Jay/Rhubarb Dwyer/Snorting Nitrons

[croc]

Jay/Rhubarb Dwyer/Snorting Nitrons is a predator.

Jay made his own discord with some ppl from squat the planet and a few others who are interested in travel. He's taken on a mentor role for them, most of which are teenagers and early 20 somethings.

The youngest person I've known him to be involved with is/was 19 while Jay was 45 and I'd tried to talk to him multiple times about how it's not okay for him to be fucking w anyone w a "teen" in their age. Every time he blew it off with just "okay" or acted like I was being judgemental.

He takes on this mentor role and encourages young ppl to go travel, which would be rad if he wasn't also trynna get w ppl who are like fuckin 19-22 and haven't left home.

Before he and I had ever hooked up I had expressed I didn't want him to go down on me. Clear, coherent conversation. Then when we hooked up he just went for it anyway. I didn't consider this fucked up at the time bc I didn't say "no" again in the moment but nah, fuck that disrespectful shit.

We stopped being friends bc he flipped out on me for "ditching him for some dude in the subway" (I wanted to hang out with my friend, he didn't, so we went separate ways for the night n agreed to meet up in the am). I woke up to hella name calling, jealous texts from him n told him to fuck off. We're not friends anymore and I'm not "yours". And told him to not talk to me at jambo.

Fast-forward to jambo, he tries to talk to me, I say hi and turn away, obviously not wanting to engage n just exist separately in the communal space.

The last night of jambo I'm busking and a group of stp ppl are hangin right nearby. I get cold and go to put leggings on under my pants. So I go behind an electrical box so I'm out of view of the street. It was still in view of the stp ppl if they were to look over to the side at me. And guess who watched me fucking get changed that I'd made it very clear I don't fuck w?
Jay.

Here's screenshots of him admitting fuckin w a 19 year old and blowing off my "that's not okay" and further examples of his whole ~mentor~ of young ppl thing.

 

[snailormoon]

Well, here goes.

He contacted me through the main campfire on discord to join his own discord server. We would talk every night, and he seemed really awesome. Eventually I decided to travel with him after the 2019 Jambo in NOLA. I had never before been on the road, and he seemed to want to be a sort of mentor to me. This has been a pattern with a lot of young female bodied people that he talks to via discord and StP.

I traveled with Jay from November to late January of this year. It's taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that his behavior was problematic, especially in a sexual sense. I lived literally 2 feet away from him in my small sedan for almost three months straight. During that time, I dealt with being constantly objectified, groped, and made to feel uncomfortable.

Yes, I did willingly have sex with him on multiple occasions, but just because someone wants to have sex sometimes doesn't mean that they want to all the time! And I ended up very much regretting ever engaging sexually with him, because he used it as "proof" that I always wanted it.

On many occasions I woke up to him masturbating right next to me. And on other occasions he did ask if he could do so next to me, but I felt incredibly pressured to say yes, mostly due to how irritable/pissy he'd get when I denied him. Mostly I would turn away and look out the window, and sometimes cry. I never felt like he cared about my discomfort. I remember him once saying (while jacking off in the driver's seat) "the least you can do is look at me." He also violated and disrespected my personal belongings by ejaculating in my socks and other clothing items.

I could never change my clothes without him groping me or making sexual comments.

The screenshots I'm posting are a discussion between him and I about an incident where both of us were very drunk, and I reluctantly engaged in sex with him. A friend of ours walked in, and I snapped back into reality and thought "wow I really don't want to be doing this." After that, I was very upset the rest of the night, but Jay insisted that I was very into it. The next day we were both supposed to go to the DMV, and he was in the bathroom, which had a small window connected to the porch where I was. He was taking a long time so I called him multiple times to be like "hey are you ready to go" and heard no response, so I came to up the window to be like, "hey we need to go, are you pooping or something?" He was standing there looking at his phone and closed the window on me (which I wasn't upset about, I mean I walked up on him while he was in the potty.) But minutes later he opened the window and called me over and just stared at me. The lower half of his body was out of sight but I could see a jerking motion. I asked what he was doing, and he said "I don't think you wanna know." Needless to say, I was upset about it. He straight up called me over to talk to him while he was jacking off with the window open in a house that had two teenagers around.

