Schwillam/Sirius/Dru/Sean/Audio/What the fuck Ever.

[Deleted member 16034]

Wait I'm confused, if this is really Sirius/NotSoSirius then why isn't it posted under their account?

 

[Shwillam]

i couldnt remember my login, its me...

 

[Jimmy Beans]

Well, you talk a swell one. It'll be interesting to see if it's just lip service or you actually better yourself. I don't know you personally, I'm just chiming in because I've seen manipulators use this same step before. It's their last ditch effort hail Mary throw. When all other cards have been played then they throw down the big dramatic apology about wanting to change this this and that but two months down the road they're the same cunt and two months after that they're writing up another fancy "heartfelt" apology.

Again, not saying that's you. Just saying I've seen this portion of it forged before by manipulators. It'd be pretty rad if you actually evolved into something better rather than just telling everyone you're going to. I guess it's your actions now that'll reveal how worthy this post is.

 

[Shwillam]

Well, you talk a swell one. It'll be interesting to see if it's just lip service or you actually better yourself. I don't know you personally, I'm just chiming in because I've seen manipulators use this same step before. It's their last ditch effort hail Mary throw. When all other cards have been played then they throw down the big dramatic apology about wanting to change this this and that but two months down the road they're the same cunt and two months after that they're writing up another fancy "heartfelt" apology.

Again, not saying that's you. Just saying I've seen this portion of it forged before by manipulators. It'd be pretty rad if you actually evolved into something better rather than just telling everyone you're going to. I guess it's your actions now that'll reveal how worthy this post is.

Fair. I'll certainly let y'all be the judge of that. I honestly dont know what else to say, other than im open and available for any questions/accountability i can possibly offer at this point. I honestly have no clue what accountability looks like, and it seems that neither does the community in PDX. I know i can never make things right, I just want to be better moving forward, unpack and address the root causes of my behavior, and try to be better. Again, idk what else to say other than i accept whats coming to me, and in the mean time, ill try and be as good of a person to whomever i can.
Idk if i have the spoons to keep checking this site, Im already greenlit, fairly enough, and im trying to remove myself as much possible from dirty kid and safe spaces in PDX that dont want me, while also facilitating spaces in which it is very obvious and known of my past, and the free associations is of informed consent. I am currently involved with the above ground queer/trans activist group Wont Be Erased PDX here in Portland, whom anyone can contact directly about my abuse. I currently live in a punk/queer space called The Nooch House in the PDX area and my roommates are very apart of the process of accountability upon their own free will and informed consent.

At the end of the day, im an abuser. Period. For what its worth, im sorry. Im trying to never inflict that behavior on anyone ever again. Theres nothing I can ever do to fix this.
Nothing.

 

[Shwillam]

the thread about me is called Schwillam/Sirius for anyone who wants to look it up.
Again, truth.
believe survivors.

 

[Shwillam]

Also, without outing anyone, i acknowledge my other survivors who have not been as outspoken as Dragon. You are seen, i am sorry. Ill never try and contact you, ill be a ghost as much as i am able. Im sorry.

 

[beersalt]

Hahahaha, well truthfully bucko- you're already going through "the steps of rehabilitation" wrong. First, you should reach out to the ones you've fucked with personally, and individually. Not post a huge apology letter to the masses of people thay don't even know what the fuck you're talking about.

Boohoo. You had my simpathy in the past, but never again with your lame ballads of explanation, and excuses. Still, your waisting people's precious time. Doesn't seem like you've changed a bit.

 

[roughdraft]

I don't know you but I'd say it's technically a testament to your character to admit wrongdoing no matter how profound and widespread it has been. most people i have found won't. i like to think it's possible to turn over a new leaf but it's surely a dicey topic regardless

this is an unbiased opinion

 

[Shwillam]

I thought you told folks to tell me not to contact you.

idk what else to do at this point, im trying to be open and honest to the larger community and seeing that the majority of the abuse that came to light came from a post on this site I figured it was a good place to address folks who may not of wanted me to contact them directly.

 

[cbeansprout]

I will say that I have seen in your recent behavior and demeanor a change that is significant, though I don't know what it means. But it is isn't my business anymore to evaluate your character. I don't know who the fuck you are, I just don't want you to hurt anyone else the way you hurt me or anyone else. Whatever way that happens.

It does take courage to put this out there, so at least there's that.

 

[Jo jo Joseph Mims]

Well, you talk a swell one. It'll be interesting to see if it's just lip service or you actually better yourself. I don't know you personally, I'm just chiming in because I've seen manipulators use this same step before. It's their last ditch effort hail Mary throw. When all other cards have been played then they throw down the big dramatic apology about wanting to change this this and that but two months down the road they're the same cunt and two months after that they're writing up another fancy "heartfelt" apology.

Again, not saying that's you. Just saying I've seen this portion of it forged before by manipulators. It'd be pretty rad if you actually evolved into something better rather than just telling everyone you're going to. I guess it's your actions now that'll reveal how worthy this post is.

Yes. Hope for the best... but, yes... all too often just this... be more than this Andrew, you, like anyone, can be and do anything you choose to

 

[Ringo]

I thought you told folks to tell me not to contact you.

idk what else to do at this point, im trying to be open and honest to the larger community and seeing that the majority of the abuse that came to light came from a post on this site I figured it was a good place to address folks who may not of wanted me to contact them directly.

