SEXXX can suck!

[Renegade]

Fuck that sounds tough. Hopefully it isn't awkward with your homeboy, knowing you fucked his sister and all

Naw not at all actually.. he is the most chill kid ever.. definitely awkward between me and her tho.. the last time i saw her she was just awkward as fuck.. she could never get past how disastrous the whole night was..

 

[Notmyname]

Naw not at all actually.. he is the most chill kid ever.. definitely awkward between me and her tho.. the last time i saw her she was just awkward as fuck.. she could never get past how disastrous the whole night was..

Aww man that's cool though at least he didn't mind

 

[Deleted member 14481]

@Renegade Christ, dude. Pun intended. ​

 

[Vagrant Son]

ok so one time my friend hooked me up with this guy on his birthday. He told me he was turning 30.
it was like 10 am and we started drinking vodka and smoking weed.
everytime i asked this guy a question, he'd ask me the same question as an answer or say what he thought i wanted to hear. strike one

he proceeds to tell me that if we date and i dump him after 3 months, he'd break all the bones in my body. strike two

we start making out and then we head to his room. when he took his pants off i wanted to laugh, i know, rude. he had the smallest, thickest dick I'd ever seen and i was kinda disgusted but i was still really turned on, he was a good looking guy, and a good kisser to boot. he climbed on top of me and we made out some more. this dude actually fell asleep on top of me while we were making out. I felt the slob dribble down from his mouth and into mine. thats when i should have left, but no, i didnt listen to myself like i should have.

we 69d (yea i sucked the chode unfortunately) and then he asked if he could eat my ass, so of course i agreed. all was going well, i was getting a great rim job when all of a sudden, i feel a sudden foreceful pressure against my ass hole. THIS DUDE WAS TRYING TO RAM HIS RAW CHODE INTO ME.

I pushed him off of me, put my clothes on, and left (not before nabbing the weed off his counter for my inconvenience of course)

I told my friend that hooked us up what happend and she thought it was funny, maybe it was the way i was telling the story idk. to add insult to injury when i told her he looked a bit old to be turning 30 she laughed again and said he was turning 45... wtf. i actually like older guys, he didnt have to lie.

 

[Renegade]

ok so one time my friend hooked me up with this guy on his birthday. He told me he was turning 30.
it was like 10 am and we started drinking vodka and smoking weed.
everytime i asked this guy a question, he'd ask me the same question as an answer or say what he thought i wanted to hear. strike one

he proceeds to tell me that if we date and i dump him after 3 months, he'd break all the bones in my body. strike two

we start making out and then we head to his room. when he took his pants off i wanted to laugh, i know, rude. he had the smallest, thickest dick I'd ever seen and i was kinda disgusted but i was still really turned on, he was a good looking guy, and a good kisser to boot. he climbed on top of me and we made out some more. this dude actually fell asleep on top of me while we were making out. I felt the slob dribble down from his mouth and into mine. thats when i should have left, but no, i didnt listen to myself like i should have.

we 69d (yea i sucked the chode unfortunately) and then he asked if he could eat my ass, so of course i agreed. all was going well, i was getting a great rim job when all of a sudden, i feel a sudden foreceful pressure against my ass hole. THIS DUDE WAS TRYING TO RAM HIS RAW CHODE INTO ME.

I pushed him off of me, put my clothes on, and left (not before nabbing the weed off his counter for my inconvenience of course)

I told my friend that hooked us up what happend and she thought it was funny, maybe it was the way i was telling the story idk. to add insult to injury when i told her he looked a bit old to be turning 30 she laughed again and said he was turning 45... wtf. i actually like older guys, he didnt have to lie.

Damn that guy sounds like a real code himself.. at least you got some smoke outta the deal.

 

[Deleted member 14481]

@Nomadic Son That sounds like THE WORST. That's a situation where I might have cried. And, I likely would have never talked to that girl again for laughing when I told her what happened. My Goddess.

But, I would have loved to see the look on that devil's face when he got peaced out on while trying to ram.

Thanks for sharing! ::drinkingbuddy::​

 

[Renegade]

@Nomadic Son That sounds like THE WORST. That's a situation where I might have cried. And, I likely would have never talked to that girl again for laughing when I told her what happened. My Goddess.

But, I would have loved to see the look on that devil's face when he got peaced out on while trying to ram.

Thanks for sharing! ::drinkingbuddy::​

Yeah man.. i mean just running in to it like that.. not even putting any shrinkwrap on and being a total stranger and all..how fucking rude right? What a chodeWaffle

 

[Deleted member 14481]

@Renegade Beyond rude! Don't ok to do something, because you're doing something totally different. He ASKED if he could give him a rim job, so I don't see what what the problem was with asked if the ramming would be ok.

But, there was a lot of other shit wrong with that before that event started. And, it was super gross to lie about his age. ​

 

[iflewoverthecuckoosnest]

Back in my days of confused and misguided attempts at various community college majors, I was casually dating this guy for a few weeks.

The last night I ever saw him was also the first night we ever attempted to have actual intercourse. I told him that I was busy and couldn't go out with him that night, but he showed up outside of my classroom anyway.

I was a naive and timid 19 year old, and he talked me into ditching my homework for the night to get into his car and go to the field where we usually fooled around, though I was not very comfortable with the whole situation.

So we got out to the field. We were watching some movie. He was making all kinds of comments about how hot the male characters were. Next thing I know, his dick was out.

He asked if I wanted to fuck. I made the horrible mistake of answering, "yes", and thus ensued 15 minutes of the most unskilled, misinformed sexing I have ever endured.

He got on top of me, took his penis, and just kind of had it do the hokey pokey around my vagina. I mean, it would poke left, right, go in half way, then pull out. Every 2 minutes or so, he'd stop to make sure that the massive, magnum sized condom (which he only bought to look cool in front of the cashier, he admitted), wasn't slipping off.

I tried to get into it. I tried to get him INTO it. I really did, but he wouldn't let me take his or my clothes off. He had some body issues.

Finally, he stopped. Not because ANYBODY "finished", just 'cause he was tired out from all the hokey pokey.

He then spent the next 10 minutes freaking out about how bad it would have been if the condom slipped off and I got pregnant.

Now he had to do drive me home.

And this, boys and girls, is where shit got really weird.

I told him that I didn't intend to see him again.

He accepted this, was silent for a while, and then said, "do you want to see something that will scare you?"

Well no, not really, but I'm in your car on a dark country road, Ted Bundy, so here we go.

He told me to open up the glove box. I did. Bloody knives. Several bloody knives.

I was obviously very uncomfortable at this point.

"What are those from, did you go on a hunting trip?"

"No. It's human blood."

"Oh. How did it get on there?"

"Well, if you must know... I... I get down that way."

"What do you mean?!"

"I... I CUT MYSELF."

What the fuck. Weirdest, creepiest way to tell someone that ever.

Needless to say I never talked to him again, though he did stalk a good friend of mine for almost a year. Psycho.