I know this post is long, but I feel like writing this is a way of coming to terms with the fact that I don't have to put up with men doing this shit around me anymore. Fuck older male travellers preying on young afab travellers.

 

[Deleted member 125]

Thank you @croc and @snailormoon for being strong enough to call this person out.

The staff obviously takes this kind of shit extremely seriously (more so if that's even possible since it involves other stp members). This is unacceptable behavior.

I want everyone who reads this thread to understand that yall have a voice and to please, fucking please speak up against this type of predatory behavior. There are no excuses for this shit and everytime I hear about another instance of something like this happening in the travel community it really breaks my heart.

 

[iamwhatiam]

I don't know any of the people involved and I am not trying to excuse his behavior in any way just to be clear. It sounds like he has problems with respecting boundaries for sure there.....but someone way older fucking a 19 year old, doesn't automatically make them a predator. If both parties are mature enough, understand the differences that come with an age gap, and are not trying to exploit each other, I think it's fine.

I've met 40 year olds who are immature as fuck, and I've met 18 year olds who are mature beyond their years. I'm 35 but I have a friend who is 19. We both have a lot in common, we like each other's company, he's a great guy.... I care about him a lot. Never once have I tried to pressure him into anything but we have fooled around some. I don't think that makes me a predator. Age is just a number.

But yeah....someone who seeks out younger people in order to exploit their inexperience and naivety is a douche. I'm sorry you had to put up with that kind of crap. I've been with people before like that who are pushy or make me feel bad for not wanting to have sex or watch them jerk off, and it's just disgusting behavior.

 

[Deleted member 13433]

I sincerely agree with Skankylanky's sentiment for calling this individual out, as I read this last night and all I could do was sit there and stare at the words on the screen....

Abuse comes in many forms, and unfortunately when alcohol - especially large amounts - is involved, people tend to at a minimum let their guard down and lose the inhibitions, and on the other hand, it can make people act out in ways they normally might not have, especially if there is a huge difference in age and if one can sense the other may be fragile....

I'm a little older, coming up on 55 but to me age is not just a number, with age should come wisdom, and this includes knowing not to exploit younger individuals who may or may not be in trouble... in fact, one should not even have to consider such a notion, it should be automatic instinct that you don't do these kinds of things from a moral, ethical, and human standpoint.

That being said, I don't think there is anyone who hasn't at least thought about it, or as the poster above iamwhatiam stated fooled around some, but the sign of knowing right from wrong is to not let it escalate to a point where one or the other is uncomfortable, that to me immoral beyond words.

I've had some very bad things happen to me when I was younger, in the mid 1970s... when I was about 10 years old, maybe between 11 - 12... but lucky for me I was able to chalk that up to stupid kids [older than me] doing stupid things and I was able to walk away from it to where I had/have no emotional scars BUT one thing I also did was immediately find a new scene, because I knew those kids were trouble.

I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for the two individuals who came forward here, it sounds like a living nightmare, and I sincerely hope that in time you will both heal and be able to move forward.

 

[snailormoon]

I don't know any of the people involved and I am not trying to excuse his behavior in any way just to be clear. It sounds like he has problems with respecting boundaries for sure there.....but someone way older fucking a 19 year old, doesn't automatically make them a predator. If both parties are mature enough, understand the differences that come with an age gap, and are not trying to exploit each other, I think it's fine.

I've met 40 year olds who are immature as fuck, and I've met 18 year olds who are mature beyond their years. I'm 35 but I have a friend who is 19. We both have a lot in common, we like each other's company, he's a great guy.... I care about him a lot. Never once have I tried to pressure him into anything but we have fooled around some. I don't think that makes me a predator. Age is just a number.

