Why don't you have sex? (1 Viewer)


Deleted member 14481

I deleted myself
A question a lot of people insist on asking. For those of you sexless people that are open about your reasons or non-reasons for not being sexually active, why? If you're not open about it, no pressure. This isn't a threat for others to come in and talk people out of their of their reasons and be sexual advisers. ::soapbox:: This is about respect towards "the different", because you know how we treat "the different".

My reasons are that I don't trust anyone, I have an overwhelming fear of STDs, and pregnancy means that the thing inside a person has more rights than the person carrying it. ::rage:: I'm also traumatized non-sexual, but I have interrupted it in relation to my sexual conduct. I'm also actively rebellious. The fact that sex is so marketed into the idea that it's the thing everyone is doing makes me not want to do it.
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Deleted member 14481

I deleted myself
Opps. Fucked up the title. Sorry about that. "You know it's "Why don't you have sex?"


The Sass Master Deluxe
Aug 20, 2010
New Orleans
I can relate to this. Or rather I should I used to. I am currently sexually active but for awhile I couldn't be. A few years ago I couldn't have any sort of sex unless I was in a black out and was hooking up with several different guys a day. It was pretty bleak. Eventually I decided I needed to change my outlook on sex altogether. I needed to get passed the sexual trauma that happened to me so many years ago and it took a shit ton of effort. I went without sex for about year and through that process I slowly relearned my automatic reactions to sex. The thing is, this was MY choice.

You not having sex is your choice, no matter the reasons. It's perfectly okay to not want to deal with the trust issues. The way that sex is marketed is quite repulsive, so I totally agree with you there. One thing it took my awhile to learn is that I have sex to make myself and someone I enjoy feel good. It is both selfish and selfless at the same time. Before I started thinking like that though I absolutely, positively hated sex and hated how it fucked my head up.

Don't worry you're not alone and I think it's admirable that you have these convictions. Good on you Inuyoujo!


I deleted myself
there's nothing wrong with having sex. in denial: people who endlessly critique or distance themselves from the act, pretending their focus on it isn't interest in sex itself. as long as one is comfortable and/or uses protection there isn't much that's scary about it.


plastic wingnut in a microwave
Sep 23, 2009
folks who know me have my #.
main thing is def pregnancy..

i mean, when a human gets started, it generally continues based solely upon the choice of the mother.

there is no way, other than tube-work (barring sterility) to prevent pregnancy..

so.. if yer a guy & yer having sex with a girl, how wise is it to actually have sex casually?

i don't think i've ever had sex without being willing to be a father, if that's the consequence which prevailed..

would i *really* want to put *anyone* through the trauma & possible danger of an abortion, just to get my rocks off?


in fact, it's a basic condition that anyone i involve myself with has to be aware of..
that if they get pregnant, i won't disappear..

now i've been told that "that's too heavy" or whatnot, & frankly?
i don't care..

i don't just want a fling fuck, in any case.. not just because of STDs, but because there's a certain amount of depth (for myself, anyways) that returns between two people when they know they can each other with something that might wind up to be the one thing they might find to be more important than their own lives..

there's also something to be said for the discipline that helps people look at each other with equity, rather than desire..

i mean, for myself, anyways, i have great instinctual prejudice towards (towards, not against) beauty, and it can hinder my ability to see people as i might see them if beauty were of much less imaginary value to me..

there's also the whole 'sexual politics' thing, where people aren't whom they really are, because they are negotiating the whole 'quid pro quo' thing, without saying it outright..

but the main thing is that i *do not* want sex with someone on a fling basis, because as a heterosexual, it is a huge fucking risk (no pun intended), & anyone who will fuck me with so little investment in knowing me is *not* someone i want to take that risk *with*..

i *want* to look at people with equity.. i want to *treat* them with equity..

fucking libido gets in the way of that, like it or not, so it *has* to be controled..

how many people on StP have had fucked up parents who couldn't take care of them & who are now fucked up because two people decided to carrot dip without understanding what the fuck they *were actually doing*.??

fucking carries responsibility.. intended or not, accepted or not..

it's about as fun a thing that can ever be done, but man.. think, before you go for the ride...



be good to yer sisters & brothers & love them as much as you can by being *fair* & being *carefull*..

Matt Derrick

Semi-retired traveler
Staff member
Aug 4, 2006
Austin, TX
while i definitely appreciate and respect everyone's input so far, i think the OP's original goal was a discussion on asexuality or why it's a choice that is as valid as any other in sexuality. i could be wrong though, and maybe i should mind my own business :p

Rob Nothing

I'm a d-bag and got banned.
Aug 26, 2012
171 Market St, Newark, NJ 07102, USA
It's a matter of attraction. After certain kinds of people enter your life, they tend to take your sex life with them on their way out of it.

I feel different from the norm because the older I get, the more particular I've grown in what I look for in the opposite sex. Seems the other way around for most folks. "looks" are less and less valid, for one thing. I've gone to whores and had a better time with older girls than arguably more attractive younger ones. But I can sincerely agree that sex is over-hyped, and in such a way that is only appealing to a juvenile mindset. At least in the america I've lived in for the last 26 years.

Kim Chee

I deleted myself
The fact that sex is so marketed into the idea that it's the thing everyone is doing makes me not want to do it.
This is exactly why we don't have to worry about Hipsters procreating en masse and taking over the world...because sex is so mainstream.

on topic:
I'm not having sex because my lady is about 3,000+ miles away and my really long penis falls a few miles short of that:D
Dec 7, 2014
Because no matter how good looking someone is, I can't find them sexually attractive. And even if I try to fake it, my body won't let me (you know what I mean).
I didn't choose to be an asexual, but after earing my friends complaining about being horny, I find it pretty convenient xD

Deleted member 14481

I deleted myself
Like I said, this is about respect. Not about trying to fix people or convince them why not having sex is wrong or unreasonable. Part of being sex-positive is accepting that people also DON'T want to have sex for whatever reason, just like accepting people DO have sex for whatever reason.

