Free Love and Orgies?

[Deleted member 27861]

Just don't get addicted to Kink.com like my old roommate. He would always lock the door and keep me out 'til he was done beating off to this stuff. His addiction turned pretty dark as he was able to start luring in younger and younger girls with his online artist reputation and supposed sex positive "dom roles" he most def turned into a sexual predataor within the community and was banned from this scene all together! Be smart be wise don't let your sex get the best of you. (speaking in the broad sense, everyone..)

But I've never been in a orgy, had two opportunities-just didn't seem RIGHT.

Oh I have no interest in becoming an Onision. Actually, I'm really starting to think I just need to avoid that lifestyle entirely.

 

[MFB]

Just don't get addicted to Kink.com like my old roommate. He would always lock the door and keep me out 'til he was done beating off to this stuff. His addiction turned pretty dark as he was able to start luring in younger and younger girls with his online artist reputation and supposed sex positive "dom roles" he most def turned into a sexual predataor within the community and was banned from this scene all together! Be smart be wise don't let your sex get the best of you. (speaking in the broad sense, everyone..)

But I've never been in a orgy, had two opportunities-just didn't seem RIGHT.

Online hookup/dating sites have always seemed to me inherently creepy and made for predatory behavior.

Even vanilla sites like Tinder and the like seem like an absurd way to meet people as opposed to...ya know, just talking to people. A lot of people I really like and respect use dating apps; and I always get the same response when I ask why; "I don't meet people in real life" or "dont have time to meet people"
I think it boils down to its much easier for most people to swipe on their phones than to strike up a convo.
I aint judgin, whatever works for people, good on 'em.

To quote Portlandia again;

Guy--I think youre pretty, I would love to take you out sometime.
Girl--Oh, that'd be great, where can I find your dating profile
Guy--I dont have one
Girl--Well....how will I meet you?

 

[Coywolf]

read John Krakauer's Under The Banner of Heaven

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone on this website. Helps alot in understanding the LDS religion...and its fucked up history.

...becoming a mormon anymore....

*wakes up dressed in silk Temple Garments (Morman underwear)*

*Looks around* "What the...."

*Brigham Young parts clouds in sky and addresses you*

"My son, the time has come. You are..."

*jumps out of bed with an interrupting song and dance*

"....TURNING LDS, I THINK IM TURNING LDS, I REALLY THINK SO!"

 

[Deleted member 27861]

Lol. Well I guess I might as well admit. That maybe my motives for both even associating with or even considering joining the LDS, and my motives for going to an orgy, are pretty much the same, which is just, loneliness.

But I get the impression that both would do more harm than good in the long-run.

Yet it's a kind of a weird loneliness. One that only seems to fade when I feel I am in a place where I can move towards some goal with ease like being on a college campus, or when I'm out hiking through the woods and up a mountain, or in the company of genuinely good people, and I know for a fact that we're all on the same page, and the same team.

Trying to sit still every day and do nothing but online school work with no social life nor any love life is...pretty tough! It was one of the core reasons I was gonna go hitchhiking, but then, you know, the plague.

 

[trashswag86]

I've heard people say that the difference between good times and bad times is that in bad times we feel we have no options, while in good times we feel we do.
@Wheat2020 I think that fits with what you said about loneliness.
For myself, I don't do relationships or sex. I have fleeting crushes, and that's about it. I don't make ties easily, or even vary lasting ones apparently. What I've learned, for myself, is that I can crush on a girl for awhile, but if I let myself think there's any potential there, I just set myself up for depression, cause I've staked my happiness to an outcome that's not gonna happen. And I'm sure this effects others too. I start treatng others more as means to an end. So I just let my crushes be. I like them, but I don't trick myself into thinking that I want them.
This is just my personal experience, obviously, which has to do with being asexual and largely aromantic. But maybe it's helpful in some way.

 

[Deleted member 27861]

Sometimes I wish I was asexual and aromantic, but the truth is, I'm VERY (hetero)sexual, and VERY romantic!

Well...You know that's got me thinking. I do see this time as an opportunity to really grow in the ways that are truly important. I'll just take up the banjo, and keep working on my school and harmonica, and just try not to think about it.

 

[trashswag86]

Well...You know that's got me thinking. I do see this time as an opportunity to really grow in the ways that are truly important.

