Why don't you have sex? (1 Viewer)

nivoldoog

Rambler
Joined
Jul 21, 2009
Messages
362
Hometown
Everywhere, No where
I have grown tired of being hurt by women and hurting women. Sex is too often used to as a bait and switch. It is almost impossible to have sex and not complicate things. My last real life relationship was a friends with benefits booty call. I broke it off with her because I was worried about her showing up drunk looking to score. Drunk driving is not cool. That combined with my wants of a marriage, family, kids.... I'm tired of cheating on my future wife, is what it boils down to.

Why don't I have sex?
"I'm scared."
 
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Inhibition

Lurker
Joined
Jul 11, 2016
Messages
22
I would love to have a lot more sex than I do, but I don't because I can't get down with most people I meet. Almost all straight men view me as a "weird female" and while they might not say anything about it, don't really get what I mean when I say I'm genderqueer. Girls that are interested are usually looking at me as a female, too. Not even on the radar for gay men. Knowing that people don't perceive or understand what it means to be with a queer person turns me off really fast. On top of that most people tend to be pretty vanilla, and I'm not.

The other part of it is my anxiety- I'm unlikely to initiate anything, so a lot of it depends on others initiating.
That's really interesting. I have a non hierarchical belief system that I apply universally. I won't dominate or submit to anyone whenever possible. It makes me very vanilla by BDSM standards as I won't do that even a little bit.

But I've gotten more interest to be a sex slave from the BDSM community than sex from vanilla people. My theory is it's because I don't partake in social dominance behaviors, which violates male gender roles and repulses the average vanilla person, but people who are interested in dominating me aren't repulsed by my lack of dominating behavior?

Non hierarchical sexual behavior seems really rare. Some kind of social dominance hierarchy is crucial for a lot of people to feel attracted. I'm shot down by most women out of the gate for being disabled and not part of the job market.

It's interesting how much we conform to gender strongly impacts the pool of possible interactions. If we change our appearance or behavior away from the socially desirable norms, options diminish accordingly. In my case, I turn off vanilla people, while in yours the people available still seem too vanilla.
 
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AlwaysLost

I deleted myself
Okay, my ealier post was crap, so I'll do better.

This question is hard to answer, even when I kind of want to.

In the last year I've started to identify as asexual. Mostly just in my own head. The minute I did so, I started to worry that giving it a name would make me stubborn - I mean, someday I might want sex. If I get all asexual-proud, I might just throw away something I want someday for no reason. In other words; asexuality is a wierd sexual identity for people who don't want to base their self image on what they are not. Like, I'm an athiest, too, but that just means god and religion are not important parts of my life and I don't want to talk about it.

Now and then I casually drop a "Oh yeah I'm asexual" into a conversation, and it almost always is a bad idea, unless I want to spend an afternoon describing the difference between being celibate and asexual(Ey, thanks for being an exception to this, @EphemeralStick), or explaining that my life is not loveless. God forbid I ever make a dirty joke after that, either!

Anyway, I guess I can't exactly give a good answer to why I don't want to have sex. I should probably bring it up more often, though, if only to get people used to the idea.
Is Asexual really the right word? Asexual is a form of sexual reproduction in which an organism splits in half forming 2 identical organisms (barring mutation).

Or has it been appropriated by the celibates of the world? I'm just curious not being snarky.
 
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spectacular

I deleted myself
Pretty much without money or other insidious tools of dominance establishment, sex would depend mostly on physical attraction including attracting energies. Would probably drop down world population drastically to eliminate money. So many men are able to dominate women with all the mental angles that come with money and it's use. As long as they adhere to its use, most women are no more than breeding machines to themselves, men, and each other since money tends to dissolve social bonds.

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scoutwilding

rural punk. trans boy.
Joined
Sep 9, 2017
Messages
16
Age
49
Hometown
Flat Rock North Carolina
I'm a trans guy who is attracted to men, the odds of finding someone who would be into a dude without a dick is like 0.00000001%. So I just don't bother.
Same here, brother. I find guys lose interest immediately upon my disclosing I'm trans or they get way too interested / fetishy / gross.

Its interesting to me that pre medical transition, when I identified more as genderqueer or gender neutral, I was a fucking machine! Now that I'm sober and so much more at home in my body, I'm much more discerning about who I spend time with (in all areas) & find that, while I'm still a total horn dog, I'm less interested in sex but still really enjoy making out / fooling around. These days I identify as Panromantic. I want to make out all day but not 'do it' haha. Its an interesting journey.
 
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OP
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AlwaysLost

I deleted myself
My last girlfriend told me it's because I'm so fat, lazy, and stupid.......

I am also very ashamed of my 3" penis....::bawling::::bawling::::bawling::
I was going to make a funny comment but I cant top that one.
 
