Where do I go from here

[slackHaddock]

Ok. Im 24 years young and ive been traveling since I was 17. No home base. Just kind of a "home townish place" where I can usually work and live for free.ish.

Around 2011 I could no longer keep up with my road dog due to ongoing ankle injuries which required surgical fix.

So i planned on getting ANY job that offered health insurance, because I NEED MY FUCKING ANKLE TO WORK so I can enjoy my measly life.

SUCCESS- i find a job in a "straight to garment" print shop, thinking it was a screen printing shop. I work here for nearly a year. I successfully received health insurance AND my ankle surgery within this year. My plan is going accordingly.

this brings us up to date. MY ANKLE STILL HURTS a fuck ton. Its been since last december since my surgery was given. I have an ankle fusion, which is a last resort, punishing shitty fix for an "old worn out ankle"

During this year, i meet a woman whom I fall in love with, as she does the same. today we have been together for 7 months.

My plan was to get the surgery, heal up, and head back west and enjoy my life with my traveler buddies riding my skateboard and camping exploring, etc,, all the GOOD SHIT

My ankle is not healed yet, and I get fired from my job for, no lie, "Soliciting crack cocaine on work premises" I jokingly asked a juggalo co worker if he could "find me some crack" since I had to work a 3rd shift.

Fired from job, i instantly start to get depressed, start drinking heavily and abusing drugs. I get arrested for Physical Control AKA sleeping in my truck drunk

I spend 3 days in jail... then get out and go into Rehab, because at this point I am once again homeless, but I still have health insurance somehow

rehab did not live up to my expectations, and quickly i call my girlfriend to pick me up when i sneak out

courtdate overhead, I continue to rage out of control and say fuck all. I just got fired, which i didnt really give a FUCK since i had gotten what I had came there for, surgery.

At this point, I am living with my girlfriend and her roomate which is akward, I still have a courtdate to attend on july 11th before I can ditch town.

Heres the curveball, my girlfriends lease is up, and she is quitting her job to "travel" with me. I have never traveled with a significant other, only Punks, skateboarders, traveler kids etc

Im trying to stay clean, i AM now COMPLETEly broke again, and i am cooking at a waffle house to try to save up enough money to trick my woman into thinking i have enough to travel on (i am used to only traveling with my oregon trail ebt, an emergency stash of couple hundred) so this is not a big deal to me.

Should I venture west with my girlfriend, a still broken ankle, very little cash, very little plans (shes the type of person who likes PLANS) and a small substance abuse problem? Where could this go right or wrong? maybe this is why i still travel. however, i dont have health ins again (as usual) and officially pretty much ONE human being knows or cares that I exist. Thoughts, inputs values? Ideas?

Im a little jaded to say the least.

Thanks for reading. !!! Travel on!

 

[Charlie]

Woah, well I can think of with your girlfriend is you have to be honest with her, about everything, money and plans included. Explain to her that plans don't typically work out when traveling because there are soooo many "freak" factors that come into play out of nowhere. Use your creativity to deal with her needs "I want a hot shower" "well babe, how about we jump in that river and scrub off there?" "no! that's too cold!" "well let's go to the library and find where some nearby hot springs are." "okay".

Oh man, what did you get yourself into? It sounds like in order to pull this off, you're going to hone your patience and willpower both. She'll be able to adapt to your lifestyle if you remain patient. And with substance abuse issues, You'll be okay so long as you stay true to that will. Maybe find a place where you can go to chill for a while and relax to rehab yourself. Like a national forest with free camping, you say you've got ebt, you could last months in the woods if she's willing. You'll have to explain what's going on with you, be totally 100% honest with her for her to be willing to stick it out traveling with you.

Something about this seems unstable, find some things that ground you and gives you peace of mind. Learning to play music, mathematics, science, wood working, building, drawing, fishing, harvesting wild food, sewing, something that works for you. For me, skateboarding and music works. Find a book about meditation and breath control. You can really relax yourself and enter deeper states of conscious, subconscious and super conscious through meditation. Just that relaxation from amateur meditation for 15 minutes can calm you down so much that you feel like a totally different person. Meditation, I've noticed, is basically sitting in a relaxed yet proper posture and involves focusing just on your breaths. Deep breath in through nose, hold it in four times as long as it takes to breath in, then exhale through pierced lips two times as long as it took to breath in. The goal is not to breath in more fresh air, but to exhale more stale air which naturally breaths in more fresh air. After doing this somewhere around 20 times (don't count, just focus on breath), you begin to feel very relaxed like you're about to fall asleep. Then during exhales, start to do a growl announcing sounds of vowels like Ah, Eh, Oh, Uh, Ooh. Then after doing this for a while, you'll fall deeper into a trance and when you decide to stop, you'll notice you talk slower, you feel very loving, your heart beat has slowed, you feel a warm sense of security.