That sounds like a good place to be.
To many people get stuck on the supposed opportunities/freedom that the road will provide that they neglect everything around them. And then they hit the road and the homeless aspects of it really sink in for the first time. It can be lonely out there too.

 

[MFB]

Lol. Well I guess I might as well admit. That maybe my motives for both even associating with or even considering joining the LDS, and my motives for going to an orgy, are pretty much the same, which is just, loneliness.

But I get the impression that both would do more harm than good in the long-run.

Yet it's a kind of a weird loneliness. One that only seems to fade when I feel I am in a place where I can move towards some goal with ease like being on a college campus, or when I'm out hiking through the woods and up a mountain, or in the company of genuinely good people, and I know for a fact that we're all on the same page, and the same team.

Right on, Brother. I struggle w lonliness too, and reckon most humans do. Remember the book I recommended in your book thread? Thats the theme of the book.

Its counter intuitive though, as you think finding a a group will quell the loneliness, but the wrong group for the wrong reasons will exacerbated it.

Ya hit the nail on the head though. Combatting loneliness is about getting good w yourself. Staying active, being productive. I have stints where Im lethargic and whiny and annoyed by people. Thats when i get lonely.
But if Im on my p's and q's, running, climbing, building, painting; being productive, I find Im content and find companionship in the process of productivity.

Its corny as fuck, but if ya do things you can be proud of and really like yourself, your less likely to be lonely.

 

[Deleted member 27861]

I guess it's just me and my hand for awhile like it's been for the last 24 1/2 years.

Hey maybe this will be the year where VR dating will become a thing.

 

[Fuzzypeach]

Do these orientations cover things like consent and using protection?

Yes. Basically don't be an asshole.

 

[Coywolf]

To be honest, I've tried to reach out to the kink community before. Never really got anywhere with it, as where I tried to reach out, most of the meetups sounded like 'we got some meth, many penises, and you have the door fee (Females free)'

I wouldn't mind getting to know a community that is sexually open AND safety oriented.

As far as loneliness both on, and off the road, I definitely get that. I'm going through it hardcore right now. Relocated back to my hometown and it is way more depressing than I remembered it. All the homies either left, or definitely not people I would want to get to know again in this stage in their life.

Sexual loneliness is a hardcore issue for many of us. I have had the model of 'just wait for it, something will feel right when it comes along' for a long time. That point has been really few and far between. I almost feel as if my sex drive has increased because of it. To me, the entire 'playing the game' mentality is just exhausting, and not really conducive to the idea of consent. The whole 'make a move' thing especially. Or the whole predatory model that has been set upon people. 'Get out there and GET IT'. It would be a shit load easier if sexuality was more open in this country, and people could be honest with each other. Like 'hey, I'm attracted to you, how do you feel about taking this further?" And the conversation progress from there.

Many people are turned off by that, and I just dont get it.

On another note, I know a few women who talk about that drive that kicks in, like the "have babies NOW" hormone kick that seems to get worse the older they get. I almost feel the same way, hormones are increasing and firing up my sex drive. It makes this whole loneliness issue alot harder to deal with.

I've recently had the conversation with myself about asexuality. As much as it is appealing to me to stop worrying about that part of life, and live the other 99% of it to the max, something inside me wont let me, and I feel if I try to force it, I'm going to fuck myself up both hormonally and emotionally.

 

[Deleted member 27861]

To be honest, I've tried to reach out to the kink community before. Never really got anywhere with it, as where I tried to reach out, most of the meetups sounded like 'we got some meth, many penises, and you have the door fee (Females free)'

I wouldn't mind getting to know a community that is sexually open AND safety oriented.

As far as loneliness both on, and off the road, I definitely get that. I'm going through it hardcore right now. Relocated back to my hometown and it is way more depressing than I remembered it. All the homies either left, or definitely not people I would want to get to know again in this stage in their life.

Sexual loneliness is a hardcore issue for many of us. I have had the model of 'just wait for it, something will feel right when it comes along' for a long time. That point has been really few and far between. I almost feel as if my sex drive has increased because of it. To me, the entire 'playing the game' mentality is just exhausting, and not really conducive to the idea of consent. The whole 'make a move' thing especially. Or the whole predatory model that has been set upon people. 'Get out there and GET IT'. It would be a shit load easier if sexuality was more open in this country, and people could be honest with each other. Like 'hey, I'm attracted to you, how do you feel about taking this further?" And the conversation progress from there.