But yeah....someone who seeks out younger people in order to exploit their inexperience and naivety is a douche. I'm sorry you had to put up with that kind of crap. I've been with people before like that who are pushy or make me feel bad for not wanting to have sex or watch them jerk off, and it's just disgusting behavior.

I don't think that the age gap between us was inherently the problem at all. I usually date people much older than me, and I don't think age is a limiting factor in sexual relationships/partnerships.
The reason that age was mentioned was mostly because exclusively targeting people that are much younger in order to exploit their inexperience is shady as heck and gross. But I totally understand what you're saying.

 

[croc]

To be clear, I don't think a large age difference is inherently wrong or predatory. And I'm saying this as someone who's often w ppl a fair amount older than me. My issue with what's been going on is that the ppl he's been going for have a hell of a lot less life experience/wisdom/insight and he's assuming a mentor roll, which is a power dynamic, while trying to get w them, while also not caring about thoroughly respecting their boundaries. Even when mine were clearly stated. Even when snail was visibly uncomfortable. And then when we confront him on things he basically gaslights us into thinking we're wrong/crazy/over reacting/being judgemental.

Multiple times I said to him "dude I was 19 not that many years ago. I remember what it was like and u think u understand things u don't actually understand yet/ It's very easy to be taken advantage of by older folks and not even know its happening/ I don't think they can fully consent when u understand things so much differently than them". But bc he thinks he's different than that, he thinks that's not what he's doing. And has been given multiple chances to talk out and evaluate his behavior.

I also think a 19-22 year old who's been traveling for a few years has a much different amount of experience and judgment making skills than one who's not left home. If the folks he was going for were seasoned travelers who sometimes were a good deal younger, I'd consider it more of a gray area than this.

 

[Deleted member 20]

I dunno folks. I feel obligated to express some concerns around this situation. From my reading of this we have two consenting adults involved in a romantic relationship that are also living, traveling & routinely getting drunk together. It does not sound like a healthy relationship & perhaps Jay could have been a better partner but I just do not see this being untrustworthy or abusive. There is certainly nothing illegal occurring.

I traveled with Jay from November to late January of this year. It's taken me a while to come to terms with the fact that his behavior was problematic, especially in a sexual sense. I lived literally 2 feet away from him in my small sedan for almost three months straight. During that time, I dealt with being constantly objectified, groped, and made to feel uncomfortable.

Yes, I did willingly have sex with him on multiple occasions, but just because someone wants to have sex sometimes doesn't mean that they want to all the time! And I ended up very much regretting ever engaging sexually with him, because he used it as "proof" that I always wanted it.

On many occasions I woke up to him masturbating right next to me. And on other occasions he did ask if he could do so next to me, but I felt incredibly pressured to say yes, mostly due to how irritable/pissy he'd get when I denied him. Mostly I would turn away and look out the window, and sometimes cry. I never felt like he cared about my discomfort. I remember him once saying (while jacking off in the driver's seat) "the least you can do is look at me." He also violated and disrespected my personal belongings by ejaculating in my socks and other clothing items.

I want everyone who reads this thread to understand that yall have a voice and to please, fucking please speak up against this type of predatory behavior

I feel my above position is clear but must reaffirm my position above because of this statement. I would expect the mods to be better at seeing both sides of this consenting arrangement and be empathetic but also not condemn the accused based on such clear & conflicting evidence.

This situation does not qualify as predatory!

Jay was invited by another adult to travel & live in a vehicle together who routinely dates older men & had a willing sexual relationship with said partner during this time? I think that any other adult in such a relationship would deduce that a romantic relationship is occurring far beyond the platonic norms of fellow travelers/friends exists. Obvious past & ongoing sexual activity while allowing Jay to be a passenger & road dawg seems to reinforce this. I assume that much was shared during these months. To state that he disrespected your socks while living in such close proximity & probably sharing many undisclosed resources seems petty. To be masturbating in private in a bathroom or car that is being shared by a sexual partner, may seem gross to imagine but is it wrong? Illegal?

