Being a Female Alone on the Road Comes With Constant Harassment

[Shwhiskey Gumimaci]

*I am editing this because I'm pretty sure people have gotten the wrong idea about what I have posted. All the examples in this post are separate things. This did not all happen at one time. I'm just fed up with everything. This post was inspired by a particularily big asshole last night. This is more of a rant than anything else. Sorry if it seemed misleading* For the past 3 months I've been traveling, for the most part, on my own because I was getting tired of road dogs., As a female I am constantly bombarded with confessions of love, crude comments and actions, and rape attempts. It's sad I have to expect this kind of treatment if I don't have someone to "protect" me. I even have to accept that's just how it's gonna be. I'm getting tired. So tired. I feel like I don't even have the energy to tell people to fuck off anymore. I mean half the guys out here don't even get the hint when you punch them in the face and split their lip open. I shouldn't have to fight people so they don't touch me. I want to be able to go into a city and meet new friends and have fun. Is that really too hard? Is it too much to ask for? I like traveling on my own, I don't want to be practically forced to have a road dog just to avoid this treatment. I love this culture we live in, but it's so hard sometimes. I'm sorry if this wasn't a great post. I just needed some place to put my thoughts.

 

[Deleted member 125]

unfortunetly yer not the first person (and not the last either) to experience harassment as a lone female traveler. do i acknowledge that its a huge fucking problem? hell yes. do i have a solution to get men to stop being pigs when they feel they can take advantage of someone? no, im sorry i dont. i think even in our culture alot of people say one thing and act a different way when it may benefit them and that includes harassing females. its down right disquesting but again, i dont have a solution for you other then saying im sorry yer going through this shit. its in no way fair.

i guess my best advice would be to keep yer head up. its not fair that as a female you have to watch yer back more.

 

[Kim Chee]

Sorry about all you've been through.

You'd probably benefit from getting a good female roaddog though.

I wish there was a simpler solution and there's still no guarantees in an uncivilized society.

 

[Vagabond82]

The last time I was in Los Angeles a few years ago, I witnessed a woman being assaulted. Grabbed the guy threw him off, and gave her support until EMT's could arrive, however I was also temporarily arrested because of it, because in a bit of anger I gave the guy a beating. It's a rough world, and like Kim Chee said, it might be a good idea to have a companion with you just like a buddy system, when one is in trouble the other is there to help for backup and support.

 

[beersalt]

I feel you, darlin'.
Unfortunately, even aside from living life on the road-
When I was paying rent and going to a job, being perceived as female in any public place automatically attracts scrutiny, and unnecessary comments, impeding stares, etc.
Always being on guard with caution, because you aren't aware if a person is actually having a conversation because they are genuinely interested, or simply because they like the way you look; and have some type of ulterior motive.
Myself, and our comrades are trying to change this. We are all striving for general respect until proven undeserving. Fuck being objectified-
But, it happens. And it happens constantly. So, while being aware of this, I refused to go out on the road without a companion. Figured it wouldn't be human, because I tend to prefer to experience things alone the majority of the time. But found for my well being emotionally, and physically, having a dog with me that could tear apart any predator; as well as my own strength, would be extremely beneficial. And help detour a good amount of fuckheads that were too stupid to be intimidated by me, and my knife alone.
You're nothing to be reckoned with. Some just need an extra deterrent to get that.
Hopefully it won't always be this way..
I know you got a street cat, who's a tough muthafucka. And so are you!
Good luck, yo.
Stay strong.

 

[EphemeralStick]

Oh dear... Maci, I hope you know you're my favorite new friend.
It's not fair that we live in a world as fucked up as it is where people have to be on constant guard. You're right, you should be able to travel alone without being constantly harassed. You shouldn't have to be afraid of drinking for fear of rape. You shouldn't have to feel objectified or that your boundaries are being ignored.

One thing I'll never understand is how someone (i.e. men) can feel that they are entitled to touching another person (i.e. women). I like to think that we as a community have our heads on straight but there will always be scumbags I suppose. The amount of freedom travelers have can get to peoples heads, it's easy for asshole to continue their behavior when there isn't any accountability.

The only way to deal with people like that I found is to dis-empower them. Unfortunately there's no guide book on how to do that and instead you have to take it case by case. However it can be done. It's tiring, and honestly most of the time it seems fruitless. But don't give up just yet. Don't stop making your boundaries known, don't stop punching grabby assholes. Most of all, stick up for any person you see in a vulnerable position. Lift up other victims and you'll find they'll lift you up too. We're in this shitty world together after all.



