Solo Female Travelers

[marmar]

. I'm a trans female, not really passable,

Well the passibility kinda makes all the difference with women' experiences.
If you are perceived as a male, you are treated differently from as if you were read as a female.
That's why some trans women I know never truly come out, it's just easier not to. Especially in a travellers culture, jails etc. Kinda off topic, but felt like adding this

 

[landpirate]

I rubber tramp so I appreciate that in itself that is safer than hitch hiking for example and I'm also in the UK so perhaps that's safer than the USA (I dunno?). Nowadays I travel 99% of the time Just me and my dog. I pick up hitchhikers and occasionally friends come along for the ride.

I have felt so much safer on my own than I ever did traveling with male friends/ ex boyfriends. They just got me into situations that were really sketchy and because I stupidly assumed safety in numbers I went head on into it all even though I would never consider doing these thing or going to these places as a lone female because I know the outcome is going to be awful. I just find that men all too often act overly confident and think they can handle every situation whereas I think sometimes women are more aware of people's body language and are more careful which situations they put themselves in. I guess men in my experience seem to take more risks.

I think you also have to remember that the risk of abuse is also very real in terms of it coming from the male person you are traveling with.

For example since travelling solo I HAVEN'T been strangled, punched in the face, robbed, threatened with a knife, arrested, spat at or coerced into criminal activity (all things that happened to me whilst in the "safe" company of men!) I lead a peaceful life now and I worry a lot less about my safety. Maybe that has partly come with age too (I'm 35!)

I get more respect for travelling alone in fact and it's something a lot of my female friends are also doing which is really great. I think if you're female or identify so, then I personally think you'd be much better off travelling with another female or a gang of them if you're not ready for solo travelling.

In my experience of life squatting, sleeping rough and rubber tramping I've definitely been able to rely on the support of the women around me and I'd trust my life with them.

These are just my experiences and opinions. Not all people of the same gender behave the same way. There are good people in all walks of life.

 

[marmar]

I rubber tramp so I appreciate that in itself that is safer than hitch hiking for example and I'm also in the UK so perhaps that's safer than the USA (I dunno?). Nowadays I travel 99% of the time Just me and my dog. I pick up hitchhikers and occasionally friends come along for the ride.

I have felt so much safer on my own than I ever did traveling with male friends/ ex boyfriends. They just got me into situations that were really sketchy and because I stupidly assumed safety in numbers I went head on into it all even though I would never consider doing these thing or going to these places as a lone female because I know the outcome is going to be awful. I just find that men all too often act overly confident and think they can handle every situation whereas I think sometimes women are more aware of people's body language and are more careful which situations they put themselves in. I guess men in my experience seem to take more risks.

I think you also have to remember that the risk of abuse is also very real in terms of it coming from the male person you are traveling with.

For example since travelling solo I HAVEN'T been strangled, punched in the face, robbed, threatened with a knife, arrested, spat at or coerced into criminal activity (all things that happened to me whilst in the "safe" company of men!) I lead a peaceful life now and I worry a lot less about my safety. Maybe that has partly come with age too (I'm 35!)

I get more respect for travelling alone in fact and it's something a lot of my female friends are also doing which is really great. I think if you're female or identify so, then I personally think you'd be much better off travelling with another female or a gang of them if you're not ready for solo travelling.

In my experience of life squatting, sleeping rough and rubber tramping I've definitely been able to rely on the support of the women around me and I'd trust my life with them.

These are just my experiences and opinions. Not all people of the same gender behave the same way. There are good people in all walks of life.

So agree with all of this! My experiences exactly put into words, thank you!
I'm 31 and I guess confidence comes with age and experiences here. I definitely went thru all that exact bulshit with males, all I'm my 20s. Now that crap just doesn't pass, not in my van anyway

 

[Deleted member 14481]

Being focused on being "female bodied" is a large part of the problem when we discuss violence in any community. It's very much erasing the trans experience, which can also be violent and deadly.