I highly recommend the meditation practice I mentioned and finding something to ground you. If you do these things, it doesn't matter where you go or who's with you, you'll find something in yourself that will lead you to your next destination.

 

[1544c]

You should be completely honest and straight forward with your girlfriend. Maybe read her this post.

 

[Dolphin]

Honesty is the best policy m8.

 

[mittens]

You should always be honest with your lady. She will appreciate it. I would say that it's in your best interest to take care of your ankle. An injury like that will haunt you for the rest of your life, and it's only going to get harder to fix the longer you leave it.

 

[ByronMc]

I broke my ankle so bad,was laid up for a year in 97-98,6 months later,bone popped out,above the top of my boot ,during another motorcycle wreck. Took a long time to get back to normal,but I forced myself to get there !..........Addiction issues,that took another 8 years to finally say,FUCK THIS ! Now 7 & a half years clean,loving life !..........How did I do it,by being straight up honest with myself & others.

 

[landpirate]

if you're honest with your girlfriend it's two of you against the world rather than you trying to hold everything together by yourself. it's hard work living a lie. battling addiction and a dodgy ankle is hard enough in itself give yourself a break and trust that your girlfriend can handle whatever situations arise.

 

[Charlie]

I think I'm seeing a pattern here. Priorities should be Ankle and girlfriend.

 

[wokofshame]

dude i broke my ankle this year...fucking blew. i don't have the patience to keep from walking. Anyway, how about, instead of just travelling, head somewhere, at least another state if not another coast, with the plan to settle down again once you get there. maybe spend like 3 months+ once you get there, or til something else presents itself. Just a change of scenery can do wonders. you should be alright. have you tried those SP Walker ankle brace boots?

 

[luxeprimal]

there's people out there who care. so can you update on what ended up happening? Hope your ankles okay, foot injuries are the fucking worst. I have a bad ankle too.

 

[slackHaddock]

First off I want to thank everyone who took the time to reply to this post. All of your information and guidance is very appreciated and helpful... Glad to be a part of this site/community.

Update on my situation: (sorry its pretty late and im tired..)

- I finally completed my court dates as of last Friday. The great State of Ohio ended up DROPPING my 2 charges of Physical Control and disorderly conduct! After 3 months of waiting around and going to pre-trials, getting legal advice and dreading my end result, I must say that I am breathing a lot of FRESH air at the moment. It is amazing what can happen inside a court room, and let's just say that I got lucky for the most part (even though Physical Control is a pretty bullshit charge.) Ended up with a bill to the state for around 400 bucks that I get to pay off before Nov 15. Good results there, staying positive and working (kind of) hard is what I believe helped me out a lot. Sad to say that being white and smart/polite goes miles in a legal situation.

- Second attempt at rehab - I took it seriously after a half hearted suicide attempt. I can tell by reading my first post how strung out and wildly desperate I was for some help. Thanks to some positive influences and also my ankle feeling better, I have been taking suboxone and exercising enough to feel legitimately happy and normal-ish nowadays. Ill be off Subs soon and look forward to a cleaner mind. Opiate addiction is now at the top of my list of hard things to kick. Don't do it! not worth it at all. Id rather just feel my real pain and do any kind of homeopathic/natural cures I can wrap my brain around. All of these problems are fixable, however no one said it was gonna be easy. Keep the head up and enjoy the little things in our world.

- Honest with my girlfriend - we realized that our relationship based on mostly my lies, drug addictions and general problems wasn't making either of us happy anymore. She split down to her family in Cinci and we decided to break up and go our separate ways. It was very hard for both of us at first. We can't be friends, but I feel pretty much like an asshole and hope all the best to her and still have no regrets, just experiences learned from. I agree with each and every one of you that said being honest is the only way to go. Great advice there. If you cant be honest to yourself, you cant be honest to others, and soon you will find yourself up Shit Creek if you try to live your life this way.

- Being single, couch surfing and working on my recovery has got me feeling the way I should. I am enjoying my life again and I am gonna start my travels (west to CO by end of November to work on the mountain) on the 30th at the end of the month. Im gonna be down in Durham, North Carolina for a while living in a squat helping out my friends and maybe getting out to the beach and do some good camping since its that prime time of the year. Traveling sober always noids me out, but I just think back to the days where "running away" or being somewhere I never have before was more than enough to keep me satisfied. Im looking forward to it. Not sure how long im going to be down there, but if anyone reading this is going to be in the area it would be great to meet anyone on this site (im sure i have met plenty but just didnt realize that this site existed). and im sure you know the drill, do some dishes, be polite and help out, get some food and water, smoke some cigarettes and have fun with cool folks.

- My journeys will hopefully continue, as I would like to keep traveling as long as I humanly can because its the only thing that keeps my BRAIN stimulated. I may try and hop west or hitchhike if I get a decent road dog or 2. Seems like my old roadies are settlin down(like that Hank JR song)

- Once again thanks everyone for the advice and good vibes. Writing and reading is healthy for all of us, and Im glad that I reached out to this site. I think therapy and professional medical help is great and all, but you never feel that feeling of human interaction with people who have honest opinions with experience added to it.

