Featured Stupid things the cops have said to you?

[marmar]

We are sitting on the curb of a parking lot being detained while cops are running our ids in their car, there is this one cop that is watching us standing by, we are watching this huge cockroach crawling by and my friend's cat is trying to catch it, the cop all of a sudden steps on the roach and with the satisfying face says ' Oo I havent killed anything all day!' wish i could ve videotaped that then to put on youtube

 

[landpirate]

I've just had a policeman say to me "are you going to poop in a plastic bag? My response was "why do you want to watch?"

I'm parked up on Dartmoor, it's a national park in the UK. He was trying to move me and my van on by using the reasoning that humans need to poop somewhere and was I going to poop in a bag. What a mental thing to to say. I think my answer weirded him out enough because he left me alone after that. The world is strange

 

[Koala]

I got picked up by highway patrol while walking on the 505 highway in Nor Cal
(<<<< right after that photo was taken!)
He brought us to Winters, CA and while dropping us off at a gas station said "If you want some real good Mexican food...there's a taco bell! ha!" and drove away laughing to himself.

Another one - I was smoking a cigarette on Staten Island NYC and didn't want to just drop it and put it out right in front of a cop, they were everywhere and garbage cans were nowhere, so I talked to cops about it and they said, "I don't know...throw it over the railing into the water?"

 

[iflewoverthecuckoosnest]

My favorite is when they talk to me like some kind of mislead youth who needs to be guided back to the safety of dorm food and part time jobs. It's always pitying and slightly patronizing. Had a cop kick me off of a highway today and proceed to spend a good 15 minutes gently prying about my life choices.
"Why would you do this? Come all the way here from California? It's dangerous. What is your plan now? Have you ever gone to college?! Do your parents know you're here? Did you graduate high school?! Where do you sleep at night?"
Cool part was that I talked him into driving me to the next town .

 

[AtlasTheHobo]

Okay, this one has a cop you guys have probably ran into before if you have been through roseville, CA by train or whatever. So, me and my road dawg, Kacii were stopping at this store to get dog food and food for us, Kacii sets down her pack and goes inside to get the usual, and all of the sudden this police officer rolls up and gets out of the car and starts walking up to me with all of our stuff lying around and he whips out his billy club and starts hitting himself in the hand with it ( I guess to try and intimidate me with it), he comes up to me and says (I wish I could remember the officers name...)

Officer-"what are you doing in my town boy, your kind isn't welcome here."

Me- "my kind, and what exactly is my kind?"

Officer-"all you homeless, wannabe hobos..... where's your ID?"

about that time Kacii comes back....

Officer-"Oh gawd, there's two of you? Let me have your ID and you (Kacii) sit down next to your fuck buddy"."

Kacii-"what did we do?"

Officer-" Stinking up the whole damn place!"

We're pretty salty right now, or I was, because I know my rights and this cop is shitting all over them right now.
So he runs our names and all that jazz and comes back to talk to us.

Officer-"Do you know who I am?"

Kacii-"Yeah, your that officer who had his daughter run away with a trainhopper."

about that time I busted up hysterically laughing, I couldn't help myself. It's still pretty funny to me. He got so red, or should I say maroon in the face you could probably cook an egg off of it.

Officer- bluntly "that did not happen, you just think you know what happened because you heard some bullshit story from some punk!"

Kacii-"Uh, not really, I know your daughter and her boyfriend very well actually, they're in ......."

he cuts her off. I'm still cracking up right now, and I kinda pissed in my pants a little.

Officer-" I'm the transient officer of roseville and my job is to track, take pictures of, and chase off all of the transients away from this area. I'm like a god to the community here, because any time people like you come around, I run them off, and their mutts."

I can't remember everything he said after that but that was the dumbest thing I ever heard a cop say.

 

[crow]

-flying a sign for bus fare-
sign reads
'job 2morrow
need bus fare
God Bless'

inevitable sheriff pulls up
'You can't fly a sign here! why don't you get a job?!'

-looks down at sign, back at sheriff, back to sign-
I don't lie when I fly.doesn't mean other ppl don't but, i'm not them.

another one.. sitting on my trailer porch at 3am. rolled my last smoke. cop rolls up.. 'what you doin here?'

'well, i live here..and im an insomniac'

-cop grabs my smoke and breaks it apart-

'it's brown so it's not weed you're free to go'

are you effin' kidding me?? that was my last fuggin' smoke!
great to know i can sit on my own damn porch.
(this is where a bright blue mohawk gets ya)

 

[Kim Chee]

A cop was putiing handcuffs on me and telling me I wasn't under arrest...he then went on to say that the handcuffs were "for my safety".

Hmmmmm.

Handcuffs as safety gear?

Brilliant.

 

[condemnedtodrift]

Sitting at a bus stop after the buses stopped running for the day (~1AM) in my hometown waiting for a friend to scoop me up.

Cop car, out of fucking nowhere: "Did you call 911 from that payphone?"

