in denial: people who endlessly critique or distance themselves from the act, pretending their focus on it isn't interest in sex itself.
I got to the point where I wanted something long-term and real with someone but then I discovered that if I share who I am with someone they don't want me anymore. Last guy I dated straight called me "someone's left over trash". Not worth it to put myself out there again.
Last guy I dated straight called me "someone's left over trash".
Riane Eisler presents dominator culture as a cultural construction of the roles and relations of women and men, where men “dominate,” or are in control within society. Regardless of the location, time period, religious beliefs, or advancements in technology, a society might follow the dominator culture model. Eisler characterizes dominator culture as featuring four core elements:
The dominator model is framed in contrast to the partnership model. In a sort of reversal of the elements of dominator culture, the partnership model is characterized by:
- an authoritarian social and family structure
- rigid male dominance
- a high level of violence and abuse
- and a system of beliefs that normalizes such a society
By juxtaposing dominator culture with partnership culture, Eisler creates a continuum between the two. She argues that where a society falls on this spectrum influences its culture, beliefs, and actions. Adherence to dominator culture affects people from a personal to a public level, as seen in its societal impact.
- organization according to the ideals of a democratic structure
- equal partnership between men and women
- a lack of tolerance for abuse and violence
- and belief systems that validate an empathetic perspective
The prevalence of dominator culture has shifted over time. Eisler claims that, in the prehistory of humans, partnership used to be the norm. In both the Paleolithic and Neolithic periods, there are examples of matriarchal societies preceding patriarchies. British archeologist James Mellaart, for example, reported a Neolithic site with many female images and no signs of destructive warfare for almost 1000 years. For thousands of years, people lived in these peaceful partnership societies, until warlike nomadic tribes disrupted the balance with their dominator cultures. Since then, fluctuations between dominator and partnership societies have occurred over time, but the primary shift has been towards dominator culture.
Dominator culture impacts the way a society appears and functions. Riane Eisler posits that “narratives about our cultural origins,” like dominator culture, “reflect and guide how we think, feel, and act.” Though no culture is fully dominator or fully partnership in its construction, the degree to which it aligns with one of these models impacts the beliefs, institutions, and relationships of that society.
The main distinction between the dominator and partnership models, according to Eisler, is their treatment of the relationships between men and women. She argues that, historically, men have been the dominators, leading to patriarchal society that upholds constricting, traditional gender roles. Surveys by anthropologists Peggy R. Sanday and Scott Coltrane support this connection, showing the correlation between a society’s structure and the expectations for men and women. They found that greater equality between men and women led to greater male involvement in childcare.However, because dominator culture upholds a harsh division between masculinity and femininity, it dissociates masculinity from anything stereotypically feminine—even at the expense of benefits such as those reported by Sanday and Coltrane. Accordingly, in these societies that prize domination and power, the societal value for qualities like empathy, caregiving, and nonviolence diminishes. Instead, by viewing femininity as undesirable and inferior, these dominator societies accept and perpetuate violent and inequitable behavior.
In dominator culture, society reinforces such hierarchies by presenting the dominator model as the natural order of society. According to Eisler, some sociobiologists and psychologists claim that male dominance is inherent in human genes and a product of evolution, demonstrating dominator thinking.Theorist bell hooks has expanded on this, indicating that dominator culture “teaches us that we are all natural-born killers but that males are more able to realize the predator role.”  By accepting male dominance as a genetic imperative, society justifies a dominator structure. Consequently, this situates the desire to overpower and control others as part of human identity, according to hooks.
This hierarchical disparity is not only explained genetically but societally reinforced, extending to “power” more generally. Although Eisler often distinguishes between the two models on the basis of gender, she also applies these hierarchies more broadly to other societal constructions of power, like race, class, and age. Terence McKenna, a friend of Eisler’s and fellow writer, asserts that Eisler's book The Chalice and the Blade “de-genderized the terminology,” framing it as a contrast between dominator and partnership ideologies, rather than just an indictment of patriarchy.Supporting this interpretation, Eisler argues that society’s requirement of children to be submissive and obedient to their parents reflects the influence of dominator culture. Dominator culture encourages the ideology, from childhood, that one either dominates or is dominated. Accordingly, dominator culture not only equates the difference between men and women to superiority and inferiority, but rather “frame
all relationships as power struggles."
