LETS TALK ABOUT RAPE!

[Phuen]

How is this thread a safe space for men who were harassed and assaulted, with vile crap like "It is the fault of sexist men" just above, getting liked by Matt Derrick the admin???

I'm a man now, but when I was a boy of 19 traveling the US and UK, I've had my near drugged-and-raped incidents. It turned verbally violent once and luckily nothing further. I consider myself LUCKY to have evaded it, by sheer avoidance of alcohol and keeping an open and brave mouth on me - asking questions.

Shame on Matt Derrick for supporting sexism and hate here!

The fault is with both men and women, together with intoxication being socially accepted without precautions.

 

[Older Than Dirt]

Women drugged and raped you, Phuen? Bullshit.

Men and boys who have been sexually harassed or assaulted have had that done to them by.... men.

 

[Matt Derrick]

Shame on Matt Derrick for supporting sexism and hate here!

whoa boy, one of these people. joy.

i think you're a bit confused, since their statement was:

It is the fault of sexist men who don't understand consent and want to dominate women. They should be educated or ostracized from our community.

this person didn't say 'all men are sexist' etc... they said there are sexist men. so unless you're a sexist man, i don't think that statement applies to you.

 

[Phuen]

WTF I can't believe I'm getting mocked for this.

The fault is with rapists. Men and women. Not just "sexist men."

I sincerely hope another admin notices this and a discussion is raised, because mocking men who were assaulted is unacceptable.

 

[Matt Derrick]

Holy crap dude. No one is disagreeing with the fact that rape happens to not just women, and we're not arguing that it's just sexist men. Also, no one is mocking you, so please stop derailing this thread.

 

[Redfoxes]

revolting fucksticks get that twinkle in their eye like they just found something shiney... and you better believe that even an encounter that doesn't end in rape with these pieces of shit makes you want to dry-heave that sour pit out of your stomach for the next week...

Oh man. So much this. I lived out of my car for 3 months a short while back, and I spent a night parked on a property in the country, and had a middle aged man tell me I was a pretty young girl and such. This man knew where I was parked but I didn't have anywhere else to go that night. Not much sleep was had. I do have a tent which I set up a short ways from my car as a decoy in case he did turn up maybe I'd see him go for the tent first meanwhile I could floor it out of there.

Made me feel that good ole sick to the stomach. I have been assaulted before but it wasn't during a time that I was traveling, but back before I traveled at all and was a clueless 19 yr with a shit bf.
Also yeah, that hollow feeling, in most cases now I only feel that hollow ache when I have panic attacks, but for the first year or so after it happened it was constant.

 

[PotBellyFatGuy]

I just posted about this in another thread and a person didnt agree with me. I will repost here.

I have had near rape encounters many times with strangers but luckily was somewhat sober and somehow got out of it.

Though I have been raped twice by male friends.

This is the previous post, I responded to her response that I was acting like I was responsible since I said " I should have known better". Which sorry for me and myself I should have, though I have no fault in it...


Hi I see where you are coming from but I don't feel that way. I have little emotions connected to the rape, at the time I was sickened by it but then let it go.

I am a female who knows how male sexuality works. In an ideal world yes obviously he should have never tried to take advantage of me but we don't live in an ideal world. Cis men and women have different sexualities and when base males who just react from their sexual urges see an attractive female they get horny and many want to hump. If I am around atypical males as a woman I definitely make sure I don't get wasted around them and put myself in a situation where I could be raped. It is the way some men operate that as a woman equal to them in their eyes if I am drunk or very drunk you take responsibility for yourself and make plans accordingly.

Obviously people who purposely get someone drunk to have sex with them or till they pass out then rape them should be prosecuted. But being aware of alcohol and males in the first place would avoid the situation. We definitely need more awareness.

The guy that raped me in his mind it was a sex act. I would never prosecute him because he really believed that and well he's an idiot. He really had no clue. Though I am sure you will see that as an excuse for my predator but he is an equal to me. Another sad misinformed human being with a poor upbringing. I feel compassion for him.


