So, what ya'll think about having kids?

[Deleted member 24782]

I want kids.

I know some of you are fathers, mothers? I'm part of a social scene that in general-discourages breeding, and I've heard the same ideological rhetoric about it for years from most of my friends, and ideologically speaking, I usually agree. But sometime's I wonder if living your life STRICTLY off ones ideologies is always the smartest move. Why can't life just be visceral, emotional, natural, and random?

So, what ya'll think about having kids?

 

[MFB]

I would love to have ONE kid. But never unless my situation was perfect, meaning a dependable income and dependable partner.

I dont have an issue with people wanting to have kids. But when people dont plan or consider it, then the kids (most of us) have a shitfilled, emotional scarring childhood. Having kids is something that should be consider thoroughly.

From what I know, you're in a good place and waited til you've reached a level of maturity to deal with the responsibilities of parenthood. I say, DO IT! Fuck the periphal noise.
In addition, You and your wifey would make some pretty lil babes!

But sometime's I wonder if living your life STRICTLY off ones ideologies is always the smartest move. Why can't life just be visceral, emotional, natural, and random?

THIS! To be happy, it's important for us to leave room in our lives to be hypocrites.

Lastly....Parents....all across the land....they just dont understand.

 

[Deleted member 125]

Why can't life just be visceral, emotional, natural, and random?

I think life is all if these things at times without the added responsibility of caring for another human life for 18 years or so.

Having a kid shouldn't just be something you wake up and say "fuck what my friends have said I want a trophy of my own!". Theres a lot of emotional and financial responsibilities that come with raising a kid that I dont think most of us are even moderately equipped to handle, which could be why most of my peers have chosen to not have kids. Aside from just not liking kids, that's always been a huge concern of mine.

Have you discussed this with yer wife yet? Word on the street these days is shes got a pretty big say in this too. Ultimately it's up to yall two ya know, but if you do decide together that that's something you wanna do it's a pretty big decision and one of those that you kinda cant take back.

 

[Older Than Dirt]

I had a kid when i was 42, because before that i was never both a) making enough money and living a stable enough life that it wouldn't be totally irresponsible and b) in a relationship with a reasonably not-insane woman.

I was married for 10 years to another woman, but we were always broke after i stopped selling drugs and went legit. She never had any kids in her 20+ year subsequent relationship.

My son was still born on Medicaid, and nurtured on WIC, but at least we had stable housing and a little money coming in. Having a kid made me get more serious about work/income, so things got better over his life, and we now live in comfortable genteel poverty.

I have never regretted having a child. Babies are terrifying and scream a lot, but after they get old enough to talk, they are an endless source of entertainment, and a chance to listen to a human tape-recorder copy all around them.

My son is 17 1/2 now, a senior in high school, smart as hell, very high grades/SATs, happy, very popular among his peers (i sure never was, gets that from his mom), an excellent guitar player (but prefers King Crimson to punk- damn kids!), and straight-edge, with plans to smoke reefer and try acid after high school graduation.

We brought him up to respect himself, respect others, and question authority. It seems to have worked. He was the only Bernie Sanders supporter in his class (i was a Warren supporter, so he's not copying his dad). He is the only boy in his senior class that is not into hip-hop, and the only one who looks kinda punk/rock'n'roll. He does volunteer work at the local bum-feed. He has honestly never given us a bad day as a teenager- evidently this stuff may skip generations, my wife and i both drove our poor parents crazy. Another reason to marry punk-rock women.

He will be off to a very elite college in the fall, assuming we can persuade them to pry loose a lttle more financial aid, and that there still are colleges in the fall. He wants to be some kind of scientist despite all my efforts to persuade him to do something else. He is also a very serious musician, and a pretty serious actor, so i'm sure he'll continue with those things.

Biology beats ideology every time.

 

[Deleted member 24782]

I think life is all if these things at times without the added responsibility of caring for another human life for 18 years or so.

Having a kid shouldn't just be something you wake up and say "fuck what my friends have said I want a trophy of my own!". Theres a lot of emotional and financial responsibilities that come with raising a kid that I dont think most of us are even moderately equipped to handle, which could be why most of my peers have chosen to not have kids. Aside from just not liking kids, that's always been a huge concern of mine.

Have you discussed this with yer wife yet? Word on the street these days is shes got a pretty big say in this too. Ultimately it's up to yall two ya know, but if you do decide together that that's something you wanna do it's a pretty big decision and one of those that you kinda cant take back.

This is good advice. At first I disagreed with the trophy analogy but it is kind of spot-on.

 

[Deleted member 13433]

When I was a teenager in the 1980s, this was not a part of the plan - having a girl friend was not even a part of the plan.


