Sexyrexy1989
Active member
So i dont really know where to begin with this, but its something i have been wanting to get opinions on for a long time. So here it goes.
I dont really know when my life went wrong but i guess it started in the beginning. My parents are/were drug addicts, my dad just passed recently indirectly from his addiction. He murdered in the county jail. So anyway growing up sucked we were very poor lots of violence and arguing fighting in the home. My parents lost custody of me finally when i was 13. My high school years sucked i was pretty much an outcast. suffered from depression and anxiety. i had very few real friends and only dated a few girls. One i really fell hard for typical rebellious punk chick got me into alot of trouble.I actually caught a domestic violence case from that relationship, not what your thinking it was a verbal argument that got trumped up. I ended up having to drop out of high school to do Jail time for that senior year. Thankfully i went back and got a GED.
Flash forward a year, my grandfather passed and left me 65 thousand dollars,you think id be smart enough to go to college or invest the money but no. I proceed to move in with my father and through some shady friends fell really deep into Booze,Coke,MDMA,LSD,Meth. i dated around casually in tell i met the girl who i really fell hard for and ended up marrying. In hindsight this was a terrible idea it was a drug infused thing we were both addicts. She ended up reforming and getting really into Christianity, she gave me the ultimatum to either sober up or she was going to leave me. I couldn't sober up and she left we haven't spoke since.
I had a nervous breakdown after that tried to kill myself several times. continued to abuse drugs and alcohol for years.i ended up like destitute homeless. more suicide attempts. Went to rehab several times. dirfted al over the country hitchhiking i felt so lost...
So anyway flash forward more im 28 now Behavioral health in this County, Ventura County CA. managed to get me into a sober living house "there currently paying my rent" tell i can either get SSI or get better enough mentally to get a job. I firmly do believe i have Mental and addiction issues. Im diagnosed With Bipolar I. taking Wellbutrin, Seroquil, Depakote and Gabapentin. all of which ive been taking for years and am hooked on. I believe the diagnoses tho my Paternal grandfather on my mothers side was Bipolar I and Killed myself.
Im very depressed ive been sober for over 5 months, and feel terrible. I feel as if im a failure. Ive only had a handful of unskilled labor jobs, never went to any secondary education. I have no clue if im ever going to be able to have a decent life and on top of that. Im just so lonely, ever since my divorce i feel like ive been trying to fill that whole in my heart with someone else and they never come around. I think that im physically unattractive. I hjust feel so lost.
If anyone can give me any advice it would be great...
best
-Rex-
I dont really know when my life went wrong but i guess it started in the beginning. My parents are/were drug addicts, my dad just passed recently indirectly from his addiction. He murdered in the county jail. So anyway growing up sucked we were very poor lots of violence and arguing fighting in the home. My parents lost custody of me finally when i was 13. My high school years sucked i was pretty much an outcast. suffered from depression and anxiety. i had very few real friends and only dated a few girls. One i really fell hard for typical rebellious punk chick got me into alot of trouble.I actually caught a domestic violence case from that relationship, not what your thinking it was a verbal argument that got trumped up. I ended up having to drop out of high school to do Jail time for that senior year. Thankfully i went back and got a GED.
Flash forward a year, my grandfather passed and left me 65 thousand dollars,you think id be smart enough to go to college or invest the money but no. I proceed to move in with my father and through some shady friends fell really deep into Booze,Coke,MDMA,LSD,Meth. i dated around casually in tell i met the girl who i really fell hard for and ended up marrying. In hindsight this was a terrible idea it was a drug infused thing we were both addicts. She ended up reforming and getting really into Christianity, she gave me the ultimatum to either sober up or she was going to leave me. I couldn't sober up and she left we haven't spoke since.
I had a nervous breakdown after that tried to kill myself several times. continued to abuse drugs and alcohol for years.i ended up like destitute homeless. more suicide attempts. Went to rehab several times. dirfted al over the country hitchhiking i felt so lost...
So anyway flash forward more im 28 now Behavioral health in this County, Ventura County CA. managed to get me into a sober living house "there currently paying my rent" tell i can either get SSI or get better enough mentally to get a job. I firmly do believe i have Mental and addiction issues. Im diagnosed With Bipolar I. taking Wellbutrin, Seroquil, Depakote and Gabapentin. all of which ive been taking for years and am hooked on. I believe the diagnoses tho my Paternal grandfather on my mothers side was Bipolar I and Killed myself.
Im very depressed ive been sober for over 5 months, and feel terrible. I feel as if im a failure. Ive only had a handful of unskilled labor jobs, never went to any secondary education. I have no clue if im ever going to be able to have a decent life and on top of that. Im just so lonely, ever since my divorce i feel like ive been trying to fill that whole in my heart with someone else and they never come around. I think that im physically unattractive. I hjust feel so lost.
If anyone can give me any advice it would be great...
best
-Rex-