mkirby
Well-known member
Here's the situation in my life right now.
So basically after traveling all summer, I accomplished what has been my goal for a really long time. I learned to live happily for an extended period of time with virtually nothing. I reduced what I owned to about the contents of regular school-sized backpack. I basically had a spare outfit, a sleeping bag, a tarp, a couple knives, a bag full of shiny rocks (for trade, I've been living with hippies) to my name. Then I decided to make a visit to my hometown.
Right now I'm spending the winter working a shitty job (Taco Time cashier, ugh.) In order to save up for a van and some other stuff. My logic to going back to living indoors and becoming the corporate wage slave I've always hated, is that now that I've sort of awakened myself and had some adventures, now it's time to be an activist.
I want to take some of my friends out of a bad situation here, and teach them to travel because they're curious about it. I want to set up free kitchens, and communal squats all over the country, liberate all the food and property. I want to distribute psychedelic drugs freely, make crazy artwork, make zines and write songs/poems/stories to talk about m y ideas. I have all these plans and aspirations, and I've gotten it into my head that this'll be much easier if I've got a place to keep all my stuff, and a way to get people from place to place (i.e. the van idea.)
The thing is that I'm probably right to a certain degree. Always having a warm place to sleep and a place to lock up my possessions would be comforting.
But is what I'm doing compromising all the freedom I've fought for? I'm the chick who has a nervous breakdown every couple of months and throws out everything she owns. I'm scared of having stuff. I've lost so many wallets over the years that I'm beginning to think my subconscious forbids me from using money. And this isn't a bad thing. Morally, I'm very antimaterialistic, and I'm sort of glad I've developed this paranoia about having things.
Now I'm worrying about how I'm going to be tied down by needing money for gas and car insurance, with all my things piled all around me.
So right now I'm debating scraping the whole idea. Forgetting about filing for taxes, and my polyester uniform, and how I'm going to get gas money, and the goddamn motherfucking DMV and just winging out of here before snow flies.
I've got some money saved right now, which could being an investment in doing some interesting things. It all sounds pretty appealing at the moment.
But is it just my phobia about becoming one of "them" that's making me consider this? Am I just running away before I accomplish my goals here because I'm afraid? I don't want to quit my job and get fifty miles down the road and go "oh, shit", you know?
I'm just not sure what I want to do with myself. What do you think?
So basically after traveling all summer, I accomplished what has been my goal for a really long time. I learned to live happily for an extended period of time with virtually nothing. I reduced what I owned to about the contents of regular school-sized backpack. I basically had a spare outfit, a sleeping bag, a tarp, a couple knives, a bag full of shiny rocks (for trade, I've been living with hippies) to my name. Then I decided to make a visit to my hometown.
Right now I'm spending the winter working a shitty job (Taco Time cashier, ugh.) In order to save up for a van and some other stuff. My logic to going back to living indoors and becoming the corporate wage slave I've always hated, is that now that I've sort of awakened myself and had some adventures, now it's time to be an activist.
I want to take some of my friends out of a bad situation here, and teach them to travel because they're curious about it. I want to set up free kitchens, and communal squats all over the country, liberate all the food and property. I want to distribute psychedelic drugs freely, make crazy artwork, make zines and write songs/poems/stories to talk about m y ideas. I have all these plans and aspirations, and I've gotten it into my head that this'll be much easier if I've got a place to keep all my stuff, and a way to get people from place to place (i.e. the van idea.)
The thing is that I'm probably right to a certain degree. Always having a warm place to sleep and a place to lock up my possessions would be comforting.
But is what I'm doing compromising all the freedom I've fought for? I'm the chick who has a nervous breakdown every couple of months and throws out everything she owns. I'm scared of having stuff. I've lost so many wallets over the years that I'm beginning to think my subconscious forbids me from using money. And this isn't a bad thing. Morally, I'm very antimaterialistic, and I'm sort of glad I've developed this paranoia about having things.
Now I'm worrying about how I'm going to be tied down by needing money for gas and car insurance, with all my things piled all around me.
So right now I'm debating scraping the whole idea. Forgetting about filing for taxes, and my polyester uniform, and how I'm going to get gas money, and the goddamn motherfucking DMV and just winging out of here before snow flies.
I've got some money saved right now, which could being an investment in doing some interesting things. It all sounds pretty appealing at the moment.
But is it just my phobia about becoming one of "them" that's making me consider this? Am I just running away before I accomplish my goals here because I'm afraid? I don't want to quit my job and get fifty miles down the road and go "oh, shit", you know?
I'm just not sure what I want to do with myself. What do you think?