sometimes it gets hard, mentally

We all know those days, the miserable ones. And we all know those people that just have to give you shit for your lifestyle. Here's my story, what happened while I was hitchhiking across the US and Canada.

One day you wake up with your regular three I-smoked-too-much-last-night coughs on a couch somewhere in Alaska, in your hand is a rolie you didn't finish before passing out, next to you is the beer you weren't able to drink anymore. So you take a sip of the non-carbonated leftover, instantly warms up your stomach and hits your brain with Endorphins, which feels good. Especially with that rolie. The flashbacks arrive. "You're the scum of society, living off the people that work for their money" "I just paid 30$ for you and your friends drinks" "I make 130K and you're just living of other people's good will" "You rely on people's help you piece of garbage" "Piece of shit" "Piece of shit" "Piece of shit" That man was really angry for loosing a geography bet with me last night. But what he said was all true, I do rely on people picking me up. I do count on people's help. I do all those things. Post-alcoholic depression is fully in. What I worked for, and planned for years is piece of shit joke. All I am doing with my life right now is shit. And I tried talking myself out of it. But it didn't go well. Another beer and smoke it is. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Go back home, cry and swim in a mud of guilt? Is my entire journey pointless? All I'm doing, is it just a shitshow? Well that day I thought so, and it seemed to me like there no hope. Hopelessly I get drunk again . . .

I won't ever forget that morning and how it felt.

Last morning, I woke up happiest I've been in a too long time. What I'm doing makes sense to me now. I see purpose in my journey. And whenever I go back to that day I think to myself "Well, fuck you, for earning too much money and living a boring life where you pick on people to remind yourself that you "have it good". In fact, anyone who's shit enough to spend their energy yelling "Get a jobbbb" from their pickup, or the countless middle fingers I have gently received, or any other (which there were many) forms of negativity I face, all of those people can go F themselves back to their shitty lives I guess. I am getting too angry writing this. Skipping forwards.

Especially after uploading the stupid little video that I put no effort into, getting the lovely feedback, motivation to push forward and get my documentary done, "you look really happy" messages. Well, I am, truly am happy. Loving life. I love the road. I love it. I love making photos and videos again. I love the people I get to meet. I love the shoulder of the highway. I love the feeling of home I get when I flip my "South" sign. I love when I turn around and see a car pulled over, the incredible rush of adrenaline, the raise of the heart-beat, pack all your shit and RUN. I love waking up in random places, ditches, lakes, people's couches, getting free coffee at gas stations, being harassed by the cops, kicked out of on-ramps, refused service, the constant never-ending hunt for a spot to sleep. I love it, all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly. And on that note I realised I can finally truly admit, I love myself.

And it feels fucking good.

Later as the sun was rising over El Centro, California I looked south and took a deep breath. I couldn't believe what just happened. The 9,000 miles covered, the dopest people met, the craziest meals ate. USA and Canada, it was an absolute pleasure. Especially Alaska. I shot guns in Alaska, I farmed in Oregon, I worked the trash in California...

Travelling "alone" or "solo" across the states was the most incredible experience I could have ever asked for. "Alone" is a wrong word to use, because it almost never felt that way. I wouldn't consider this hitchhiking either, rather more of a "welcome, be part of my life for a couple of days or more" Out of the almost two months, I spent around 3 nights alone. I never had to worry about a place to stay the night, a couch to rest or die out of hunger thanks to all the amazing people I met.

\Thanks to the people, all of the people, for the rides, the meals, the burgers, the smiles and hugs, the laughs and tears, the ups and downs we shared! And now filled and charged from all the love and positivity I received at Joshua Tree, it's time, it's time to walk into Mexico!









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Oct 24, 2015
Exeter, United Kingdom
cool man, sounds like an amazing adventure- what are the dudes doing with all they fag butts ? (that means cigarette ends by the way you Americans, not a gay mans rear end !)
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Jul 24, 2018
probably removing the left over tobacco so they can re roll it.

I remember people who took out the trash doing this in a facility I was at. Empty the ashtray, take all the left over tobacco from the butts, roll it in bible paper or whatever they had.


Oct 24, 2015
Exeter, United Kingdom
oh yeah of course i'm aware of scavenging for tobacco like that, just seems to be rather 'industrial' scale in the photo - maybe if they're at a festival / gathering then there's a good number of spliff ends in with the ciggies.....


Oct 28, 2011
Utrecht, Netherlands
We worked as trash pirates at the Joshua Tree Music Festival, we had a butt recycle program, of course we took some of the nice butts for smoking but mostly we were separating the trash away, so like spliffs and hand rolls without filters.
The cigarette butts are later sent to NJ and they become benches


Sep 19, 2018
Keep moving forward. Keep living your life how you wish. Be safe. Keep being brave. Much luck to you amigo. You rock!! ✌


Aug 15, 2018
Tusayan, AZ
This is incredible my friend! How far south into Mexico do you plan traveling? I was in Metepec (it's in the State of Mexico) and it is absolutely STUNNING! HIGHLY recommended. Also, what part of Alaska were you in? I worked a seasonal gig near Trapper Creek and Talkeetna, right in the shadow of Mt Denali this past summer. GORGEOUS state. IF I ever decide to settle down, I think I'm heading there!

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