Notmyname aka DJ

[autumn]

People involved:
@Hillbilly Castro,
@Erinn Oface,
@Notmyname and
myself

Back in September, we went to spange in Minneapolis to make some money, drink a bit, and have fun. A girl that he met on Tinder showed up at the spot and hung out with us for a while, then invited us all back to her house. Us four, her, and a random Minneapolis homebum went to her apartment. Everybody except myself and @Erinn Oface got blackout drunk.

The girl pretty much immediately passed out, stone cold, mostly naked on the bed and @Notmyname kept touching her legs, feet, etc, despite myself and @Hillbilly Castro repeatedly telling him to stop and physically stopping him from touching her. @Erinn Oface explained to him that what he was doing wasn't okay and that seemed to calm him down for a bit.

Not ten minutes later he climbed on top of her and started taking her underwear off, so I pulled him off of her and held him in a headlock while trying to figure out what to do with him. I somewhat let him go when he started having trouble breathing and @Erinn Oface managed to talk him down.

He began rambling about how what he did was fucked up and he deserved to get his ass kicked. He shortly after passed out but woke up about an hour later and was putting his fingers on her mouth. Once again I physically stopped him from touching her and he passed out again a while later, seemingly for good.

We rolled out at about 6AM and left the homebum there to deal with him when he woke up.

We could have expelled him from the apartment but it seemed like a bad idea to me given the state he was in; his behavior towards random people on the street would have been unpredictable and potentially predatory. Neither myself nor @Erinn Oface were going to be able to sleep so it made the most sense.

 

[Notmyname]

At this point I can't refute shit cause I was so fucked up. But I will stand by what I said and give you permission to fuck me up on sight if that's really what happened. 4 can I also ask why you didn't say any of this to my brother when you went back to the RV?

 

[Notmyname]

And also if it was as you say, why didnt I end up in the untrustworthy and shady people section the day after?

 

[Notmyname]

If Kat was dunk enough to black out and to pass out almost immediately, how was she able to drive a car full of drunk bums to her house in a busy college area on a Saturday night with no issues? When Jason said why you guys left she said she didn't believe that I was being rapey. Maybe I was trying to wake her up with some fooling around, idk. Not saying I didn't cross a line. But calling me a rapist is a little far fetched.

 

[Zaphod]

Maybe I was trying to wake her up with some fooling around, idk. Not saying I didn't cross a line. But calling me a rapist is a little far fetched.

the activity you just described there: yeah, that's fucking rape. People were there and will corroborate this. You'd be much better off taking accountability for your actions rather than trying to blame shift

 

[autumn]

At this point I can't refute shit cause I was so fucked up. But I will stand by what I said and give you permission to fuck me up on sight if that's really what happened. 4 can I also ask why you didn't say any of this to my brother when you went back to the RV?

And also if it was as you say, why didnt I end up in the untrustworthy and shady people section the day after?

If Kat was dunk enough to black out and to pass out almost immediately, how was she able to drive a car full of drunk bums to her house in a busy college area on a Saturday night with no issues? When Jason said why you guys left she said she didn't believe that I was being rapey. Maybe I was trying to wake her up with some fooling around, idk. Not saying I didn't cross a line. But calling me a rapist is a little far fetched.

1. Given that we were waiting for Minnow's medication to arrive @ your brothers house, it seemed prudent not to mention it to your brother.
   
   
2. I haven't posted this until now because:
   
   1. @Hillbilly Castro had some idea that he was going to "reform" you in a way that didn't involve the possibility of being ostracized. Instead, it seems that he never even spoke to you.
   
   2. @Erinn Oface seemed reluctant to corroborate what I've said due to fear of confrontations.
   
   3. It seemed that Andy might pressure her not to post in this thread given that you're friends; moreso now given the fact that he never even spoke to you about it
   
   
3. The moment we got back to the house, the 4 of you were slamming shitty vodka. You went through the entire bottle in less than 15 minutes.
   
   
4. Whether or not she believes you were being "rapey" doesn't matter. You were touching a sleeping person without their consent.

