How To Say Goodbye?

[Cade]

So here is a little bit about me. I have just graduated high school this June in a small town in southern California. All of my friends are heading off to big name universities all across the country while I am left in my hometown for the next year. I decided to make the best of it and join a conservation program that sends young people out to work in national parks. My dream is to one day be a park ranger in the lost deserted areas of our park system. My internship will begin this August and last to the end of October.

After my internship is completed; I will be left again with my parents and grandparents in my hometown. One thing about them is that they are all super conservative in their beliefs. I have not told them yet that what I want to due in the next six month period after my internship is to explore the country. My mother believes that any person without a fixed home must be a psychopath or on drugs because why would they not want a fixed home or more money if they weren't? Another fact is that all of them will definitely worry their souls to death knowing what I am doing. They always think I need a god damned cell phone if I am going down the street! Or a Garmin GPS to drive anywhere because people with paper maps can never figure out where they are going.

Here was the plan that I intended. My friend will be going off to Humboldt for his schooling starting this fall. I would like to also go there because of the big forestry department they have there and wish to start in the fall of 2011. So what I want to do is buy a train ticket to Arcata to visit him in January to get the whole vibe of the school. This is all my parents will know. Then once I am away from my parents home I will begin my adventure. I will definitely not have my cell phone with me because I know they will constantly be calling it to see if I am okay. I plan on arriving home in mid July to meet back up with friends and gather all of my things together for College life.

My question to the Squat The Planet Community is, how did you say goodbye? Did you do it in a way that your loved ones didn't care or were they on your tail the whole time trying to explain to you that what you are doing is naive and stupid? I know we must all make decisions for ourselves that only approves of us, but sometimes our actions affect others. Thank you for your input.

 

[wildboy860]

well.. this is what I do. I keep intouch with my parents and grandparents by calling them maybe a few times a month or so. or if I forget they call me. and when I'm in my home state I make efforts to visit with them and let them know what and how I've been doing. Explain to your mom the freedom you want to enjoy and your reasons for wanting to travel. if she doesnt it get it than ohwell. mayb ethey understand later on. I've been at it for alil over a year now and my mom still doesnt understand and says shit liek oh... you shouldnt be hitch hiking or hopping trains. but I just tell them how it'll be ok. your a bit younger though so it may be abit different for you. I'm 27 so I have found ways to deal with my parents by now. give them a hug tell them you love them and go do it. and it prolly would be best to have a cell phone, just keep it turned off so they cant bother you ll the time and call them a few times amonth just to let them know your safe. best of luck to you and whatever you decide to do.

 

[Pheonix]

keep in touch with them. don't tell them things that might worry them but let them know your ok. I've never had a cell phone and was very bad at keeping in touch with my family then one day I tried to get a hold of my mom to wish her a happy birthday and my step father informed me that my mother and sister died in an apartment fire 9 months earier. and now i wish very much that I would have kept in contact better.

 

[animole]

fuck the train ride to arcata. your gunna be sitting on a bus for like 10 hours. might as well start your adventure early and hitch to arcata!
and how the hell did you get an internship so easily. i bugged the shit out of the conservation corps and no one would talk to me.

 

[dirty_rotten_squatter]

Well I'm an ass so I constantly let it be known that I'm getting drunk and hopping trains and hitching and what not to my folks. they accept it but they don't like it. They know I'm a grown person and that I'm going to be doing this no matter what they say or think.

 

[stanktank]

I also keep in touch with my parents and whatnot. when i started travelling, they were not too pleased and didnt think you could still hitch hike. but after a while they warmed up to it. once they realized it wasn't gonna kill me. You're an adult (or about to be if you're graduating) so your parents don't need to know all the shit you get up to. tell em how nice some folks are and feed em the happy stories and they'll be fine. just don't make the mistake that i've done countless times and come back home all the time. be gone for a while before you visit home again or your family will drive you insane and constantly tell you to get a job and do something useful...whatever that means.

 

[Cade]

fuck the train ride to arcata. your gunna be sitting on a bus for like 10 hours. might as well start your adventure early and hitch to arcata!
and how the hell did you get an internship so easily. i bugged the shit out of the conservation corps and no one would talk to me.

I don't know. I signed up for 18 internships that soon dwindled down to only three call backs then to one acceptance. You are talking about the SCA aren't you?

I would have to find the perfect time of day when nobody is in my house so I can leave. That is the reason why I want to leave for Arcata on the train so they are not around to tell me no.

Thank you for your help

 

[animole]

i really dont know if the whole "running away" thing is the right way to do it. if youre 18 then they need to accept that its your life and you can go anywhere you want. and believe me, they are going to be pissed at first. dont fight it. just give it time and realize that they will love you no matter what. just tell them youre taking the train up to humboldt to check out HSU. just my 2 cents.

oh no. i applied to the South West Conservation Corps. and tried to talk to the people at the California Cons. Corps. no one said anything to me. i didnt even know about the SCA. thanks for telling me.

by the way, you mind me asking what town your from?

 

[connerR]

Perhaps I'm blessed. I said: mom, dad, I'm going to ride freight trains. They said: be careful, check in.

Where in SoCal are you at?

