How to get over a broken heart. (1 Viewer)

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coldsteelrail

Newbie
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
72
Here's some very bad advice and perhaps some not so bad advice: Break someone else's heart. Learn to fall in love with yerself. Keep yourself busy busy busy. Turn your love to hate. Don't let yourself wallow, but set yourself time to mourn your loss each day, and then redirect your thoughts other times during the day. You can control your thoughts! It takes practice! Hang out with friends. Friends are key. Not to cry on, but to help keep your mind on someone other than yourself and the loser who dumped you. Broken hearts are part of life. You can't get over a broken heart, it will get over you in time. The pain will subside. It's not going to be so chest gripping and nauseating as the weeks go by. Exercise increases endorphins. Go running, dance, do yoga, do push ups, lift weights. Challenge yourself. Learn something new! Set a goal, and achieve that goal! Volunteer! Go traveling! Give yourself time, and love. Chase away false hope of reconciliation. Recognise that it's better to experience a broken heart now, than later, and feel happy that you have the capacity to feel and give love. Recognise that you need to grieve, and that your feelings are real. Sit with your feelings, and observe how they feel in your body. Visualise your connections to this person (as ropes, cords, or roots), and picture pulling them out, and destroying them. Visualise yourself meeting your lover somewhere and then walking away from them forever. Some people say that picturing you two on opposite ends of a bridge and then bombing the bridge, so you can't reach them, helps. Love will almost always end in a broken heart, that's the way it goes.
Establish regular sleeping patterns. Don't let yourself over sleep, or under sleep.
Spend time in nature. Even if the closest thing to nature you can find is under some crusty bridge, or a patch of weeds in an industrial area. Plant energy is healing. Meditate, even if it's 10 minutes a day. Take deep breaths. Go swimming. Hang out with animals. Smile at old ladies in the street. create art even if you are not an artist. Art can be created using any medium, even dirt. Journal, even if you are not a writer. Journaling is important to monitor your progess and move forward with your thoughts. Create any ritual you can think of with candles, letters, symbols...burying things, burning things, casting things into the wind, or water...anything to either represent saying goodbye, or increasing your strength. Remember you are beautiful. Recognise that this other person does not create you. You are still yourself without them. Force yourself to laugh and smile, even if it's false, and you feel like a deranged monkey. Smiling and laughing creates endorphins and happiness. Don't over do it, or it could backfire. Force yourself to laugh/smile only as a therapy. Do this in private, and don't watch yourself in a mirror, unless your crazy faces help you to laugh. If you feel like shit, acknowledge it, and let yourself cry. Recognise you will go up and down. You will feel good, bad, neutral, angry, inlove, unloved, and good again. Listen to music to help create moods. Wear bright colours, if they don't make you puke...or at least take special care of your appearance. Make sure when you see your reflection, you feel good about yourself. Don't let yourself get dumpy.
Set time to let yourself think of your loss, but don't dwell during other times in the day. Dwelling creates deterioration in the brain, and hinders growth of new neural pathways. Oxytocin is a chemical released in your brain when you feel in love, or when you are obsessed. That's why the two emotions can overlap. Dark Chocolate contains oxytocin also! Eat some dark chocolate! (Just a little). Drink chamomile tea to relax, or mint tea to uplift yourself. Lemon balm tea is stress reducing. St. John's wort tea might help you feel less bummed out. Use aromatherapy. Chose a scent that helps you feel upbeat. Smell is connected to our memories and emotions.
Stay away from coffee, drugs, and alcohol, as tempting as they are.
Acknowledge the good things this person brought to you, even if the best thing they did was remove themselves from your life. Appreciate and feel grateful for what you shared, but remember that everything changes, and what you shared is now the past. Learn from your feelings, so you understand how you will make another person feel when it's your turn to break a heart, and also so you can help your heart heal faster next time your heart is broken.
Give yourself space between relationships so you don't fuck with your healing process, or hurt someone else.
Nurture yourself, and give yourself time. Appreciate the change as something positive, and seize the opportunity to grow and recreate yourself.
 

macks

Ballsy Adventurer
Joined
Dec 3, 2007
Messages
484
Age
34
Website
macksemil.wordpress.com
I would say take care of yourself by eating well, sleeping enough and exercising. The alcohol is tempting but it doesn't work, just delays dealing with the problem, and it can become a problem in itself. And no one likes a sobbing self-pitying drunk. It's going to suck but it will suck less if you cut ties, try to keep your shit in perspective and appreciate the things that make you happy in life.
 

Wolfeyes

Rambler
Joined
Oct 26, 2009
Messages
161
Location
Hernando Beach, Flori-duh
"...Some wounds are best left open and bleeding. Pain is the litmus by which ecstasy is measured, for without one, how would you know the other when it is found? Pain serves to drive us onward, to seek out pleasure. To succumb to pain is to die, yet to extinguish it fully, and feel no pain is to subject ones self to a fate worse than death. To feel no pain is to feel nothing, for the greatest comforts and pleasures are all indeed nothing if one cannot compare them to anything..."

- Thomas Alfred Woolfe, Catalyst (excerpt)
 
OP
S

SpacePrincess

Lurker
Joined
Apr 12, 2010
Messages
2
How do people love again? When it hurts so much to get your heart fucking snapped open and fed upon?

Thank all of you for the advice. I'm trying. I'm young and I loved him very much and he hurt me very badly. I'm at a loss. But I keep getting told it'll get better, and I'm starting to believe it.
 
Joined
Nov 2, 2009
Messages
70
Location
Analslime Southern California
here probably isn't the best place to ask that because you'll get a lot of dick answers..... get angry and get drunk.... i actually wrote a song along time ago with my band about drinking the greif of a broken heart away... it's called loves a bitch if you're interested on hearing it (or if anyone else is) PM me
 

macks

Ballsy Adventurer
Joined
Dec 3, 2007
Messages
484
Age
34
Website
macksemil.wordpress.com
Yeah, I think that makes three unanswered dick comments in one thread. Maybe a first even for you Wider! Give the girl a break, it's her party and she'll cry if she wants to.
 
A

Arapala

I deleted myself
Wider, you make me feel as if there are no compassionate people left in the world... I guess whatever makes ya feel better dude!

I think there some good ideas on here. I also think the getting drunk/fucking someone else is probably a really bad idea.

Another good tip is, think of this as a positive situation. I know this may seem impossible now, but in time you will probably have learned a lot from everything. Good luck to you.
 

MiztressWinter

Like A Boss
Joined
Jan 25, 2010
Messages
512
Age
42
Location
Wherever I lay my head tonight is home!
Seriously speaking, I have personally found that nothing really helped me with a broken heart...but time. I couldn't eat, sleep, or think about anything else. Sorry that's not real encouraging...but it's real, right? Just being honest with you. The only thing that helped WAS time. The more time that went by, the more I realize that it a) wasn't the end of the world after all and b) I WOULD eventually find someone else and c) If they loved ME then we'd still be together, and idk about YOU but I don't want to be with someone if that love isn't reciprocated. So just do your best to try and function. The more time that passes, the easier it gets my dear. Doesn't mean it won't hurt at all, and sometimes it never fully goes away. But you'll learn to cope with it, and sometimes coping with it is the best it gets. Good luck
 

macks

Ballsy Adventurer
Joined
Dec 3, 2007
Messages
484
Age
34
Website
macksemil.wordpress.com
Yeah, you made that point with the first post. Then the second one came and I was like "damn, Wider is really after this one". Then the third post came and it just seemed like overkill. You made your point, no need to use her as a punching bag because you think it's stupid that she would ask for advice about this on a forum.
 

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