Stupid things the cops have said to you? (1 Viewer) Featured 

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this was like two years ago in cali and i still have a misdameanor warrant , stupidest thingever cops: son are u on anything, me: yes im high on meth, it resulted an ovrnight in santa rita an two arrests a year later still have not fixed it yet but fuckem im a hobo, the've got bigger fish to fry, still funny as hell, and i was hellla highn damn proud of it iwas like pleas arrest me i wan to sleep
 
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Melody

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In East St. Louis, just got off train, myself boyfriend and dog. First gas station we get to, boyfriends inside. Cop pulls up and rolls window down. "Hey, just a heads up. You're boyfriends gonna get jumped, you're gonna get raped, and you're dog will be used as bait for pit bulls. You should keep moving."
Five minutes later, we met another couple with a dog under a bridge. They were told same thing.
Welcome to East St. Louis. The bull was nice to us though.
 
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Johnny P

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st loueee yeah man, i just didnt understand what you meant excactly and still dont , ????????is that caboose in your avatar..as in see i dont get it

The gal whose post i was responding too has a pic of a green caboose as her avatar...i seen and photographed a similar one in Chickasaw, OK...was wondering if it was the same. I guess a PM would a sufficed for that question.
 

freepizzaforlife

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I'ts awesome, when a cop approaches you near a yd, and they ask you something about if you ride trains or not. I usually just say yes, yes I do. who cares. they aren't going to stop what you're doing. and even if they try, its going to be real hard.
 

Melody

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We got caught getting off in Hinkle yd. Told bull, "No sir. We're hitch-hikers. Got dropped off here." Have you been through Hinkle yd? We all had a good laugh. The bull wasn't a super douche, but did take one girl in for not having an id and not popping when he radio-ed her info in.
 

Melody

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Oh, and the cops in Cheektowaga (sp) New York were fuckin with some of my friends while I was on the beer run. I come back, they've got my pack open. The only thing they've got on us is two marijuana pipes that were in my pack, and while I was gone some one else took the fall for the pipes. They've got him in the back of the squad car, when my lady friend gets loud. We all turn around in time to see one of the two officers, both male, sort of cupping her tits. Pat down right. We all jump on him. "You can't search her like that. No female officers present. blah blah blah."
The cops let my dude friend out of the car. Give us a big trash bag and tell us to clean up our trash and throw the two pipes in the trash bag. Then get in their cars and tell us we have to take the trash to the dumspter. Fuck you guys. We dug our pipes back out and left the bag torn open in that same spot. Caught out that night.
 

Augustine

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My crew and I were in a lakeside town, northern Michigan. We had been soaked the night before, caught in a flash storm, drenched to the bone. Long story short, we split up the next morning. Three of us to the dry cleaners because we were feeling a little extravagant while one of us watched the packs. We returned to our sleeping, pack-guarding friend just in time to see the cop pull up. He ran up and checked for vitals on our friend.
"I got a call about a dead man blocking the sidewalk!" he said.
It soon became obvious that there was no dead men, just an exhausted traveler.
It somehow came up that I had attended the same college that the cops ex-wife had.
"Woo! I love Kalamazoo, that's where my wife...well ex-wife, went to school! GO BRONCOS!"
He shouted "GO BRONCOS" one more time out his window as he tore off down the street in his cruiser.
 

Mongo

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Back when I was 16 in my hometown of Chico I decided early in the morning to take the long route to school and go by the matchbox factory to walk by the train tracks. on the way a few blocks from the factory in a suburban neighborhood I see a cop drive past me, he does a double take and drives past me again I figure he's definitely gonna stop me and decide to skip the idea of walking the tracks right then two cop cars swarm in on me and immediately start grilling me with questions "where do you live? why don't you have ID? isn't the school that way? what's this duck tape for?" that's what really shocked me cause practically half my shit was covered in duct tape, so as to not fall apart. then they threatened to call my mom, little did they know she was in PHF cause she is a schizophrenic and I was pretty much living by myself. all of a sudden they stop get in there cars and drive away. Keep in mind this was at 6AM and groggy as shit, I can't remember if I looked all crusty at that point.

