So does anyone have any jokes??

[Lily]

How do you know hippies stayed at your house last night?

Your daughter is gone, your dog is pregnant, but your dishes are done!

 

[soapybum]

Btw, flying a sign that says something along the lines of 'jokes for a dollar' in the areas where all the drunk college kids hang out can make you pretty good $.

 

[Stinkyyy]

What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies.


Yep. thats all i got.

 

[Nugrow Wilson]

What's the difference between a washing machine and a hippy chick? If you spin the washer it won't follow you around for weeks

 

[ayyyjayyy]

What's the difference between a washing machine and a hippy chick? If you spin the washer it won't follow you around for weeks

I don't get it. Lol

 

[Nugrow Wilson]

I don't get it. Lol

Umm LSD

 

[Nugrow Wilson]

What did the mom say to Michael Jackson on the beach?


Hey get outta my sun..

 

[Nugrow Wilson]

Why does snoop dog cary a umbrella?



For drizzle

 

[Matt Derrick]

What's the difference between a washing machine and a hippy chick? If you spin the washer it won't follow you around for weeks

better version is:

Q: what's the difference between a washing machine and a hippy chick?
A: the washing machine doesn't follow you around for weeks after you put a load in it.

 

[smellsea]

what do ya call an anorexic with a yeast infection?




a quarter-pounder with cheese.

 

[ayyyjayyy]

better version is:

Q: what's the difference between a washing machine and a hippy chick?
A: the washing machine doesn't follow you around for weeks after you put a load in it.

Yeah makes a lot more sense haha

 

[Kim Chee]

There is a hobo that lives under a bridge and get drunk every night...

One night the hobo gets drunk and passes out under the bridge. This gay man comes by and has his way with him and leaves $5 for the drunk man.

The hobo wakes up and finds the $5 and goes to the beverage store and buys the cheapest wine to get drunk off of. So the hobo gets drunk again and the whole process starts over... the gay man having his way, leaving the hobo $5 and the hobo waking up and buying more cheap wine. The hobo got drunk again. Except, this time two gay men come and have their way with the drunken hobo... this time they leave $10.

The hobo wakes up and sees the $10 and and goes to the wine store and says to the guy working there... "Can you give me some of your decent wine this cheap stuff is tearing up my ass"

 

[landpirate]

One day God calls down to Noah and says "Noah, I want you to make me a new Ark".
Noah replies, "No probs God, anything you want after all you're the boss".
But God interrupts, "Ah but there's a catch this time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, ..... I want 20 decks one on top of the other".
"20 DECKS!", screams Noah, "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say, should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"
"Yep, that's right, well ..... sort of right.......this time I want you to fill it up with fish" God answers.
"Fish?" Queries Noah.
"Yep, fish ... well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp, wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"
Noah looks to the skies, "OK God, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?"
"Check".
"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".
"Check".
"And you want it full of Carp?".
"Check"
"But why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.
"Well...." says God, "I just thought it would be nice to have a Multi-Storey Carp Ark"

and....

Two oranges walk into a bar,
one says to the other,
your round...


and those my friends are the only 2 'jokes' I know and can remember...

 

[Ekstasis]

What do a dog and a near-sighted gynecologist have in common? Wet noses

 

[smellsea]

prison joke.
what is the difference between a pussy, and an asshole??



absolutely nothing! touch it, brother. it's only skin.
i always kind of thought of the punch line in macho man randy savage's voice

 

[tallhorseman]

A deputy is throwing two brawling cowboys in jail. One of em was the famous cowboy, Crazy Jim. The other cowboy says, “Don’t you dare put me in the same cell with Crazy Jim. He’s crazy. He wakes up every morning at daylight and masturbates his horse!”

So the deputy locks the two cowboys in separate cells and goes home for the night.

The next morning the deputy shows up and Crazy Jim is gone. He asks the other cowboy, “Where is Crazy Jim? He was here when I left last night!”

The other cowboy replies, “I no longer call that man Crazy Jim, I call him Genius Jim!”

“When did you start calling him Genius Jim?” asked the deputy.

“I started calling him Genius Jim this morning at sunrise…right after his horse BROKE HIM OUT OF JAIL!!!”

 

[Dmac]

what is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? one is a scum sucking bottom feeder, the other is a fish!
what is the difference between your old lady and your girlfriend? about 30 pounds!
(for the ladies) what is the difference between your old man and your lover? about 30 minutes!

 

[RockerBilly]

How did the Greeks separate the men from the boys?

With a crow bar

 

[RockerBilly]

and now for the only joke I have ever heard about America:

what's the difference between America and milk? Give milk long enough and it develops a culture

 

[soapybum]

There's a lil boy playing in a park, man in a van drives up and tells the boy "if you come in my van ill give you a piece of candy" and the boy says "fuck that, give me a whole bag and i'll cum in your mouth."