The cumulative post breakup evidence is more cautionary to future sexual/romantic partners then it speaks to future travel mentors/road dawgs or friends of Jay. I was invited to that alt-discord group & I am not young, female, inexperienced or naive.

As to any predatory behavior or pattern, I just do not see it. I think traveling alone can & does get lonely regardless of ones age. Most road dawgs never work out long term but are good for a spell. Its just as lonely for a 19 year old as it is for a 40 something.

Hindsight is 20/20 but also a great teacher and I think in order for legal adults to have healthy relationships where they need to establish healthy boundaries & communicate with each other. Being uncomfortable with your choices & communicating them are not the same. Repeating those uncomfortable behavior choices simply reinforces them to be acceptable to your partner.

While @croc may be supportive here in this thread this statement is his sole opinion. It could also be argued by many 19-20+ yos in disagreement as well as legally.

I don't think they can fully consent

If someone is legally old enough to smoke, drive, vote, buy firearms, fireworks, travel overseas, join/serve in the military etc they are old enough to choose whom they travel with, allows in their vehicle, has sex with or doesnt.

It seems that there were ample months of opportunity where jay could have been kicked out of the car & had this romantic relationship ended. To state that being a traveling mentor is a 'power dynamic of "life experience/wisdom/insight". Could the shoe on the other foot also be considered an equal "power dynamic" with Jay being the passenger of another adults vehicle where they live? Once the relationship ceased being platonic & became seaxual/romantic in nature; then the dynamic became just that. Two fully consenting adults.

There appears to be no smoking gun or actual evidence supporting predatory & abusive claims given what was said here by @snailormoon or @croc

 

[Matt Derrick]

I dunno folks. I feel obligated to express some concerns around this situation. From my reading of this we have two consenting adults involved in a romantic relationship that are also living, traveling & routinely getting drunk together. It does not sound like a healthy relationship & perhaps Jay could have been a better partner but I just do not see this being untrustworthy or abusive. There is certainly nothing illegal occurring.





I feel my above position is clear but must reaffirm my position above because of this statement. I would expect the mods to be better at seeing both sides of this consenting arrangement and be empathetic but also not condemn the accused based on such clear & conflicting evidence.

This situation does not qualify as predatory!

Jay was invited by another adult to travel & live in a vehicle together who routinely dates older men & had a willing sexual relationship with said partner during this time? I think that any other adult in such a relationship would deduce that a romantic relationship is occurring far beyond the platonic norms of fellow travelers/friends exists. Obvious past & ongoing sexual activity while allowing Jay to be a passenger & road dawg seems to reinforce this. I assume that much was shared during these months. To state that he disrespected your socks while living in such close proximity & probably sharing many undisclosed resources seems petty. To be masturbating in private in a bathroom or car that is being shared by a sexual partner, may seem gross to imagine but is it wrong? Illegal?

The cumulative post breakup evidence is more cautionary to future sexual/romantic partners then it speaks to future travel mentors/road dawgs or friends of Jay. I was invited to that alt-discord group & I am not young, female, inexperienced or naive.

As to any predatory behavior or pattern, I just do not see it. I think traveling alone can & does get lonely regardless of ones age. Most road dawgs never work out long term but are good for a spell. Its just as lonely for a 19 year old as it is for a 40 something.

Hindsight is 20/20 but also a great teacher and I think in order for legal adults to have healthy relationships where they need to establish healthy boundaries & communicate with each other. Being uncomfortable with your choices & communicating them are not the same. Repeating those uncomfortable behavior choices simply reinforces them to be acceptable to your partner.

While @croc may be supportive here in this thread this statement is his sole opinion. It could also be argued by many 19-20+ yos in disagreement as well as legally.
If someone is legally old enough to smoke, drive, vote, buy firearms, fireworks, travel overseas, join/serve in the military etc they are old enough to choose whom they travel with, allows in their vehicle, has sex with or doesnt.

