settle down or live

[Ravie]

Yeah ive brought it up many times before. but i'm pretty conflicted... hope that the stp kids could help me out a bit. Ive got this boyfriend, hes great. treats me great, totally layed back and responsable. He wants to move into an apartment together in sacramento. I want to travel more than ever. he cant go with me because he jut isnt built for the life style and he's ready to settle down. Dont get me wrong i love him more than anyone, but is it right for me to swallow my ambitions like this and go live with him? i mean its almost spring, perfect time to go. An if i left even if i came back it would totally break his heart. ugh. what would you guys do in this situation? i dont want to hurt him but ive got this insane itch i need to scratch.

 

[john1158]

i think you have to do what will make you happy for the long term....
is this itch going to go away???
or do you think you could or can settle down for who knows how long....
why cant you travel for just short periods of time with out him???
trust issues???
i dont know
blah...

 

[Ravie]

annoying huh? i hate this settling down idea. actually made me cry thinking about being a house wife. i dunno. hopefully everything will all to shit then i can pick up the pieces. i know how to work with that.

 

[Gypsybones]

ok take this how ever you want.
I just had to deal with this exact question a year ago, I chose to travel rather then stay with her. I love her more than anyone I ever have, I regret and live with that decision everyday.

but what you have to think about is: what will I regret more, go or not going? If I don't go will I hold it against him? (even subconsciously) and do you truly believe this is something that can last?

now I may regret my decision but I also took into account what type of life she lives.
I've alway been poor and had a difficult family life, her on the other hand was middle class and had perents that loved her and a very good family life.
she was going to be a respectable and productive member of society, I'm a bum that wants to spend all my money on seeing the world.
(there is more but I don't car to share anymore, nor do you need to know)

so questions like these are what you have to ask your self, I have itchy feet (as my grandma would say) and there is only one way to scratch'em and thats by running.

wish you the best of luck with such a hard decision.

 

[finn]

I feel that there should be some kind of compromise, such as you writing to him every week or something like that. If he thinks the solution is that you try to act like something that you are not, then as great and laid back and responsible as he is, then he doesn't really love you for who you are. Make no mistake, he may really love you, but he might be in love with some crazy idea of you stuck in his mind.

I mean I might think it'd be awesome for my girlfriend to learn to and be incredibly proficient at throwing knives (and it would be) but that's not her and it's not going to happen- but I understand that, and I'm okay with it. Silly example, I know, but it is the first thing that popped in my mind. So, I'd like a knife thrower and he'd like a housewife, but the main question is if he wants you more than a housewife.

 

[Dameon]

My first rule is simple: Live for yourself. It tends to work pretty well so far. It doesn't mean I ignore the needs and feelings of other people, it just means that I know who the center of my world is: me.

If I had to choose between traveling or settling down with somebody who won't let me travel, I'd choose traveling every time, because being in a relationship shouldn't be about having to change who you are for each other. It should be about coming together and accepting your differences, not changing somebody so they live life the way you want them to live. If traveling is part of who you are, and he can't handle you traveling, then he doesn't love who you are; he just loves who he wants you to be.

Me, I couldn't imagine being with somebody who didn't share my love of traveling, or wasn't able to cope with me doing it while they waited for me to come back.

 

[Ravie]

thanks you guys. i realy appriciate the imput. its abut the only help anyoe has given me. still not sure what im going to do. guess ill see what life lays out for me. if it works out and we live together an im happy, cool. if not, i'll be drinkng a beer with you guys within two months haha

 

[IBRRHOBO]

My first rule is simple: Live for yourself. It tends to work pretty well so far. It doesn't mean I ignore the needs and feelings of other people, it just means that I know who the center of my world is: me.

If I had to choose between traveling or settling down with somebody who won't let me travel, I'd choose traveling every time, because being in a relationship shouldn't be about having to change who you are for each other. It should be about coming together and accepting your differences, not changing somebody so they live life the way you want them to live. If traveling is part of who you are, and he can't handle you traveling, then he doesn't love who you are; he just loves who he wants you to be.

Me, I couldn't imagine being with somebody who didn't share my love of traveling, or wasn't able to cope with me doing it while they waited for me to come back.

I'd have to agree w/him. My relationship works because I WANT to live here in the tri-state area. I still travel, but she's always known that I give a heads up. Hmnn, no, I think she just 'keys' to the fact it's 'that time of the onth.' Regardless, and Forbes did a gene study on top CFO's, there's truly a nomadic gene that lies dormant and becomes active in some.

Either way, enjoy!

 

[Ravie]

knowing me i'll self sabotage it what i know haha either way it will work out.

 

[Gypsybones]

heres something for yah Ravie, its a song that sums up the way I myself and I'm sure a few others have felt about this quandary.

~Black river blues~


My cheatin' heart's being torn in two
I'd love to stay with you a while
But I gotta burn one thousand black river miles
Before I sleep
Before I rest
Cause I got two loves burnin' holes inside my chest
There is something you know I gotta do
Before I lay me down and sleep here beside you


When I get home
When I get home
When I get home


There's a two lane highway in my mind
My heart's divided by white lines
So what am I supposed to do
When the lane I love is the lane takes me farther from you

And that black river's
Callin' my name
And if I don't go I know I'll go insane
And I'll walk a thousand miles in these worn out shoes
And then I'll lay me down and sleep
here beside you

When I get home
When I get home
When I get home​

.357 string band​

 

[Ravie]

i want to hear that song. sounds good. where can i find it?

 

[Gypsybones]

well that songs not on the net but if you wanna hear what they sound like, http://www.myspace.com/357stringband

I'm sure you can get their shit off of itunes, that or I'll have to mail you a copy.

 

[Ravie]

nice. thanks!

 

[stove]

I've hit this same dillema a few months back in Ireland...We had a blast together, but I just couldn't/wouldn't/didn't put down that bug to travel. You might not be a Country Music fan, but there's a great song "Lots of leaving left to do" by Dierks Bentley. Check it out, for Me it's totally true.

Don't force a change, you'll probably end up regretting it (or self-sabotaging it). Be open to options, maybe try the Long Dist. thing, it's worked for some people (not I!). Who knows, maybe you'll find that you miss him enough to return...Maybe you'll realize you love to travel more.

 

[Ravie]

i'm into all music except most anything new. yeah i figure i'll talk to him tomorrow when he comes to see me and i'll tell him i'll allways love him to death but i need to scatch my itch and he can either wait for me or we an pick it up later. other than him ive got nothing else going on. my dad just died, my mom is cool with it(well as much as she can be) and i have no job. its me and my dog.

 

[stove]

At least you've got the dog. My cat isn't so keen on hitching....And my pack isn't so keen on my cat.

 

[bote]

man, i'm in a similar situation, and have been for almost two years. I go spend time with my favourite friend, but then I get restless. At least she likes travelling too, so sometimes we hit the road together. But we wind up together only about 6 months out of the year and have to go through drama over and over. Drifter's life is a drifter's wife...
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Api7H_zhA4Q"]YouTube - JJ Cale Drifters Wife[/ame]

 

[Panoramicperspective]

but the main question is if he wants you more than a housewife.[/QUOTE]

if he want who YOU are as a person more than the idol of a wife who stays at home and has kids........
that's an amazing way of putting it because when i was younger i would totally think of people as i saw fit and not as they were
crazy lesson learned through all of the life i suppose, this weird swings got us all rockin'/ thanks

 

[Eden]

You can always settle down and return to traveling later. The rest of the world isn't going anywhere, is it?

 

[BanMatt]

Go traveling. Happy couples never last.