I want to add that my rapes were not violent and drugged. They were more in the view of a sex act to the uneducated males they happened with but for me it was rape. We drank together I told one to stop kissing me but was most likely half assed drunkenly kissing him but told him no I dont want to have sex with him. In the morning I wake up to him humping me like a dog.

I would still go to bars by myself and hang out but am now more aware that men wanna fuck and I just want to hang out with other human beings.

I still travel the world by myself but again am weary. I have been followed and grabbed. So far again I've been lucky if thats even the correct word for it ....

I dont hitchhike anymore because I have too many shitty encounters. Even traveling as a group of females unless you have some females who are juiced I wouldnt do it. Too many sad fucked up males who werent breast fed enough or didnt get enough love from their mamas that want to take out their deep seated resentment on a female.

yes the typical male wants to have sex with women whenever possible. of course that is obvious which is why "the internet is for porn." sex sells bigtime and men are the ones chasing the women. with this basic fact that the world openly knows (and women take advantage of with hypergamy based on their sexual market value), i and my friends have NEVER raped any girl. we have never had a lack of impulse control or have hurt someone, either through breaking local laws or transgressing personal boundaries. we are horny but we are not rapists. if you turn on a guy and go "halfway" like your example story, what is he supposed to do? a vast majority (NOT myself included) would not be able to stop. is that considered rape or did you lead him on and then just expect him to turn off his sexual desire right there and then? he was likely very young too in his 20s. that's a toxic mix for a girl to call "rape." you invite these sexual situations with a man in his sexual prime and then just want it to end as if it is a class lecture or a transaction at a cash register. you can't have it both ways. you want to enjoy the sexual experience in the presence of a man - men, whose nature you know very well by default as per your own words - and then turn around and blame him for wanting to desire you. there is no compassion to feel. he did nothing wrong. women are the gatekeepers. if you don't trust men sexually, don't entice them or put yourself in a situation where he will want sex and then you just abruptly stop and then you turn around cry foul. that's not how life works.

 

[Matt Derrick]

yes the typical male wants to have sex with women whenever possible. of course that is obvious which is why "the internet is for porn." sex sells bigtime and men are the ones chasing the women. with this basic fact that the world openly knows (and women take advantage of with hypergamy based on their sexual market value), i and my friends have NEVER raped any girl. we have never had a lack of impulse control or have hurt someone, either through breaking local laws or transgressing personal boundaries. we are horny but we are not rapists. if you turn on a guy and go "halfway" like your example story, what is he supposed to do? a vast majority (NOT myself included) would not be able to stop. is that considered rape or did you lead him on and then just expect him to turn off his sexual desire right there and then? he was likely very young too in his 20s. that's a toxic mix for a girl to call "rape." you invite these sexual situations with a man in his sexual prime and then just want it to end as if it is a class lecture or a transaction at a cash register. you can't have it both ways. you want to enjoy the sexual experience in the presence of a man - men, whose nature you know very well by default as per your own words - and then turn around and blame him for wanting to desire you. there is no compassion to feel. he did nothing wrong. women are the gatekeepers. if you don't trust men sexually, don't entice them or put yourself in a situation where he will want sex and then you just abruptly stop and then you turn around cry foul. that's not how life works.

this is a very common form of victim blaming. the sort answer to your query is that if either partner of a sexual interaction withdraws consent at any point, failing to stop after that consent is withdrawn is indeed sexual assault at a minimum, and more often than not ends up in a situation in which a rape occurs.

if you turn on a guy and go "halfway" like your example story, what is he supposed to do? a vast majority (NOT myself included) would not be able to stop. is that considered rape or did you lead him on and then just expect him to turn off his sexual desire right there and then?

again, the above applies. also, the theory that men 'cannot stop' once a sexual interaction is initiated is a myth and usually a result of social mis-education. what they are 'supposed to do' is respect the other person's wishes for the human being they are, not disregard them to pursue your own selfish pleasure at their expense.