It seems that there were ample months of opportunity where jay could have been kicked out of the car & had this romantic relationship ended. To state that being a traveling mentor is a 'power dynamic of "life experience/wisdom/insight". Could the shoe on the other foot also be considered an equal "power dynamic" with Jay being the passenger of another adults vehicle where they live? Once the relationship ceased being platonic & became seaxual/romantic in nature; then the dynamic became just that. Two fully consenting adults.

There appears to be no smoking gun or actual evidence supporting predatory & abusive claims given what was said here by @snailormoon or @croc

the biggest problem i have with @highwayman's extremely flawed argument is that it completely ignores the multiple instances of consent that were violated here in painfully obvious ways. not just once or twice, but multiple occasions in which Jay was asked not to do things such as masturbate in front of them, in their car, or ejaculate onto their clothing. How @highwayman managed to ignore this in his argument is frankly, beyond comprehension and extremely disappointing.

the lack of consent in the situations described is more than enough to warrant this thread being posted.

 

[Deleted member 20]

Ok. Fair enough @Matt Derrick ,my larger argument was to reject the accusations of predatory behavior based on what was written. I don't see clear patterns of solicitation & or desire to prey on others, to abuse them & take advantage of them sexually or otherwise.

Mutual consent is required for each instance of sexual behavior. Regardless if he had permission to live in the vehicle & occasionally have sexual intercourse with, did not give him the right to do what ever he wanted, when ever he wanted. He should have been respecting the people & property of others he was traveling, living with and or being romantic with. He seems to be a real shitty partner. This and not respecting boundaries may be enough to be named in this section. I personally don't agree that the threshold has been met to publicly name him as a predator/abuser.

My fear with all posts in this section is that accusations can lead to the retaliatory violence that is often imposed by fellow travelers who read between the lines & act as the judge, jury & punisher on behalf of others. I see @Rhubarb Dwyer is still an active member here on the site so i will not act as his defense counsel. He hasnt attempted to repair his reputation here in this thread so neither will I.

 

[croc]

@highwayman did u miss the part where he was CUMMING into her socks?? Not just like he touched her socks without permission but was using them as sexual objects without consent? Did u miss the part where I told him I didn't want him to go down on me, told him that with those words, and he did it anyway?

And "legally"? Really???? Is everything that is legal ethical or moral? Fuck no. Laws do not abide by ethics.

U ever heard of a teacher waiting until their student is 18 to fuck em? U think that's okay just bc they suddenly had made 18 rotations around the sun? The power dynamic of a teacher n student doesn't matter because the LAW says the student is now magically an adult and on equal playing field as the teacher?

 

[snailormoon]

I dunno folks. I feel obligated to express some concerns around this situation. From my reading of this we have two consenting adults involved in a romantic relationship that are also living, traveling & routinely getting drunk together. It does not sound like a healthy relationship & perhaps Jay could have been a better partner but I just do not see this being untrustworthy or abusive. There is certainly nothing illegal occurring.





I feel my above position is clear but must reaffirm my position above because of this statement. I would expect the mods to be better at seeing both sides of this consenting arrangement and be empathetic but also not condemn the accused based on such clear & conflicting evidence.

This situation does not qualify as predatory!

Jay was invited by another adult to travel & live in a vehicle together who routinely dates older men & had a willing sexual relationship with said partner during this time? I think that any other adult in such a relationship would deduce that a romantic relationship is occurring far beyond the platonic norms of fellow travelers/friends exists. Obvious past & ongoing sexual activity while allowing Jay to be a passenger & road dawg seems to reinforce this. I assume that much was shared during these months. To state that he disrespected your socks while living in such close proximity & probably sharing many undisclosed resources seems petty. To be masturbating in private in a bathroom or car that is being shared by a sexual partner, may seem gross to imagine but is it wrong? Illegal?

