equal rights equal fights?

[earthowl]

I guess I wanted the opinion of everyone on a couple things...
I have been in relationships where we've beat the shit out of each other, some times i think it was good for us too tho. most of the time i do actually. but in my last relationship when i found out my boyfriend kissed my best friend i gave him a black eye and i have never felt so guilty about something in my life... it was awful having to see him every day with his face all fucked up... but at the same time the emotional pain this whole situation has given me is about 1000x worse than a black eye ever was for me.

i think a lot of people turn their head when a partner cheats on another, but if someone gets punched its a huge ordeal. i think id rather have my boyfriend punch me in the face then ever do that to me again. idk. this is just me. wondering how others feel.

 

[venusinpisces]

I have noticed the tendency in the squatter/anarchist/punk scene for girls to feel like the best way to be a "feminist" is to be abusive to men. This is really sad if you ask me and if anything it can legitimize violence against women since it's kind of unreasonable to expect a guy to just sit there and take punches if he's really being injured. Also, it's hard to apply the logic of "equal rights" to abusive relationships since men are physically stronger than women which means that in many situations they have greater capacity to cause permanent injuries or even death.

Since you asked, my opinion is that feeling like you'd rather be punched in the face than cheated on indicates you might have some serious abandonment issues to work on and it's probably best to just do that instead of jumping from one abusive relationship to another or staying in the same one. I've noticed that people who have huge jealousy issues tend to attract people who are cheaters and my theory is that this is because the cheaters know they will get a lot of attention from their GF/BF when they do it, plus the thrill of doing something wrong is so much greater. If you try to minimize the jealousy(easier said than done, I know) then you stand a better chance of attracting people who don't do this kind of thing. I know it can be thrilling to have someone who is possessive but this is somewhat of a primitive, instinctual response that doesn't necessarily translate to long term relationships, especially since it tends to be based in insecurity instead of genuine respect and love which takes a lot more maturity. A certain amount of jealousy is expected but if you're coming to blows then something is wrong. I think if you're feeling guilty about giving him a black eye then that is something to pay close attention to. Just my 2 cents.

 

[earthowl]

i agree with the comment you made about a common view feminists have. i know a lot of feminists that tell me that its okay to hit your partner.
and i do agree that jealousy causes a majority of problems in relationships, i don't find it necessarily relevant to my situation, but its terribly true. I've seen a lot of my good friends repeatedly run back to an abusive relationship a day or even an hour after having a huge breakdown, and act as if everything is hunky dory in the morning. ive seen friends stay in relationships like these for years.

i also don't think that i ever want to be or to hit a loved one, i do think think that just as much i dont want to be hurt or to hurt another person.

and in all honesty, before i gave myself time to change and think over all the bull shit i was doing in my life and take a big step back and open my eyes, i was never the cheatee, i was the cheater. it sucks to say that.

 

[meathook]

on the subject of equal rights, equal fights, if a dude hit me, i'd punch him back. i expect the same treatment as a girl [even though i avoid starting fights... now], if i were to hit a man, i would be fully prepared for and expect to be hit back. not saying violence is good in any way, we should use our words and all that jazz, but it pisses me off when i see drunk girls go apeshit on men [usually for no reason] and the guys are afraid to do anything for fear of getting slapped with a lawsuit. not saying he should beat the shit out of her either though... it's a fine line to tread.

however, on a more applicable note, fights are saved for people who fucked with your bike, jacked your stuff, or ratted out one of your friends, not for people in a [supposedly] loving relationship. abuse is NEVER okay, it does emotional and physical damage to everyone involved. sometimes an abusive relationship can cause both the abusee and the abuser to develop unhealthy emotional attachments, which can make it incredibly hard to want to leave them or get rid of them. i would say that once a man lays a hand on you, or you on him, it's time to at least talk to one of your girlfriends about it, if not someone who could offer more safety or advice, like a counselor.

and, cheating is totally a psychological thing, not just because the person was horny. i know girls who constantly cheat, and then fuck up their relationships, and come crying to me about it, saying, "i don't know why i ALWAYS do it!" and girls [like me, heyooo] who somehow always end up with cheaters.

