Alexander
Well-known member
I have been on this site for a while now, although mostly I have been in a depressed state, right now I can say that I feel decent. Only just have those lingering thoughts of ending my life every now and then but better than normal. I look at a lot of the attitudes on the board and I completely understand the whole "Fuck Everything...Especially the system" but when it comes down to it, saying "fuck it" usually means that in more than one way. More props to you if you enjoy not having any choice of what or where your next meal or ride comes from, and being "free" and everything. The fact is nothing is "free" and honestly if I did get SSDI for my ADD and Bipolor issues it wouldn't help me feel better laying around the house any longer than I already have. I am tired of being tired. I wanted so badly to just leave my house and family to see what would happen...where the universe would take me, but it doesn't look promising. The thing is, the universe(s) doesn't give a shit whether you are rich and successful, spanging with your road dogs, or die for that matter. We can belittle death and say it's just a part of life and what happened happened for a reason, well depending on your viewpoint yes. There are reasons for many things, nothing divine.
We all go through hardships but if we have the mental capacity to take care of ourselves and others we should take that responsibility. Things happen for reasons yes, but being a Darwin award candidate is not a good one. If you want to live your "free" lives on the open road and wander the world go right ahead, nobody stops you except yourselves. Live how you want to live just don't be a dumb ass about going about it. I recently got a job at Office Max, I don't know how shitty the company is or if I can even handle a job yet, but I'm gonna try. I really want to just say "fuck it" but I am coming to the point where reality is what you make it. Maybe for now I will work this shitty job in retail, but even if I feel like shit sucks and I am just a robot for this consumerist society, I can use it to my advantage; no matter how small. I am determined to get healthy both mentally and physically. I will use my minimum wage job to get a cheap gym membership and get into shape. I have to work hard, which is why I am paying to go there. I know I won't work this job for long, but it's something. I do have thoughts of "well what if you just get in a car accident anyway" well awesome if that happens I will deal with that if I am alive to do so. Running away from my dysfunctional brain will not work. I could be on the moon and would still have these "chemical issues" so I might as well make the best of it by taking care of myself in the current situation I am in. Maybe one day I will have an opportunity to open up a bad ass squat for everyone for free in the Chicago area. My goal is to start a human haven to help others who feel the need to run from their own minds.
Many people on here may feel the same way, running away from their minds. I fucking wish that was possible.
Like I've heard many times on here: wherever you go, there you are.
xSteps
We all go through hardships but if we have the mental capacity to take care of ourselves and others we should take that responsibility. Things happen for reasons yes, but being a Darwin award candidate is not a good one. If you want to live your "free" lives on the open road and wander the world go right ahead, nobody stops you except yourselves. Live how you want to live just don't be a dumb ass about going about it. I recently got a job at Office Max, I don't know how shitty the company is or if I can even handle a job yet, but I'm gonna try. I really want to just say "fuck it" but I am coming to the point where reality is what you make it. Maybe for now I will work this shitty job in retail, but even if I feel like shit sucks and I am just a robot for this consumerist society, I can use it to my advantage; no matter how small. I am determined to get healthy both mentally and physically. I will use my minimum wage job to get a cheap gym membership and get into shape. I have to work hard, which is why I am paying to go there. I know I won't work this job for long, but it's something. I do have thoughts of "well what if you just get in a car accident anyway" well awesome if that happens I will deal with that if I am alive to do so. Running away from my dysfunctional brain will not work. I could be on the moon and would still have these "chemical issues" so I might as well make the best of it by taking care of myself in the current situation I am in. Maybe one day I will have an opportunity to open up a bad ass squat for everyone for free in the Chicago area. My goal is to start a human haven to help others who feel the need to run from their own minds.
Many people on here may feel the same way, running away from their minds. I fucking wish that was possible.
Like I've heard many times on here: wherever you go, there you are.
xSteps