 2009
Messages
381
Location
Your mothers house
Website
highonwheels.tumblr.com
Q:what does the woman do when she gets home from the battered wife shelter?
A:the dishes if sh knows whats good for her.

Q:ever heard of the Tempura House?
A: its a shelter for lightly battered women


Q: how many punk kids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 3. one to screw it in, the second to kick the ladder out from under him, and the third one to sit in the corner drunk and say how punk rock that was

Q: why wasn't Jesus hung on a red cross?
A: the red cross is a nonprofit organization

so a priest and a rabbi are walking down the street talking shop, they come across a little boy playing on the side walk. the priest looks at the rabbi and says "lest go fuck that little boy!"
the rabbi looks back at the priest and says "out of what?"
 

Gypsybones

Vagabond
Joined
Jan 19, 2009
Messages
381
Location
Your mothers house
Website
highonwheels.tumblr.com
Q: whats the best thing about getting a hand job from a five year old?
A: your dick looks really big

Q: whats the best thing about fucking a 9yr old girl in the shower?
A: you can slick her hair back and make her look like a five year old boy

Q: whats did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
A: I feel like a kid again

Q: why are wedding dresses white?
A: its nice to have the stove and refrigerator match the dishwasher
 

sprout

Rambler
Joined
Aug 25, 2009
Messages
142
What's the difference between a crusty chick and a washing machine?




You can dump a load in the washing machine and it won't follow you across the country.
 

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