Most common question as a solo female van-dweller. (1 Viewer)

Oddy

Wayfarer
Joined
Jun 16, 2017
Messages
44
Location
Somewhere
There are so many questions people could ask me about my lifestyle, but there is one question I get asked over and over again. "So, do you have a partner/boyfriend?" This question is always asked by men and they are always shocked when I tell them it's just me and my dog. Perhaps it's because my big white ford transit van is the classic "man's van" and they can't fathom that it belongs to just little old me, or maybe it's because the idea of sleeping on the roadside terrifies them and the can't believe a young woman is braver than they are.

Whatever the reason, it's become pretty exhausting to hear over the last year, I don't think this lifestyle should be gendered and I don't need a man to look after me. I honestly believe anyone with the guts can live this way.

I am intrigued though, is this something that sole female van-dwellers hear a lot in other countries/cultures? I'd like to hear other people's experiences on this topic..
 
Click here to buy one of our amazing custom bandanas!

Cam3J

Wanderer
Joined
Jan 9, 2019
Messages
69
Age
29
Location
Austin,TX
Sounds like an innocent question to me. Dont understand what the fuss is about here. Is the sky blue? How are families built? Is cereal dinner? Do you have a boyfriend?
 
OP
Oddy

Oddy

Wayfarer
Joined
Jun 16, 2017
Messages
44
Location
Somewhere
It's not a huge deal, but it was playing on my mind, hence the thread. It's not offensive, I just find it irritating. Its usually asked in a tone that barely hides the "you can't do that without a man" mindset, which is fine the first few times, but does get tiresome after you've heard it 50+ times. Mostly though, I just feel it's an irrelevant question and all my male friends living in vehicles don't get asked it.
 
D

Deleted member 24029

I deleted myself
True, no one has ever asked that of Liam the Terrible:
 

Cam3J

Wanderer
Joined
Jan 9, 2019
Messages
69
Age
29
Location
Austin,TX
Its always a relevant question. Dont let it phase you though. Nobody is doubting your capabilities or abilities though. If they do, flex on them fools. I get it
 

siid

Burrito fund contributor
StP Supporter
Joined
Jul 13, 2012
Messages
158
Location
dont fuckin worry about it
I get it all the time and it annoys me too because 1) why is that relevant 2) why you care 3) who the f are you 4) dont worry bout me, worry about you 5) gtfo my face

It isnt an innocent question. It is invasive. No one asks if you got a bf/gf if they werent interested in you/tryina get something outta you (thats a sliding scale). I dont ask no one about that if im not interested because its completely irrelevant to me. Theyre really just asking because if you say you DONT have a bf, that for them is an OKAY to hit on you, completely disregarding whether you have any desire for this persons attention/advances or not.

Also when its just random people on the street who are just genuinely curious about your lifestyle and do ask innocently, it also implies they expect you to be with a dude for safety and that you should not and could not do it alone. Or even blatantly suggest that you should find yourself a boyfriend, thats when the conversation turns from "innocent" questions to gtfo my face. Also they dont realize that most of the time "another dude" is what gets you in fucked situations. (i speak for myself based on my experiences and what ive seen) Its a damaging mentality to think you cant do anything without another person, i think it leads to many people staying with someone who treats them shitty because they think they cant or dont want to do it alone or do better. So by people thinking they are innocently asking that, it does spread a negative mentality that people can be suceptible to and start to believe.

Also annoying when you're with another dude and people will only speak directly to him so they dont step on anyones toes as if you were their property and the dude is assumed to speak on your behalf. Like asking him questions in regard to you when youre RIGHT there: "does she smoke..", "wheres she from.." etc.
 

siid

Burrito fund contributor
StP Supporter
Joined
Jul 13, 2012
Messages
158
Location
dont fuckin worry about it
Its always a relevant question. Dont let it phase you though. Nobody is doubting your capabilities or abilities though. If they do, flex on them fools. I get it
I do think it is doubting a females capabilities and abilities but definitely, flex on them. People dont really get it or are used to these types of situations because a lot of people dont speak up or are scared to be rude or something idk wtf it is but i find it necessary to flex. sometimes abbrasively. so I second that.

To one person who doesnt deal with it a lot it might not seem like an annoyance but dealing with it several times a day or to have every encounter with every person you meet take that direction when god forbid you didnt feel like being seen as a piece of meat in that instance, hell yea its annoying
 

Matt Derrick

Semi-retired traveler
Staff member
Admin
Joined
Aug 4, 2006
Messages
10,030
Location
Austin, TX
Website
youtube.com
i totally agree with @siid, most of the time (in my experience) it's been a leading question, trying to figure out if they are 'allowed' to make advances or not. even as a guy i would get weird questions like 'is that your sister?' or 'are you two married?' and 90% of the time i was pretty obvious they were asking if they could try to fuck my girlfriend.

also, it's absolutely true that men don't get asked about why they're not traveling with a woman. so there's some inherent sexism going on there for sure. im sure some of it is out of genuine concern, but i understand it can be annoying as fuck to hear all the damn time.