 

[marmar]

Being focused on being "female bodied" is a large part of the problem when we discuss violence in any community. It's very much erasing the trans experience, which can also be violent and deadly.

no one is erasing trans experience. feel free to start a thread on trans travellers specific experience if thats something you want to talk about

 

[Deleted member 14481]

no one is erasing trans experience. feel free to start a thread on trans travellers specific experience if thats something you want to talk about

The thread was started by a man, and there are a lot of men posting in here assuming what some of the "female bodied experience" is. And, there's a reply about a cis man disrespecting a trans women in the thread, but I need to start my own thread about the trans experience when its been depicted in a negative way in this thread.

I know that XlilyX already said a piece on "cis males and trans men being born with female bodies", but there's really hurtful to a lot of transmen, that had any dysphoria. They don't identity with that body is what's important, as to why they're trans. And saying "female bodied" is also an exclusionary term to transwomen with the parts we have labeled "female". I acknowledge that everyone handles their identity individually, but more than enough people use this "basic language" to be able to exclude trans and non-binary people in different ways.

To bring it back to the topic:

The "female bodied experience" works in more variety than being "female bodied" because there's more to it than the body. It's everything going on around the body and in the mind and emotions. And, it's also about what your body looks like and how other view or interprete it. I find that to be the biggest issue. If someone has decided they are going to try to do something for or against you it has why more to do with how they preserve you than just the template "female bodied" idea.

But something I can point out, it that there can be a great fluctuation is services offered to people based on men, women, and children from area to area. And, some of these services deny transpeople, for whatever body they have. The the unique situation of the "female bodied" idea being applied to transmen is why rape and assault are such consequences for them in certain spaces. The traveling and homeless communities are especially dangerous because people are harder to catch and keep track of - having no id, being undocumented, no previous record, traveling around a lot, and a long list of other good reasons.

Not that it isn't the same situation that will all agree to acknowledging, but there are a lot of cis women and transpeople that don't go into a lot of spaces because they are afraid of how they'll be treated by the cis men. Hell, there are cis men that don't go into spaces because of how toxic the other cis men are!

As a non-binary person that doesn't care as much, I can walk into a space, let people miss-gender all they want. Get food and clothes, and leave. If someone tries to fuck with me I fuck with them back or ignore them. But, not everyone is like that. The "female bodied experience" only has as much emphasis as toxic masculinity and the patriarchy allows it to.

 

[Smudge]

I'm a woman travelling alone and honestly I felt more unsafe living on college at uni than I do now.

 

[marmar]

The thread was started by a man, and there are a lot of men posting in here assuming what some of the "female bodied experience" is. And, there's a reply about a cis man disrespecting a trans women in the thread, but I need to start my own thread about the trans experience when its been depicted in a negative way in this thread.

I know that XlilyX already said a piece on "cis males and trans men being born with female bodies", but there's really hurtful to a lot of transmen, that had any dysphoria. They don't identity with that body is what's important, as to why they're trans. And saying "female bodied" is also an exclusionary term to transwomen with the parts we have labeled "female". I acknowledge that everyone handles their identity individually, but more than enough people use this "basic language" to be able to exclude trans and non-binary people in different ways.

To bring it back to the topic:

The "female bodied experience" works in more variety than being "female bodied" because there's more to it than the body. It's everything going on around the body and in the mind and emotions. And, it's also about what your body looks like and how other view or interprete it. I find that to be the biggest issue. If someone has decided they are going to try to do something for or against you it has why more to do with how they preserve you than just the template "female bodied" idea.

But something I can point out, it that there can be a great fluctuation is services offered to people based on men, women, and children from area to area. And, some of these services deny transpeople, for whatever body they have. The the unique situation of the "female bodied" idea being applied to transmen is why rape and assault are such consequences for them in certain spaces. The traveling and homeless communities are especially dangerous because people are harder to catch and keep track of - having no id, being undocumented, no previous record, traveling around a lot, and a long list of other good reasons.

