Road emotions

[benjysirois]

Perhaps it's simply something you just get through but I'm dealing with a lot of distress, sadness and loneliness out here on the road. I'm free, at last, after 20 years and I've made amazing headway for my first time long distance hitching: southern Ontario to Regina in a week. I do hope thats good at least aha. However, I'm having all those aforementioned emotions, I'm sick now because of it and its just not a good feeling to experience.

Any suggestions to get over this?

 

[thapoet]

the only thing that cures loneliness is either company or more loneliness.... you actually outlined the problem in ur statement. u said its ur first long range trip. the reality of not being a sociable person every single day sinks in... the distress is normal, its part of ur fight or flight chemical reactions. its distress is the sick child of fear and anxiety... if you nip either one in the bud, fear or anxiety, distress goes away.... now, sadness, thats the worst one of all my friend. sadness is you dealing with ur demons. you better whoop them before they devour you. when you wake up in the morning, close ur eyes, face the sunrise, take some deep breaths, open ur eyes and remind urself why u are out there. remember what it is that finally set u free... it was a decision you made, and u should be proud of it, and then say out loud, "today is a beautiful day to find somewhere i have never seen before" and at night, do the same thing in the sunset and remember, if it werent for the day you just witnessed, u would not have this chance to love tomorrow.... i know that sounds all artsy fartsy and stuff, but i think its just what you needed to hear. remember man, ur out there to see the beauty, to seek out peace, to love what other miss everyday in there drive to hurry up.... slow down, enjoy you, be you, and do you!!! and if all that fails, find a puppy

 

[Matt Derrick]

good advice from thapoet, id also say that having someone to share your adventures with will help a lot too.

 

[benjysirois]

the only thing that cures loneliness is either company or more loneliness.... you actually outlined the problem in ur statement. u said its ur first long range trip. the reality of not being a sociable person every single day sinks in... the distress is normal, its part of ur fight or flight chemical reactions. its distress is the sick child of fear and anxiety... if you nip either one in the bud, fear or anxiety, distress goes away.... now, sadness, thats the worst one of all my friend. sadness is you dealing with ur demons. you better whoop them before they devour you. when you wake up in the morning, close ur eyes, face the sunrise, take some deep breaths, open ur eyes and remind urself why u are out there. remember what it is that finally set u free... it was a decision you made, and u should be proud of it, and then say out loud, "today is a beautiful day to find somewhere i have never seen before" and at night, do the same thing in the sunset and remember, if it werent for the day you just witnessed, u would not have this chance to love tomorrow.... i know that sounds all artsy fartsy and stuff, but i think its just what you needed to hear. remember man, ur out there to see the beauty, to seek out peace, to love what other miss everyday in there drive to hurry up.... slow down, enjoy you, be you, and do you!!! and if all that fails, find a puppy

Thanks, that already put quite the smile on my face

 

[thapoet]

you'll be ok kid, as long as u remember why u set out in the first place. for most of us, the thrill of adventure is only a small piece. we are all looking for something, thats the thread that holds us together man. everyone is searching for something.... when i figure out what i am looking for, and find it, i'll letcha know, lol... the truth is, we are kindred spirits. for us, there is something more that being another brick in the wall. anyways, theres lotsa great folks here that have much better advice than i can give, and by reaching out your showing yourself that this joirney must go on and ur not gunna let those road emotions stop you... also, like matt said, try to find urself a roaddog. a cuddle bunny is even better, but a roaddog will do

 

[wizehop]

Man its all part of the journey. Its not just about the happy days, its about the sum of all experiences. All those feelings play a big part in finding yourself as you go through the trials and tribulations that come along with traveling. It contributes to your character development and its good for you, so take it all in.
Learning to be alone is no different than trying to navigate your way out of a big city, its all part of the journey. I'd even argue that its the main reason we travel, whether we are conscious of it or not. Don't worry though, by the time your my age you'll hate everyone and be avoiding people anyhow. Joking of course...well sort of.
Either way man its a normal and necessary part of self discovery, so embrace it and take as much of it in as you can. I hope you have a journal and your writing the shit out of it!
When people go to see movies they go to experience all sorts of emotions, and they pay for it. Its funny that in real life we only ever try to chase down one.
If your down for meeting people though (which is also a great part of the experience) I would recommend finding drop in centers and or soup kitchens ext. I have always met kids in places like this. Just find a table with some cool looking people sitting at it and make contact.