By the mid 1990s though, and now 29/30 years old, it became part of the plan because I was with the right girl at the right time, I liked her parents, and they liked me, and we were doing everything for the most part the old fashioned way - until she chose to take her life shortly before I turned 31.

For the late 90s, I was a part of an instant family, real nice girl with two kids from a previous marriage, one 11, the other 13 - maybe ?? - and man, this was a very happy period in my life as we did lots of family things together, but then it got to the point where that's all we were ever doing, or it seemed that way to me, as I was kept on a very short leash as far as my past went with music...

So, when I got dumped because I wanted to go hang with my mates in NYC over the weekend of Thanksgiving, in 1999.... that was it for me.

In 2010, I had a very interesting relationship with the person who turned me on to S.T.P. and whom I adopted my dog from.

During this time, we went to the Norwalk Marine Center, it was on Martin Luther King Day, and there was like millions of free-range children, and she looked right at me and said how this cured any notion of her ever wanting children, which I seem to think I concurred on as well.

By 2013, I was again in an interesting relationship with a real special lady from Pittsburgh who also had two kids, and I want to say they were 11 and 15 maybe [??] but the demeaner of her kids was way way different than the woman I was with in the late 90s, where those kids were very disciplined, the Pittsburgh womans kids were - well, free range unschooled etc.... which as time went on I was not cool with.

So she dumped me, and this I view as a blessing.

So, back to your question;

I don't think one wakes up one day and wants kids, I think one thinks about having a family of their own while still being young themselves.

When I was 30, I was into it - but once past that, no way - because I felt I'd be too old once the kid
would be starting to live their own lives.

Like, I'm 55... and I've had a real good run - but now my parents are older, so now the roles have switched and I'm helping out my folks, something many youths would detest.

When I was going for confirmation, our paster told us about a couple that asked him about having kids.
"Get a dog first" was his reply, and I never knew exactly what he meant - until I got a dog myself.

One time I was out with my dog, and we were on a real nice walk, we both sat on a bench and I was pointing out the Derby Shelton Dam, and I realized that Loki was a dog, not a child and I felt very sad, because I thought of how my father would take me all over Brooklyn and Staten Island exploring the old ship yards, etc... and I never got the chance to do such a thing, because I never got to have a family of my own.

So, some sadness there on my end............

But the pastor was right, because my life completely changes 180 degrees because now I had this year old dog, and I knew I was going to devote a minimum of 10 years to my dog, because that is the right thing to do - so all my bad habbits stopped, along with some of my hobbies...

It's coming up on 10 years now, and I still feel this was very good for me and the dog, even though I never wanted a dog.

About 5 years ago, a former aquaintence of mine who is a militant vegan was describing to me how she wanted to adopt a child, and I was kind of close with this woman, and she really went out of her way to get her home set just right... and I thought of how wonderful that would be, to be able to adopt a child and give them a new lease on life.

But as for you, only you can answer that question.

I myself felt that by age 30, it was either do it or don't... and today with things the way they are, I am sad I never got to have my own family - but at the same time happy that it worked out this way, so I can focus on helping out my own parents now, since they need me.

I guess my question to you is - is this something you are prepared to do long term - like forever ??
Because it's not like once they are 18, they are out.... seems kids out here stay at home even into their 30s now.... even more astonishing their parents are ok with that, paying their bills, etc....

If this is something you feel a burning desire to do, have a family... go for it, but at the same time recognize that once you decide to do it, there is no turning back.

Good Luck !!

P.S. of interest, most of my Gen X friends from NYC chose to not have families or wives or kids or any of that, while most of my CT friends did just that - kids, families, etc... which is why they never see me and I never see them... guess I just ain't ready to be an adult yet.

If I were you, I'd try to immerse myself in situations where I'd be crossing paths with as many families and kids as possible, just to test the waters if yu are a bit unsure, and if you are unsure, perhaps the best answer then is NO, because you can always decide later if you feel young enough to properly do so.

 

[Deleted member 24782]

When I was a teenager in the 1980s, this was not a part of the plan - having a girl friend was not even a part of the plan.


By the mid 1990s though, and now 29/30 years old, it became part of the plan because I was with the right girl at the right time, I liked her parents, and they liked me, and we were doing everything for the most part the old fashioned way - until she chose to take her life shortly before I turned 31.

For the late 90s, I was a part of an instant family, real nice girl with two kids from a previous marriage, one 11, the other 13 - maybe ?? - and man, this was a very happy period in my life as we did lots of family things together, but then it got to the point where that's all we were ever doing, or it seemed that way to me, as I was kept on a very short leash as far as my past went with music...

So, when I got dumped because I wanted to go hang with my mates in NYC over the weekend of Thanksgiving, in 1999.... that was it for me.

In 2010, I had a very interesting relationship with the person who turned me on to S.T.P. and whom I adopted my dog from.