 

[acrata4ever]

fights are usually alcohol related something about the human ear hearing what it wants to instead of what is actually said while under the influence. its sorta like bi polar in liquid form.

 

[earthowl]

fucking truth

 

[earthowl]

i think that most of my problems in the last relationship i was in is because of the drinking problems he had, and then all i got out of it, is drinking problems myself haha. but just relating to my specific situation, we still love each other and are good friends so i'm happy for the good as much as for the bad!

 

[earthowl]

t

 

[xbocax]

once you involve the fire water theres no point in trying to figure anything out it will always be unstable

 

[earthowl]

once you involve the fire water theres no point in trying to figure anything out it will always be unstable

i disagree.

 

[iixila]

on the subject of equal rights, equal fights, if a dude hit me, i'd punch him back. i expect the same treatment as a girl [even though i avoid starting fights... now], if i were to hit a man, i would be fully prepared for and expect to be hit back.

word.

 

[plagueship]

how about this:
when you care about someone you only do things with their consent, whether it's punching them or fucking a 3rd party, or something else.

 

[acrata4ever]

i got knifed by a bi polar drunk girl with PMS. i didnt hit her i went to the hopsital. 6 months in jail and losing your right to own a handgun , work as a locksmith or own a car dealership isnt worth it. oh and my passport definitely no felonies for me. TIP: dont hit women dont scare them, dont hit kids, dont scare them. dont threaten anyone with a weapon to feel like your dick is bigger. and dont punch a man 65 and older. oh and walk away from fights if you can in my state both parties are charged and given jail time. state doesnt care who started it or questions of honor, they care about revenue. stop giving the state money. stop giving lawyers money too. oh and dont kick someones dog even if it bites you. and dont hit a cop youre fucked if you do.

 

[drunken marauder]

Really you think they can take your passport for a felony???

 

[acrata4ever]

yep they sure can. canada wont even let you in the country with a felony conviction. neither will the netherlands. having your face snapped at an anti american/bush/iraq war protest could put you on a no fly list. as well as being in the wrong church organisation. never show your face at any protest watch what you say. im grilled at least two hours at the airport. they ask me question about who i talk to online what my religious beleifs are why im a frequent visitor to holland (they say amsterdam i never go there) why i went to turkiye for 4 weeks. my instruments are wiped down looking for gun powder residue. now i dont fly with the bomber jacket and army pants. they lightened up a little i dont wear the hawk any more either. but yes traveling is a privledge not a right it can be revoked at any time. a state can even put a restraining order on you to keep you banished from that state. profiling is done on mexican drivers never chinese or russians who could also be illegals. states a motherfucker man heads up.

 

[Nelco]

i kinda wished me and the ex didn't start hitting each other
maybe it wouldn't have gotten out of hand between us
i'm all against violence in relationships thanks to that experience
i don't think it can be the same after you open the can of crap up
we'd get drunk and fight
than evantually we'd be sober and we'd fight..the hostility was there to stay
just from my personal experince

 

[acrata4ever]

yeah its fucked up. i wont hook with addicted people now. had a bi polar commie fiancee shed cut and burn in the toilet then one day she hit me. and i went out for cigs and never came back home i know where that heads. sleep in your car or anywhere you can all a woman has to do is say shes scared of you police see a beer can and you are so going to jail. 6 months for domestic in my state even if its a lie. a trashed house and nobody hurt is enough to be convicted of a felony here. lose your passport lose your gun lose any hope of a bondable job.

 

[acrata4ever]

sorry i went off on a tangent. u sober now? im sober 10 years now hardest thing i ever did.

 

[Mouse]

I can't hit like a man so a man should never hit me. end of story.

 

[acrata4ever]

have you tried one of those iron collapsing batons? aim for the nose kneecaps testicles and things.