Wudduppp .

[natalieee_]

Hey people . I'm natalie.. seventeen years old. just found & joined this website yesterday. my whole life i've barely had to try at anything, cause most things came naturally to me. i have a lot of regrets. i have absolutely no work ethic unless money is involved. i need to change, i cant live like this because i am sucking the life out of everyone around me, especially my family. i feel horrible about this. i think that if i 'run away,' it will really help me, because i will have nothing. i will have to work for food. i will have to work for shelter. i will have to work for relationships. i will have to work for everything. i will have to try, or else i will die.

so basically that's whats up with me. feel free to leave me a comment or something. i'm open to anything and everything.

and if anyone has any suggestions, like where i should go, what i should bring, etc., that would be great.

 

[finn]

Hi Natalie, there's a neat discussion you should check out where there are 3 pages worth of stuff: http://squattheplanet.com//general-discussion/general-banter/5089-runaways-minors.html
It might take a while to get through it all, but I think you'll find that it's worth it. I should also add that I've never heard of a runaway giving me that particular reason you're giving me, though it does remind me a little bit of another member yyyoshiii, another minor. Maybe both of you should be friends? Form a gang (but please, not a cult)? Anyway, see what questions you have after reading all the related discussion stuff...

 

[natalieee_]

Hahah a cult.. not to worry my friend. but yeah.. i understand what everyone in that thread said and i pretty much agree with all of it. like, i know i shouldnt be 'running away' cause i dont even have it bad.. my family life is fine. in fact, i dont think i even have any (real) external problems at all. but i just have all these personal, internal problems that are in control of my life. medication & therapy doesnt help any. my parents, friends, and teachers have all tried to help me but every single time i refuse their help and dig myself in a deeper shithole. i just feel like i need to learn to be motivated, be self-sufficient, be confident, and be happy cause i dont really have any of those life skills. and quite obviously the only one that can help me is myself, and ive never even tried to do that. idk. i just want to go separate myself from my life and learn how to live on my own before i wind up living on my own & being totally unprepared.

 

[macks]

I don't think sleeping out in SF for a long period of time would be very fun, every time I've been it's seemed really tramped out and full of scumfucks. I'd say find a chill dude who isn't a creeper or a lady (non-creeper is a plus here as well) and get outta the city. Then you can call it a camping trip! My 2 cents. Good luck!


PS - Welcome to the site!

 

[natalieee_]

ha sf.. no thank youuu. i've had my fair share of that city. hm.. camping... fun! but i wanna be alone mostly. but hopefully wherever i go i'll meet someone dope so i wont be too lonely ..
thanks : )

 

[ianfernite]

You want to be alone but you're worried about being lonely ... hm.
Welcome!

 

[Ravie]

*sigh* just because your unmotivated and have no aspirations doesnt make you mentally ill. I have no life goals, don't really care what life throws at me, dont care if my friends hate me or love me, i could care less about alot of things. I dont think it makes me fucked up or wrong. it makes me different, an individual. you just havent found your drive, passion, what moves you. neither have i. But getting on the road may help alot. it makes you see alot clearer and makes you appreciate the things you have. But please remember, you may not have problems now, but going on the road for no reason might be a bad idea. The reason things become clear on the road is because you are pushed to your limits in every way. one day you may feel like shit and be screaming for sanctuary, and another you could have a blast or see an amazing place that the public may never see. It varies. but if you cant handle it, dont go, it either helps you realize who you are or ruins you. You WILL encounter the bad parts of life such as; rape, stories(or your own stories) of dead friends, junkies, tweakers, the feeling of being trapped, cops, cops, cops, wing nuts(wich some are silly but some are crazy as hell and will stab you for sleeping in the wrong spot), fucked up people who will kick the shit out of you for a pack of smokes...the list goes on. so its probably not a good idea to be alone. especially as a young female...your the number one target. most travel in groups or with a partner they can trust, never trust anyone until you know for sure. But I dont want to scare you... you also get do do fun stuff like get drunk around campfire and listen to stories and dirty jokes, experience beautiful sights like going through mountain passes on freight, meeting alot of cool people who pick you up when hitchhiking, sleeping under the stars(or bush haha), whatever it may be. just know what your getting into.

