ok.. how's this for a person journal entry that is pretty graphic, though not so literal, as I used the issue of rape in a metaphorical sense to explain how I felt at the time... but I think i proove my point well enough... regret, violation, hate, and shame....
this is from my travel journal from back in Jan 06
I didn't see the fucking until it was mass marketed on video and it kept replaying over and over and haunting me wherever I went. Maybe there never was a gun pointed to my head as I was asked to do it but I certainly wouldn't have willingly let myself get fucked over if I had known better. But that pornographic stupidity was played out for everyone to see and no one really paid attention until I was lying on the floor covered in my own blood and then they said "huh...". Maybe something went wrong here but you can't hit Pause. Now my head constantly spins into Rewind and I see myself being raped as I smile and I remember that when it happened I was thinking "Damn this is good" but now I know better. It was a step I took in the wrong direction or the direction I took from the wrong director but whatever side it came from it came at me for all the wrong reasons and I sucked it down and thought it tasted so damn great until it hit my stomach and made me wanna reject everything I'd ate. But that's the past and we've only realy got out present so I'll keep my eye wider and my thighs thighter so as to avoid the fucker that sneaks into my blind spot and snaps a picture of me at my weakest moment and burns their legacy into my[/i] memory and then forgets me... and I forget myself.
this is from my travel journal from back in Jan 06
I didn't see the fucking until it was mass marketed on video and it kept replaying over and over and haunting me wherever I went. Maybe there never was a gun pointed to my head as I was asked to do it but I certainly wouldn't have willingly let myself get fucked over if I had known better. But that pornographic stupidity was played out for everyone to see and no one really paid attention until I was lying on the floor covered in my own blood and then they said "huh...". Maybe something went wrong here but you can't hit Pause. Now my head constantly spins into Rewind and I see myself being raped as I smile and I remember that when it happened I was thinking "Damn this is good" but now I know better. It was a step I took in the wrong direction or the direction I took from the wrong director but whatever side it came from it came at me for all the wrong reasons and I sucked it down and thought it tasted so damn great until it hit my stomach and made me wanna reject everything I'd ate. But that's the past and we've only realy got out present so I'll keep my eye wider and my thighs thighter so as to avoid the fucker that sneaks into my blind spot and snaps a picture of me at my weakest moment and burns their legacy into my[/i] memory and then forgets me... and I forget myself.
