Being a Female Alone on the Road Comes With Constant Harassment

[EphemeralStick]

Well there has certainly been a lot that has been shared at this point. I think now would be as good a time as any to revisit the actual topic of this thread before it goes and gets hijacked again.
Clearly this issue is a complicated one that can't just be simply explained away. Sexual Harassment towards women exists, heavily in this community. We here who put the time in to moderate the site have seen it time and time again. I see out there in the world on a damn near daily basis. To say that it doesn't exist or that it is a product of the female's own promiscuity is to live in denial.

However, at the same time, we can't just instantly dismiss anyone who feels that way. It's easy to get aggro and start slinging insults but that is not productive. All that does is create more victims of another type of hostility. A lot of us do what we do because we feel attacked. By society, by life, all of it. How do any of us respond to attack? We fight back. With a situation like this you have to keep in mind what I said in my first post.

Every situation must be assessed on a case by case basis. It's exhausting and I get it, sometimes it's easier to summarize the offender as an asshole because who the fuck wants to deal with this every day? However it still needs to be done. In some instances a direct approach is necessary because these individuals are truly in the wrong, hence the banning of @ped . While other times, it is important to hear out the words of someone and help them to learn something new because they may actually have reasons for feeling how they do, i.e. @Lightning Samurai .

It's sad. There has been a severe decline in the amount of active female users. It's not difficult to see why. Why be a part of something when they have to deal with constant bombardment from asshole guys? And for the love of gods, I know that not every man is like this. The point is is that some men are, and these are the guys that need to be called out.

We all have to do what we can to fix this problem. It won't go away by simply ignoring it, and shouting it away doesn't work either. There is no one answer but a collection of different ways to go about figuring it out.

Don't discredit others' experiences, don't blame a victim's actions for someone else taking advantage of them, don't stop trying to improve the person you are.
And I said it before, I'll say it again, and I'll probably be saying it until the end of time.

Stop. Objectifying. Women.

 

[Anagor]

The point is is that some men are, and these are the guys that need to be called out.

Exactly.

Online and in real life.

We can do what we can do about it, but we can't change everyone. We can't change the world. Unfortunately.

So we have to deal with what the world is like.

Just my opinion.

 

[EphemeralStick]

@Anagor
I disagree entirely.
We can change the world. It's not easy but all it takes is patience and effort.

 

[Anagor]

@Anagor
I disagree entirely.
We can change the world. It's not easy but all it takes is patience and effort.

In my humble opinion we can't. Perhaps we can a little bit. In our surrounding. Yes. But not the entire world.

Fuck the system. That is my opinion. But we can't change the world. If we could and we will somedays, I stand corrected. I'd like to stand corrected.

But I doubt. :/

 

[pewpew]

Im sure this has been already mentioned, but really I think the best thing for a lone female if she isnt already with someone is to group up with other females, at least then you wont be bored and still feel safe...It sucks but thats pretty much what it comes down to or youre just gonna keep running into the same problems....I mean nobody is gonna mess with a group or at the very least 2 of yall, especially if youre armed with something, maybe even throw a big dog in there and you got a pretty good squad right there.

 

[landpirate]

As a woman who travels solo 99% of the time (and happily I should add). I'm just really bored of being told I should get a road dog or travel with other people. Don't get me wrong a girl gang of pirates marauding about the place sounds luscious, but no...I just want to be solo and that be ok.

I'm tired of being told that I am vulnerable and sadly that's just how it is. No, it's not. I will not let you fuck with me, not because I don't get in dodgy situations or get drunk in the street and run into arseholes but because I will call you out, I will fuck you up, I will not ever again be a victim of other peoples agendas and bullshit.

Sorry I don't usually get ranty on here but it really irks me reading posts mostly from men explaining to me and other women how we need to behave in order to be/feel safe.

If you're on this forum then I hope to a lesser or greater degree that you're in the same boat. It's hard enough to be amongst people that don't live how we do without having to watch our backs amongst our own band of waifs and strays. Just be kind to each other.

I thank all the people who've commented on this thread and have stated that they just won't put up with it anymore. It's fucking ace to hear from strong women who are not going to take anymore crap and it's really refreshing to hear men saying they'll stand up and do the same.

 

[pewpew]

She had bad experiences, which is why people responded and had that "it might be best to goup with women or a dog" kind of input, was just simple advice was all.

Good for you for being a strong and independent woman tho!!