Ignore the people who want to discredit you. If you are genuine, simply have faith in yourself and know that your actions will speak for themselves and nobody will have to wonder anymore. I believe people can change, and acknowledging your mistakes is step number one. But this is only the stupid fukn interweb, Don’t expect anyone to believe until you show them. Best Wishes.

 

[Oddy]

So hey, I'm the "foreign green" as sirius put it. I met him two years ago in nor-cal whilst travelling round the states for 3 months. Myself, my best friend and him went to black bear together and he presented himself as a super nice, wholesome traveller who wanted all the same things as me and I (like a mug) fell for it. I also fell in love with black bear and we agreed that I would go home because my visa was up and I'd come back in a couple months. Before I left he begged for a dog so he wouldn't be lonely, I paid $60 for him to have Mika. Not long after I left he was kicked out of the ranch for being a waste of fucking space. He then started travelling with the OP and would ghost me for months at a time. I knew something weird was going on but every time we spoke there were excuses and " I love you"s. He even sent me pictures of the OPs black eyes claiming that she was in love with him and they were having drunk fights. When I told him the whole situation was too fucked up he said they went their separate ways. I arrived back in America soon after to find out he was with the OP the day before and that he had left Mika with her. For the first month I was back went hitched pointlessly with no goal and I paid for motels every night (costing me about $2000) because he needed to be somewhere safe, so he could quit drinking which he never did. He spent the rest of my money on booze and if he didn't get his way he'd claim he could see demons or that he was suicidal. Thankfully I managed to get in touch with a close friend from black bear and she met up with us so I didn't have to deal with it alone. However I found out that he was still talking to the OP and when I confronted him about it he said that she had raped him and that she was the one who made him start drinking so much, so that she could abuse him. He told me he loved me and wanted to come to England with me, so he got his grandparents (who are rich as fuck) to buy him tickets claiming he was turning his life around and was going to make them proud. So we came to the UK where he continued to drink and became ever more abusive, stealing from my friends and family and treating my van like shit (who the fuck leaves 6 different bottles of piss lying around?!) He got himself another dog (Rupert) in england, that he couldn't take care of because he'd rather drink every penny he made. So the dog got ill and suddenly he was cool with it being my dog, unless we had an argument, then he'd try to run off with it so I'd come after him. Eventually my parents stepped in and bought him a ticket back to the US and he agreed to go. He got drunk on the way to the airport, tried to run off with the dog again, tired to fight my dad and got put on the floor. When the police turned up he wanted them to take the dog to the pound, so if he couldn't have it, I couldn't either. The police ended up escorting me, the dog and my dad away and that's the last I saw of him.

This dude is fucked up, he will say anything to get his way. He will try to conn everyone around him, steal from you and yours and turn nasty if he gets caught out. Female bodied folks should avoid him like the plague and NOBODY should ever give or sell him a dog.

I'm so glad the OP and Mika are safe and well, me and Rupert are doing so much better without him in our lives too.

 

[Oddy]

This is such a load of bollocks, a pathetic cry for attention and attempt to make yourself the victim. Every single one of the people you have screwed over have heard this whole speech a thousand times before. We don't feel sorry for you. Someone said it's a testament to your character that you admit you've done wrong, but they haven't heard it all before and then had to put up with the same shit again.

Anyone who actually knows this kids will be eye rolling so fucking hard at this post. Weak.

 

[Mada]

an apology is not saying you did bad things and then saying you want to be better. To apologize one must actually become the change and do better by helping others, once you have helped enough others then a real change will occur within you. Then those you have hurt will appear in front of you so you can speak the apology and they will have the chance to accept or deny it. By posting this nonsense thread you are repeating past actions and seeking permission to do it again.... Stop posting nonsense on the internet and get yourself better. I see myself in your words, and what I write now is me talking to myself. If you find some truth in what im saying then Im glad I could help.
Peace, Love, and Get Well soon

 

[Oddy]

And one more thing, because I really can't believe that this dude is pulling such a dramatic sob story. This kid hasn't cut all ties with his family, his mum pays for him to have motel rooms and takeout pizza when he doesn't have a woman in his life to leech off. His grandparents are insanely rich and not only paid for him to come to England with me last year, but also paid the deposit and first month's rent on an apartment in SoCal when he flew back to the US after he'd drained me and family.

Schwilliam (even the name screams that you're still exactly the same) you are STILL lying, even in this supposed apology. You're full of shit, get a grip.

 

[Matt Derrick]

so just to let everyone know, I've merged the 'tothoseiveharmed' and 'shwillam' accounts, and combined both the threads about this person into one thread. all the posts are still in chronological order; I've just combined them so it's easier for folks to find all the relevant information about this person.

 

[beersalt]

I smell oogle..

 

[Raquel2018]

This person was living at the house I stay at and their same behavior stemmed it's ugly head, they are using heroin and drinking heavily again. They threw a punch at me and as a collective group the whole house made them leave today, that fucker shwilliam hasn't changed. They are manipulating and can't be trusted!

 

[beersalt]

What he really needs is a brutal beat down, it seems.
Apparentally he's been hit in the face with a smiley once, already.. Looks like that scumfuck needs his goddamn teeth knocked out to really have a reason for a liquid diet.