VariedValue
Member
Before I start, I would like to recognize their victims and say that I relate a lot with some of the experiences I have read with my own abusers. I am sincerely sorry you had to go through that. I am in no way trying to excuse Gnars (that's the most recent name I know them by) actions or invalidate anyone's opinion of them. I just want to share my personal experience.
I have personally known this person on a few occasions over the years. I even think I bumped into them when they were with the OP but it was quick if it did happen. Theyve been several different people since I've known them. Dramatically different. I actually went to the tale end of middle school and briefly went to highschool with them before they dropped out, we hung out for a decent amount of time and stayed in touch and met up a few times over the years. We grew up in the same area. I reconnected with them most recently when they moved back to Florida. We've been talking a bit, and they actually introduced me to this website (by showing me the post about them.) So I guess in total I've known them for 9 or 10 years on and off. They introduced me to the idea of being a traveler, radical politics, punk rock, and it'd be unfair to say they haven't been an influence in my life. Though I have to say many times they popped into my life were quite brief. They never stayed put or with one idea for long. When we met, it was in a very small town. They were infamous for wearing makeup to school and coming to school with black eyes and scraped up knuckles from fights they got into after they got off the bus and walked home. I can personally attest to seeing them getting absolutely beaten to a pulp on the side of a rural road by 4 or 5 kids when they were 15 or 16. They got shit from absolutely everyone. They wore the same clothes to school everyday, a studded patch jacket someone had helped them put together that they would routinely get in trouble for because of a patch that said "fuck racism" for the profanity. Other patches reflected other shocking (for the town we lived in) imagery and a feminine demeanor that got them bullied more and more by the rednecks we grew up around. I remember them moving to California for a year and being a lot more quiet and antisocial then they were when they left, which they already were already pretty quiet unless you asked them anything about radical politics or punk rock or drugs. They knew a lot and we're really passionate about that stuff. They organized a group of kids to harass the army recruiter in our lunchroom. All this made them stick out like a sore thumb in our small town. I remember them getting into a lot of scraps with the rednecks and getting suspended a lot for it. When highschool started they barely came to school and fell in with some of the ecstasy kids at our school. I remember hearing about them getting arrested and disappearing from the social scene for a while and when I saw then again they were strung out on oxys, which were huge in our area. I remember them talking to me about going to Georgia to get away from the drugs and they disappeared again for a while. When they came back the next time they were with their at time partner and another dirty kid and told a bunch of stories about meeting these "traveling punks who live the Johnny hobo thing" in Savannah, Georgia and that they were going to learn how to hop freight trains and had already done a bit of hitchhiking. They disappeared quick again after that. When I heard from them again was two years later and they were strung out in Texas. They had been through a lot and we're not strung out on heroin. They asked me for money which they had never done before. I didn't have any and they quickly got off the phone. It was a different type of conversation I'd ever had with them. They had always been lively and almost annoyingly at times wanting to help start or complete a project. This person sounded tired and was quick to get to the point and then scram when they couldn't get some cash. They disappeared for a while that time. When I heard from/saw them again was when they had gotten back from England 2 winter's ago and ended up back in Florida.
When they got back from England they were a FUCKING MESS. But not the junkie way they'd been before. This person was completely broken and knew they'd done wrong. They talked to me about the OP and Emily (I think her name is) from the UK and the way they played both of those people. They told me about a lot of the toxic and abusive things they've done. Then they disappeared again.
This is the part I wanted to get to. Sorry for the scattered back story I just want people to know my extent of being around this kid.
So they recently came back into my life about a month ago when they came back to this part of the world. Weve been talking a lot since they came back. I was introduced to this site by them showing me the thread about them, told me a lot of things over the hours I've been playing therapist (by choice) for them and I just wanted to share a few things I feel about them.
This person is an abuser, they're the first one to admit that. However, I have personally never seen an abuser work this hard to become a better person.
They truly seem to have empathy and love for a lot of the people they harmed that were close to them.
I'm not saying this kid deserves any type of "second chance" with those they harmed or that people shouldn't be warned about them but I don't think ignoring growth or a wanting to be better as constructive, or insinuating that this person should be "green lit" when despite all the toxic shit I've seen this kid capable of they've been the only person to put themselves in the middle of me and a groups of rednecks trying to queer bash me and get significantly hurt only to do it again without question. If I was judged on only the horrible things I've done id be held to the same light as them. I've certainly, being raised in the south, been guilty of my own absuive and toxic behavior. Some very similar to Gnars actions. This cancel culture isn't helping anyone. And too many comrades are dying due to its isolating effects.