The payphone had been taken out of the phone booth several years ago.

Me: "Yes"

Cop notices the phone is gone, and is visibly irritated: "What are you doing here?"

Me:"Waiting for the bus"

His radio starts to go nuts & he kicks rocks, but not before giving me a look that said "You're lucky I don't have time to kick yr ass"

 

[Renegade]

When i was 19 i was living off the grid working as a farm hand learning to grow organic..at night i was all alone in a trailer in the middle of the woods with no electricity or flashlight so i liked to walk 4 miles in to town and read.. i sat under the light in front of the post office and a cop pulls up after a few minutes and asks me what i am doing.. i look at my book then back at him then go umm.. reading.. then the pissing contest starts.. he goes on to say i broke in to a car the night before and he has me on film sitting in front of the general store ..

i was indeed sitting infront of there but i never broke in to a car.. so he tried to get me to incriminate myself and takes out a figner print thing.. i refuse to give him prints or ID and he says well we will just sit here all night.. 30 mins go by as he sits in his car staring me down.. eventually i get sick of it and take out my blackberry and start pretending to film him(it was dead for like a week in my pocket and i did not even know how to use the camera).. he jumps out and says ok You are free to go.. i said thats what i thought.. then i point to a patch on my bag that says "cops are assholes" he looked angry and said why do you have that did you have past bad experiences? I said yes! and if you ever bug me again i will film it and my lawyer will be on you.. i did not even have one but he got all freaked out and left.. i later found out he was a rookie (obviously) and he was trying to make a name for himself. He fucked with everyone in that small town.


Another one:Cop:You some kind of rockstar? He thinks he is speical! He was refering to my DIY vest. Me:no, but you are definitely an asshole.

Sitting in bestbuy parkinglot back in the day with a bag of Cheetos at 3am.. cop pulls up.. what the fuck are you doing! Umm.. eating cheetos.. well you need to move along! You're going to be arrested! I was like.. for what!?!.. eating chesse doodles! He just looked like he wanted to kill me. And i left.

Cop:What are you doing walking out here at 1 in the morning on these back roads..? Me:I am walking! Cop:Why? Me:Because i feel like it? You just seem strange wearing all black.. then he just drives off.

One more.. i have like 100 more but..

Years ago I was coming home from partying. I had my friend kimmy in the passenger seat and her dude in the back seat.. i had 16 grams of bud on me in my pocket and we had just left a club.. we drove 30 miles back to the town they lived in .. just as i got down their street i see lights.. SHIT.. i pull in to a parking lot and run over a curb in doing so.. he comes up to the window and the first thing he asks.. you on any medication? I am like what? No! He asks where i an coming from and i lie and tell him the movies.. he says what movie did u see..

shit i turn to kimmy and smile and make a face like da fuk do i do? She spits out some random movie playing.. i had no idea what movies were playing..he says ok.. so u know why i pulled u over? Me:nope.. you have a tail light out.. get that fixed..then gives me a warning and leaves..kimmy had an ounce of bud.. she was my dealer at the time.. her dude had at least 5 grams and i had 16 grams..i felt such relief when i pulled in to their drive way.

 

[Sm4L27NMD]

man i wish i had a crazy cop story haha ive been harrassed by cops for many years. almost depantsed by a group of cops in overland park,ks a few years back. threatened to have the k9 search through my car, i had a leather seats and i told him that if there are any scratches in my seats that they would be hearing from my lawyer. but thats probably the worst of it haha...

and no dog ever searched my car that night haha cops dont like to deal with lawyers.

 

[Renegade]

man i wish i had a crazy cop story haha ive been harrassed by cops for many years. almost depantsed by a group of cops in overland park,ks a few years back. threatened to have the k9 search through my car, i had a leather seats and i told him that if there are any scratches in my seats that they would be hearing from my lawyer. but thats probably the worst of it haha...

and no dog ever searched my car that night haha cops dont like to deal with lawyers.

Shit man thats the wrost! K9 uints fuck cars up! Left scarcths and dog hair all over the place in my car..lucky they did not come in on you..

 

[valkata]

my squat was getting evicted and there was loads of action inside the house-resistance and also outside-resistance.
Our mates squatters came to support shouting ,,SCUM'' with a real determinationto get arrested today (which didn't happen) and managed to get the bailiffs and cops of the roof for a moment, at which one of our mates nicked the bailiff crowbars and handed them over to us inside(a trophy).
when bailiffs and cops came back on the roof still trying to smash the door down and started looking for the crowbars,then shout to us ,,where are they?''
we of course had nothing to do with it and an insult followed an insult anwserin; ,,maybe you should look after your shit better ,you knobhead!''
and the copper anwsers ; ,,It's Mr. KNOBHEAD to you''
we laughed till tears

 

[beersalt]

I'm sorry But your mothers gonna have to put your shoes on you sir

 

[pewpew]

Was in a little town in Stuart Virginia and I was hanging around the Little Ceasers for the past week and I guess some old man I assume, (always an old man) called and said I looked suspicious eating pizza everyday and he comes up to me asks me questions then asks to see my ID. Now usually I don't care but sometimes I get bored and refuse. He basically says someone called and said that I looked suspicious....I say ok, how so? I'm not loitering or acting drunk, just eating pizza.


cop "Well I don't think you look suspicious but someone else does, can I just see your ID?"