Chin up lad, this mission is about perseverance. You will come out of it a stronger man.

 

[schmutz]

I agree. It is in the quiet times alone that I find myself. Sometimes it is painful but I wouldn't trade those times for anything. There is always another good time....adventure....new friend....laughter around the corner though

 

[Kate Westcoast]

For me once life on the road isnt a romantic idea you day dream about but becomes your actually lfestyle the excitment and high you once got from it wears off because...its all regular life again. I traveled alone for 8months and as i did enjoy that time with all the "road emotions" having someone by your side through the quiet times is really nice...and but alone time is important too and its hard to balance it all out there. Ive been traveling with the same person for almost a year now and its been great but i doiss being alone

 

[Tonkor]

There's some really sound advise above. This is also a time to find your spirituality. Talk to some spirits, talk to yourself, delve deeper into your religion or even make your own religion up. There is more than what meets the eye in this world. Try to open up so you can connect to the things you can't see... once you have done that you will never be lonely again. Try making things levitate with your mind or try meditating... hell, no one is around to see you if it seems weird or embarrassing to you... in fact, take advantage of being alone and do all the things society doesn't approve of: pick your nose, chew with your mouth open and chew nice and loud, pull your own finger and rip one off (if you back into a corner you can use the corner to amplify it and make yourself REALLY proud! I call it corner loading... or corner UNloading, work on your Bruce Lee moves... really relish and take advantage of being alone... just don't make a habit out of it so you can still "blend in and not offend" when needed later on! lol Also, what seems to help a lot, is to find some herbs to carry with you. Both the kind you smoke as well as ones you can just smell or burn for incense. Try to find White Sage/Ceremony Sage and burn that when your feeling down, sad and/or lonely... its guaranteed to lift your mood. I think incense is very helpful in many ways and people normally don't consider bringing them along. You can burn them to lift your mood, make the area your in smell better or smoke yourself to get rid of your funk, they are cheap and weigh next to nothing... not so good for keeping a low profile so use your common sense in those situations. I hope I helped and maybe even made you laugh a little. Take this as a challenge and an opportunity to grow and gain strength in a "glass half full" kind of way and you will do just fine homie. Keep your head up-Tonkor

 

[finn]

My advice would be to keep a journal or to write letters to friends or both. Maybe keep a journal for the purpose of writing letters to friends- the friends feel closer to you when you feel like you are in the process of reaching to them.

 

[briancray]

I wrote postcards to people, kept a blog of my day and thoughts, and just thought about why I chose the new lifestyle. Honestly, the last three months on the road felt like a year with all the experiences. People come and go. My best advice is whenever I got lonely I tried to think of a great time in my life. Like banging a girl I loved, or spending some time with some buddies I hadn't seen in a while to raise my spirits. That seemed to help a lot. Also, losing myself in a great book helped too. A lot of the info above is very helpful. This is just ways I coped with loneliness. Road life made me overcome a lot of fears, which sets me free. Loneliness being one of them so I can relate.

 

[Endy]

I write down stuff at the end of the day. It helps me get all those bad feelings out and then I can look at them. Sometimes I just throw the piece of paper away and imagine all the feelings getting thrown away or I keep it, look at it in the morning and realize that life isn't so bad after some sleep. Also, meditating helps. Just find somewhere quiet and focus on your breathing and nothing else. I thought it wasn't going to help the first time I tried it but it's hard to feel bad about anything when you're totally focused on inhaling and exhaling. Also, if that doesn't work find a puppy like the other person said. It's impossible to feel bad when you have a puppy.

 

[Road Dogg]

i know what u mean my life on the road has been really lonely wish people would take the time 2 get 2 know instead of judging right away now evrybody i am not who u yall try 2 make me out 2 be i havent logged 4 awhile cause of the mean comments that where said regarding my post. is it wrong 4 a man 2 want love on the road. if anyboyd has opinions 2 that comment bout is it wrong 2 want love on the road and find the one girl that can travel with uand ejoy the life u like msg at road dogg

 

[briancray]

i know what u mean my life on the road has been really lonely wish people would take the time 2 get 2 know instead of judging right away now evrybody i am not who u yall try 2 make me out 2 be i havent logged 4 awhile cause of the mean comments that where said regarding my post. is it wrong 4 a man 2 want love on the road. if anyboyd has opinions 2 that comment bout is it wrong 2 want love on the road and find the one girl that can travel with uand ejoy the life u like msg at road dogg

I think a part of everyone wants that. It would be cool, but I love traveling enough that that is all I need at this point in my life. It would be hard since most women want to settle down, which conflicts with traveling. If you find it go with it, but my opinion is love comes and goes. Focus on yourself and don't let it change your plans...you'll regret it in the end.