Many people are turned off by that, and I just dont get it.

On another note, I know a few women who talk about that drive that kicks in, like the "have babies NOW" hormone kick that seems to get worse the older they get. I almost feel the same way, hormones are increasing and firing up my sex drive. It makes this whole loneliness issue alot harder to deal with.

I've recently had the conversation with myself about asexuality. As much as it is appealing to me to stop worrying about that part of life, and live the other 99% of it to the max, something inside me wont let me, and I feel if I try to force it, I'm going to fuck myself up both hormonally and emotionally.

I'm pretty sure that's just your biological nature keeping you from being asexual.

Hm. Maybe it's just as difficult to get laid on the road as it is to get laid off the road.

 

[Older Than Dirt]

Traveling often involves meeting lots of new people, raising the odds you will meet people you are attracted to and who are attracted to you, but often they are gone as soon as they came into your life, lowering the odds that anything will happen or that relationships can build over time.

So kind of a mixed bag. But probably easier to find sex and love on the road than in a small town, and maybe i'm just a northeastern bigot, but i have to figure getting out of Tennessee, or at least getting to Memphis and/or Nashville, will improve chances of meeting interesting people (once we're allowed to leave home again).

I was a small-town boy once (just about the same size as Humboldt in fact, i just looked it up), got the fuck out at 17, and lived on the road for a few years. Met both my wives in NYC punk-rock bars after i stopped traveling hardcore.

 

[Deleted member 24782]

 

[MFB]

This is a good thread with some good thoughts!

I am always baffled by how many people are uncomfortable or ashamed talking about what they like sexually. Most of us think about it a ton and are into some sort of "wierd shit". No shame in that.

I've ALWAYS dated gals that more narrow-minded people might refer to as 'sluts'; bc sex is important to me and I want someone with a healthy sexual appetite who is willing to get down with me in that regard.
"want to do that on my.... face?"
In it's healthiest form, sex should be like play.

Once I was dating this girl I liked for about 6 months when I asked her "would you still date me if I got a face tattoo?"
Her response was
"do whatever you want to your face, just keep your body fit and your dick hard and we're good"
I fell in love.

 

[MFB]

Another thought I just had;

There are all these terms people use now for sexualities and relationships.
Portlandia does a hilarious sketch on this.

Homo-textual, I'm only gay via text!

I'm old so it's hard for me to get on board with all these terms, but do my best to understand that it helps people identify with who the are and what they like, and genuinely think thats a good thing.

One term that I've heard that is especially annoying and prententious is "sapiosexual"
No shit! We all want someone we think is intelligent! That needs to be expicitly stated?
No one wants a really attractive idiot. [sorry @Juan Derlust ]

 

[Older Than Dirt]

No one wants a really attractive idiot

This is close to true about sex. I have found that i can get with pretty but not smart women about twice before they begin to get to me.

It is 100% true about relationships though. Brains, and some common outlook on life, are what matter in the long term. Along with being good-looking too, of course, because our genes will not be denied.

 

[Older Than Dirt]

Enough pontificating you handsome devil - how does this 'genetic undeniability' work in same-sex relationships?

I am pretty sure folks attracted to their own gender (not sex, you neanderthal, you!) are attracted to some people more than others for reasons that are not purely intellectual/spiritual, but purely or partly biological- some people just plain make their dicks get hard, or their pussies get wet. For reasons their brains can't explain.

I'm calling that genes, a christian might call it Satan. But it happens to all people regardless of who makes it happen for anyone in particular.

And i'm also pretty sure that same-gender-attracted folks are sometimes just as disappointed as us hets when those who make the genitals churn turn out to be dumb-asses. I believe there are songs and books about it and everything.

 

[Fuzzypeach]

To be honest, I've tried to reach out to the kink community before. Never really got anywhere with it, as where I tried to reach out, most of the meetups sounded like 'we got some meth, many penises, and you have the door fee (Females free)'

I wouldn't mind getting to know a community that is sexually open AND safety oriented.

As far as loneliness both on, and off the road, I definitely get that. I'm going through it hardcore right now. Relocated back to my hometown and it is way more depressing than I remembered it. All the homies either left, or definitely not people I would want to get to know again in this stage in their life.

