wanderingstar
New member
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2010
- Messages
- 1
- Reaction score
- 1
whattuuup errybooodyy?! im khiara, im 23, and i have no idea what the fuck im doing. i am not going to tell you what i do or what i enjoy or what makes me me. i am going to tell you my current predicament because i think it will give you a better idea of where im at than my favorite music & pasttimes will..last week my car died. 2 nights ago my apartment flooded. i can no longer get through one day of job as a waitress. i dont have much money. i dont have much patience these days, although i used to have a lot. i dont know what i want, and am beginning to think i dont know who i am. i am in the midst of an on again off again relationship that has been driving me mad with love, happiness, sadness & rage for the past 5 years. i am so confused that i can barely live my life. i used to be very carefree & happy. i dont exactly know what happened, but i have some ideas. i found this website by accident, while reading something from matador. i have an intense desire to travel, to see the whole world, to live as many different ways as possible, to experience everything, just as all kinds of people would. i want to travel for perspective. i want to feel what it is like to be homeless, penniless, careless. i want to know what every lifestyle feels like. part of me wants to vagabond, roam, wander, whatever you like to call it. i want to go everywhere & do everything. this part of me thinks i will find freedom, and fall in love with this lifestyle. perhaps "find" happiness through this, or "find" myself. as i write this i know that happiness & the self are not found, but created, though i will continue searching for both.. the other part of me thinks i am just looking for something that i will not find outside of myself. this part of me wants to stay with my boyfriend, to have a relationship, to make a home, to make dinner & babies & have a garden & enjoy the "finer" things in life, whatever that means, and to live a more "settled" life. this part of me believes a lifestyle of travel & freeloading will get old fast & that i will not enjoy it, it will not be what i dream of. obviously i am full of fear & doubt, and lack self-confidence.
anyway, i dont really know why i am here. i guess im looking for some ideas, guidance, words of wisdom, connections, maybe some stories or speculation as to just what the fuck i shall do. thanks for listening.
love from ny,
me
anyway, i dont really know why i am here. i guess im looking for some ideas, guidance, words of wisdom, connections, maybe some stories or speculation as to just what the fuck i shall do. thanks for listening.
love from ny,
me