So does anyone have any jokes?? (1 Viewer)

Older Than Dirt

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I know a lot of drummer jokes...


How do you know it's a drummer knocking on your door?

Keeps speeding up.


A famous drummer goes to the zoo. As he is passing through the Great Apes cages, a female gorilla grabs the bars and begins violently thrusting her pelvis at the bars, grunting, and drooling, while staring at the drummer.

A zookeeper approaches him: "Sir, i don't know if you happened to notice the reaction of the female gorilla as you passed by her cage? Because we've been looking for a man like you for years for an important experiment. What it would involve, is you would actually live in the cage with the female gorilla for two weeks, and have sex with the gorilla as often as she wants it, and it would be $5,000."

The drummer says "That is nuts. i am a famous drummer. But do you have a phone i could use to check in with my agent?"

Drummer calls his agent, who says "I'm sorry kid, i got nothing for you the next two weeks, you know how it is this time of year."

Drummer says to the zookeeper "Ok, i'll do it. But there are two conditions: First, i'm a famous drummer, a man in the public eye. You have to hang black velvet curtains all around the gorilla cage so none of my public will see me having sex with the female gorilla. The other thing is about the $5,000. I'm not really working right now, and i'm wondering if i can make payments?"
 
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Older Than Dirt

I'm a d-bag and got banned.
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A bassplayer joke...

The band is doing a show, and there is a very hot, very young girl dancing up front. The bassplayer is entranced, and it's like him and the young girl are in their own private sex world.

The guitar player has had it with the bassplayer's shit and says "Dude! Don't you know that's a minor?"

Bassplayer says "A Major, A Minor, what do i care?"
 

MFB

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Whats the diff between a garbanzo bean a chickpea?


Ive never paid 50 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
 
D

Deleted member 24782

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How many white guys does it take to shingle a roof?
 

MFB

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Not a joke, but on that topic.

My parents live in a bougie retirement community in SC. Once I was visiting and helping Pops w some yardwork. My parents are white, Im mostly mexican.
As I was raking, the nieghbor came over and asked my Dad if they could borrow 'the help' after he was done w me.
My Dad said 'thats my son' 😂😂😂
 
D

Deleted member 24782

I closed my account
Not a joke, but on that topic.

My parents live in a bougie retirement community in SC. Once I was visiting and helping Pops w some yardwork. My parents are white, Im mostly mexican.
As I was raking, the nieghbor came over and asked my Dad if they could borrow 'the help' after he was done w me.
My Dad said 'thats my son' 😂😂😂

HAHA, OMG. Dude I'd hire you do dig some ditches for me, I pay well!!!
 

MFB

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Guessin this one might have been posted but...

What did the hippy chick say when I asked her to get off my couch?

Namaste'
 

MFB

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Whats the difference between 2 dicks and a joke?



Juan Derlust cant take a joke.... 😉😘
 

roughdraft

RápidoCorrenLosCarrosRespletoLosRielesDFerrocarril
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Not a joke, but on that topic.

My parents live in a bougie retirement community in SC. Once I was visiting and helping Pops w some yardwork. My parents are white, Im mostly mexican.
As I was raking, the nieghbor came over and asked my Dad if they could borrow 'the help' after he was done w me.
My Dad said 'thats my son' 😂😂😂

and then what??? detalles detalles!!
 

MFB

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Un monton de trabajo!

The nieghbor apologized and was probably a bit puzzled. We had a good chuckle. I do look like jornalero. 🤷
 

Jackthereaper

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Not really a joke, a funny limerick though

There once was a pirate named Bates
Who danced the fandango on skates
He fell on his cutlass, which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates


To which she replied, savagely i may add “ what about an accidental castration prevents him from carrying a wallet?”
 

Joe Btfsplk

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A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day, enjoying his chance to get some sun.

A beautiful woman walks by, stops and says, "You poor man, I'll bet you've never been kissed, have you?"

The man has to admit that no, he never has. The beautiful woman bends down and plants a tender kiss upon his lips.

A few minutes later, an even more beautiful woman walks up to our limbless sunbather and says, "You look like you could use a nice hug."

He agrees that he surely could use a nice hug, which she then sweetly administers, and walks away.

A while later, an absolute drop-dead gorgeous gal walks by.

She stops, and with a sultry smile, looks down at him and says, "Mister, have you ever been fucked?"

Displaying a hopeful grin, he says, "Actually no, I have not."

And the drop-dead gorgeous gal says, "Well you are now. The tide's coming in.".
 
D

Deleted member 24782

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How many anarchists does it take to change a light bulb?
 

outskirts

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There's gotta be joke from this somehow?
 

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