CrotchInfection
Active member
Well, here I am once again....I wonder how many times I've done this.I don't know what I hope to achieve by posting this, but I'm going to put it out there anyway because I feel that it's necessary for me to get it out there and have people here my story:
I'm 27 years of age, and ever since I was 16 I've been shooting heroin on and off. I go through spurts of a sort, spending a few months deep in addiction's belly, and a couple months off the dope (But still wanting it). When I first started, it all seemed like a dream-world where I could just be happy and not have to deal with any of life's difficulties, but as time progressed I began to get into shit with the people around me, and also began to affect my own life in seriously negative ways. My friend Andy introduced me to the shit, and the first time I did it I used water from the back of a toilet bowl in a movie theater bathroom to mix the drugs... I didn't care about anything.
Eventually, years later, after waking up on the floor of my shithole studio apartment in Cape Coral Florida next to my psychotic ex-girlfriend, I started thinking that I had taken a wrong turn somewhere down the line. I had all the opportunity in the world available to me as a young person... parents would pay for school, I could get into a trade apprenticeship easily... but instead I decided to do heroin and work overnight at a grocery store in Florida. Long story short, I gave my ex 2 months rent, and hitched my way back to NY where I explained to my family that I was a junkie and needed help.
They drove me to a detox and from there I kept myself in programs for a year and a half. I spent 10 months in Bolger house, a halfway house in Poughkeepsie NY that was really top-notch. I could have left at any time but I knew that if I did, I would wind up right where I started all over again. While I stayed in my program, many of my friends on the outside died from overdoses, and stupid decisions they made while high. That year and a half was the hardest and longest period of my life, and I spent many nights laying in bed, wondering how I let things get that way. I promised myself that when I got out I would never go back to dope again.
I eventually left the house and went back to college, funding it myself this time (I refuse to live off anyone else's labor), getting straight A's and avoiding the drugs. I graduated with an A.S. in Science and Engineering, and enrolled in a B.S. program in biochemistry at Stony Brook University in Long Island. I got a car and a girlfriend, and things started looking really good for me again.
You know what that means...... back to dope. One evening I decided that it would be ok to do some dope again, because this beautiful woman I was hanging out with was into it. There went another 4 months of my life... luckily it didn't effect my grades too hard and I came through.
I'm getting real sick of writing this, and my buzz is wearing off..... but to sum it all up:
The past year, my last year of college, I have been struggling with dope nonstop. I keep getting suboxone and quitting for a few days, then going right back to it. My girlfriend hates it, but god I give her credit for sticking by me this whole time. She gets upset seeing me struggle so hard with this, and she feels that our plans for travel once I graduate will never come to be.... nonetheless she stays by my side and I don't know where she gets the love and forgiveness from. She is amazing.....
I don't know what to do... I'm out of cash, I may not even graduate because I fucked up too many times with the shit this semester, and I'm dopesick. I have a suboxone, but I'm waiting until morning to take it..... Is there anyone with advice or input here? Anything helps really.... I want to travel and see the country! I want to get out and have my adventure, I've been waiting for years! I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK IN NYC DOING DOPE IN TOMPKINS SQUARE PARK. Please, reply and tell me something... anything... just be a friend. There are no judgments here...
I'm 27 years of age, and ever since I was 16 I've been shooting heroin on and off. I go through spurts of a sort, spending a few months deep in addiction's belly, and a couple months off the dope (But still wanting it). When I first started, it all seemed like a dream-world where I could just be happy and not have to deal with any of life's difficulties, but as time progressed I began to get into shit with the people around me, and also began to affect my own life in seriously negative ways. My friend Andy introduced me to the shit, and the first time I did it I used water from the back of a toilet bowl in a movie theater bathroom to mix the drugs... I didn't care about anything.
Eventually, years later, after waking up on the floor of my shithole studio apartment in Cape Coral Florida next to my psychotic ex-girlfriend, I started thinking that I had taken a wrong turn somewhere down the line. I had all the opportunity in the world available to me as a young person... parents would pay for school, I could get into a trade apprenticeship easily... but instead I decided to do heroin and work overnight at a grocery store in Florida. Long story short, I gave my ex 2 months rent, and hitched my way back to NY where I explained to my family that I was a junkie and needed help.
They drove me to a detox and from there I kept myself in programs for a year and a half. I spent 10 months in Bolger house, a halfway house in Poughkeepsie NY that was really top-notch. I could have left at any time but I knew that if I did, I would wind up right where I started all over again. While I stayed in my program, many of my friends on the outside died from overdoses, and stupid decisions they made while high. That year and a half was the hardest and longest period of my life, and I spent many nights laying in bed, wondering how I let things get that way. I promised myself that when I got out I would never go back to dope again.
I eventually left the house and went back to college, funding it myself this time (I refuse to live off anyone else's labor), getting straight A's and avoiding the drugs. I graduated with an A.S. in Science and Engineering, and enrolled in a B.S. program in biochemistry at Stony Brook University in Long Island. I got a car and a girlfriend, and things started looking really good for me again.
You know what that means...... back to dope. One evening I decided that it would be ok to do some dope again, because this beautiful woman I was hanging out with was into it. There went another 4 months of my life... luckily it didn't effect my grades too hard and I came through.
I'm getting real sick of writing this, and my buzz is wearing off..... but to sum it all up:
The past year, my last year of college, I have been struggling with dope nonstop. I keep getting suboxone and quitting for a few days, then going right back to it. My girlfriend hates it, but god I give her credit for sticking by me this whole time. She gets upset seeing me struggle so hard with this, and she feels that our plans for travel once I graduate will never come to be.... nonetheless she stays by my side and I don't know where she gets the love and forgiveness from. She is amazing.....
I don't know what to do... I'm out of cash, I may not even graduate because I fucked up too many times with the shit this semester, and I'm dopesick. I have a suboxone, but I'm waiting until morning to take it..... Is there anyone with advice or input here? Anything helps really.... I want to travel and see the country! I want to get out and have my adventure, I've been waiting for years! I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK IN NYC DOING DOPE IN TOMPKINS SQUARE PARK. Please, reply and tell me something... anything... just be a friend. There are no judgments here...