 

[natalieee_]

yeah i guess i'm a bit indecisive. like i just want to be alone for the majority of the time.. but i wanna meet a new friend..? idk. ahhh well i've always kinda just associated my being unmotivated with my mental illness(es.. lol). yeah that's what i'm looking for. i've never been pushed to my limits. i've barely experienced any 'bad things' in life. i want to be able to experience things and learn from them and become a strong person cause i feel so fucking weak and pathetic now and i know i wont be able to handle any bad things that will happen to me later in life. i hope i can fend for myself, but if i fail... i fail. survival of the fittest.

 

[Angela]

This is also reminding me way too much of another post that I responded to awhile back. Why do people always seem to think that they'll learn skills traveling. Some do but it seems to be the exception rather than the norm. Most folks that leave and hit the road with absolutely no skills and no internal motivation end up being destructive to themselves, others or both. And they end up seeing far more than their share of all the things Ravie mentioned in her post. If you have a diagnosed mental health issue, definitely think carefully before considering hitting the road. Unfortunately far too many folks with mental health problems, when they end up traveling by choice or otherwise turn to self medicating with alot of booze and/or drugs in order to deal with the stress and only end up aggravating their problems severely. Not that any of us would be considered too normal by societies standards but just go slow and make sure it's what you really want. Also there are plenty of other ways to get away from home and travel a bit, maybe spend a summer working at Yosemite National Park where you can make money while living in a nice little tent cabin with a couple other folks.

 

[natalieee_]

...fml

 

[Ravie]

eh, honestly chika, if i were you ide try squatting for a while before traveling. it still pushes your limits but it would be in your hometown. just to test the waters, its like trying a piece of pie before buying a whole one. because if you buy a pie you dont like, well your kinda stuck with it.

 

[natalieee_]

yeah youre right

 

[Birdy]

Alright, after reading all your posts in this thread, it reminds me a lot of myself a few months ago. Mind you, our lives are drastically different, I had those same EXACT thoughts. The thoughts that I need to run away because I need to appreciate the things I have at home and I feel like I'm making everyone around me miserable, but honestly, it will probably just make things change for the worse. Traveling is a great GREAT experience for a lot of people, and it can really help you find who you are, but a lot of it is glamorized as a lot of people on here will tell you. You will be cold, miserable and maybe you want to experience that, but think about it, will you be thinking, "Oh this is great for me!" when you're freezing, hungry, snot running over your lips and some nasty ass junkie is sitting next to you trying to feel you up or take your stuff or trying to kill you? I can't say anything from personal experiences because I haven't traveled or hitched or hopped, but it could happen.

There are plenty of things you can do to try and make yourself happy without running away. Do you drive? Do you live in a cool area or an area with abandoned houses or places where you can go and have your own little adventure? Like Ravie said you could test the waters by squatting around your area. I like being by myself as well, and you can totally find your own little squat and just hang out and then go out during the day and dumpster dive and find neat stuff into your newly discovered squat =)

I'm sorry if my post sounds dumb, I'm really tired from work, but your post just really reminded me of myself and I got through those feelings by finding stuff to do in my own area and meeting people and doing things that made me enjoy my life. I'd hate to see you get hurt out there while traveling alone and unexperienced. You seem like a nice girl and are very pretty, so just relax and try to let those horrible feelings go.

 

[ianfernite]

because if you buy a pie you dont like, well your kinda stuck with it.

That's when you throw it at someone!

 

[mkirby]

I'd test the waters. It was a real shock to me the first time I spent the night in a park. Or the time I slept in a cardboard dumpster with a friend of mine in thirty degree weather (we forgot sleeping bags and to get drunk first.) Or the smell of myself after going a week without bathing.

Aside from learning to dumpster dive or checking out squats ahead of time, I'd try living out of your pack for a while in your bedroom. Making sure you can survive with hardly any shit. Or sleeping on your floor, our out in your backyard with a sleeping bag and a tarp.