 

[creature]

if this happened (which i heard from more than one source involved, within about 48 hours or less if when it allegedly happened) then it was while you wete intoxicated, and as such you are lucky not to be dead or worse.
people's bodies do shit on alcohol, because it fucks up their brains, and as such you can be cut a little slack, but only because you were fortunately stopped.
if that is not you in your sober state, you need to never fucking drink again, or only drink when you are by yourself, away from other people,well planed in advance.

some folks at functional on shit that fucks others up..
that's the nature of fucking psychoactives..

I heard this shit in such a way as to believe it, from more than one source, but I have an inclination to believe your conscious self was subdued by chemical interaction.

the bottom line is that you now have information regarding your interaction with alcohol, and need to make an appropriate response regarding it and your being.

consider that this had gone down not as a strike against your personal identity, but as an issue you need to address, if true.

do not respond with denial.

people here don't just fucking shoot on sight.

have there been any past episodes?
if not, then you got an early call out, is be thankful & contrite..

don't know why this surfaced now, but it affected me over a month ago, when first discussed.

if you've acknowledged and dealt with it, great...

like I said dunno why it is shooting up now, but my inclinaton is to believe it is for your own good, regardless.

respond with responsibility, and assume the worst is true.
apologize & correct your behavior.

maybe it will never happen again, but it is better to be warned by reasonable people, than to be judgmed by total shits..

good luck, buddy, if you take the info well..

 

[Deleted member 20]

I think when people purposefully get blackout drunk than they must expect that bad things do & will happen. If I drink to get drunk as fast as I can, then quickly I get drunk; I then relinquish all control. If I get drunk an passed out; I cannot protect myself, I can't give consent or even trust my own behavior while drunk. Getting drunk is the common denominator in 99% of all drama, turmoil, violence & conflict on STP.

While what was described probably is not rape, it could have been had a sober person with a conscience not stepped in. Is it untrustworthy & shady? It sounds like it could be sexual assault but??. Where is the female (victim) in all of this? I doubt she would remember anything if she was actually passed out. I think without the actual supposed victim claiming foul it is hard to determine. From another post about this topic on "rape & dressing slutty" @Notmyname & this chick had previously arranged to meet for sex on tinder. This kinda would elude that some sort of prior consent was prearranged before their meeting. Does getting blackout drunk together negate that consent??? Whether public drunken rape sex in front of others was what was planned or not. How many times did I have to get completely drunk to have sex? You cannot rape the willing, one who is passed out may not be 100% willing but are they 100% unwilling????

Sobbahs Beddah

 

[Matt Derrick]

I'm depressed that I even have to explain this.

@highwayman first, there were multiple witnesses, almost all of which are members of StP.

second, you weren't there, so you can't make any assumptions about consent. so take all your 'maybes' and 'what if's' and flush em.

third, if you fuck me while I'm passed out, i'm gonna be pretty fucking pissed about it. i can't imagine anyone that would be okay with that. so yes, that is rape. if the other person can't explicitly consent in the moment, yes, that is rape. even an 'i want you to fuck me' text via tinder is not an excuse or a contract that makes unconscious sex later okay in any way.

again, WHY AM I HAVING TO EXPLAIN THIS???? this is consent 101 people. geez.

 

[Notmyname]

if this happened (which i heard from more than one source involved, within about 48 hours or less if when it allegedly happened) then it was while you wete intoxicated, and as such you are lucky not to be dead or worse.
people's bodies do shit on alcohol, because it fucks up their brains, and as such you can be cut a little slack, but only because you were fortunately stopped.
if that is not you in your sober state, you need to never fucking drink again, or only drink when you are by yourself, away from other people,well planed in advance.

some folks at functional on shit that fucks others up..
that's the nature of fucking psychoactives..

I heard this shit in such a way as to believe it, from more than one source, but I have an inclination to believe your conscious self was subdued by chemical interaction.

the bottom line is that you now have information regarding your interaction with alcohol, and need to make an appropriate response regarding it and your being.

consider that this had gone down not as a strike against your personal identity, but as an issue you need to address, if true.

do not respond with denial.

people here don't just fucking shoot on sight.

have there been any past episodes?
if not, then you got an early call out, is be thankful & contrite..

don't know why this surfaced now, but it affected me over a month ago, when first discussed.

if you've acknowledged and dealt with it, great...

like I said dunno why it is shooting up now, but my inclinaton is to believe it is for your own good, regardless.

respond with responsibility, and assume the worst is true.
apologize & correct your behavior.

maybe it will never happen again, but it is better to be warned by reasonable people, than to be judgmed by total shits..

good luck, buddy, if you take the info well..