Another time hitchhiking with my girlfriend. We were in a small town twenty miles or so west of Joliet IL on our way to Chicago. we get pulled over by the local police for the normal search routine, but the kicker in this search was We spent 75$ on fireworks in Wyoming. so as they pull out tons of bottle rockets and roman candles etc... one of em is saying "that's illegal that's illegal that's illegal" then he says "yep, all you can have here is snakes and sparklers, snakes and sparklers." then they didn't even confiscate em they just told us everything we were doing that was illegal including hitchhiking and told us to walk 20 miles to the next town which was Joliet.
 

Pirate66

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This one might be kinda long, but it's worth the read.

This was back when I was 17. I was at a X-mas party with some friends and I was getting a ride back with some buddies who live across the street from me, but first we had to drop off one of their friends who lives a good 30 minutes out of the way. We drop off their friend and by the time we head out again, it's 3 am and we're the only car on the road in Milton, GA (really suburban area). As fate would have it, there's a cop driving in the opposite direction and he of course pulls a U-ey and starts following us.
My stomach drops as I realize 2 out of the 3 of us are drunk and I have my bowl/grinder/empty jar I usually keep my pot in with me in my backpack. Of course, we get pulled over, and the cop runs our names along with my sober friend's license and the car's registration, blah blah blah. Turns out my friend's parents (whose car it was) hadn't re-insured it since moving down to GA from NY.
They call a tow truck and start taking inventory of everything in the car. Officer Pork-Rinds of course reaches the back seat and starts opening my backpack. I'm sweating like a pig (heh) and tell him it's mine and I'm gonna be taking it with me so there's no point in writing it on the inventory list. He gives me a really skeptical look and I know he can smell my goods. He keeps shining his light in the back of the car and routinely sniffing my bag.
He takes it out and looks over at me.

Cop: This bag yer's right?
Me: Yeah... it's mine.
Cop: I'm gonna need you to come back to my squad car and place yer hands on the hood.

I follow him to the squad car. He goes on to tell me that my bag smells like straight skunk and that's a cause for search. I know this and don't bother trying to finagle my way out since I know I'm lucky if I don't end up in jail. Plus it's X-mas eve and my folks can't afford to bail me out and bail=rent. Anyways, he goes through every nook and cranny of my bag and pulls out my bowl/grinder/jar. He tells me he knows I have weed since I obviously have everything else. I assure him I don't have anything left since I smoked it all. Of course, he doesn't believe me and keeps going through my bag. He unzips the front pocket and I have a hard time suppressing a smile since I just remembered what was in there.

He pulls out a dvd I was supposed to have returned years ago, and some pencils from school along with old homework. My belly feels as if I'd eaten caterpillars and they've hatched into butterflies. I look down at the pavement and try to avoid eye contact so he can't see I'm about to burst out in laughter. The next thing I hear is, "What the fuh... JESUS CHRIST, BOY! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!" I look up and, sure 'nuff, he's pulled out a used condom that's been in there for a year and a half with his bare hands. He goes on to call me a "nasty motherfucker" and a "perverted faggot."
For some reason, his duty to fuck me over was greater than his fear of finding whatever else a kid who keeps used condoms could possibly keep in a backpack. He goes on to tell the sheriff who had just pulled up that I was the sickest motherfucker he'd searched in his 6 years as a cop (Milton must be really boring). He goes on to ask me if I'd care to tell the sheriff why that is, and at this point I'm feeling a bit too comfortable with the situation and tell him he can "do the honors". When he tells the sheriff what he's found, I get a rancid look from the sheriff and he asks me what the hell is wrong with me? At this point, I'm still drunk/stoned from the party and feel like if I can make them laugh, I won't have to spend X-mas eve in jail. I look the sheriff in the eye and tell him "Mementos of good times, I guess."
Both pigs laugh and I start to feel lighter and like I might have a chance out of this. The cop who pulled us over starts writing my buddies a ticket for the uninsured car, and looks over at me and says, "I still don't know what the hell I'm gonna do with you." I use my charm spell and say "I just hope you and the missus have a merry Christmas."
I guess it worked, 'cause we got a ride to the gas station in his squad car and he told me that I'd made the top of his Top 10 Grossest Things he'd found during a search and that he hoped he never had the misfortune of seeing me again. We made it home by 7 am and I spent X-mas with my folks and little sister without them ever finding out.

Now that I think about it, it's not really a "stupid things cops say" type story. But still, I got a cop to touch one of my used condoms, and that's good enough for me lol

tl;dr: keep yer used condoms, boys.
 

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