when did you realize you weren't normal?

[sevedemanos]

idk. sometime in hs i began to feel bored to tears by most everything. started cutting class by myself to go skateboard/wander around/ read at the park. at 19 cut contact w friends and family and went homeless bc i wanted to find people that were interesting/inspiring. homeless youth and old timers alike did that well enough for me for awhile. stimulating conversations.. then got bored again and started riding freight. some years later realized i must have some pretty hardcore adhd. as i get older though it has grown slowly easier to, well, slow down ig.

 

[MFB]

For me the realization was about understanding that I'm extremely introverted and a tad bit misanthropic rather than realizing I'm weird or not normal. I like people on an individual basis but prefer to be alone. I've gotten along with all types; squares, weirdos, and everything in between, at an equal rate. But I have felt like people tend to lose their authenticity when part of larger groups.

The easiest way to say it is I'm not lonely when I'm alone. It's easier. A big chunk of the allure of travelling was knowing I could go walk around in wilderness by myself for months and not have the emotional toil of managing relationships.

 

[Tremor]

Half being queer, half having ADD. I was weird af as a little kid. I loved all kinds of grotesque and macabre stuff, super sensitive and cried or raged at the slightest little prodding. Parents tried to medicate me into zombiedom. Teachers hated my guts cus I was so hyperactive / couldn't pay attention or sit still. Born outsider, through and through. Both the queer/ADD has kept me on the margins. I can't sit still in life in general. Can't stand working the same job or living in the same place for too long. Can't stand anything for longer than a few months. Older I get, the worse my outlook is though. This is fine when you're in your 20s but I'm creeping up on 40 and have nothing to save me from dying on the street. No career, no savings, no partners, no stability, I have nothing. If I could have been normal I would have. Being a weirdo freak ain't what it's cracked up to be. Just leaves you with nothing but regrets on the margins with no way back in.