OP
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hypsiphrone

I deleted myself
I can unequivocally say that I am one hundred percent over sex. The human body has been completely demystified for me. My romantic fantasies now involve finding someone I can hold hands with or lie quietly next to in a tent. It seems as though the odds of finding that person are nil since everything in every culture, even subcultures, seems very geared towards sex.
 

Odin

ANTISOLIPSIST
Joined
Apr 6, 2013
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2,294
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My romantic fantasies now involve finding someone I can hold hands with or lie quietly next to in a tent. It seems as though the odds of finding that person are nil since everything in every culture, even subcultures, seems very geared towards sex.
Reading History of the Occult while making widgetts at the 9 to 5,,,,,,,,,,,,, from our stone age ancestors to magic n sex... been there since the beginning... interesting to note he claims a lot of primitive tribal cultures were prudish compared to when people began living in the first cities of civilization. Males were not in sexual conquest as much because the primary outlet of dominance was in skills for substance hunting and sex was a seasonal thing for some instead... like one tribe that regulated it to the time deer are in heat. Sex was thought of as a depleting force if overindulged... and compare that to the debauchery of Great Rome and it's excess from boredom. As well fertility and a reverence for the "moon goddess" was a central role as shown in carved figurines exaggerating the breasts and childbearing... while the advent of cities instead saw the appearance of the first courtesans n the politics and power struggles of those interactions. Example of a chinese emperor I think... who had a sullen courtesan and in order to try make her smile summoned all his war generals... only to tell them it was a joke... so he could make the courtesan laugh. Ended up costing him his kingdom later when the generals didn't appear for a real summons to defense.

As .... for your idea of romance. Perhaps if people started out with the quiet time and holding hands things would be simpler... or better.
 
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Lara K

I deleted myself
My last girlfriend told me it's because I'm so fat, lazy, and stupid.......

I am also very ashamed of my 3" penis....::bawling::::bawling::::bawling::
ba ha ha... omg i cried laughing just imagine the 3' inch prick would fit in anywhere. Crazy. But hey, skill of the engineer is important or size of the train? a 10' inch would be a train wreck right? ::woot::
 
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Lara K

I deleted myself
Wah...Wah! Funky thread, never seen this before! I say, why the f*** you should have it!

For celibates to miss out the big o? Well, methinks he/she may be missing out on certain benefits associated something like... better sleep, stress release, lower blood pressure, lower experience of pain and reduced risk of endometriosis, to name some even contentment. As for the guys, curious case of blue balls. I also think it may reduce ability to relate to, like 90% of your horny peers, some may judge celibates as weird! 'Oh Jeez, maybe he got minnie mee' 'that lady's un-dateable'. Its certain end to a dedicated family tree/ generation if intimacies cut off. Here in India we take social life pretty seriously and a parent wouldn't mind their grown ups date but they have problem in hand if they are celibate or gays (extreme sexual preference may cut off legacy. So who'd they pass on properties/ insurance benefits to?)

With due absolutely due respect to above comments... bottom line folks, if parents didn't have it- we wouldn't be here! Some who are off sex should try oats, banana.. testosterone boosters.
 
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deleted user

I deleted myself
My romantic fantasies now involve finding someone I can hold hands with or lie quietly next to in a tent.
this. minus the belief that it will ever happen. gotta strive for something in this life, y'all.

edit: I think I'm from a cheesy romance movie, but sue me.
 
OP
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deleted user

I deleted myself
I think emotional connections are what is most important. Sex is just an extension of expressing that connection. I prefer relations built from time together and getting to know each other. Once people are like that, all intimacy is good. My dream relationship is a polyamorous one I suppose, in which everyone in the relationship is just as close to each other and jealousy is absent. Mix that with travel or some land, and it's my heaven.

Of course, I've only really touched at the possibility, but have high hopes still.


(Also, being a "hermaphrodite" and losing the ability to speak is a strain...)
 

apathyfaction

Lurker
Joined
Sep 21, 2017
Messages
9
Age
31
Hometown
Barnesville, Ohio
Celibate for 5 years now, and going strong.

Frankly, I don't get the big deal with sex. I'm pretty good at it - or at least the long string of one night stands and hookups after my ex left me never complained. I always made sure they finished. I finished (not that it's difficult or anything.) Attentive to Thier needs or whatever. And sure, feels great. Emotionally, not just physically.

But after a certain point, you're just a rat in a cage mashing a button for a very brief flood of endorphins. Not worth the 15 seconds it takes or the significance ascribed to to it.

So I don't have sex because the whole stupid game is tedious and hardly worth the effort.

Does that mean I'm gonna turn down a willing participant? Probably not. I'm as easy to get erect as any warmblooded pansexual miscreant.

But I don't go looking for it. Probably not ever going to be high on my to do-list again.

I'm just antisocial like that.
 

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