I have been referring to the Creator of the Supreme Teleological Praetorium as "Glorious Leader" for some few years, now.
He is Beneficient, Wise, Kind, Compassionate, Good, and a Son of A Bitch Pain In the Ass to those whom are too selfish to understand the World does not Rotate around them..
This is a Very Nice Place where the Monkeys can come & talk & throw Shit at things..
Some Monkeys talk about how to stay out of Cages..
Some Monkeys talked about the monkeys that are no longer Monkeys, but decided to become hoomin, instead, & the hoomins are the ones that get the most shit thrown at them, because they are just shit, anyways..
they hate Monkeys, because the monkeys stayed Monkeys, or worse, were hoomins who *became* Monkeys..
So when Glorious Leader saw all the monkeys being chased by the hoomis, he said "I will give the Monkeys a Place to call Home, but in this Place, where there should be NO rules, there will be ONE rule: 'Monkey Shall Not Throw Shit At Monkey"
And it was a Good Rule, and it was a Good Place, and after separating the Monkeys from the hoomins, He Waited, wondering which monkey would Fuck Up First...
Now, in the Days Before hoomins, all monkeys were Monkeys, and there was no need for a Glorious Leader, and All The Planet was Ripe for the Squatting..
but One Day a monkey said "I am tired of the difficulties required for the ethical computations of positive duty.. it would be much Easier to determine how I can kill.. or better yet, how I can *enslave* my fellow monkeys?"..
& thus the first hoomin fell out of the Poop..(... well, no... just 'poop', I imagine, since nothing really grows from it..) of Analytical Reasoning and Derivative Abstractions..
Immediately thereafter the hoomin changed its name to $atan & proceeded to create the Epistemological Technology known as 'politics', and conceived of the "Absolute Resolution of Perception" as that of each monkey being a functional cog within those metapysims which allowed for the uncontested primal axioms required for the existence of various manifestations of the cognitive processes which found their Expression in the Enforcement of Law by Default and Punishment, otherwise known (in its most Perfect Form) as the "Police $tate".
& the hoomins, thereafter, were fruitful, & multiplied, because they did not know the Shit they were given to Eat
was Poison..
& $atan said "Now all I must do is Destroy Matt Derrick and His Kind..", whereat Glorious Leader Perceived its thoughts and said " I shall now make a new Rule, weaker than the First.. Monkey may throw Shit at Monkey Three Times, but no more; and thus if a Monkey throws its shit too Often, we shall know that that monkey has been poisoned, and may, in Fact, be hoomin.."
And that was the Second rule, and it angered $atan, wroth...
Thereafter $atan created Chemical Weapons & Mechanical Weapons, greater than the mere Force of screaming & rocks & sticks..
& after this, some of the monkeys said "fuck Matt Derrick, we now have *better* things to throw at each other than poop!!"
And it followed that those monkeys who threw arrows and spears and all forms of contrived augmentations all became hoomins, and those Monkeys who chose to remain Monkeys ran away, using railroads and bicycles and boots and boats & prayers & Hopes for Kindness to Escape the Stench the hoomins emitted, upon their Abandonment of Being..
and $atan laughed, thinking Glorious Leader had now been Defeated..
But Yahweh shook his Head at $atan & sighed "you poor fucking asshole.." and Proceeded to Provide all those Escaping Monkeys with Adventures, so that most of the time they either pitied hoomins, or dinna give a fuck about them, since the Adventures carried undifferentiated knowledge that only Monkeys could perceive, and which separated their existence from itself..
$atan was again driven wroth, and said " ok, Shithead, now i shall make nukes, and create a network of communication which shall distract all hoomins and all monkeys from knowing what is important, except the act of communicating itself, *no matter how inane*, and therefore all shall fear either Destruction by Energy or a Reduction to Insignificance.."
and $atan gave the internet to hoomins he called 'politicians' and 'bureaucrats', in order to overwhelm the technical weaknesses of those Monkeys whom refused to Stop Having Adventures..
& Glorious Leader said: " I shall now Become Bodhisattva, putting away my Adventures for the Sake of Other Monkeys", and with this thought sprang forth the the edifice known among the Holies as the Supreme Teleological Praetorium..
$atan, upon seeing this, and seeing that not only were his actions being Undone, and his theoretical principles of structural subjection being negated by inquires regarding proofs and inconsistencies, but also that some hoomins, in ever increasing numbers, were ***regressing back into Monkeys*** decided to unleash his last, ultimate weapon.
Too unholy to describe, he split himself into hitler, mussolini & any number of bad, shit throwing monkeys who wanted more than Monkeyness, because they thought that doing shit other Monkeys Hated but couldn't Stop meant they were some sort of supermonkey, and thus got to Always be First in Line, and then recombined himself, in a purely DNA-free embodiment as Ronald Regan, all the while screaming at Glorious Leader & His Ilk, frothing at the pain of his orgasm, which should have been Joy, but was instead the Destitute Torture of Failure, and thus failing to ejaculate, precipitated the best hoomin manifestation the conclusions of his rhetoricial barblefarf would allow, and within the chill, yet vaporous stench of mercury clinging to gold, twitched his newest (& perhaps most feeble) embodiment:
donald shrimp.. I mean trump.. who will kill this scribe & all other scribes, whom shall dance when he dies...
