Hey, I'm Ian, here's my life story and a request for genuine insight.

[Gradient]

My name is Ian, I'm 19 years old, and I've been lurking around these boards for somewhere over two years now I think. I grew up in Clinton, MA and am currently living in Burlington, VT (major upgrade). I go to Champlain College and study Graphic Design. (Life story/abridged)

I first found stp in summer 2009 when (in a fit of pigheaded frustration) I broke every rule on the site and hopped my first train with my friend Tracey with very little knowledge of what I was doing.
Got pulled off that night, passed out in a box car. Scared the shit out of my parents, and realized just how awful and inconsiderate of me it was to try to just up and ditch like that.

But it's too late. I felt what it was like on that train, and I'll do it again someday when I have my priorities straight. Since then, I've been conflicted about my personal motivations. I enjoy my studies at Champlain, but not a day goes by where I don't consider dropping it all and moving into the woods. I feel the weight of expectations from my family and the threat of disappointment and scorn every time.
I like to imagine that if there was a zombie apocalypse, pandemic, if some fucked up shit happened and the U.S. turned into a police state, I wouldn't have to think twice about ditching graphic design for a more rugged lifestyle.


Currently, I'm writing a paper on the culture that I've seen and lurked through on stp. Two years later, it's still too much for me to fully grasp. Are there others here that have had these same kinds of conflicts? Does anybody maintain a career while delving into migrant lifestyle on occasion? Most importantly, when did you know that this was the right path for you? How?

Any insight is very much appreciated, for the paper, and for me personally

 

[rationale]

I can't promise you genuine insight, but I can definitely relate. I'm currently taking a year off before attending college (19 yrs old as well), and have not yet traveled, but hope to (perhaps "long to" is the better way to put it). I am constantly frustrated by my inability to break away from this system - my thoughts are rather different from the average person, and I despise countless facets of modern society and specifically THIS culture, but as far as my actions are concerned, I essentially conform to most societal norms. I don't know if its necessarily fear of disapproval from my parents - I think it has more to do with the human tendency to be addicted to security and routine, no matter how mundane and tiresome and irksome one's life is (like mine, oftentimes), its really difficult for people to break out of their predictable lifestyles and patterns and try something new.

I do have advice: I've been planning a temporary getaway from civilization for maybe 5-6 months now, on and off. I gradually purchased items for my pack and now have a pack and most of what I need to take off. I may wait until its warmer, or I may go sooner, with a vehicle, to a warmer climate like AZ or CA. So my advice is this: Gradually prepare, so its not such a shock ("I'm going to get everything ready today and head into the woods tomorrow morning"). Along with gradually preparing, journalling fairly regularly about my state of mind/fears with regard to this planned temporary excursion has helped me mentally adjust to the notion of doing it to the point where I can almost see myself getting up the courage to actually leave now. Also, I'd say if you arent sure about dropping out of college, maybe take off for a brief excursion during spring break or something.

Oh and btw, the United States already is a (albeit comparatively tame) police state Look what Janet Napolitano has done - hundreds of walmarts across the country getting telescreens at checkouts with a "beware" announcement straight from Napolitano herself, body scanners and molestation pat-downs at airports, 9,000 gov and other buildings planning to be infected by the "see something, say something" campaign to one extent or another. And then there's been long-standing issues of police arresting peaceful protesters in mass, brutalizing protesters, gunning down Blacks with impunity and immunity, etc. I could go on...

 

[astreet09]

...and the U.S. turned into a police state, I wouldn't have to think twice about ditching graphic design for a more rugged lifestyle.

Oh and btw, the United States already is a (albeit comparatively tame) police state

You beat me to the punch rationale.
I lol'd.

 

[Gradient]

Rationale, your words and advice are much appreciated. Thanks for taking the time!

To any and all, if you can relate to what rationale and I have said, please post! The cheesier the better, makes for good writing

 

[MxEx]

Your a Human which has been around for a while. You can repeat any life without much effort. Just listen to your heart as to what you feel. Doesn't hurt to try, but there isn't much worry about being on the road unless you have never been camping, never went more than two days without a meal, had to get down along with complete strangers, or been all alone for a bit of time. You know what you've been through at 19. You've seen folks on the street, seen people in third world countries who are still alive, you've read about natives and cave people and such. You think you could do it? Well you can as long as you brain/heart doesn't puss out. Graphic Design is obviously a study to prepare you in a society that can only define progress because it regulates/stagnates a group of people. Getting out for a break and figuring it out for yourself isn't a bad idea. Accomplishing that get a way sometime in you youth/pre-midlife crisis is probably a good idea. You'll learn that you don't need anything but anything helps. Apply all you know to everything you do and keep the senses open to all you experience and ya should be fine. Having a destination to meet up with some friends always helps me get out. So do some light planning then hit it.

 

[wokofshame]

Yes dude i share your problem all the time. I spent the better part of the last decade fucking around and living the life, made it to 48 states
and now i am going to a community college in shitty not quite city connecticut.
i wonder all the fucking time what i am doing.

I grew up in huntington riding my bike into b-town on the weekends, i'm the sure the burlington scene has gotten old for you too pretty quick.


