Drunken Hearted Man
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- Aug 23, 2009
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So in the years I’ve been traveling I’ve only rubber tramped it once, and I thought I’d share the experience I had with you all. Forgive any spelling/grammar mistakes, just because I enjoy writing doesn’t mean I’m any good at it…
My journey began in Salem, OR last year, where I had unfortunately been stuck for a ridiculously long time. After 2 or 3 months I was so desperate to get out of there I was thinking of walking out of town (it was freezing cold and there was a lot of snow). I went to a party one night at some house, and I met this girl I’d never seen before. At one point in the night she mentioned that she was going to drive from OR to FL to see her family. I pretty much demanded she take me with her that moment, even though I didn’t know her at all.
We took off the next day. It was just the two of us from OR to TX, and we had a decent time. We were both drunk most of the time, and some amusing things happened while we were blacked out that I won’t mention. We picked up her “boyfriend” in Austin, and continued on our way east. At some point she got a call from some guys she knew that were in Nashville, and they begged her to come pick them up because they were too scared to hop out of Nashville. Apparently they got caught somehow and they decided to give up. So despite my objections we started to make our way to Nashville to pick these two idiots up (you’d agree if you knew them, believe me). So I’m driving through bumfuck nowhere Alabama (I don’t have a license, permit, ID, etc.) at 2 in the morning. We spot a Waffle House and decide to stop and get something to eat. As we’re sitting there eating inside I notice a state trooper drive by the front really slow, and then drive off. I thought this was odd but didn’t think much of it.
We took off after we had our fill of coffee and continued on our way to Nashville. As I’m driving I notice a state trooper sitting on the side of the interstate with all his lights off…and then about 5 minutes later another one. At this point I’m getting nervous. I keep driving despite the weird feeling I’m getting. As I’m driving I notice there’s a car on the side of the interstate with it’s brights on and it was pointing across the interstate, like it was looking for a particular car (our car of course)…and it was a cop. As soon as I passed him I knew I was getting pulled over.
The cop that pulled us over was a local cop from a town called Morris, which is near Birmingham. It’s a tiny town, maybe 3 cops total and a jail the size of a large kitchen. Everything was going fine under the circumstances, the cop told us we had expired tags, and I was getting a ticket for driving without a license of course. The cop walked back the the car and told me to step out so he could give me the ticket he had in his hand. I opened the door and stepped out. Now what I forgot about was that I had a large fixed blade on my hip, as soon as the cop saw that he pulled out his weapon and told me to get on the ground. He took my knife and asked if anyone else in the vehicle had weapons. I said no in a very loud voice so the girls boyfriend could hear me and take off his knife. He didn’t hear me of course, so when they asked him to step out he had a knife on him too. They cuffed all three of us and proceeded to search the girls car.
Keep in mind these cops are small town, ignorant, po-dunk cops. And as their searching they’re saying things like “Y’all Satanists or somn’?” (referring to my face tats) and “this some kind ah hippie shit?” in their drawl. They find a pipe with such a minuscule amount of weed in it it wasn’t even close to a hit. Along with a fucking sword that the girls boyfriend decided to bring along for some reason…and 5 unused rigs under the drivers seat which I had no fucking idea about…
They stuff us into their vehicles and take us to their “jail” which was only 4 cells and the whole building was the size of a small house. They charged all of us with Possession 2 and Paraphernalia 2, and told us we’d be in their jail for at least a month. The next morning the police chief came in to “inspect” us. He came to the cell me and the girls boyfriend were in and leaned in real close. He looked at me and said “Hey boy come over here” I got up and walked to the door. He stared real hard at me and said “What are you?” I didn’t really know what to say to that, so I just said “uh…a human?” He pointed at the girls boyfriend (who had long hair down past his shoulders) and asked him “You a boy or a girl?” to which he responded “I’m a man…” The chief grunted and said “not in Alabama you aint!”
We spent the night in Jail, and the next morning we were informed that they didn’t want to deal with us for a month, so they were going to release us on signature bonds. We signed them, and they told us to come back for court in a month (yeah right…). And that was that. We got the fuck out of there as fast as possible.
