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- Dec 26, 2010
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Now for the plot. How the hell were we going to shake this conductor long enough so we could fuck in that cab? Abbie had already admitted to me she had joined the "mile post club" some time back when she still worked in Sparks when she found herself attracted to a certain engineer, which hey that's her past who cares, all I knew was I wanted to be a part of this unknown club and wouldn't settle on anything less. Cornelius better be alright with voyeurism cause this is goin down, period. Well, as we departed Sparks westbound I let Abbie run the train and I sat in the middle seat visualizing the track that lay ahead of us several miles into the distance as this was the routine of an engineer. At least 2 miles ahead and one mile behind is where your mind will need to remian to get over the rail safely. Two miles ahead because most trains can stop within 2 miles, and the mile behind was to account for what terrain your train might be draped over, be that undulations or curves you need to know and understand physics to move a train and keep it in one piece.
As I visualized the territory of rail and land ahead of me I thought of the high wide detector we would go through near Verdi (Location of the great train robbery circa 11/12/1870). I knew if we could somehow trip that high wide detector we'd be set. That specific high wide detector was notorious for malfunctioning and many crews had to walk their trains because you always have to treat it as worst possible case, assuming it's accurate whether you know it or not. We had that to hope on but I didn't want to leave this in the hands of hope, I had a plan now. I knew most locomotives like possibly one of the three behind us was equipped with a broom and I figured I could find a place somewhere on a trailing locomotive to wedge it into so it would extend off the side of the train a few feet. I told Abbie and the conductor I forgot to fill out the inspection cards on the trailing units and I'd go back and do so on the fly.
I went back and found the broom I was hoping for on the second locomotive and I ran back to the third engine where I found a perfect slot in the side to wedge the broom into. It was all perfect. Now I would return to the head end and have a seat, review my form c bulletins like any other trip, make small talk with the crew and....."UP detector mile post 229.0 track 1 defect found-high wide load" That's what I'm talkin bout right there! I look to the poor conductor, he'll be the one having to walk this 5400 foot train then back. I say "awe man, that sucks! Tell ya what, we'll drop you off and you stand there on the conductors side and roll the train by, we'll keep it nice and slow and once we've got down to the last dozen cars start giving us counts on the radio and we'll stop the rear end where you stand, this way you can walk the engineers side back up since that's better footing between the two main lines and it'll be a lot less work on your legs.
Cornelius the conductor felt better about this than having to walk front to back, back to front but he seemed to be scared to death of bears and mountain lions. It was one of the first things he asked, he didn't give a fuck about no high wide or the walk, he just wanted to know how much longer he would live and if we'd seen bears or mountain lions near there before. He was a black guy, probably about 20 years old and I don't think he'd done much camping in his life. We told him he'd be fine and just "take a fusee with ya, light it up if you hear anything and no animals will come at you if you're holding that in your hand" We don't know if that's true or not but that's what you tell scared conductors who have to walk trains in the mountains.. hope it works!
Anyhow, ol Cornelius got off on the conductors side and stood with his lantern as Abbie kicked off the brakes and started tuggin on em. We got rollin and once I knew we had passed the conductor up I ran back and grabbed that broom off the locomotive and chucked it as far off the side as I could into the tall grass. He gave us counts when the rear was in sight and we stopped for him to walk up the engineers side back to the head end. Yeah, whatever cornelius... hope you have a nice walk and all, but I'm not thinking about you at this moment, right now clothes are being removed and somebodies fucking in this cab right now. We turned the engineers seat 180 degrees and laid the seat back towards the console, she removed her pants and we got busy. That cab smelled like sex no doubt cause it was rough, hard, and fast. He returned to the head end about 20 minutes after we last talked to him on the radio and he reported to us he didn't find anything...hmmm? how bout that? they really need to fix that damn detector!