During this time, we went to the Norwalk Marine Center, it was on Martin Luther King Day, and there was like millions of free-range children, and she looked right at me and said how this cured any notion of her ever wanting children, which I seem to think I concurred on as well.

By 2013, I was again in an interesting relationship with a real special lady from Pittsburgh who also had two kids, and I want to say they were 11 and 15 maybe [??] but the demeaner of her kids was way way different than the woman I was with in the late 90s, where those kids were very disciplined, the Pittsburgh womans kids were - well, free range unschooled etc.... which as time went on I was not cool with.

So she dumped me, and this I view as a blessing.

So, back to your question;

I don't think one wakes up one day and wants kids, I think one thinks about having a family of their own while still being young themselves.

When I was 30, I was into it - but once past that, no way - because I felt I'd be too old once the kid
would be starting to live their own lives.

Like, I'm 55... and I've had a real good run - but now my parents are older, so now the roles have switched and I'm helping out my folks, something many youths would detest.

When I was going for confirmation, our paster told us about a couple that asked him about having kids.
"Get a dog first" was his reply, and I never knew exactly what he meant - until I got a dog myself.

One time I was out with my dog, and we were on a real nice walk, we both sat on a bench and I was pointing out the Derby Shelton Dam, and I realized that Loki was a dog, not a child and I felt very sad, because I though of how may father would take me all over Brooklyn and Staten Island exploring the old ship yards, etc... and I never got the chance to do such a thing, because I never got to have a family of my own.

So, some sadness there on my end............

But the pastor was right, because my life completely changes 180 degrees because now I had this year old dog, and I knew I was going to devote a minimum of 10 years to my dog, because that is the right thing to do - so all my bad habbits stopped, along with some of my hobbies...

It's coming up on 10 years now, and I still feel this was very good for me and the dog, even though I never wanted a dog.

About 5 years ago, a former aquaintence of mine who is a militant vegan was describing to me how she wanted to adopt a child, and I was kind of close with this woman, and she really went out of her way to get her home set just right... and I thought of how wonderful that would be, to be able to adopt a child and give them a new lease on life.

But as for you, only you can answer that question.

I myself felt that by age 30, it was either do it or don't... and today with things the way they are, I am sad I never got to have my own family - but at the same time happy that it worked out this way, so I can focus on helping out my own parents now, since they need me.

I guess my question to you is - is this something you are prepared to do long term - like forever ??
Because it's not like once they are 18, they are out.... seems kids out here stay at home even into their 30s now.... even more astonishing their parents are ok with that, paying their bills, etc....

If this is something you feel a burning desire to do, have a family... go for it, but at the same time recognize that once you decide to do it, there is no turning back.

Good Luck !!

P.S. of interest, most of my Gen X friends from NYC chose to not have families or wives or kids or any of that, while most of my CT friends did just that - kids, families, etc... which is why they never see me and I never see them... guess I just ain't ready to be an adult yet.

If I were you, I'd try to immerse myself in situations where I'd be crossing paths with as many families and kids as possible, just to test the waters if yu are a bit unsure, and if you are unsure, perhaps the best answer then is NO, because you can always decide later if you feel young enough to properly do so.

THANK YOU DR. GEORGE AND LOKI DOG!!!!

 

[Older Than Dirt]

"Get a dog first" is excellent advice for anyone thinking about having kids. If you can keep a dog healthy, and happy, and well-fed for a couple years, and it hasn't bitten anyone without good cause, maybe you might be responsible enough to take care of a baby human.

The biting part because if your dog goes around biting folks, your kid will probably grow up to be a jerk. As the late great Redd Foxx so wisely said "Follow a ugly kid home sometime, see if he don't got ugly parents." Applies to conduct too- see also "Apple, distance fallen from tree".

 

[MFB]

Another consideration;

Despite what's in your control, even if you do everything right; there is a fair chance you have a shitty kid, and a better chance they grow up to be a shitty person.

Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason, it's just a lottery.

I know some really good people that have shitty kids, and I have known some really great kids that have shitty parents.

You go through all that trouble to only realize ya raised an asshole.....


----can we get in on the flan joke?

 

[Deleted member 13433]

Very true, sometimes you just never know or understand how things come to be, believe me.... I think of that each and every day...

Just come back from a real nice walk with my dog, now it's nap time for her while I get to do the domestic chores..... this is when it would be nice to have a woman in the house, or perhaps a nice maid on call <3 <3 <3

But seriously, there is probably no greater love than when a couple decides to start their own family.

May G-d Bless You Always.

 

[Deleted member 24782]

Another consideration;

Despite what's in your control, even if you do everything right; there is a fair chance you have a shitty kid, and a better chance they grow up to be a shitty person.

Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason, it's just a lottery.