 

[Anagor]

As a woman who travels solo 99% of the time (and happily I should add). I'm just really bored of being told I should get a road dog or travel with other people.

I can perfectly understand.

My reply was all the advice/suggestion I could think of, regarding the OP.

And my reply was not only about women, see the part about the guy who got attacked.

I would never say a woman shouldn't travel alone. But I would always say everyone should be careful and trust his/her gut feelings.

And if one feels unsafe alone, I think it's best to find some (good) company. That's all.

Edit: Typo

 

[marmar]

As a woman who travels solo 99% of the time (and happily I should add). I'm just really bored of being told I should get a road dog or travel with other people. Don't get me wrong a girl gang of pirates marauding about the place sounds luscious, but no...I just want to be solo and that be ok.

I'm tired of being told that I am vulnerable and sadly that's just how it is. No, it's not. I will not let you fuck with me, not because I don't get in dodgy situations or get drunk in the street and run into arseholes but because I will call you out, I will fuck you up, I will not ever again be a victim of other peoples agendas and bullshit.

Sorry I don't usually get ranty on here but it really irks me reading posts mostly from men explaining to me and other women how we need to behave in order to be/feel safe.

If you're on this forum then I hope to a lesser or greater degree that you're in the same boat. It's hard enough to be amongst people that don't live how we do without having to watch our backs amongst our own band of waifs and strays. Just be kind to each other.

I thank all the people who've commented on this thread and have stated that they just won't put up with it anymore. It's fucking ace to hear from strong women who are not going to take anymore crap and it's really refreshing to hear men saying they'll stand up and do the same.

As a woman who travels solo 99% of the time (and happily I should add). I'm just really bored of being told I should get a road dog or travel with other people. Don't get me wrong a girl gang of pirates marauding about the place sounds luscious, but no...I just want to be solo and that be ok.

I'm tired of being told that I am vulnerable and sadly that's just how it is. No, it's not. I will not let you fuck with me, not because I don't get in dodgy situations or get drunk in the street and run into arseholes but because I will call you out, I will fuck you up, I will not ever again be a victim of other peoples agendas and bullshit.

Sorry I don't usually get ranty on here but it really irks me reading posts mostly from men explaining to me and other women how we need to behave in order to be/feel safe.

If you're on this forum then I hope to a lesser or greater degree that you're in the same boat. It's hard enough to be amongst people that don't live how we do without having to watch our backs amongst our own band of waifs and strays. Just be kind to each other.

I thank all the people who've commented on this thread and have stated that they just won't put up with it anymore. It's fucking ace to hear from strong women who are not going to take anymore crap and it's really refreshing to hear men saying they'll stand up and do the same.

It's different if you are on foot, or travel in a van. When hitchhiking and hopping it makes WAY more sense to actually have a road dog. Im in the van and alone and don't face as much harrasment, just being independent. I get the advantage of being with a car.

 

[Shwillam]

Whoo yeah, as a traveling female who's also been involved in many coercive sex encounters, one of which resulted in my current pregnancy, I can really identify. Getting pregnant has really clarified a few things for me though:

1 none of the people who want sexual encounters care about you or want to teach you anything in any way. They want to get off. Coercion on the males behalf is almost always emotional and has nothing to do with what the female is actually feeling but instead a few things he's noticed here and there and a couple of tricks he's picked up from his friends.

2. Public alcoholism is not something you "should" feel safe doing even under the pretense that you should feel safe. Cause you aren't nor ever will be safe, especially stumbling alone with no place to go. You are a prime target. I suggest switching to weed or, if you must be an alcoholic, getting that bottle and finding a place deep in the cut where it will be very hard to find you, getting drunk there, and reemerging when sober.

3. You love this culture... Denial! You don't love this culture, you enjoy parts of it. You love your self. It's what you do. Your primary allegiance is to you. My primary allegiance is to myself. I like what I enjoy. Love is too strong a word most of the time.

4. At the end of the day, nobody gives a shit about you. They can care about you up to 11pm but when that clock strikes 11:01 they will leave you to fend for yourself. It's only natural and to be expected since people have to take care of themselves too, and simply cannot do so when they have someone else to care for. Think of all the hours up until 11pm as childhood. It's 11:01 once you're an adult.