slightly on that subject, i happened upon a really neat youtube channel called 'one chick travels' where she travels around in a sprinter van mountain climbing at various places, but also interviews other women doing the same, which i think is really interesting and inspiring. worth checking out:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxD9HC_IoZSIXdGboHeoNRQ
 

Cam3J

Wanderer
Joined
Jan 9, 2019
Messages
69
Age
29
Location
Austin,TX
Were all travelers collecting different experiences so all of this speculation is invaluable. It reliefs none of our other friendly travelers observing with any kind of benefit. Like i said, whatever floats your boat
 

Cam3J

Wanderer
Joined
Jan 9, 2019
Messages
69
Age
29
Location
Austin,TX
Well were all just people doing what people do. You do you and i do me. At the end of the day, who really gives a fuck?
 
OP
Oddy

Oddy

Wayfarer
Joined
Jun 16, 2017
Messages
44
Location
Somewhere
Were all travelers collecting different experiences so all of this speculation is invaluable. It reliefs none of our other friendly travelers observing with any kind of benefit. Like i said, whatever floats your boat
SHOCKING! A dude that can't find value in talking about female bodied people's experiences. Also for future reference "invaluable" means extremely useful or indispensable, unlike your contribution to this thread.
 

MFB

Wise Sage
Joined
Nov 15, 2012
Messages
734
Age
39
Location
CO
In defense, I understand how 'invaluable' could be confusing, regardless, sick burn!

Im sure womens get it more, but this isnt a question exclusive to ladies. I do all my travelling/climbing/nature stuff by myself. Just my preference. A lot of folks cant wrap thier head around it, tell me its dangerous, boring, etc. Ive always thought it comes down to some people cant fathom being alone, or wanting to be alone.

Admittedly, I ask that question as well. Guys and gals. I dont mean anything by it more than trying to get to know someone. Perhaps undeservedly, I always have a bit more respect for solo travellers.
 

roughdraft

RápidoCorrenLosCarrosRespletoLosRielesDFerrocarril
Joined
Oct 16, 2015
Messages
1,280
Age
29
Location
smocation
altho im not female or living in a van i gotta shake my head for how often i hear the question, especially with that concerned or confused tone or am called 'brave' for traveling alone or hear 'wow' when i confirm it but what can ya do? one person's normal doesn't coincide with what a lot of people are comfortable with
 

roughdraft

RápidoCorrenLosCarrosRespletoLosRielesDFerrocarril
Joined
Oct 16, 2015
Messages
1,280
Age
29
Location
smocation
Also annoying when you're with another dude and people will only speak directly to him so they dont step on anyones toes as if you were their property and the dude is assumed to speak on your behalf. Like asking him questions in regard to you when youre RIGHT there: "does she smoke..", "wheres she from.." etc.
even as a guy i would get weird questions like 'is that your sister?' or 'are you two married?' and 90% of the time i was pretty obvious they were asking if they could try to fuck my girlfriend.
yeh these examples to me are fuckin nuts. how can anyone respect someone who speaks that way?
 

Robie

Pilgrim
Joined
Sep 25, 2016
Messages
33
Age
59
Location
Nine Mile Falls Wa
I am genuinely pleased when I come across a solo woman traveler, which is sadly rare. If a conversation is had, being a solo traveler is never a topic, neither is sex or relationships (except as a general topic). I see no reason, nor do I have the right, to question someones ability or right to live independently. As a man, I recognize that many males are unable to resist their primitive primal urges that override other emotions resulting in a belief of entitlement over women and weaker men.
I would apologize on their behalf, but I dont feel obligated to excuse such behavior so I wont bother to waste my time.
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

About us

  • Squat the Planet is the world's largest social network for misfit travelers. Join our community of do-it-yourself nomads and learn how to explore the world by any means necessary.

    More Info

Support StP!

Donations go towards paying our monthly server fees, adding new features to the website, and occasionally putting a burrito in Matt's mouth.

Total amount
$115.00
Goal
$100.00

Monthly Goals

  1. Paying the Bills
    $50.00 of $50.00 - reached!
    The first $50 in donations go towards paying our monthly server fees and adding new features to the website. Once this goal is reached, we'll see about feeding Matt that burrito.
  2. Buy Matt a Beer
    $75.00 of $75.00 - reached!
    Now that we have the bills paid for this month, let's give Matt a hearty thank you by buying him a drink for all the hard work he's done for StP. Hopefully his will help keep him from going insane after a long day of squishing website bugs.
  3. Feed Matt a Burrito
    $100.00 of $100.00 - reached!
    Now that the bills are paid and Matt has a beer in his hand, how about showing him your love by rewarding all his hard work with a big fat burrito to put in his mouth. This will keep him alive while programming new features for the website.
  4. Finance the Shopping Cart
    $115.00 of $200.00
    Now that the bills are paid and Matt is fed, perhaps it's time to start planning for those twilight years under the bridge... if only he had that golden shopping cart all the oogles are bragging about these days.