If these things are hard for you, you might want to wait on leaving home. If they're easy, and you're getting even antsier, head outside and stick out your thumb. More power to you.

 

[ianfernite]

Judging from her "how do I delete my account" post in the chat room, we won't be seeing any more of her.

If you do happen to read this: getting upset over people who have actually lived that way giving you cautionary advise just shows that you probably aren't as of yet suited for a transient lifestyle.

If you really want to go, go, and don't let anyone talk you out of or into it. Your life, your decisions.

 

[Beegod Santana]

One thing I always suggest for young kids who wanna get out is to find a circuit to hop on and work that. I started traveling at 13 on the northeastern folk festival circuit as a performer and production grunt and had some of the best times of my life. If I was a young girl, I'd look into hoping on the renaissance fair circuit. You get to wear pretty dresses, talk in a funny accent and take tourists' $. Complete vagabond traveling isn't for everyone, actually it's for about 0.001% of the population in the end. There's always the hippie tour circuit too, which is all fucked up in its own right, but if you refuse to sell drugs and travel w/ good kids, you can have a fucking ball, it doesn't even matter if you like the music. Then there's always the magazine scam you see in the back of rolling stone and what not. Basically these people hire kids to go around the country selling magazines door to door telling people its for their little league team or something. You can make decent cash, get free greyhound tickets and hotel rooms, and get to see america. Not really that bad a deal if you're just looking to get out.

 

[Ravie]

I'd test the waters. It was a real shock to me the first time I spent the night in a park. Or the time I slept in a cardboard dumpster with a friend of mine in thirty degree weather (we forgot sleeping bags and to get drunk first.) Or the smell of myself after going a week without bathing.

Aside from learning to dumpster dive or checking out squats ahead of time, I'd try living out of your pack for a while in your bedroom. Making sure you can survive with hardly any shit. Or sleeping on your floor, our out in your backyard with a sleeping bag and a tarp.

If these things are hard for you, you might want to wait on leaving home. If they're easy, and you're getting even antsier, head outside and stick out your thumb. More power to you.

are you fucking kidding me? not trying to be mean here, but squatting in your room? or in the back yard? what the fuck is she? 5? this post is probably why she left. if someone said this to me I would take offense and think they thought i was mentally retarded or insanely ignorant.

 

[macks]

I think the point is to make sure that you can get all your gear to work out. Not a bad suggestion as learning that the hard way kind of sucks (but is effective). I'd say backpacking is better for this than camping in your yard because it forces you to live off what you have. I think trainhopping/hitching is easier gear-wise cause you most likely end up in a city where you can buy food and get water.

 

[natalieee_]

changed my mind.. lol. i'm back. i was kinda going on an account deleting spree but i'm glad i didn't end up deleting this one cause i think i'll like this better than fuckin myspace and shit. but i guess thats only cause i dont really like anyone i know lol

yeah ha sorry i got upset.. i'm definitely retarded sometimes my emotions are a little out of whack. (way the fuck out of whack) but you guys have all offered me some very good suggestions and advice and i really appreciate it. i'm grounded this weekend (CANT WAIT TO GRADUATE HOLY SHIT. but i guess i deserve it) so i'm gonna go and sleep outside somewhere.. i think it will make me feel a lot better, and one step closer to being fuckin freeeeee. yeah i'm not tryna pack a bag and roll out a sleeping bag in my room. lol. but i understand what you mean, i agree that its a good idea for me to start getting used to having everything i have in a bag, that i am gonna have to carry around for hella long. i'll get on that soon enough. i think im gonna go somewhere in the foothills of the mountain by my house. no i'll just go on my trampoline tonight. mt. diablo.. some other time. lol i'm too lazy today

but yeah i just cant stop thinking about leaving and no matter how much i think about it i feel like i'm never going to come to a final decision about how i should go about this. this is preventing me from actually taking action which is something i reallyy need to work on but i think i'm just gonna go for it the next time i have an impulse... after wednesday. hahah. its finals week and i just want to be able to graduate.

so.. yeah. thats all for now.