Not that it isn't the same situation that will all agree to acknowledging, but there are a lot of cis women and transpeople that don't go into a lot of spaces because they are afraid of how they'll be treated by the cis men. Hell, there are cis men that don't go into spaces because of how toxic the other cis men are!

As a non-binary person that doesn't care as much, I can walk into a space, let people miss-gender all they want. Get food and clothes, and leave. If someone tries to fuck with me I fuck with them back or ignore them. But, not everyone is like that. The "female bodied experience" only has as much emphasis as toxic masculinity and the patriarchy allows it to.

I agree with everything you said, I just don't see why you get offended about trans experience being put into a separate category or thread in here. While female experience on the road is harder and contains more danger of being preyed on by males, trans experience could be similar but also different and contain other sort of danger. For example not so much of being a prey but a victim of hate violence, that could have different consequences. Idk. I just feel like if you are feeling like your voice is being unrepresented in this thread, it's not a big deal to start your own. It's pretty egalitarian platform for travellers of any identity.

 

[marmar]

The thread was started by a man, and there are a lot of men posting in here assuming what some of the "female bodied experience" is. And, there's a reply about a cis man disrespecting a trans women in the thread, but I need to start my own thread about the trans experience when its been depicted in a negative way in this thread.

Yea it is weird that this thread was started by a dude, not a woman. And too many dudes jumped in to talk "female experince" that no-one asked them about. Patriarchy and toxic masculinity, men dominating spaces is quite real. That's why I'm saying, marginalized groups should create their own spaces, with no men's opinions welcomed. Safer spaces

 

[croc]

Now that I have a few months in as a "female bodied" traveler, I'll chime in on this thread (which I was beyond stoked to find last year when I joined!)
I do not feel like I need male presence to be safe at all. While I understand that I'm assumed to be a woman from the way that I look and it could put me in a more vulnerable spot, I'd rather do that than hang with dude travelers who insist that I'm safer with them and shouldn't travel alone. Basically, I'd rather possibly be at a higher risk of danger than be told how I'm being protected when my common sense has seemed more useful than the ~fearless man~ next to me.
Having other "female" company, whether it be based on biology or identity, is my ideal for a road dog if I had to have one. Reiterating what someone said earlier, being a little more of a target makes you have to use your brain and gut more than those who aren't.

 

[croc]

I'd also like to chime in on the trans inclusion topic that's been going on.
I'm a trans dude and for years would be pissed if someone called me female in any way because I don't identify as a female. I kinda just decided one day that I can spend the rest of my life being upset when I'm misgendered, or grouped with the term "female", or I can make myself get past that for my own mental well being. I can get upset at the world til I'm blue in the face or accept that what they're saying isn't a reflection of me and I can entirely ignore it if I want.
But not all people work the same and of course I can still see why some afab (assigned female at birth) trans people would be upset by this. My advice to them is try to block that out for their own peace of mind, but just because it worked for me doesn't mean it's everyone's truth.
This post seems to specifically be geared toward people who are usually perceived as women, maybe that would be a good way to put it?
I I wanna ask the trans folk on here what terms everyone thinks would be best to use when avoiding using male or female bodied, but that might be off topic so I'll start another thread about it.

 

[livefastdiekt]

Thank you so fucking much for this! I'm a gal just starting out and I've been real nervous but dude everything you've said has been such a quiet voice in the back of my brain, thanks to you its a lot louder now. You're right and I know it. I can do this!!! Also, my road dog was supposed to fucking help me. Teach me. I was supposed to be able to depend on him. But nah he decided to confess his love to me after a week and be all pissy cuz I didn't show him interest. Bullshit dude.