 

[BrittanyTheBananarchist]

ok, so for me i have been wanting to be on my own since i cant even remember. i was put into foster care when i was 9 and tht only motivated me to head out even more. with the system i have had almost no freedom to be myself. i started living with my brother and his fianc'e for almost a year now. they want me to go to art college and get a degree. but thats not what i want. i want to be out travelin the world and to be free for once. recently i was arrested by the cops. after being called in as a run away for staying an extra night out. unfortunately i was picked up under the bridge,drunk and sleeping on the trains. at that point i had to tell them what i had been doing all the times i had been going to grants pass. which consisted of all of the above and more. at that point everyone freaked out, and then when i told them that once i was 18 i was headed out they almost had a heart attack. they think i am "insane" "under the influence of others" and need help. all of which are not true. basically i told them this is MY life. and i will chooose where i go and what i do once i am 18. which is not to far off thank god. basically they have to live with the fact that it IS my choice. and i will have the final say. i understand that they care for me and want me to do great things but the way for me to be happy is not their way. i told them this is what i am going to do and thats it. i was respectful to them and still am. that is how i did it.

 

[Cade]

Thanks for insight everyone. I think I will go with my original plan and take the Amtrak to Humboldt before starting. I think I might tell my parents the day before or something. Just to make sure that they can't stop me.

 

[macks]

They can only stop you if you let them, especially if you are 18. I warmed my parents up eventually to the idea that you could still hitch-hike without being murdered, which was a hard sell since my mother had a -very- sketchy experience hitch-hiking in the 70s. My dad as well took a cross country trip with some friends of his in the 70s so neither one of them had grounds telling me not to do it. Their dissatisfaction with the idea really came out of concern which I wholeheartedly appreciate. The trains were a harder thing to warm them up to, but after surviving multiple trips and telling them the good parts of the story, they eventually got used to it.

This sounds like an awesome project and a great way to see some cool parts of the country, I find that traveling to places just to sleep in weird places and see friends gets a little trite after a while. It's nice to have a project when you get to your destination.

Anyway, about your question! I think that being honest is the best way to go, maybe you don't have it in you to tell them goodbye in person (personally don't blame you, sounds like they are a little overprotective and stubborn). At least leave a note explaining to them why you are going and when you expect to be back. They will probably know exactly why you chose to leave that way and it might change their views on trying to control your actions seeing that they are no longer able to stop you from doing what you want to do. Maybe the real question is how are they going to learn to say goodbye to you? Sounds like you have your mind made up already. Kudos, have fun!

PS - If you make it up to the Oregon coast send me a PM!

 

[mksnowboarder]

I dodged the bullet with that one, since I cut ties with my family well prior to traveling.

The only ones I talk to anymore are my grandparents. We have a great system, where I'm completely honest and upfront with them about everything I do (drug use, trainhopping; all the shit you never tell your family), and in return they just say that they don't approve, but then help me in any way they can.

You should really be upfront with your parents. It's such a hassle caring enough about what someone thinks or avoiding conflict that you have to lie. And don't you want to be able to tell stories and show photos of your trip when you get home?

mike

 

[shwillyhaaa]

ah yes... the parent thing.
my mom was always the one who wanted me to have the exciting life she was too pussy to go through with.
while my dad wanted me to be a physics professor and grow old with a husband kids and a picket fence.
confusing...yes totally.
they get the point after a few years... and if your happy and doing well in taking care of yourself
they will see you are living life abundantly...
so give it time, call them, love them, and let them know where you are once in a while...
and once a year or so make it a plan to stop by where most of them are to say hi...

 

[Cade]

A week ago I let the cat out of the bag on what I want to do this coming spring. And a couple days ago I got a letter saying that I was accepted into a state college In Olympia for fall of next year, Yay! Now all I have to do is stay with my parents until the beginning of January.
My parents latest plan of attack from keeping me from going is to convince me that I do not like to travel because on my trip out to Minnesota I didn't take very long to drive there in my own car. The reason being that driving in your own car is different from hitchhiking and also because there was a girl in Minnesota.
Last night my Mom came to talk to me to change my mind of what I would be doing. She began to cry and tell me that she would have to do something drastic to keep me from leaving. She didn't tell me what, but just in case I began to hide my gear so she wouldn't try to take it. I don't know what she really meant by that, but there is not much they can do from keeping me from going. I also have about $400 that is untouchable to them in my bank account.
They also tell me that what I am doing will cause a family crisis with everyone so worried that they may die! But I got to do this, I have to search for America the way it really is!

 

[stellaxtara]

I too am looking for the way to say Goodbye... Again. I've been traveling before. My mom was NOT thrilled the first time but hey its whatever. She got over it! This time she knows I am an adult and I am of sound mind. I will take me where my feet lead me. I just think they're taking me farther and faster then she imagined. I don't know how to break it to her this time! I been here two months and living with mom at 21 nearly 22 isn't working! I'm sick of shit hole charlotte NC (I KNOW it could be worse) but this place is MY BLACK HOLE DUDE. I'm headed to florida in the next few days && my moms has NO idea yet. She wants to get me a phone before I leave though, which is nice of her. and shes going to pay for it! What a lucky bitch I AM. my moms fucking awesome.