Sexual loneliness is a hardcore issue for many of us. I have had the model of 'just wait for it, something will feel right when it comes along' for a long time. That point has been really few and far between. I almost feel as if my sex drive has increased because of it. To me, the entire 'playing the game' mentality is just exhausting, and not really conducive to the idea of consent. The whole 'make a move' thing especially. Or the whole predatory model that has been set upon people. 'Get out there and GET IT'. It would be a shit load easier if sexuality was more open in this country, and people could be honest with each other. Like 'hey, I'm attracted to you, how do you feel about taking this further?" And the conversation progress from there.

Many people are turned off by that, and I just dont get it.

On another note, I know a few women who talk about that drive that kicks in, like the "have babies NOW" hormone kick that seems to get worse the older they get. I almost feel the same way, hormones are increasing and firing up my sex drive. It makes this whole loneliness issue alot harder to deal with.

I've recently had the conversation with myself about asexuality. As much as it is appealing to me to stop worrying about that part of life, and live the other 99% of it to the max, something inside me wont let me, and I feel if I try to force it, I'm going to fuck myself up both hormonally and emotionally.

Have you tried dating apps that cater to hook ups? Such as Adult Friend Finder?

 

[Deleted member 27861]

The multi-quote is broken.

@Brodiesel710 Mmm, that's a good-lookin structure, but I've never quite had my Illuminati pyramids in a row enough to follow it's rules. I have to break them.

@Older Than Dirt No, you're not wrong. I met all kinds of girls that I like back in Memphis when I was in college on campus. Women of all different races, ethnicities, nationalities, professions, subcultures, interests, etc. There were even quite a few hipster chicks and girls into video games and like, fantasy stuff and what-not.

Where I am now, I don't have much in common with anyone because everyone's either a devout Christian who gets married or has kids by the age of approx. 25, or everyone just works and smokes pot and goes to bars, and that's it.

I don't really know how to get into an "in crowd" like @Brodiesel710 talked about without joining a church, which is tough, because I don't really know how to strike up a conversation with someone at church unless it's about God, or Jesus, or the Bible. Which is interesting and fun when viewing it in a sort of mythological, symbolic, analytical kind of way, but exhausting. And as I've learned from my Mormon friends (I guess), it's like most people around here believe in God differently from me. Especially those Mormons.

Those Mormons are SO CERTAIN that their religion is the correct way, that their book is the right book, but to me, that makes them no different from any other religion that claims that their belief is the right way. And I have a hard time reading the Book of Mormon because I'm thinking, "Man I BARELY know the Bible, why the hell am I gonna spend time reading something that reads like Bible fanfiction according to most people?"

And I'm always leery of religion because everyone thinks their religion is the right stuff (except for Baha'i or Unitarian Universalist and Buddhists, maybe), but I really don't trust Man (in a Biblical sense), and I know how much people can and do tend to use religion in the past to manipulate others and do all kinds of harm.

But I'm not trying to get off onto that subject again. Let's just say that, as a black sheep, raised and school'd by an Atheist/Objectivist father and a devout Christian mother, in a complex world that I don't have any clear place in, in a country where every kind of belief under the sun is available to EVERYONE, and the internet allows me to see ALL SIDES of those beliefs, I like to keep my belief in God practical and simple, which is:

God is most likely, kind of like a game dev.

God, although doesn't go out of His way to make anyone suffer, is not going to speak out directly to me or give me any divine sign or anything. He gave me my intellect and independence, and expects me, as well as everyone else, to use what He gave them to survive and withstand the brutality and unpredictability of nature and reality itself, and not take it all for granted.

Therefor, I should, doesn't mean I always DO, but I SHOULD, act as if God is real. Which means I assume He is a good God. If he IS a good God, then I hope I am pleasing him by doing good. If He is a cruel God, then I hope I am pissing him off by doing good.

And to me, that means doing the most amount of objective good (like creating and helping others) as I can possibly muster, do as little objective bad as possible (like committing unnecessary violence and destruction), and for things that are unclear and uncertain or more subjective, to use the thinking and judging skills that He gave me to seek out wisdom and make as good of decisions as I possibly, honestly can.

Sorry that got a big longer than I wanted a bit off-topic. It just sort of, got me thinking.



@MFB Connie sounds like my kind of girl. Connie sounds like she'd be pretty popular around here.