The cumulative post breakup evidence is more cautionary to future sexual/romantic partners then it speaks to future travel mentors/road dawgs or friends of Jay. I was invited to that alt-discord group & I am not young, female, inexperienced or naive.

As to any predatory behavior or pattern, I just do not see it. I think traveling alone can & does get lonely regardless of ones age. Most road dawgs never work out long term but are good for a spell. Its just as lonely for a 19 year old as it is for a 40 something.

Hindsight is 20/20 but also a great teacher and I think in order for legal adults to have healthy relationships where they need to establish healthy boundaries & communicate with each other. Being uncomfortable with your choices & communicating them are not the same. Repeating those uncomfortable behavior choices simply reinforces them to be acceptable to your partner.

While @croc may be supportive here in this thread this statement is his sole opinion. It could also be argued by many 19-20+ yos in disagreement as well as legally.
If someone is legally old enough to smoke, drive, vote, buy firearms, fireworks, travel overseas, join/serve in the military etc they are old enough to choose whom they travel with, allows in their vehicle, has sex with or doesnt.

It seems that there were ample months of opportunity where jay could have been kicked out of the car & had this romantic relationship ended. To state that being a traveling mentor is a 'power dynamic of "life experience/wisdom/insight". Could the shoe on the other foot also be considered an equal "power dynamic" with Jay being the passenger of another adults vehicle where they live? Once the relationship ceased being platonic & became seaxual/romantic in nature; then the dynamic became just that. Two fully consenting adults.

There appears to be no smoking gun or actual evidence supporting predatory & abusive claims given what was said here by @snailormoon or @croc

I really didnt know what to say to this at first...
But I would like to make it clear that Jay and I were never in a partnership/romantic relationship. And I'm also very confused as to how someone jizzing in my socks without my consent isn't wrong? Like I mentioned before, it took me a while to realize that what I was experiencing was fucked up. It took time to realize that he has no right to make me feel uncomfortable and barely care about my boundaries. It took me having a couple of breakdowns to finally stop him from touching my ass at every chance possible...Yes, I could have spoken up more clearly in a lot of instances. But Jay also could have NOT DONE THAT CLEARLY MESSED UP SHIT. Isn't that how these things work though? A person doesn't speak up because they feel like they'll be chastised, or that it's all in their head? Especially someone like myself who has been manipulated and gaslighted in the past, and who has had issues with standing up for themselves (which he knew about) might be more prone to putting up with this shit for longer?

He tried to act like he was protecting me and "showing me that men can be okay."

My whole experience with him was not negative. We got along fairly well and at many times had a lot of fun. And yeah, in the begining I was flirtatious. But it got really confusing and uncomfortable real fast. We had some good adventures. But I can tell you that by the end of it, I was fucking miserable.

 

[Deleted member 13433]

Hold on though, Matt Derrick... I get what you are saying but to my surprise.... there's a couple of people posting here who were involved and who were ok with certain parameters of the situation as described which I personally - not judging - I personally was not comfortable with, and in light of this/that I too started to question if anything was really done wrong by the so called predator.
Yes, he's a pervert - but...........
I mean, was anyone held at gun point here ???
While it's obvious that there are some that don't like what highwayman has presented, it can't be ignored either.
I'm sure I will be judged quite harshly for what I have just stated as well.

 

[Matt Derrick]

I'm sure I will be judged quite harshly for what I have just stated as well.

don't get me wrong, you've been great on StP since you signed up, so i'm not attacking you, i would just like to suggest that if you think you already know people are going to disagree with you then there might be a reason for that worth self-evaluating.

This forum is to advise members regarding untrustworthy and/or shady people - not a legal review of someone's actions.

but they were advising each other and their friends about who to watch out for in certain situations

agreed, it's not a court of law, but an advisory of who to steer clear of.

Jay can always respond, rebut, or otherwise explain his truth regarding these events here. Or not.