 

[Shwillam]

yea you fucking can, see you up the road or down the line

 

[otch0z]

(disclaimer : I'm taking shortcuts writing "female" instead of non-transphobic terms. English is not my first language so just writing this level of concept is complicated to me)

So I just found this thread using the search thingy, read it, and what I'll add might not be major but I'm female and it kinda lacks in this thread so :

I don't think traveling with a dude makes you safer, but I do fear hitching alone. I used to (for non-extended periods of time, and in rather safe conditions) but now I'd much rather travel with another female or some of my male friends. I don't feel like I'm making a gender difference though, I just prefer not to hitch alone. I just assume safety is in number but this thread had me think twice about that.

I kinda agree with what have been said about traveling with a cis man tho. I think it can be more dangerous because of the way they act with other cis men and, of course, with us females.

I've been hitching with a female friend and then a male friend (who's gay, and really aware of gender, feminism and stuff so his behaviour is not so cis and annoying) and I didn't feel safer traveling with a male rather than a female.
I actually never feared for my safety hitching, apart from the danger of driving in general. My female friend and myself had a bad experience, though. But fear wasn't what I felt.

As for traveling at all, well I find nice having someone to remember adventures with, but it's not really related to safety.

Concerning trans people, I think it's another discussion which is as important as this one, but which depends on other types of dangers, as well as the ones that female-bodied persons experience.

Concerning cis men frustrated to be generalized, please have the decency to stay silent ? If you're really angry about it, start another thread instead of changing the thread's subject ? And if you don't know a term, maybe google it first ?

 

[benton]

Yea it is weird that this thread was started by a dude, not a woman. And too many dudes jumped in to talk "female experince" that no-one asked them about. Patriarchy and toxic masculinity, men dominating spaces is quite real. That's why I'm saying, marginalized groups should create their own spaces, with no men's opinions welcomed. Safer spaces

This is not such a space and the ideas you are posting are comprised largely of opinions as opposed to objective facts.

You can create whatever space you would like and there is little chance of me entering it uninvited; however, to suggest that my ability to occupy the public space and express myself solely based on my gender is simply sexist and bigoted.

If I accept the premise of men dominating spaces (and I would not accept this idea without a debate as it is an incomplete idea that presumes all men equally capable of and willing to dominate spaces), surely the solution to the problem of male domination of spaces. cannot be female domination of spaces.

Anyone can tell anyone to shut up, and anyone can refuse to shut up. To quote one of my favorite songs "fuck you I won't do what you tell me."

Most of my favorite people of all genders and creeds practice that philosophy in their lives.

You might get me to agree to do what you want me to do, but it only after convincing me with a logically sound argument (point of view) that has withstood the scrutiny of being picked apart at all its weak points.

Simply stating an opinion as fact and then expecting me or anyone else to fall in line with your thinking is asinine in my opinion.

And I mean every word of this post and I stand behind it as a human being. I believe that these ideas are clear and logically constructed and they are my exact thoughts and I would not expect to backtrack from them in any way.

Anybody don't like it? Not my problem...

I did not come to the Earth to be told what I can and can't say and where I can and can't go based on whats between my legs.

 

[roughdraft]

something I have noticed in Patagonia (and this has been brought up to me by other folks too, primarily native Chileans) is that you will see a fair amount of Italian, Dutch, German, Greek, French, Australian, Canadian, etc female bodied individuals traveling by themselves - but you will almost never see a Chilena/Latinx female bodied individual traveling without a male bodied individual. Granted that noone witnesses everyone - it is a general observation. Anyway I find it kind of sad.

 

[Oddy]

I would like to point out that a serious problem I've come across is cis male folks saying all the right things and talking about female empowerment, sexism, feminism etc because that's what they know people want to hear, but not actually checking their own behaviour. The OP of this thread being a prime example (see the thread about him in the shady and untrustworthy people section). I'm not trying to generalise, but in a thread about travelling solo as a female, being discussed by mostly (from what I can tell) males, I would just like to remind people that talking about the female experience and encouraging female bodied travellers is great, but so is checking yourself and those around you.

As for advice to female bodied travellers, do what you want and judge people by their actions, not their words. Stay safe.