So concluded my first (and probably last) rubber tramping adventure…
My journey began in Salem, OR last year, where I had unfortunately been stuck for a ridiculously long time. After 2 or 3 months I was so desperate to get out of there I was thinking of walking out of town (it was freezing cold and there was a lot of snow). I went to a party one night at some house, and I met this girl I’d never seen before. At one point in the night she mentioned that she was going to drive from OR to FL to see her family. I pretty much demanded she take me with her that moment, even though I didn’t know her at all.
We took off the next day. It was just the two of us from OR to TX, and we had a decent time. We were both drunk most of the time, and some amusing things happened while we were blacked out that I won’t mention. We picked up her “boyfriend” in Austin, and continued on our way east. At some point she got a call from some guys she knew that were in Nashville, and they begged her to come pick them up because they were too scared to hop out of Nashville. Apparently they got caught somehow and they decided to give up. So despite my objections we started to make our way to Nashville to pick these two idiots up (you’d agree if you knew them, believe me). So I’m driving through bumfuck nowhere Alabama (I don’t have a license, permit, ID, etc.) at 2 in the morning. We spot a Waffle House and decide to stop and get something to eat. As we’re sitting there eating inside I notice a state trooper drive by the front really slow, and then drive off. I thought this was odd but didn’t think much of it.
We took off after we had our fill of coffee and continued on our way to Nashville. As I’m driving I notice a state trooper sitting on the side of the interstate with all his lights off…and then about 5 minutes later another one. At this point I’m getting nervous. I keep driving despite the weird feeling I’m getting. As I’m driving I notice there’s a car on the side of the interstate with it’s brights on and it was pointing across the interstate, like it was looking for a particular car (our car of course)…and it was a cop. As soon as I passed him I knew I was getting pulled over.
The cop that pulled us over was a local cop from a town called Morris, which is near Birmingham. It’s a tiny town, maybe 3 cops total and a jail the size of a large kitchen. Everything was going fine under the circumstances, the cop told us we had expired tags, and I was getting a ticket for driving without a license of course. The cop walked back the the car and told me to step out so he could give me the ticket he had in his hand. I opened the door and stepped out. Now what I forgot about was that I had a large fixed blade on my hip, as soon as the cop saw that he pulled out his weapon and told me to get on the ground. He took my knife and asked if anyone else in the vehicle had weapons. I said no in a very loud voice so the girls boyfriend could hear me and take off his knife. He didn’t hear me of course, so when they asked him to step out he had a knife on him too. They cuffed all three of us and proceeded to search the girls car.
Keep in mind these cops are small town, ignorant, po-dunk cops. And as their searching they’re saying things like “Y’all Satanists or somn’?” (referring to my face tats) and “this some kind ah hippie shit?” in their drawl. They find a pipe with such a minuscule amount of weed in it it wasn’t even close to a hit. Along with a fucking sword that the girls boyfriend decided to bring along for some reason…and 5 unused rigs under the drivers seat which I had no fucking idea about…
They stuff us into their vehicles and take us to their “jail” which was only 4 cells and the whole building was the size of a small house. They charged all of us with Possession 2 and Paraphernalia 2, and told us we’d be in their jail for at least a month. The next morning the police chief came in to “inspect” us. He came to the cell me and the girls boyfriend were in and leaned in real close. He looked at me and said “Hey boy come over here” I got up and walked to the door. He stared real hard at me and said “What are you?” I didn’t really know what to say to that, so I just said “uh…a human?” He pointed at the girls boyfriend (who had long hair down past his shoulders) and asked him “You a boy or a girl?” to which he responded “I’m a man…” The chief grunted and said “not in Alabama you aint!”
We spent the night in Jail, and the next morning we were informed that they didn’t want to deal with us for a month, so they were going to release us on signature bonds. We signed them, and they told us to come back for court in a month (yeah right…). And that was that. We got the fuck out of there as fast as possible.
So concluded my first (and probably last) rubber tramping adventure…