I know some really good people that have shitty kids, and I have known some really great kids that have shitty parents.

You go through all that trouble to only realize ya raised an asshole.....


----can we get in on the flan joke?

Our fearless Global Village Idiot promised me some mail order flan which I have yet to receive, then my mother in law -for my birthday- bought me 10 premade flans which I PROMPTLY ate.

 

[MFB]

I get to do the domestic chores..... this is when it would be nice to have a woman in the house, or perhaps a nice maid on call <3 <3 <3

Its typical patriachal thinking like this that makes me wonder why I am even a part of this community!

@MFB I realize this is a gambit to boost your post count but notice how it backfired

Uh? I asked you and @Brodiesel710 a question, which would boost YOUR post count?
Right?
Your welcome!

@Brodiesel710 stepmom sounds like a gem! But. No wonder youre having hip issues; its all that flan coagulating around your acetabulum!

Also, happy belated!

 

[Barf]

I've been with my wife/partner in crime for over ten years. While she was finishing grad school and I was shooting dope, we never wanted kids. After all I am a member of The Church of Euthanasia.

Towards the end of our twenties we caught baby fever bad. We had "settled" down for the most part and had a steady place/income. So why the hell not, right?

I had always thought that as soon as we started trying she'd get pregnant. That wasn't the case. Lemme tell you something, baby making sex is some hot hot stuff.

Rafflesia, my wife, gave birth to a happy healthy baby boy on July, 27 2018. It's been both a rewarding and terrifying experience so far, but I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[Older Than Dirt]

While she was finishing grad school and I was shooting dope, we never wanted kids.

This got a good laugh out of me, and seems like a wise choice.

Re baby-making sex: I always say, whenever anyone says something nice about my son, "Thank you so much, and only 60 seconds' work!" Women do seem to get pregnant more easily when you are broke and fucked-up.

Best wishes, especially getting through the "Terrible Twos", which can last to 4 or so. They just get intoxicated with saying "No!", a feeling i bet many here can identify with. But it just gets better and better after you get em kinda civilized around 6. And then when you get them shoveling snow and mowing the lawn....

Pro tip: They grow up fast. It seemed like really smart parenting, when our son first learned "bad words" around 5-6, to tell him he couldn't swear until he was 12. 12 came all too soon.

 

[Deleted member 24782]

I've been with my wife/partner in crime for over ten years. While she was finishing grad school and I was shooting dope, we never wanted kids. After all I am a member of The Church of Euthanasia.

Towards the end of our twenties we caught baby fever bad. We had "settled" down for the most part and had a steady place/income. So why the hell not, right?

I had always thought that as soon as we started trying she'd get pregnant. That wasn't the case. Lemme tell you something, baby making sex is some hot hot stuff.

Rafflesia, my wife, gave birth to a happy healthy baby boy on July, 27 2018. It's been both a rewarding and terrifying experience so far, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Rafflesia...?? Is your wifes name?? Was going to name my first born after my mom Frankie...but Rafflesia, I like it!

 

[Jimmy Beans]

In addition, You and your wifey would make some pretty lil babes!

Uhh, let's be real- his wifey would make some pretty lil babies. Let's hope they fall closer to her side of the tree.

All jokes aside, if y'all want kids and you feel you're both in a place where it's feasible to have them.. who cares what anyone else has to say about it. Even if it isn't feasible, not many of us were even planned. Shit still works out. I grew up in a meth house with women beaters for stepfather's. I've never done meth or felt any urge to hit a woman. I think being born and raised in less than ideal situations builds character. Make your little tribe I that's what you guys want, they're a lot of fun. Those early years where people say babies are hard are also the same years people refer to as "seems like just yesterday/they grow up so fast/they still feel like my little baby". It ts really fast. My kids are both 20 years old, that shit flew by. They're fucking rad human beings, go make you some.

 

[Older Than Dirt]

If you're going to have kids, have them when you still are young and strong- i can tell you chasing a kid around the park is not easy when you are 45, or 38 as the wife was, when the boy was 3, and at his peak of "What is the most dangerous shit in this environment? [runs at high speed to it] What is the most dangerous way i can interact with this dangerous thing?"

And we will die when he is still pretty young- i figure i'm good to about 80 (my dad died at 80, my mom at 84), so he'll be only 37 when i go, or maybe 40 if i quit smoking so many spliffs. My mom just died in 2017, when i was 58.

 

[roughdraft]

ask yourself 'why' you want kids and investigate your intentions deeply, first

 

[Deleted member 24782]

ask yourself 'why' you want kids and investigate your intentions deeply, first

Because I'm horny and my wifes hot.

 

[Older Than Dirt]

My son was conceived in NYC a couple months after 9/11. Watching the world burn has a way of getting the reproductive drive going.

Lots of death? Let's fuck and make some new humans!