5. Don't be aggressive with approaching males. Men are more aggressive than women and see most encounters in terms of winning or losing when it comes to sex. Your aggression means an automatic win. They can toy you with you now and reap the benefits of your feelings of having to "make it up" to them. And so you don't have the energy to fight back anymore? Sounds like you may be trying to make up for past aggressions. I suggest forgiving yourself and carrying a can of mace for the really dogged pursuers. It's best to not say anything at all if he doesn't respect the first polite "no." Just know that guys who don't respect that are 1. Slime, 2. Only interested in sadistic domination and getting off no matter how many nicey faces he makes at you. Fuck that smile...With some mace

6. "You don't know what you want" no, sure don't, but I know what I don't want and that is another forced, tired, painful sexual encounter with someone I just met

I don't know what to say to help you. Sometimes the best medicine is a doozy, and that's what it may take for you, but I thought I'd give it a shot.

Wow. I could not with disagree with this entire post more

 

[Coywolf]

Whoo yeah, as a traveling female who's also been involved in many coercive sex encounters, one of which resulted in my current pregnancy, I can really identify. Getting pregnant has really clarified a few things for me though:

1 none of the people who want sexual encounters care about you or want to teach you anything in any way. They want to get off. Coercion on the males behalf is almost always emotional and has nothing to do with what the female is actually feeling but instead a few things he's noticed here and there and a couple of tricks he's picked up from his friends.

2. Public alcoholism is not something you "should" feel safe doing even under the pretense that you should feel safe. Cause you aren't nor ever will be safe, especially stumbling alone with no place to go. You are a prime target. I suggest switching to weed or, if you must be an alcoholic, getting that bottle and finding a place deep in the cut where it will be very hard to find you, getting drunk there, and reemerging when sober.

3. You love this culture... Denial! You don't love this culture, you enjoy parts of it. You love your self. It's what you do. Your primary allegiance is to you. My primary allegiance is to myself. I like what I enjoy. Love is too strong a word most of the time.

4. At the end of the day, nobody gives a shit about you. They can care about you up to 11pm but when that clock strikes 11:01 they will leave you to fend for yourself. It's only natural and to be expected since people have to take care of themselves too, and simply cannot do so when they have someone else to care for. Think of all the hours up until 11pm as childhood. It's 11:01 once you're an adult.

5. Don't be aggressive with approaching males. Men are more aggressive than women and see most encounters in terms of winning or losing when it comes to sex. Your aggression means an automatic win. They can toy you with you now and reap the benefits of your feelings of having to "make it up" to them. And so you don't have the energy to fight back anymore? Sounds like you may be trying to make up for past aggressions. I suggest forgiving yourself and carrying a can of mace for the really dogged pursuers. It's best to not say anything at all if he doesn't respect the first polite "no." Just know that guys who don't respect that are 1. Slime, 2. Only interested in sadistic domination and getting off no matter how many nicey faces he makes at you. Fuck that smile...With some mace

6. "You don't know what you want" no, sure don't, but I know what I don't want and that is another forced, tired, painful sexual encounter with someone I just met

I don't know what to say to help you. Sometimes the best medicine is a doozy, and that's what it may take for you, but I thought I'd give it a shot.

Am I the only person who doesnt agree with this?!? None of the people who want sexual encounters actually care about the person? Holy fuck! I think this comment is a prime example of feminism gone wrong. Please dont paint all men as manipulative assholes!

 

[Coywolf]

Also, As I will constantly spread the word of peace and equality in my travels, I would still like to see more douchebag/controlling/waste of life males be maced/beat the shit out of, because, unfortunately, that is the only way some people will learn....maybe not even then.

Im not going to try and front a "white knight" personality, but if anyone is in need of assistance due to an abusive relationship, sexism, racism, or discrimination of any kind, I WILL heed your call. As should everyone. I do believe that is part of the original Hobo Code.

I hate to hear about experiences such as what the OP has been through. All we can do is to keep promoting good, and potentially, giving a harsh lesson some of those who dont/wont get it....

One more thing. in accordance with a few other posts on this thread. If you are a potential solo female traveler, dont feel as though you MUST group up, or only travel in certain areas, or not travel at all. As dangerous as it may be, do not restrict the freedom that is entitled to you. That will only feed the beast. But as always, stay safe out there.

 

[spectacular]

Am I the only person who doesnt agree with this?!? None of the people who want sexual encounters actually care about the person? Holy fuck! I think this comment is a prime example of feminism gone wrong. Please dont paint all men as manipulative assholes!

What's it to you if I do or don't? Stand on your own. My opinion doesn't matter.

 

[spectacular]

Also to say my comment reflects feminism in any way... No. My comment is based on experience and personal reflection.