Historical and cultural implications
Dominator culture has had varying manifestations in society throughout the course of human history, from the prehistoric warlike tribes of the Neolithic era to present-day displays. The dominator structure of society dictates and shapes the culture that accompanies it. Other authors have used, expanded on, and interpreted Riane Eisler’s idea of dominator culture to apply it to a wide range of fields, as far-reaching as nursing, war, language learning, economics, and ecofeminism.
Historical and cultural manifestationsEdit
Author Malcolm Hollick cites Nazi Germany, Stalinist Russia, and Islamic fundamentalist states as modern, though severe, examples of dominator societies.[better source needed] The Nazi claim to power, for example, was also accompanied by the call for women’s return to “traditional,” or subservient, places in family structures. However, manifestations of dominator culture are not always so extreme; the effects of dominator culture often manifest in pervasive and subtle ways in society. In the United States, the wars on terror, drugs, and crime perpetuate the use of force to achieve an end and indicate a lessening of certain freedoms.[better source needed] On a larger scale, sex-slavery, forced marriage, and the acceptance of wife-beating persist around the world. Though the Western world has made considerable strides towards a more partnership society in the past few centuries—Western society boasts of freedom of speech, access to education, political participation, gay rights, and women in the workforce—the shift towards the partnership model is neither universal nor complete.
Similarly, dominator culture threatens the preservation of the environment. Hierarchical societies that value claiming control justify humans' claims of dominion over nature. Terence McKenna expanded on Eisler’s work, using the idea of dominator culture to illuminate the character of what he sees as Western patriarchal culture—indicating, for example, his claims that it perennially lacks social conscience and lacks concern for the environment. He argues that, “The entire structure of dominator culture… is based upon our alienation from nature, from ourselves, and from each other.” As a result, dominator culture not only accepts but justifies the pollution and destruction of the environment. Daniel Quinn, a philosophical and environmental writer, takes on these issues in his novel Ishmael, characterizing dominator culture as Taker culture and detailing its incompatibility with the environment.
I am about a billion miles away from being asexual, but I do go through temporary periods where I choose not to get it on with anybody. I find that it
a) makes life less complicated (no worries about STDs, pregnancies, social/emotional consequences, etc.)
b) enables me to have a greater sense of solitude and clarity.
Also, sex isn't that great unless it's with someone who is really special to you, and when you have sex with someone who is really special to you things are either going to be really, really great or really, really horrible afterward, depending on whether or not you both wind up wanting the same things. It can suck if one of you is cool with no strings attached and the other gets really attached, in other words.
However, sex is very nice. I'm also a 22 year old girl who travels and meets lots of people, so it kind of gets offered to me a lot. I have found that it's almost inevitable that it'll just sort of... happen sooner or later. I'll make friends with someone who is cute, we'll be sleeping on some floor together, somebody gets cold, then cuddly, then sexed up. Humans have been doing it forever. For most of us, it is part of our nature. I just like to take breaks from it because it often has its downsides.
I can definitely see why some choose celibacy as a permanent thing, I just don't see myself doing it. Sort of like vegetarianism, which I also periodically engage in as a means of cleansing myself.
That is well said and that would be my reason too... I have had very little experiences that were actually good with sex and relationships, be it sexual or emotional, so I developed strong boundaries that don't allow people "in" (in both ways huehuehue). Now I crave for affection but any attempt by someone to be anything more than friends is seen like a threat. To me it's too dangerous, and I wish I could go beyond these traumas but I'm kinda stuck by the part of me who's in charge of defending me and who got a little paranoid.Not worth it to put myself out there again.
I have a fear of those warts some people have/get. They get them all over their eyes, and they are obviously genital warts. In some geographical areas warts are really common. You will notice an increased presence of people with those things on their eyes, their eyelids, or their eyecorner creases. Some people get clusters of them all over their necks. Eye warts are a serious thing that is common, just like genital warts. It's really gross. But you only live once, so fuck it. That's what condoms are for. Then you could also get the herp virus. You can have sex but first check for warts of any kind or herpes sores. Don't have sex in the dark.
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