There are all these post about people discussing their sexual activity, so the non-sexual side needs representation, too. One of our stereotypes as travelers is unsafe sexual behavior with is part of our overall wild and unruly image. It goes along with drugs, drinking, and generally unsafe behavior. Not saying no one else does it, but when someone hears someone is a traveler these behaviors are basically associated with use. There are a lot of travelers that don't drink don't 420, nor do hard drugs. It's like everything "bad" becomes an amplified expectation to our community. We have a lot to show for these travelers and homeless or what have you with healthy eats habits. Also one's that use 420 reasonably, and don't do hard drugs. I say it's time for the non-sexual people to show our faces. If you wouldn't tell anyone one else they're wrong for not doing hard drugs, drinking, or 420, then you are no one to tell us we're wrong. For whatever reason. Period.

Let me use your sentence:
there's nothing wrong with doing hard drugs
there's nothing wrong with mary jane
there's nothing wrong with drinking
If none of those statements sound ok to you then
"there's nothing wrong with having sex" shouldn't be acceptable, either.

This is about people's personal choices and reasons. This isn't about slut shaming or prude shaming.

Thanks to everyone that's posted so far! ::alien::
May 28, 2015
Florence, South Carolina
I am about a billion miles away from being asexual, but I do go through temporary periods where I choose not to get it on with anybody. I find that it

a) makes life less complicated (no worries about STDs, pregnancies, social/emotional consequences, etc.)
b) enables me to have a greater sense of solitude and clarity.

Also, sex isn't that great unless it's with someone who is really special to you, and when you have sex with someone who is really special to you things are either going to be really, really great or really, really horrible afterward, depending on whether or not you both wind up wanting the same things. It can suck if one of you is cool with no strings attached and the other gets really attached, in other words.

However, sex is very nice. I'm also a 22 year old girl who travels and meets lots of people, so it kind of gets offered to me a lot. I have found that it's almost inevitable that it'll just sort of... happen sooner or later. I'll make friends with someone who is cute, we'll be sleeping on some floor together, somebody gets cold, then cuddly, then sexed up. Humans have been doing it forever. For most of us, it is part of our nature. I just like to take breaks from it because it often has its downsides.

I can definitely see why some choose celibacy as a permanent thing, I just don't see myself doing it. Sort of like vegetarianism, which I also periodically engage in as a means of cleansing myself.


I deleted myself
I've decided to stop having sex about six months ago, my reasons? Well. . .

-I've done most sexual activities, tried different fetishes, etc and at the end I only got jaded by it all
-I've had a kid, caught a few STI's, and my gorgeous permanent herpes virus
-Sex had became an action that was expected out of me, if I rejected , the men will force it and play it off "you like it rough anyways" or "that's my thank you for helping you"
-Last reason, to hold my own self respect and save myself from catching AIDS

To prevent any sexual activities from happening, I simply refuse to spend one on one time with a man. Don't accept help, favors, or gifts from them. And cut them off completely if I receive any flirtations from the said individual. I understand that my decision may not last a lifetime and that my ways of prevention can come off irrational, but this is the action that I currently feel is right to engage in. I must also add that I'm not a femi-nazi, not all men are "evil" mmkay :p


Jun 16, 2013
Hurst, United States
Okay, my ealier post was crap, so I'll do better.

This question is hard to answer, even when I kind of want to.

In the last year I've started to identify as asexual. Mostly just in my own head. The minute I did so, I started to worry that giving it a name would make me stubborn - I mean, someday I might want sex. If I get all asexual-proud, I might just throw away something I want someday for no reason. In other words; asexuality is a wierd sexual identity for people who don't want to base their self image on what they are not. Like, I'm an athiest, too, but that just means god and religion are not important parts of my life and I don't want to talk about it.

Now and then I casually drop a "Oh yeah I'm asexual" into a conversation, and it almost always is a bad idea, unless I want to spend an afternoon describing the difference between being celibate and asexual(Ey, thanks for being an exception to this, @EphemeralStick), or explaining that my life is not loveless. God forbid I ever make a dirty joke after that, either!

Anyway, I guess I can't exactly give a good answer to why I don't want to have sex. I should probably bring it up more often, though, if only to get people used to the idea.

Deleted member 14481

I deleted myself
@Adnil "I must also add that I'm not a femi-nazi, not all men are "evil" mmkay"

I suggest researching feminism before bashing it. If that's you in your current avatar, don't think your pretty face is why you have rights. You have the civil rights we all have today because people DIED for you to have them. Those people identified as "Feminists". And, a long line of others before that word was even a term, but carried the same ideas.

Internet search the term "femi-nazi" and the people that use that term. Look at what they do to others and what they stand for in using that word.

In relation to the subject, FEMINISM is why you can choose not the have sex and people that don't respect are considered inappropriate.

Desperado Deluxe

Apr 20, 2010
@Adnil "I must also add that I'm not a femi-nazi, not all men are "evil" mmkay"

I suggest researching feminism before bashing it. If that's you in your current avatar, don't think your pretty face is why you have rights. You have the civil rights we all have today because people DIED for you to have them. Those people identified as "Feminists". And, a long line of others before that word was even a term, but carried the same ideas.

Internet search the term "femi-nazi" and the people that use that term. Look at what they do to others and what they stand for in using that word.

In relation to the subject, FEMINISM is why you can choose not the have sex and people that don't respect are considered inappropriate.
She never bashed feminism she said she wasn't a "fem-nazi." And referred to that term as an adjective to describe some one who hates men for being men.

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