Is graphic design something you're passionate about? Most peopel end up living ordinary sedentary lives but you can do so and have a super fucking awesome job. Like i am in an electronic program right now but i am switching into a Wind Power program out west for next year, i became scared of getting the elctronics degree and failing to get the signal-maintainer-with-a-railroad gig i wanted and accepting some shitty indoor electronics designing job like most of the people i have class with. That would suck so fucking bad.
I randomly came across the windpower thing on the net a while ago, realized it was something I could transfer some classes towards, went from there and now am fucking pysched and obsessive about it.
I hate working indoors.
On the parental pressure thing i understand too man. My girlfirend is the reason i'm down here and she suffers incredibly from controlling parents, its like that movie The Truman Show - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia with Jim Carrey where its like she could do what she wants but shes scared to do so she doesnt, its an invisible wall man.
When I was about 13 i said Fuck You and then said it about a million more times before I moved out so that did away with my invisible wall.
I'm sure there may be better ways to do it though, who knows, i'm glad i did it.

Parents will worry man, you gotta break em in. These days when i visit i never tell them in advance but just drop in, the reality is whenever the average kid drives a car their parent should be worried, its about as dangerous as riding freight trains is the reality, just they dont know WHERE you are with the latter.
Fuck next school year. You got your entire 20s to graduate college before it gets awkward, and at community college its still isnt after 30.
Take a year off and do what u wanna do.
You can take a little ride outta b-town too. early, early in the morning is when you gotta be there thats all ill say publicly.
btw i like your profile pic, what mtn is that i used to work on trail crew in the greens and the whites.

 

[Deleted member 2626]

I work for awhile then change jobs and travel. I can't work a job longer than a year or so without changing. In April I'll be unemployed and traveling so I'll prob work elsewhere

 

[rationale]

No problem Gradient, glad to help

 

[LeatherTrampGypsy]

The more you realize how unhappy you are trying to please other people the more you'll rebel. There shouldn't be a punishment for doing what you want to do. How can people who have 9 to 5's, bills, kids, insurance, etc say that what you're doing is wrong & useless when they're the ones who are the most unhappy. I haven't been truely happy until I started traveling. Its enlightening & liberating. Its hard work at times but on the flip side I have so many beautiful memories of certain places I loved, all the people who made a difference to me, changed my mind or life, it made me a more wiser & better person. Somehow, it molded me into a much more caring, loving, compassionate, & understanding person. I feel alive & awake. I wouldn't change a thing. Who wouldn't want to feel that kind of joy? Anyone who hates on this lifestyle is simply afraid & comfortable with the house they live in. In reality, they're just argumentative & in denial. Maybe they aren't aware how far they can push themselves? The road has been a blessing to me. Thanks to the people who inspired me. <3

 

[seasonchange]

if you're happy with what you're doing, keep doing it. otherwise, jump at whatever makes you happy, even if that's the great unknown.
i traveled for a year, then settled down for a year, got restless and took off again. that was something shy of a year ago. i work odd jobs while traveling, recently picked up busking, dumpster almost everything i eat, and work around being broke. i fall into communities of like-minded people that let me crash their couch and cook and clean so i can live rent-free.
i've wanted to go to school before, because i love learning, but i realize natural curiosity has gotten me pretty far. i go to the library and research things i'm interested in, or ask my friends who've studied and worked different trades for some help and they're always down to share their skills.
if you can afford school or you're getting scholarships / financial aid, i'd probably stick with it, at least until i've garnered the knowledge i sought out in the first place. take classes that interest you even if they won't get you a degree. and then travel, and seek out opportunities that encourage your interests-- pursue them rabidly. if you're interested in homeopathic medicines and herbal cures, hunt down a witch doctor or look for an internship at an apothecary. if you like gardening, start wwoofing, spend time at a CSA, visit an eco-village with willing hands ready to work and some humility and you'll learn volumes.
if you want to learn how to cook, there's food not bombs where you can try out just about any recipe (and work with meat substitutes).
if you want to practice your art, get your work out there and sell it on the street when you spange. people are more willing to give you money for a product anyway. get into graf, just be discreet. when you have access to resources, exhaust them. take pictures of your work, wherever it is, legal or not. you'll have proof that you did something. and honest to god, even if the cops take your camera, they can't prove the shit is yours unless you're in the picture, painting.
honestly, i'm happiest pursuing my whims. i'm flat broke, not sure if i'll get a proper education, but i'm essentially still home / un-schooling. always learning, just unconventionally.
there was an article published recently where some guy on wall street said that maybe college IS overrated and keeping people from leading rich lives.

you're young; now is the time to make mistakes. don't be afraid to start over again and again. just be honest with yourself.

 

[Stope]

I'm in a very similar situation. I'm currently 17, in high school, working a shitty job, and dying to start traveling. Every time I'm at work/school and get stressed I just remind myself that soon enough,(Once I'm 18), I'll break out of the mold and I'll be living the good life. And I'm not saying I think it'll be easy. I'm sure many cold nights of hunger and pain await me. But dammit, at least I'll be free.

 

[rationale]

You beat me to the punch rationale.
I lol'd.

I'm not sure a police state is lolzworthy "We are fucked unless we resist" would perhaps be a better way to think of it

 

[wizehop]

Do what really makes you happy. At the end of the day if you have any real ambitions in life your going to have to work at some point or other. The trick is to pick your job based on the lifestyle you want. I rode trains long before I started working but even when I started to work I took jobs that were easy to quit or had a lot of flexibility.
Either way your only 19 so I wouldn't worry to much about it. That being said it would pay to have sort of education if you can get it. Take a year or two off and travel, and when you come back you will probably have a better idea of what you want to do with your life.
A big part of me has always wanted to quite work and go into riding trains full time. The only thing that really keeps me working is I love to travel the world too, so I have to work in order to afford it.