I am allowing a limited window in which his account isn't being banned to respond here but I don't think it's going to happen.

my larger argument was to reject the accusations of predatory behavior based on what was written. I don't see clear patterns of solicitation & or desire to prey on others, to abuse them & take advantage of them sexually or otherwise.

not sure if you saw the part about starting a discord and intentionally putting themselves into a position of power of people that haven't traveled before and then getting upset when they don't hook up with them? i'm sure here it sounds like one person's opinion over another, but maybe some other folks from that discord could chime in about anything that didn't seem on the up and up. also, maybe there's nothing to it, who knows. despite that, i still think there's enough here to warrant a thread telling people to avoid this person.

 

[Deleted member 13433]

Matt Derrick, you are right on the money.... as this morning that's exactly what I was thinking too.

But, sometimes I almost feel compelled to state something even if it's going against the grain if I feel it needs to be brought up, or at least considered...

I actually do put a lot of thought into everything I comment upon here, and sometimes it's not unusual for me to take a different stance and see things from a different perspective as time goes on, which I think is a healthy perspective.

To me, the most important thing is that the two individuals who were deeply affected by this matter, are now safe and sound.

Cheers Everybody......

Big George + Loki the Dog

 

[Dameon]

Yes, he's a pervert - but...........
I mean, was anyone held at gun point here ???

"It doesn't count unless it's at gunpoint" is kind of setting a pretty high bar for actionable bad behaviour.

 

[Deleted member 13433]

Dameon, you're right - I forgot that things can be taken literal on line.... what I was trying to convey was the people involved could have I would think - I would hope - just gotten out of or left this bad situation behind and split.
I know for myself, if something is not cool I am out.
I don't hang around, I up and leave.

What I was trying to convey which went horribly wrong like everything else I've been posting as of late was that I was under the assumption that they could have just left if it was so horrible - or gotten rid of him, if he was on their turf.

That's all......

 

[Deleted member 28239]

Kinda hate that this is going to be my first post here, but for the record, agreeing to sex because you're scared of what will happen if you say no is not consent. Being quiet while someone jacks off to you and hoping that they'll leave you alone after is not consent.

Women are often taught that if we try to do anything alone we'll get attacked by bands of roaming rapist-murderers, and that we need to find "the good men" to protect us. So the thought process is often "well this creep is jacking off to me, but it's better than getting dragged out of my sleeping bag and raped by a complete stranger." This doesnt apply to just travelling. Almost all of my friends growing up got into some kind of coercive relationship with older men, and didnt realize how fucked up the situation was until they got much older. Predators know this, and abuse it. For any young women reading this thread, you're perfectly capable of learning on your own and defending yourself. You don't need to find a male mentor.

Another thing, predators defend predators. Everyone in this thread trying to justify this creeps actions has been alive long enough to understand why it's wrong. I'd caution people to use responses in this thread as another indicator of who else to away from.

 

[Dameon]

What I was trying to convey which went horribly wrong like everything else I've been posting as of late was that I was under the assumption that they could have just left if it was so horrible - or gotten rid of him, if he was on their turf.

Unfortunately, life is not that simple. "If it was so bad she should've just left" is not a valid excuse for consent, or for bad behavior. They may not have the perception that they can leave; they may have a certain level of fear or emotional instability that makes it difficult. They may think that they aren't able to leave. Especially for females, the idea that you can just "walk away" is not always valid.

No offense, but you're blaming the victims. You're painting it like the problem wasn't the guy performing sexual acts to/around them without their consent, but that the problem was that they didn't remove themselves from the situation.

 

[Deleted member 13433]

*I think now is a good time for me to pull the plug here on STP, because I'm at a point where I can no longer contribute anything without it going wrong*

I'm not blaming the victims.
I'm just stating that the victims should have gotten away from this individual asap.

And yes, before you ask - between age 11 and 12, I had some shit happen to me which essentially constituted rape, but I doubt that would mean anything here.

I solved that problem by avoiding those kids from that moment on.

So, this is it for me.
Cast all the stones you want.