I will always have your back.

 

[spectacular]

Whoo yeah, as a traveling female who's also been involved in many coercive sex encounters, one of which resulted in my current pregnancy, I can really identify. Getting pregnant has really clarified a few things for me though:

1 none of the people who want sexual encounters care about you or want to teach you anything in any way. They want to get off. Coercion on the males behalf is almost always emotional and has nothing to do with what the female is actually feeling but instead a few things he's noticed here and there and a couple of tricks he's picked up from his friends.

2. Public alcoholism is not something you "should" feel safe doing even under the pretense that you should feel safe. Cause you aren't nor ever will be safe, especially stumbling alone with no place to go. You are a prime target. I suggest switching to weed or, if you must be an alcoholic, getting that bottle and finding a place deep in the cut where it will be very hard to find you, getting drunk there, and reemerging when sober.

3. You love this culture... Denial! You don't love this culture, you enjoy parts of it. You love your self. It's what you do. Your primary allegiance is to you. My primary allegiance is to myself. I like what I enjoy. Love is too strong a word most of the time.

4. At the end of the day, nobody gives a shit about you. They can care about you up to 11pm but when that clock strikes 11:01 they will leave you to fend for yourself. It's only natural and to be expected since people have to take care of themselves too, and simply cannot do so when they have someone else to care for. Think of all the hours up until 11pm as childhood. It's 11:01 once you're an adult.

5. Don't be aggressive with approaching males. Men are more aggressive than women and see most encounters in terms of winning or losing when it comes to sex. Your aggression means an automatic win. They can toy you with you now and reap the benefits of your feelings of having to "make it up" to them. And so you don't have the energy to fight back anymore? Sounds like you may be trying to make up for past aggressions. I suggest forgiving yourself and carrying a can of mace for the really dogged pursuers. It's best to not say anything at all if he doesn't respect the first polite "no." Just know that guys who don't respect that are 1. Slime, 2. Only interested in sadistic domination and getting off no matter how many nicey faces he makes at you. Fuck that smile...With some mace

6. "You don't know what you want" no, sure don't, but I know what I don't want and that is another forced, tired, painful sexual encounter with someone I just met

I don't know what to say to help you. Sometimes the best medicine is a doozy, and that's what it may take for you, but I thought I'd give it a shot.

 

[ped]

a million years of trying to propagate the genome have caused males to want to have sex. shocker, I know.

 

[spectacular]

a million years of trying to propagate the genome have caused males to want to have sex. shocker, I know.

Yeah, best to just accept this and not feel anything when this kind of entitlement is directed towards you. Move on.

 

[ped]

^ that's how you exist now

 

[Deleted member 125]

a million years of trying to propagate the genome have caused males to want to have sex. shocker, I know.

what exactly in the fuck are you trying to accomplish by posting something like this in a thread like this?

 

[ped]

by "this" you mean basic truth for all living things in the universe?

 

[Deleted member 125]

by "this" you mean basic truth for all living things in the universe?

that "basic" truth being that its ok for men to haress women? thats a seriously fucked up attitude especially regarding the OP's initial post about how they feel unsafe on the road, im assuming its people like you that she is refering to. extremly fucking innappropiate man. i dont know if you just like to stir up shit or if you genuinely beleive the stuff you say but you should think before posting stuff like that man.

 

[spectacular]

Here's another basic truth inherent to the rules of the universe: a million years of being fucked every which way has caused exhaustion of sexual interest in women

 

[ped]

6+ billion people alive says otherwise

 

[spectacular]

6+ billion people alive says otherwise

Coercion says 6+ billion people alive. Like every woman who's recently reproduced was just skipping through fields drenched in sunshine when she saw her baby making mate and joyful sparks flew and her egghole opened for his sperm hose and another beautiful baby was made in the name of passion, joy, and love!

 

[ped]

All sex is a rape, male sexuality is wrong and ugly.

 

[spectacular]

That's what ped said

 

[Kim Chee]

All sex is a rape, male sexuality is wrong and ugly.

I couldn't think of a more embarrassing thing for you to say.

You might want to stick to penis stroking to avoid committing a sex crime, ped.

 

[ped]

Translation - if I sympathize with her maybe I can have sex with her