Creature I respect the fuck outta you so I'm taking what you say to heart. I can't explain why this just blew up on here instead of the people involved talking to me about it directly. Believe me or not, after that day I did actually start to moderate my drinking. I didnt know what I did but it pissed off my friends to the point of not talking to me. I knew I fucked up, just not how bad. I don't want people to think that my denial is avoiding responsibility. I just didn't believe that it actually happened like that.

 

[Deleted member 18141]

Hey, it's taken me a while to chime in on all of this because I'm still very disturbed by it all like literally shaking as I type this and remember it. So everything zim says about the night is entirely true. Save some of the gruesome details that included us having to roll this poor girl over on her side because she was vomiting in her sleep. I still have nightmares about this. I was very reluctant at first because I felt that immediately outing dj from what I felt to be the only community he was strongly a part of would cause him to drink/act out more and potentially harm himself or others more. I also was in a shell shock of my own as this homebum that was present, who had waited till zim had left the room to make a phone call and I was alone with everyone else passed out drunk, tried to kiss and hug me. I didn't make a big deal out of it at the time or really tell anyone because I just so badly wanted to make sure no one else choked on their vomit or did anything dangerous. So my silence has mostly been due to feeling sick and scared whenever I remember it. Dj what you did was so bad and messed up and that girl had no way to consent to anything in that moment and I'm sure her denying anything the morning after was her trying to repress the fear and confusion she felt. I'm sure I would have reacted in a similar way if I were her. I really hope you can be better in the future. I hope you don't hurt anyone anymore. Please be better.

 

[Multifaceted]

This area of the board is for warnings, so now we are all warned. He will still be out there on the streets with us, though, so I still feel like he should be a part of the site.. Hopefully if anyone does give him another chance he remembers this and- no.. Hopefully if he gets another chance the ideas never even cross his mind.. But if they do, i hope he can know without a doubt that it's wrong and doesnt give them any more thought..

I personally feel like a removal of him from the board could be potentially more dangerous.. The homebums we dislike don't disappear when we shun them. We still have to coexist.. Seeing them around the city and hearing about and from them helps further our understanding of them, rendering us safer through more predictability. It could also potentiate him seeking to better his current identitity by growing rather than creating a new one to hide behind..

DJ, I wouldnt hang out with you. Drinking is one of my least favorite things because of this type of crap. People change for the worst so often.. Seek help. Stop drinking. Please.

And highwayman.. I see where youre coming from but no, it most certainly relinquishes consent when we are no longer present to consciously revoke it ourselves. Sometimes we stop consenting mid-coitous. We cant do that if we are passed tf out.

Lastly.. Erinn.. Thank you for protecting her. Thank you for giving everyone's feelings consideration. Thank you for speaking up now. You did no wrong whatsoever and we need more people like you in the world. I hope we cross paths.

 

[LeeenPocket]

https://squattheplanet.com/threads/...ringing-the-focus-away-from-punishment.30728/

I believe this is what Hillbilly meant by trying to reform him. And, honestly, I agree with him. DJ isn't a predator. He gets touchy feely when he gets drunk. Maybe now that it's presented as a public problem he'll do something about it. Ostracizing him is NOT the answer. We should support him if he's willing to accept it without excuse and make a change.
Like you said Boof. If you did it, beat your ass. Fuck that. If you did it, that's the easy way out for you. If you did it, accept it and change something to ensure it doesn't happen again. Now that you know, doing anything less would be a conscious decision on your part to continue being a possible threat while you're drunk.

 

[Dameon]

I believe this is what Hillbilly meant by trying to reform him. And, honestly, I agree with him. DJ isn't a predator. He gets touchy feely when he gets drunk. Maybe now that it's presented as a public problem he'll do something about it. Ostracizing him is NOT the answer. We should support him if he's willing to accept it without excuse and make a change.