That's the story of how I got my membership into the mile post club. I eventually broke up with that girl and I think we're both happier now, no relationship will last forever if all you have in common is good sex. Abbie is a ground hog(Engineer with too low of seniority to work as an engineer, forced to work as a conductor/switchman/brakeman until a spot opens up on the engineer board) in Sparks. If ya ever see her, tell her Jason sends his best regards. You'll know her instantly if you read the description and if you get her on a good day she might even take a page out of my book and help you out. I should clarify, her name is not Abbie. I give current workers alias names to protect their identity but let's just say she really liked that lame 311 song - "abbie is the color of your energy".. wait, that's not a color! Simple riddle is simple.
As I visualized the territory of rail and land ahead of me I thought of the high wide detector we would go through near Verdi (Location of the great train robbery circa 11/12/1870). I knew if we could somehow trip that high wide detector we'd be set. That specific high wide detector was notorious for malfunctioning and many crews had to walk their trains because you always have to treat it as worst possible case, assuming it's accurate whether you know it or not. We had that to hope on but I didn't want to leave this in the hands of hope, I had a plan now. I knew most locomotives like possibly one of the three behind us was equipped with a broom and I figured I could find a place somewhere on a trailing locomotive to wedge it into so it would extend off the side of the train a few feet. I told Abbie and the conductor I forgot to fill out the inspection cards on the trailing units and I'd go back and do so on the fly.
I went back and found the broom I was hoping for on the second locomotive and I ran back to the third engine where I found a perfect slot in the side to wedge the broom into. It was all perfect. Now I would return to the head end and have a seat, review my form c bulletins like any other trip, make small talk with the crew and....."UP detector mile post 229.0 track 1 defect found-high wide load" That's what I'm talkin bout right there! I look to the poor conductor, he'll be the one having to walk this 5400 foot train then back. I say "awe man, that sucks! Tell ya what, we'll drop you off and you stand there on the conductors side and roll the train by, we'll keep it nice and slow and once we've got down to the last dozen cars start giving us counts on the radio and we'll stop the rear end where you stand, this way you can walk the engineers side back up since that's better footing between the two main lines and it'll be a lot less work on your legs.
Cornelius the conductor felt better about this than having to walk front to back, back to front but he seemed to be scared to death of bears and mountain lions. It was one of the first things he asked, he didn't give a fuck about no high wide or the walk, he just wanted to know how much longer he would live and if we'd seen bears or mountain lions near there before. He was a black guy, probably about 20 years old and I don't think he'd done much camping in his life. We told him he'd be fine and just "take a fusee with ya, light it up if you hear anything and no animals will come at you if you're holding that in your hand" We don't know if that's true or not but that's what you tell scared conductors who have to walk trains in the mountains.. hope it works!
Anyhow, ol Cornelius got off on the conductors side and stood with his lantern as Abbie kicked off the brakes and started tuggin on em. We got rollin and once I knew we had passed the conductor up I ran back and grabbed that broom off the locomotive and chucked it as far off the side as I could into the tall grass. He gave us counts when the rear was in sight and we stopped for him to walk up the engineers side back to the head end. Yeah, whatever cornelius... hope you have a nice walk and all, but I'm not thinking about you at this moment, right now clothes are being removed and somebodies fucking in this cab right now. We turned the engineers seat 180 degrees and laid the seat back towards the console, she removed her pants and we got busy. That cab smelled like sex no doubt cause it was rough, hard, and fast. He returned to the head end about 20 minutes after we last talked to him on the radio and he reported to us he didn't find anything...hmmm? how bout that? they really need to fix that damn detector!
That's the story of how I got my membership into the mile post club. I eventually broke up with that girl and I think we're both happier now, no relationship will last forever if all you have in common is good sex. Abbie is a ground hog(Engineer with too low of seniority to work as an engineer, forced to work as a conductor/switchman/brakeman until a spot opens up on the engineer board) in Sparks. If ya ever see her, tell her Jason sends his best regards. You'll know her instantly if you read the description and if you get her on a good day she might even take a page out of my book and help you out. I should clarify, her name is not Abbie. I give current workers alias names to protect their identity but let's just say she really liked that lame 311 song - "abbie is the color of your energy".. wait, that's not a color! Simple riddle is simple.