I was dumbfounded at this point that if he gets a call and says that, then why still fuck with me?

cop "Well I still need to see your ID to see if your dog has her shots"


Not sure how true that is, probably bullshit but I laugh a little and say fuck it sure, here...Not as bad as some of these dumb cop stories lol, but thought I'd share.

 

[Shwhiskey Gumimaci]

Sergeant Yu, in Ocean Beach San Diego. This man is well known for his harassment of the homeless/travelers and his hilariously ridiculous tactics. He used to walk around with nunchucks and spy on us. He'll follow us down alleyways and if you turn around he'll do a quick dive behind the nearest dumpster or whatever. He makes fake calls into his walkie talkie about travelers eating snacks. One time he just walked by me from behind a sculpture and said into his walkie talkie "The girl with the cat is eating leftovers, over". All his subordinates talk shit on him. He's currently sanctioned and can't arrest, detain, or even write tickets haha.

 

[beersalt]

About a year and a half ago,
I was driving on the I-80 from Utah toward California, solo.
Road conditions were pretty shitty, and my wind shield wipers weren't the best- so it was pretty hard for me to see the road.
I hit Elko, Nevada;
And see some hazards and cop lights on the right side. I'm not too sure what's going on, and it snuck up pretty quick, so I didn't get into left lane. Next thing I know, an officer passes me in the left lane, slows down, gets behind me, switches on his lights- and I pull over.
Genuinely confused as to why I'm even being pulled over, he tells me it's because I didn't pull into the other lane since cop lights were coming from the shoulder.

He asks for my ID, registration, etc. asks where I'm going, and I tell him Cali. Yadda yadda
He slowly walks away from my car, peering into the Windows as he makes his way toward his cruiser.

He walks back to my passenger window extremely slowly. Obviously looking into my back window through the other two as he makes his way. Looks at me, and looks in by backseat asking very creepily, "What's with the baseball bat?"

Totally taken off guard by such a question (the baseball bat had been in my back seat for months, literally form playing baseball).
I replied with "Uh, I don't know. It's just there?"
He gave me my papers, and left with saying "The roads are bad the rest of your way to Cali. Good luck."

Fucker was the creepiest cop I've ever dealt with. He never smiled, and couldn't even put together the possibility that an 18 yr old "girl" driving across states alone would need any type of protection or defense against assholes like him.

Ha
Shoulda asked if he wanted to taste it

 

[duderino]

A long time ago, I was drinking on the side of the railroad tracks with some friends and my dog(RIP) was with us. We could see the cops coming down the tracks, so we all started running because I think at least one person with us was underage. Right away, one of the cops yelled "stop or we'll shoot your dog" so I immediately stopped and tied my dog to the fence because he hated cops and I didn't want him getting harmed. A couple of my friends stopped with me, and everyone else got away including the underage person. The cops were asking how old we were and when I told him I was 23 he said something along the lines of "That's how old my daughter is. If I caught here out here doing this shit I would beat her." Dude was a dick through and through. I think we just got tickets for trespassing on the tracks and I got a ticket for having weed on me. The trespassing charges got dropped and I had my medical card at the time, so I got off on the weed ticket as well.
Another time, I was skateboarding down the street after getting a burrito at this good mexican food place when a bald meathead cop with something to prove stopped me and asked me why I was skating in the street. I asked him if it was illegal and he said no but not to do it anyways. He ended up running my name then letting me go. After he left, I started skating in the street again. I made it a block, and then he pulls up behind me again and stops and tells me to get on the curb. The dickhead ended up following me all the way to my house to make sure I didn't ride in the street even though he had already told me it wasn't illegal.

 

[busynesses]

haha i only have like one good one and it's from when i was a kid (like 10 or 11?)

so my mom's boyfriend at the time was pretty well known and often harassed by local authorities from past involvement, and they came around often. he was on parole at the time. so one night he was playing some dumb computer game and around midnight 2 out of uniform cops show up at the door. he gets up to wake my mom up and they burst through the door and proceed to beat the LIVING SHIT out of him in the hallway. me and my sister were scared shitless and thought someone was burglarizing our house or somethin so we hide. after like 10 minutes they finally handcuff him and one of the cops comes in, sees 2 cowering children, and says

"don't worry, you're safe now"

like he wasn't the one we were hiding from

 

[tennesseejed]

"You are under arrest." Thought that was pretty stupid.

 

[Taylor Werner]

ME: But I've already talked to another officer today, and he told me it was legal to hitchhike here.

THE COP: You're not hitchhiking. You're soliciting a ride and solicitation is against the law.