I want to dive head first into the volcano that is my fucked up head. Im on the 2 months work 2 months play life style. I think im addicted to it. Part of me wants to be a contributing, decent member of society, but eventually greed takes control. My desire for freedom consumes me. I can blame the system. Say that this life of materialism and credit cards isnt fulfilling enough for me. View everyone in it as trapped, distracted by money and media. Then go off on my next odyssey. But who am i to say the world you live in is bullshit. Im the one with the problem. I need more simply because i cant love. I cant trust. I cant value a relationship enough to even send a postcard once i've left you in the dust. Im a cold person. Admit-ably fearless when it comes to solo travel. The things i've done in this life, and never even spoke of to good friends. Unfortunately i don't consider that humble. I often feel like a narcissistic a hole thats better off alone. Superior in the sense that i've seen some shit. Any means necessary just to survive. Ive gotten used to a life outside my comfort zone And well its true my desires are beyond material, its foolish of me to think a Thailand adventure will solve these underlying problems. Ahh fuck. This brain of mine. What do you guys think? Am i doomed to a reckless life of adventure. Or should i focus on trying to fill the hole in my heart with dating and friendships. And by the way, im only 21. I don't even have facial hair yet!