you invite these sexual situations with a man in his sexual prime and then just want it to end as if it is a class lecture or a transaction at a cash register. you can't have it both ways. you want to enjoy the sexual experience in the presence of a man - men, whose nature you know very well by default as per your own words - and then turn around and blame him for wanting to desire you. there is no compassion to feel. he did nothing wrong. women are the gatekeepers. if you don't trust men sexually, don't entice them or put yourself in a situation where he will want sex and then you just abruptly stop and then you turn around cry foul. that's not how life works.

boy, there's a lot of incorrect thinking there, too much for me to unpack right now. i'm just going to say that these concepts are part of the problem as to why rape occurs so frequently in our culture. let's just say that telling women that they don't have a choice at any point after a sexual interaction has been initiated is false.

'a kiss is not a contract' is a saying that is often used here, and I think it describes this situation. i doesn't matter if they say no after the first kiss or right before you're about to orgasm. if a 'no' occurs at any point, it is your duty not just as a man (because these situations can occur between any combination of genders) but as a basic human being, to discontinue the interaction.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't feel upset or confused, or any other feelings you are feeling at that time when it happens, but you need to put your feelings and libido aside instead of blaming them for letting you get worked up.

i'm gonna stop there for now, but honestly, this is the kind of thinking we need to combat against. the fact that @Phuen marked your post as 'useful' is both extremely disappointing and also kind of frightening.

 

[EmmaAintDead]

I've been assaulted while hitching once by a stranger, but generally speaking when this has happened to me it has been people I know who did it. Especially after I'd come out as trans, men who were close to me must have seen that as some kind of an "in." You aren't alone, you'll never be alone, and as much as I wish nobody else could share in these feelings, a LOT of us can.

Stay dangerous out there, loves. And don't let predators dictate how you live. We've got each other.

 

[roughdraft]

yes the typical male wants to have sex with women whenever possible. of course that is obvious which is why "the internet is for porn." sex sells bigtime and men are the ones chasing the women. with this basic fact that the world openly knows (and women take advantage of with hypergamy based on their sexual market value), i and my friends have NEVER raped any girl. we have never had a lack of impulse control or have hurt someone, either through breaking local laws or transgressing personal boundaries. we are horny but we are not rapists. if you turn on a guy and go "halfway" like your example story, what is he supposed to do? a vast majority (NOT myself included) would not be able to stop. is that considered rape or did you lead him on and then just expect him to turn off his sexual desire right there and then? he was likely very young too in his 20s. that's a toxic mix for a girl to call "rape." you invite these sexual situations with a man in his sexual prime and then just want it to end as if it is a class lecture or a transaction at a cash register. you can't have it both ways. you want to enjoy the sexual experience in the presence of a man - men, whose nature you know very well by default as per your own words - and then turn around and blame him for wanting to desire you. there is no compassion to feel. he did nothing wrong. women are the gatekeepers. if you don't trust men sexually, don't entice them or put yourself in a situation where he will want sex and then you just abruptly stop and then you turn around cry foul. that's not how life works.

I've fortunately only had to desist from continuing on in a hookup and go jerk myself off in the bushes or the bathroom on a couple of occasions and let me tell you - it was a lot less shameful than how I would imagine violating somebody.. you can't be for real man.

 

[Phuen]

It is useful. For example, just because assault and theft are wrong, doesn't mean it's okay to walk with your wallet and expensive phone out in poor neighborhoods. It's just being smart to consider risks.

It's not victim blaming. It's good advice that both women and men should heed. You flaunt it, you're asking for trouble. BE SMART ON THE ROAD. You're not at fault when you are the victim, but your new trauma may have been avoided!

 

[roughdraft]

It is useful. For example, just because assault and theft are wrong, doesn't mean it's okay to walk with your wallet and expensive phone out in poor neighborhoods. It's just being smart to consider risks.