 

[Coywolf]

Im

Also to say my comment reflects feminism in any way... No. My comment is based on experience and personal reflection.

I'm sorry about prior experiences that have led you to believe that anyone who is interested in you (sexually or otherwise) are being insincere, but I do not believe anyone should heed the advice that all situations fall under that same classification.

This is a major problem. Assholes change everyone's perception of the world in one way or another, and sometimes they change it forever.

The whole reason I got into traveling in the first place was to change my perception of humanity for the better, and I try every day to project positivity and equality upon the environment I am thrown into.

Everyones opinion is their own, but I always am going to agree with one that caters to everyone having an free-flowing positive experience. Everyone. Even trump voters. May God have mercy on their souls...

 

[Coywolf]

What's it to you if I do or don't? Stand on your own. My opinion doesn't matter.

And, it does, actually.

 

[spectacular]

Well what can I say. Nothing really. You two are obviously not the kind of guy I find myself interacting with in the forced-feeling situations sexually. More power to you. It's hard for me not to paint with a broad brush when advising, tbh I thought the advice I gave was clunky but well meaning...As the saying goes "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"

 

[notacarniegirl]

"Words taught me the way life should be.
Experience taught me the way it is." -Sondra Anice Barnes

I know from personal experience the kind of harrassment the OP is so fed up with. If you are female travelling alone, grocery shopping, waiting for a bus, just walking down the street or basically going outdoors among people for any reason, chances are someone is going to come onto you if you're even moderately decent looking. (I'm pretty sure guys with long hair probably get a lot of unwanted attention from perverts too.) When I was 9 or 10 I learned that men will try to buy the right to use us. When I was 12 or 13 I learned that they will pretend to be whatever you want to get in your pants. And they will treat you like a stranger once they do. Over the years I've learned lots of things about the countless ways men can hurt women physically, mentally and mostly emotionally. Some will undermine your self esteem, to make you think you're lucky they like you at all. Some will actually think it's okay to put their hands on you whether you let them or not. Some even prefer it if you put up a fight-rape isn't about sex. It's about power and dominance.
But not all men are dirtbags.
And women are very often just as bad. They will flirt and tease, with the express purpose of getting a man to buy her drinks, clothes, and anything else they can get out of a guy. Sometimes they'll be quite clear about what they're willing to do and what they expect in return. If their really good, they'll milk a guy for as much as they can just by letting a guy think he's got a chance of getting some "one day." In fact, in some ways we women can be as predatory as men in a far more insidious, calculating and deliberate way. But not all women are manipulative bitches.
It's not fair that being a woman means fighting off pervs and keeping your guard up and constantly being careful not to "send the wrong messages." And its not fair that men can't be nice to a woman without risking being used or treated like an ATM machine, or trapped in any number of ways, or even being accused of rape or sexual harassment just for complimenting or rejecting someone.
But life isn't fair and the world isn't the way it SHOULD be. It's the way it is.
Don't let the assholes you encounter, whether male or female, turn you into one of them. Don't let bad experiences with some people determine how you treat everyone else. And don't trust blindly, but don't stop trusting at all. People suck for the most part. But there are still good people in the world. I know this because I try to be one as best I know how, so I figure I can't be the only one. If you know you're a good person, then you know other people can be too.
Men seem to spend their adult lives trying to get laid, while women seem to spend more time trying to keep from getting laid. (By the wrong people at least.) Maybe it's that 'billions of sperm vs one egg' ratio that makes us that way. Men are about quantity while women are more concerned with quality. But that's only the stereotypical ones. Assholes can be nice once in awhile and nice people occasionally act like fucking jerks.
When you're just tired of people being people, take a break until you're ready to deal with the unpredictable nature of human beings again. Socializing is exhausting. Survival is exhausting. Find what charges you up when life wears you down.
It's not just women or men or you or me or us or them. It's everyone.

 

[Ezra Fyre]

a million years of trying to propagate the genome have caused males to want to have sex. shocker, I know.

And over propagation of the g-nome is leading to the disintegration of the Y chromosome. Congrats men! Sexing yourselves extinct.

 

[Ezra Fyre]

"I guess because she looked homeless they assumed she was a hooker?"

NOPE! .... Homeless had nothing to do with it.... It was a 2 step combination - #1 female #2 street... Now, I'll grant you, it was gilded by her flying... But that's just because every girl's greatest dream is to go home with the strange guy, especially if it'll get her off a street. And see, he just knew she was standing there waiting for him! ❤❤❤ (Yes, total sarcasm.)