I have personally known this person on a few occasions over the years. I even think I bumped into them when they were with the OP but it was quick if it did happen. Theyve been several different people since I've known them. Dramatically different. I actually went to the tale end of middle school and briefly went to highschool with them before they dropped out, we hung out for a decent amount of time and stayed in touch and met up a few times over the years. We grew up in the same area. I reconnected with them most recently when they moved back to Florida. We've been talking a bit, and they actually introduced me to this website (by showing me the post about them.) So I guess in total I've known them for 9 or 10 years on and off. They introduced me to the idea of being a traveler, radical politics, punk rock, and it'd be unfair to say they haven't been an influence in my life. Though I have to say many times they popped into my life were quite brief. They never stayed put or with one idea for long. When we met, it was in a very small town. They were infamous for wearing makeup to school and coming to school with black eyes and scraped up knuckles from fights they got into after they got off the bus and walked home. I can personally attest to seeing them getting absolutely beaten to a pulp on the side of a rural road by 4 or 5 kids when they were 15 or 16. They got shit from absolutely everyone. They wore the same clothes to school everyday, a studded patch jacket someone had helped them put together that they would routinely get in trouble for because of a patch that said "fuck racism" for the profanity. Other patches reflected other shocking (for the town we lived in) imagery and a feminine demeanor that got them bullied more and more by the rednecks we grew up around. I remember them moving to California for a year and being a lot more quiet and antisocial then they were when they left, which they already were already pretty quiet unless you asked them anything about radical politics or punk rock or drugs. They knew a lot and we're really passionate about that stuff. They organized a group of kids to harass the army recruiter in our lunchroom. All this made them stick out like a sore thumb in our small town. I remember them getting into a lot of scraps with the rednecks and getting suspended a lot for it. When highschool started they barely came to school and fell in with some of the ecstasy kids at our school. I remember hearing about them getting arrested and disappearing from the social scene for a while and when I saw then again they were strung out on oxys, which were huge in our area. I remember them talking to me about going to Georgia to get away from the drugs and they disappeared again for a while. When they came back the next time they were with their at time partner and another dirty kid and told a bunch of stories about meeting these "traveling punks who live the Johnny hobo thing" in Savannah, Georgia and that they were going to learn how to hop freight trains and had already done a bit of hitchhiking. They disappeared quick again after that. When I heard from them again was two years later and they were strung out in Texas. They had been through a lot and we're not strung out on heroin. They asked me for money which they had never done before. I didn't have any and they quickly got off the phone. It was a different type of conversation I'd ever had with them. They had always been lively and almost annoyingly at times wanting to help start or complete a project. This person sounded tired and was quick to get to the point and then scram when they couldn't get some cash. They disappeared for a while that time. When I heard from/saw them again was when they had gotten back from England 2 winter's ago and ended up back in Florida.
When they got back from England they were a FUCKING MESS. But not the junkie way they'd been before. This person was completely broken and knew they'd done wrong. They talked to me about the OP and Emily (I think her name is) from the UK and the way they played both of those people. They told me about a lot of the toxic and abusive things they've done. Then they disappeared again.
This is the part I wanted to get to. Sorry for the scattered back story I just want people to know my extent of being around this kid.
So they recently came back into my life about a month ago when they came back to this part of the world. Weve been talking a lot since they came back. I was introduced to this site by them showing me the thread about them, told me a lot of things over the hours I've been playing therapist (by choice) for them and I just wanted to share a few things I feel about them.
This person is an abuser, they're the first one to admit that. However, I have personally never seen an abuser work this hard to become a better person.
They truly seem to have empathy and love for a lot of the people they harmed that were close to them.
I'm not saying this kid deserves any type of "second chance" with those they harmed or that people shouldn't be warned about them but I don't think ignoring growth or a wanting to be better as constructive, or insinuating that this person should be "green lit" when despite all the toxic shit I've seen this kid capable of they've been the only person to put themselves in the middle of me and a groups of rednecks trying to queer bash me and get significantly hurt only to do it again without question. If I was judged on only the horrible things I've done id be held to the same light as them. I've certainly, being raised in the south, been guilty of my own absuive and toxic behavior. Some very similar to Gnars actions. This cancel culture isn't helping anyone. And too many comrades are dying due to its isolating effects.
