Most common question as a solo female van-dweller. | Squat the Planet

Most common question as a solo female van-dweller.

Oddy

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There are so many questions people could ask me about my lifestyle, but there is one question I get asked over and over again. "So, do you have a partner/boyfriend?" This question is always asked by men and they are always shocked when I tell them it's just me and my dog. Perhaps it's because my big white ford transit van is the classic "man's van" and they can't fathom that it belongs to just little old me, or maybe it's because the idea of sleeping on the roadside terrifies them and the can't believe a young woman is braver than they are.

Whatever the reason, it's become pretty exhausting to hear over the last year, I don't think this lifestyle should be gendered and I don't need a man to look after me. I honestly believe anyone with the guts can live this way.

I am intrigued though, is this something that sole female van-dwellers hear a lot in other countries/cultures? I'd like to hear other people's experiences on this topic..
 

Oddy

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It's not a huge deal, but it was playing on my mind, hence the thread. It's not offensive, I just find it irritating. Its usually asked in a tone that barely hides the "you can't do that without a man" mindset, which is fine the first few times, but does get tiresome after you've heard it 50+ times. Mostly though, I just feel it's an irrelevant question and all my male friends living in vehicles don't get asked it.
 
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siid

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dont worry about it
I get it all the time and it annoys me too because 1) why is that relevant 2) why you care 3) who the f are you 4) dont worry bout me, worry about you 5) gtfo my face

It isnt an innocent question. It is invasive. No one asks if you got a bf/gf if they werent interested in you/tryina get something outta you (thats a sliding scale). I dont ask no one about that if im not interested because its completely irrelevant to me. Theyre really just asking because if you say you DONT have a bf, that for them is an OKAY to hit on you, completely disregarding whether you have any desire for this persons attention/advances or not.

Also when its just random people on the street who are just genuinely curious about your lifestyle and do ask innocently, it also implies they expect you to be with a dude for safety and that you should not and could not do it alone. Or even blatantly suggest that you should find yourself a boyfriend, thats when the conversation turns from "innocent" questions to gtfo my face. Also they dont realize that most of the time "another dude" is what gets you in fucked situations. (i speak for myself based on my experiences and what ive seen) Its a damaging mentality to think you cant do anything without another person, i think it leads to many people staying with someone who treats them shitty because they think they cant or dont want to do it alone or do better. So by people thinking they are innocently asking that, it does spread a negative mentality that people can be suceptible to and start to believe.

Also annoying when you're with another dude and people will only speak directly to him so they dont step on anyones toes as if you were their property and the dude is assumed to speak on your behalf. Like asking him questions in regard to you when youre RIGHT there: "does she smoke..", "wheres she from.." etc.
 

siid

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dont worry about it
Its always a relevant question. Dont let it phase you though. Nobody is doubting your capabilities or abilities though. If they do, flex on them fools. I get it

I do think it is doubting a females capabilities and abilities but definitely, flex on them. People dont really get it or are used to these types of situations because a lot of people dont speak up or are scared to be rude or something idk wtf it is but i find it necessary to flex. sometimes abbrasively. so I second that.

To one person who doesnt deal with it a lot it might not seem like an annoyance but dealing with it several times a day or to have every encounter with every person you meet take that direction when god forbid you didnt feel like being seen as a piece of meat in that instance, hell yea its annoying
 

Matt Derrick

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i totally agree with @siid, most of the time (in my experience) it's been a leading question, trying to figure out if they are 'allowed' to make advances or not. even as a guy i would get weird questions like 'is that your sister?' or 'are you two married?' and 90% of the time i was pretty obvious they were asking if they could try to fuck my girlfriend.

also, it's absolutely true that men don't get asked about why they're not traveling with a woman. so there's some inherent sexism going on there for sure. im sure some of it is out of genuine concern, but i understand it can be annoying as fuck to hear all the damn time.

slightly on that subject, i happened upon a really neat youtube channel called 'one chick travels' where she travels around in a sprinter van mountain climbing at various places, but also interviews other women doing the same, which i think is really interesting and inspiring. worth checking out:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxD9HC_IoZSIXdGboHeoNRQ
 

Oddy

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Were all travelers collecting different experiences so all of this speculation is invaluable. It reliefs none of our other friendly travelers observing with any kind of benefit. Like i said, whatever floats your boat
SHOCKING! A dude that can't find value in talking about female bodied people's experiences. Also for future reference "invaluable" means extremely useful or indispensable, unlike your contribution to this thread.
 

MFB

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In defense, I understand how 'invaluable' could be confusing, regardless, sick burn!

Im sure womens get it more, but this isnt a question exclusive to ladies. I do all my travelling/climbing/nature stuff by myself. Just my preference. A lot of folks cant wrap thier head around it, tell me its dangerous, boring, etc. Ive always thought it comes down to some people cant fathom being alone, or wanting to be alone.

Admittedly, I ask that question as well. Guys and gals. I dont mean anything by it more than trying to get to know someone. Perhaps undeservedly, I always have a bit more respect for solo travellers.
 

roughdraft

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altho im not female or living in a van i gotta shake my head for how often i hear the question, especially with that concerned or confused tone or am called 'brave' for traveling alone or hear 'wow' when i confirm it but what can ya do? one person's normal doesn't coincide with what a lot of people are comfortable with
 

roughdraft

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Also annoying when you're with another dude and people will only speak directly to him so they dont step on anyones toes as if you were their property and the dude is assumed to speak on your behalf. Like asking him questions in regard to you when youre RIGHT there: "does she smoke..", "wheres she from.." etc.
even as a guy i would get weird questions like 'is that your sister?' or 'are you two married?' and 90% of the time i was pretty obvious they were asking if they could try to fuck my girlfriend.

yeh these examples to me are fuckin nuts. how can anyone respect someone who speaks that way?
 

Robie

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I am genuinely pleased when I come across a solo woman traveler, which is sadly rare. If a conversation is had, being a solo traveler is never a topic, neither is sex or relationships (except as a general topic). I see no reason, nor do I have the right, to question someones ability or right to live independently. As a man, I recognize that many males are unable to resist their primitive primal urges that override other emotions resulting in a belief of entitlement over women and weaker men.
I would apologize on their behalf, but I dont feel obligated to excuse such behavior so I wont bother to waste my time.
 

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