Awesome, civil discussion guys. Me likes such a thread.
I see marriage as not just the binding of two people who like each other, but two people who love each other, and want to do so for the rest of their lives. In this sense, loving is the promise to pursue that person for as long as you live. Perhaps it's a bit idealistic, but ideals are good. I believe we are better as individuals when we learn to serve each other, instead of only expecting things to each other. I do not deny that some pretty devilish things come into play a few years after marriage. The divorce rate is incredibly high, making marriage look like a sham. I'd prefer to blame several things, rather than the concept of marriage: 1) people who do not analyze the feasibility of life-long marriage with a certain person, for example a nice sweet person may not be heading the same way as you in life, so what chances does it have of lasting?; 2) Marriage is seen as some sort of validation into adulthood. We should make stronger efforts to uphold singles in our society.
Personally, I love kids, and I want to find a life-long lover to adopt some kids with. And marriage? My Christian view, which is not the standard Christian view perhaps, is that the marriage lies in the confession to family, friends, and your community, not the legal documents. I'm not so concerned about the legal registration of the marriage, as having a wedding including the people in my life and those of my wife. I think it's a good think to show the people who care about us two that we're making a commitment not fuck each other over. This is a very collectivistic approach to relationships, especially in comparison to the no-ties way that most people do it. But I think love is serving, from the top to the bottom. As far as legal registration, I think I'd do it because it's easier. I'd let my wife choose to take my last name or keep her last name, that's up to her. I enjoy thinking about my ideal wedding, because of all things I would do to turn it from a boring, dry-ass ritual to an awesome party.
Interesting fact: Thought I love kids and families, I have never seriously dated a girl; or kissed on, etc, etc. The ones I like don't like me, and the ones who like me, I don't dig at all. Additionally, I have seriously problems with couples who lose their zest for life by settling down. I fear getting into a relationship with someone who's not heading in the same direction as me, because I can totally understand how certain factors can work against the one-honest commitment to stay with that person through thick and thin. But I still believe that marriage can create synergy; we can help each other be who we want to be. I can handle people changing, but I've considered what it would be like to live with someone who was 0% who they were when you committed yourselves. And I can't say I won't lose my mind and get a divorce in the future, just that I don't want to marry so soon -- or get into a boring relationship --and that when I do, I want it to be a life thing full of challenges and renewal. For now, I'm enjoying the final let-up of my families expectations to find a girl get married and pump out some kids ASAP. I'm in the clear.
I'm young (26), love-inexperienced, and idealistic. Please read me as such.