 

[Road Dogg]

i just dont like bein alone at night havin to snuggle alone and talk 2 myself alone and all tha ya know

 

[briancray]

i just dont like bein alone at night havin to snuggle alone and talk 2 myself alone and all tha ya know

True. I feel you man. I'm a hopless romantic, but I look back on all the times I was in love and in one place and something was missing. I'm happier traveling so if someone comes along and shares my passion cool. If not I'll continue living the way I am now. Try to find a hobby to keep you occupied like reading. If that doesn't work hit up a bar. Tell people your story. They will buy you drinks and you'll have fun if you make it enticing. I spent five dollars last night, got like six drinks and a free pizza.

 

[Roosterruler]

If that doesn't work hit up a bar. Tell people your story. They will buy you drinks and you'll have fun if you make it enticing.

Agreed!

I've chosen to just travel alone since I started when I was 18 (unless a year in Switzerland ages 16/17 count...). I did three months with a guy - mistake. Started to get too attached to another human which was worse than settling.

To counter loneliness I...

- Do a lot of writing.

- Couchsurf.

But only Couchsurf in you're in a healthy mental state. They don't need an emotional wreck. But if you can hold you're own, it's great to have an anchor at each stop. Someone to talk about the day with. It gives me an instant "friend" for a few days and then I can move on.

- The moment I sense the loneliness kicking in (isn't really too frequent), I make sure I get away from being alone and go find someone to be with. Nursing homes are great. They always have old folks you can visit if you're down with that. Community websites are a good resource. If all else fails, I just have to start walking and usually some opportunity walks into my life.

- Drag around a camera. [For me] documenting an experience is almost as good as sharing it with another human (this took about 7 years of conditioning and doesn't have a 100% success rate).

- Not be on Facebook.

---------

Someday I might be tempted to travel with someone else (maybe sooner than later) but, for now, I find the benefits of traveling alone to outweigh the occasional burden of loneliness.

 

[MFB]

“I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.”
-Thoreau

Every man should be made to spend some chunk of time out in the back country by himself. I feel after that, finding sanity in the real world is an easier task.

But anyhow...I almost always travel by myself, just my preference; but whenever I'm feeling blue, hungering for a proper meal, longing for the sweet smell of a pretty lady I ask myself "where would I rather be and what would I rather be doing?" Certainly not working to pay rent, certainly not at a shitty chain resteraunt waiting on processed pre-fabbed crap, certainly not in a comfy bed setting an alarm clock for another day of monotony.

My answer is 'there is nowhere I would rather be'; despite the distress or loneliness I occasionally feel. Those feelings are real, and honest, and makes life feel alive and human rather than manufactured and scripted. and when I do get that meal, or I do get that girl, or I do lay down in that warm comfy bed; it is earned and therefore enjoyed far more than one could enjoy it when it is givin to them.

 

[Road Dogg]

I think that having someone in your life can be great and trying to be alone all the time just says you're insecure and can trust people honestly I have my road girl now I have my wife back we got back together and I am now no longer alone so please stop posting replies to my comments please and thank you unless you enjoytalking to yourself

 

[Roosterruler]

...and trying to be alone all the time just says you're insecure...

That's a bit of a huge assumption. I'd be more likely to swing it the other way, if anything - saying people that always need someone with them are the insecure ones (which I know isn't true).

I've met a fine lot of people who travel alone and they seemed exceptionally confident. They knew that you could put them in any situation and that they could manage themselves just fine.
They knew they could find company when and where they wanted it.

Then again -- you did say "trying to be alone all the time" which might just be alluding to hermits...

I know you said "please stop posting replies to my comments" all polite - but boards tend to encourage conversation. Don't know I've seen someone write their opinion (controversial at that) and then ask folks not to reply...

... hard since most women want to settle down....

Really?

Edit: Accurate. I agree. Most women do want to settle down. Same goes with most men I've encountered.