It's not victim blaming. It's good advice that both women and men should heed. You flaunt it, you're asking for trouble. BE SMART ON THE ROAD. You're not at fault when you are the victim, but your new trauma may have been avoided!

look man, comparing a person being raped to a wallet or phone being stolen is just completely fuckin wrong.

 

[EmmaAintDead]

It is useful. For example, just because assault and theft are wrong, doesn't mean it's okay to walk with your wallet and expensive phone out in poor neighborhoods. It's just being smart to consider risks.

It's not victim blaming. It's good advice that both women and men should heed. You flaunt it, you're asking for trouble. BE SMART ON THE ROAD. You're not at fault when you are the victim, but your new trauma may have been avoided!

remember when OP specifically said they didnt want your shitty advice, broman?

 

[Matt Derrick]

It is useful. For example, just because assault and theft are wrong, doesn't mean it's okay to walk with your wallet and expensive phone out in poor neighborhoods. It's just being smart to consider risks.

It's not victim blaming. It's good advice that both women and men should heed. You flaunt it, you're asking for trouble. BE SMART ON THE ROAD. You're not at fault when you are the victim, but your new trauma may have been avoided!

oh boy. i feel like maybe i should hang back and let a woman answer this, but let's just say that we should be able to walk around flashing money everywhere and not expect to get robbed. just because that isn't our current reality doesn't mean that getting robbed is our fault.

take that an now apply it to rape. everyone should be able to wear whatever they want (or nothing at all) without being raped. just because that isn't our current reality doesn't mean it is the fault of the person who was raped.

It's not victim blaming.

what you are saying is, quite literally, the definition of victim blaming. please take some time to do more research on the subject and educate yourself.

 

[Phuen]

You're not at fault when you are the victim, but your new trauma may have been avoided!

Victim blaming is when you apply any fault to the victim. Which I do not.

This is reasonable advice that prevents people from becoming new victims. Most women are reasonable and agree with this. They don't victim blame, either. They just don't go around slapping tigers. Rapists are like tigers; don't expect reasoning or safety.

 

[EmmaAintDead]

@Phuen , You've had 9 posts and none of them have been worth reading. Please, for the love of god, let post #10 be "Goodbye I will never log into this site again"

 

[KnifeToe]

Much compassion to all the victims.

 

[roughdraft]

Victim blaming is when you apply any fault to the victim. Which I do not.

This is reasonable advice that prevents people from becoming new victims. Most women are reasonable and agree with this. They don't victim blame, either. They just don't go around slapping tigers. Rapists are like tigers; don't expect reasoning or safety.

you're in a thread started by a rape victim, saying you can speak for "most women", victim blaming, talking about slapping tigers. seriously, you are absolutely on the wrong website and you've gotta get a grip on reality

 

[PotBellyFatGuy]

this is a very common form of victim blaming. the sort answer to your query is that if either partner of a sexual interaction withdraws consent at any point, failing to stop after that consent is withdrawn is indeed sexual assault at a minimum, and more often than not ends up in a situation in which a rape occurs.

like i said, the typical female wants it both ways. first she was a horny slut and all was well as her sexual desires were being fulfilled but then at any second, her brain said stop, and now she became the victim instead of the taker of pleasure that *she* herself invited. the hypocrisy is pathetic. it is pure insanity to think that sex is rational and that it can just be shut off in the middle of arousal (especially with a man in his sexual prime), just like that. at least admit that you wanted what you asked for and you got exactly that. i am not talking about the kid earlier in the post or the other girls here who were taken advantage of in a myriad of ways. that's not just rape but child abuse of a minor as well. i am talking about a girl who invites sexual activity and then turns around and cries #metoo!

this is the exact prime reason men have gone MGTOW and how feminism has changed the social dynamic in mainstream society of dating and marriage.

 

[EmmaAintDead]

Oh man I can't wait to see a ban tag on @PotBellyFatGuy after THAT doozy