You say "he isn't a predator" in one sentence, and then describe the behaviour of a predator in the next sentence. The fact that he's drunk just means he has to lower his inhibitions before his predatory nature emerges. He already MADE excuses and denied it. He denied practically every detail of the story that would imply any responsibility on his part, and hasn't accepted responsibility.

 

[Zaphod]

You say "he isn't a predator" in one sentence, and then describe the behaviour of a predator in the next sentence. The fact that he's drunk just means he has to lower his inhibitions before his predatory nature emerges. He already MADE excuses and denied it. He denied practically every detail of the story that would imply any responsibility on his part, and hasn't accepted responsibility.

ALL OF THIS

 

[QueerCoyote]

And, honestly, I agree with him. DJ isn't a predator. He gets touchy feely when he gets drunk.

If someone is trying to sexually assault someone while they're unconscious, they're a predator, intoxicated or not.

"Touchy feely" is way too polite a phrase for touching, undressing, and inserting fingers into the mouth of an unconscious person. He gets assaultive when drunk, by what's described here. Call it what it is and if he wants to maintain standing in the community he'll own up to it and try to do better.

 

[zaye rodriguez]

the activity you just described there: yeah, that's fucking rape. People were there and will corroborate this. You'd be much better off taking accountability for your actions rather than trying to blame shift

Exactly! People just can't go around excusing EVERYTHING.

 

[zaye rodriguez]

If someone is trying to sexually assault someone while they're unconscious, they're a predator, intoxicated or not.

"Touchy feely" is way too polite a phrase for touching, undressing, and inserting fingers into the mouth of an unconscious person. He gets assaultive when drunk, by what's described here. Call it what it is and if he wants to maintain standing in the community he'll own up to it and try to do better.

But that person is a danger if he's going around doing that. should he really be given a second chance ? Wouldn't taking a chance in him be putting people at risk? That doesn't really sound fair. Its just all about him getting a second chance, not about the safety of innoncent women or young girls. Just because people are homeless, doesn't mean they have to accept that in to whatever community they join. One doesn't have to accept a preditor in their homeless community anymore than in a traditional neighborhood. I don't see the balance in that.

 

[Notmyname]

All I have left to say about this is thanks to the people who have actually fucking met me, for seeing that I'm not a lost cause. The people treating me like a serial rapist monster don't know shit about me. The context of the events is important. The assault in question is totally different than touching your friends ass while partying at a bonfire . I've already said I'm not denying shit cause I can't. I was fucking there and didn't even know what went down so you bet your ass I'm gonna be asking questions. As far as community goes I may or may not stick around here but I'm not gonna stop travelling.

And Erin. I like that you put thought into this whole thing. But someone should have talked to me about it long ago. For fucks sake creature knew what happened before I did and that's fucked up. I appreciate the sentiment and respect the idea, but keeping me in the dark for so long just seems really counter productive. And now I'm effectively green lighted as a rapist over an isolated incident that thankfully never resulted in rape, putting me and my dog in danger.

The people who read this that don't know me won't give a single shit about the fact that I quit drinking, or the fact that I was stopped, or the fact that I've never done anything like this, or that fact that I'll make sure it doesn't happen again. That won't matter to someone who wants to throw a rapist under a train.

 

[Dameon]

The people who read this that don't know me won't give a single shit about the fact that I quit drinking, or the fact that I was stopped, or the fact that I've never done anything like this, or that fact that I'll make sure it doesn't happen again. That won't matter to someone who wants to throw a rapist under a train.

Good move quitting drinking. It sucks you weren't told about this right away. I've been a piece of shit while blacked out before, and been lucky enough to have friends rub my face in it the next day. But you're not the victim here. Your entire post is about how this is going to hurt you, not how you nearly raped somebody else and had to be physically stopped multiple times, and we only have your word that this is the only time this sort of thing has happened. Not super reliable since you didn't know THIS happened.

You haven't admitted wrongdoing, you haven't apologized, or taken ownership of your actions. You haven't accepted responsibility, or really shown any personal insight at all. It's just "me me me". You owe that girl an apology, even if she doesn't remember it. Dude, you've acted like a predator when your inhibitions have been lowered. You need to address that part of yourself and really figure out where that's coming from, who you want to be, and what you're going to do about it.