Feeling good! Hope everyone reading this gets a little inspiration as well. Once again, travel on friends, and always offer a smoke.

-BP -

ps I got a phone now too 614 526 9697. North cacka on the 30th until ?? heading west at a leisurely pace so I can start working on the 25th of Nov. in western Colorado. hope to see you OTR

got csx gear in the pack Just in case! ready to roll. smoke em if you got em.

 

[ByronMc]

Awesome !

 

[slackHaddock]

Awesome !

Thanks Byron!

 

[Matt Derrick]

First off I want to thank everyone who took the time to reply to this post. All of your information and guidance is very appreciated and helpful... Glad to be a part of this site/community.

Update on my situation: (sorry its pretty late and im tired..)

- I finally completed my court dates as of last Friday. The great State of Ohio ended up DROPPING my 2 charges of Physical Control and disorderly conduct! After 3 months of waiting around and going to pre-trials, getting legal advice and dreading my end result, I must say that I am breathing a lot of FRESH air at the moment. It is amazing what can happen inside a court room, and let's just say that I got lucky for the most part (even though Physical Control is a pretty bullshit charge.) Ended up with a bill to the state for around 400 bucks that I get to pay off before Nov 15. Good results there, staying positive and working (kind of) hard is what I believe helped me out a lot. Sad to say that being white and smart/polite goes miles in a legal situation.

- Second attempt at rehab - I took it seriously after a half hearted suicide attempt. I can tell by reading my first post how strung out and wildly desperate I was for some help. Thanks to some positive influences and also my ankle feeling better, I have been taking suboxone and exercising enough to feel legitimately happy and normal-ish nowadays. Ill be off Subs soon and look forward to a cleaner mind. Opiate addiction is now at the top of my list of hard things to kick. Don't do it! not worth it at all. Id rather just feel my real pain and do any kind of homeopathic/natural cures I can wrap my brain around. All of these problems are fixable, however no one said it was gonna be easy. Keep the head up and enjoy the little things in our world.

- Honest with my girlfriend - we realized that our relationship based on mostly my lies, drug addictions and general problems wasn't making either of us happy anymore. She split down to her family in Cinci and we decided to break up and go our separate ways. It was very hard for both of us at first. We can't be friends, but I feel pretty much like an asshole and hope all the best to her and still have no regrets, just experiences learned from. I agree with each and every one of you that said being honest is the only way to go. Great advice there. If you cant be honest to yourself, you cant be honest to others, and soon you will find yourself up Shit Creek if you try to live your life this way.

- Being single, couch surfing and working on my recovery has got me feeling the way I should. I am enjoying my life again and I am gonna start my travels (west to CO by end of November to work on the mountain) on the 30th at the end of the month. Im gonna be down in Durham, North Carolina for a while living in a squat helping out my friends and maybe getting out to the beach and do some good camping since its that prime time of the year. Traveling sober always noids me out, but I just think back to the days where "running away" or being somewhere I never have before was more than enough to keep me satisfied. Im looking forward to it. Not sure how long im going to be down there, but if anyone reading this is going to be in the area it would be great to meet anyone on this site (im sure i have met plenty but just didnt realize that this site existed). and im sure you know the drill, do some dishes, be polite and help out, get some food and water, smoke some cigarettes and have fun with cool folks.

- My journeys will hopefully continue, as I would like to keep traveling as long as I humanly can because its the only thing that keeps my BRAIN stimulated. I may try and hop west or hitchhike if I get a decent road dog or 2. Seems like my old roadies are settlin down(like that Hank JR song)

- Once again thanks everyone for the advice and good vibes. Writing and reading is healthy for all of us, and Im glad that I reached out to this site. I think therapy and professional medical help is great and all, but you never feel that feeling of human interaction with people who have honest opinions with experience added to it.

Feeling good! Hope everyone reading this gets a little inspiration as well. Once again, travel on friends, and always offer a smoke.

-BP -

ps I got a phone now too 614 526 9697. North cacka on the 30th until ?? heading west at a leisurely pace so I can start working on the 25th of Nov. in western Colorado. hope to see you OTR

got csx gear in the pack Just in case! ready to roll. smoke em if you got em.

i've noticed a lot of kids in the past few months that are really turning their shit around. kudos to you my friend, you and others like you give me faith in travelers again

 

[ByronMc]

Yeah,I agree,love it,when a person moves forward,but will also say,took me decades to move an inch

 

[Tude]

Slack ... awesome. Keep on going with it! I work at a college where two offices down from me is the Human Services dept - where they teach future counselors/drug addiction counselors. Many are on a "give back" space where they have been there - and now they want to help others back. Many of them take some of the courses associated with me. This is their future career. Good people with great hearts. I wish you the best of luck and stay in touch here!!!